DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL

Date   : 12/25/2004    Duedate: 01/07/2005

DARKHOLM

DM-104    TURN-391

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 ODD SQUAD 69/1217    1173  429  7 73.2      BLADES OF CHAOS 5/961                 
    THUNDR + LITENING 18/309                    BLADES OF MIST 4/959                  
    BLACK PRIMERS 82/1187                       BLADES OF STEEL 17/1211               
    LEGENDS OF STEELE 1/1047                    BLADES OF GRASS 33/1215               
  2 RAINDANCE 51/1106      65   28  2 69.9      BLADES OF ENTROPY 10/1210             
  3 MONGREL HORDE 10/964  491  238  3 67.4      BLADES OF DESTINY 60/1216             
  4 DON'T ASK 82/1205    1566 1261 16 55.4   10 SHAMROCKS 58/424      175  171  3 50.6
    LOCAL BEER 82/1219                       11 WHOA! JUMP BA 10/763   79   77  1 50.6
    4-LETTER ITCHES 82/1218                  12-SRETSAMLEUD 18/1183    15   15  2 50.0
    DIRTY INFIRMARY 82/1206                     SRETSAMLEUD 37/1134                   
    4-LETTER DOCTORS 82/1204                    SRETSAMLEUD 62/1203                   
    4-LETTER WORDS 48/1063                   13 INDULGENT DR 54/1153   81  101  2 44.5
    STREET PIZZA 18/114                         CRIMINAL ELEMENT 39/1074              
    STREET PIZZAD III 82/1190                14 NINJAS 7/1107          86  111  1 43.7
    WHAT I ATE FOR XMAS 82/1114                 FROM THE FACE 18/1213                 
    MY WIFE'S COSMETICS 82/1038                 SCIENCE FICTION 6/1191                
    PUNCHLINES 82/1115                       15 THE CUTTHROATS 7/203   40   57  2 41.2
    LUST MUPPETS 32/1036                     16 MUSIC TO KIL 96/1119   57   84  0 40.4
  5 NUMBERS 62/937       1716 1449  6 54.2   17 BEAST MASTERS 37/136  150  225  3 40.0
    FLAT BROKE 82/1184                          ELEMENTS OF PSI 58/423                
    MORE NEW TEAMS 2 5/1188                     KREWE OF DRUID 6/1186                 
    CEMENTIA 61/1112                            ACTS OF NATURE 6/415                  
    DP CLONES 24/1045                        18 DELVERS 42/1000       246  399  1 38.1
    PEPPER PRACTICE II 57/1069                  DOGS OF WAR 4/999                     
    NEGATIVE CASH FLOW 82/1197                  GAMES LIBRARY 3/998                   
    WASTELAND 18/468                         19 JOHNS 5/927           825 1452 17 36.2
    IT'S NEW! 6/1195                            SCARRY TEAM 36/824                    
    WASTELAND II 7/500                          ARROGANCE 18/732                      
    I'M SO SEXY 42/1072                         THE LADY'S LIST 6/917                 
    WHAT A TREAT 98/1201                        JUST BECAUSE 38/1151                  
    MY DRUGS 98/1179                         20 BIG BAD 7/1073        514  962  8 34.8
    MORE NEW TEAMS 4 82/1220                    NEXT GENERATION 18/1150               
  6 STYROFOAM 82/1090    1128  985  8 53.4      NEXT GENERATION 58/1075               
  7 QUBIT 10/1140         572  508  2 53.0      THIS LITTLE PRIGGY 25/1162            
    ON A WHIM 82/1014                           FOUND IN THE SAND 32/1034             
    SIR AGLIO 10/600                            SUPER BASH BROTHERS 6/1067            
  8 BIG MEAN FISH 18/292  692  674  6 50.7   21 UNTOUCHABLES 18/1212    1    0  0  100
  9 BLADES OF ICE 7/192   414  403  2 50.7

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     Debby Tonte was going to do your spy report.  I knew you didn't want that.  
She'd only talk about tanning.  Or skiing.  Or whatever.  But she did leave behind 
one of her drinks with an umbrella in it, and it's actually not bad.  Not the sort of 
thing I'd want to order at any bar here in Willow Beach, but not actually bad.  
Except the bananas.  Somehow, bananas do not work well in a drink with an umbrella in 
it.  They offend me.  They offend my tongue, too.  Still, you're not here to listen 
to that... but then again, you can't stop me, so why should I care?

     What a Treat avoided Thundr + Litening.  Did it do them any good?  Stay with me 
while I work through the fights, and we'll see.
     Bass, a John if I ever saw one, got the most challenges.
     Nobody died.
     Two standbys fought.
     The longest fight was a mere seven minutes, which was long enough in this cold 
weather.  It could easily have gone longer, as one of the participants was later 
found to have suffered the "Tin Woodman Effect," which is to say that his armor 
joints rusted solid, or possible froze solid, in the sleet.  Serves him right.
     Three tv challenges out of a total of ten challenges, and forty-one total 
fights.

     And here are the fights, very quickly because we had a party here at the office 
this weekend, and we were a little late getting these notes together.  But the 
eggknock was very good.
     FRIED TWINKIE (5-4562) (26-9-0,83) of MORE NEW TEAMS 2 fought ENDYMION (6-4163) 
(27-42-1,78) of KREWE OF DRUID.  FRIED TWINKIE beat ENDYMION in an exciting 2 minute 
fight.  "Exciting" is so relative.
     HITZ (82-10428) (10-7-0,88) of 4-LETTER DOCTORS fought 2 (62-2976) (24-18-3,68) 
of NUMBERS.  HITZ overpowered 2 in a crowd pleasing 2 minute brutal uneven 
competition.  Ah, but what if he'd been matched against... 3!
     JOCK (82-10452) (5-6-0,21) of 4-LETTER ITCHES fought MEN WORKING (38-4189) (29-
62-1,50) of JUST BECAUSE.  JOCK handily defeated MEN WORKING in a 1 minute mismatched 
fight.  Because the men weren't working HARD.  Oh, no, they were on a government 
paycheck.
     THE CUTICLE DANCE (82-13639) (13-4-1,85) of DON'T ASK fought TASTY HANGNAIL (7-
5463) (22-18-0,65) of WASTELAND II.  THE CUTICLE DANCE subdued TASTY HANGNAIL in an 
action packed 2 minute conflict.  Okay, I won't ask, but I have an idea that there 
was something appropriate and rather nasty in this match-up.
     YUENGLING (82-16265) (12-5-1,42) of LOCAL BEER fought BRADEN (6-4867) (60-99-
1,63) of THE LADY'S LIST.  YUENGLING subdued BRADEN in an action packed 1 minute 
bloody duel.  A good beer, local or otherwise, can subdue just about anyone.  It's a 
law of nature.
     HEAT (98-981) (11-10-4,49) of WHAT A TREAT fought DRUNKEN FISHERMAN (104-1) (20-
20-0,50) of the College of Mimes.  HEAT won victory over DRUNKEN FISHERMAN in a 
popular 1 minute match.  I wouldn't mind some heat around here!
     RED FUSION (6-5480) (32-6-0,149) of IT'S NEW! fought LINK (6-5144) (28-54-2,105) 
of SUPER BASH BROTHERS.  RED FUSION was savagely defeated by LINK in an exciting 4 
minute bloody competition.  Savage?  So, who's been feeding Link red meat?  That 
wasn't supposed to happen.  I distinctly remember seeing the note:  No red meat for 
bashers.
     SHINY PENNY (32-3789) (36-77-2,145) of FOUND IN THE SAND fought KHALHUMS DWARF 
(104-10) (0-0-0,150) of the College of Mimes.  SHINY PENNY viciously subdued KHALHUMS 
DWARF in a popular 2 minute gruesome bout.  It only LOOKED like a Khalhums Dwarf, 
there aren't any more.  They've all vanished into caves and tunnels and other holes 
in the ground.  For some reason, the hairy little wretches seem to be annoyed with 
the Commission.  Now, any short guy with a beard is an automatic Khalhums Dwarf.
     EMILY (17-5753) (35-21-0,166) of BLADES OF STEEL fought ASHANTI (6-5352) (27-36-
5,137) of KREWE OF DRUID.  EMILY was demolished by ASHANTI in a 1 minute one-sided 
conflict.  What do you use to take out a druid?  A blade of oak?  Evidently steel 
doesn't do it.
     QUID PRO QUO (10-4794) (36-22-1,154) of QUBIT fought SUX0R (5-4560) (29-10-
0,146) of MORE NEW TEAMS 2.  QUID PRO QUO was savagely defeated by SUX0R in a popular 
5 minute brutal fray.  That's a little extra quo to go with the original quid.  And, 
of course, five minutes of brutality really stirs up the crowd here.
     HE HATE ME (18-7820) (25-28-2,175) of WASTELAND fought QSTAFF INFECTION (82-
14523) (15-4-0,105) of DIRTY INFIRMARY.  HE HATE ME devastated QSTAFF INFECTION in a 
crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided battle.  He Hate Me has received job offers from 
doctors everywhere.  A warning, He:  they'll hate you, too.
     ROLEX WATCH (32-3732) (52-53-1,180) of LUST MUPPETS fought WENT TO MARKET (25-
4288) (28-28-2,141) of THIS LITTLE PRIGGY.  ROLEX WATCH devastated WENT TO MARKET in 
a 1 minute one-sided duel.  It's the prices.  Talk about inflation!
     MAGINOT MIKE (4-4509) (61-73-1,164) of DOGS OF WAR fought ISHINOMORI (7-5390) 
(34-12-1,142) of NINJAS.  MAGINOT MIKE was overpowered by ISHINOMORI in an exciting 1 
minute uneven bout.  Were you excited?  I wasn't excited.  I see this kind of stuff 
every day.
     TAPS (96-841) (28-26-5,194) of MUSIC TO KILL BY fought CRACK IS CHEAP (82-18422) 
(28-13-0,180) of NEGATIVE CASH FLOW.  TAPS overpowered CRACK IS CHEAP in a popular 4 
minute brutal one-sided match.  Hear here.
     TORNADO (6-2249) (35-51-2,202) of ACTS OF NATURE fought MUCKER (42-3596) (61-70-
1,194) of DELVERS.  TORNADO was defeated by MUCKER in an action packed 1 minute gory 
duel.  And if you ask me, that was no way for nature to act in the first place.  
Nature must have a twisted mind to come up with a tornado.
     BLACK WIDOW (37-1303) (67-74-3,192) of BEAST MASTERS fought A DIFFERENT GRAPE 
(82-1258) (45-38-1,208) of MY WIFE'S COSMETICS.  BLACK WIDOW viciously subdued A 
DIFFERENT GRAPE in an exciting 3 minute gory duel.  Black goes with everything, 
that's why they call it "basic black."
     MISS HONEY (36-4850) (71-71-0,194) of SCARRY TEAM fought CHIEF STORMCLOUD (51-
4306) (31-11-1,165) of RAINDANCE.  MISS HONEY was handily defeated by CHIEF 
STORMCLOUD in a 1 minute uneven bout.  She's probably going to be held for ransome.  
Either that, or the old "fate worse than death."
     SMOOGIE (82-2247) (15-13-1,190) of STREET PIZZAD III fought PEGASUS (6-4161) 
(29-39-1,156) of KREWE OF DRUID.  SMOOGIE overpowered PEGASUS in an exciting 1 minute 
gruesome uneven match.  "Smoogie"?  Who, or what, is a smoogie?  Do I want to know?
     STARBUCK (6-5387) (41-30-0,205) of SCIENCE FICTION fought SUPER BUM (82-18411) 
(30-14-0,186) of FLAT BROKE.  STARBUCK was luckily beaten by SUPER BUM in an action 
packed 6 minute gory fight.  It looks like coffee to me, and fine stuff, too.  This 
is coffee that'll float a shortsword.
     WHIRLING DOG (10-4177) (69-35-1,207) of MONGREL HORDE fought A NEW PONY! (82-
1306) (31-36-0,185) of WHAT I ATE FOR XMAS.  WHIRLING DOG defeated A NEW PONY! in an 
action packed 2 minute fight.  Watch out, or this will turn into Aradi.  You wouldn't 
want that.  Trust me, you wouldn't.
     NEOSPHINCTER (18-7317) (28-21-1,186) of WASTELAND fought OBSESSIVE (58-2447) 
(52-51-1,201) of ELEMENTS OF PSI.  NEOSPHINCTER viciously subdued OBSESSIVE in a 
popular 2 minute brutal contest.  There's probably something disgusting to be 
inferred from that, but I'm not going there.  Let Desiree (not her real name) do it.
     DOC STEELE (18-6808) (50-71-1,200) of ARROGANCE fought ONE A DAY (98-799) (27-
23-3,201) of MY DRUGS.  DOC STEELE was beaten by ONE A DAY in an action packed 4 
minute fray.  This is, ah, Doc Steele the Younger Warrior.  See immediately below.
     DOC STEELE (18-6010) (62-117-6,185) of ARROGANCE fought HAIR LIP! (82-3261) (17-
17-1,184) of PUNCHLINES.  DOC STEELE was overpowered by HAIR LIP! in an exciting 1 
minute uneven fight.  Doc Steele the Older Warrior.
     KYLIE (18-6057) (32-27-1,188) of UNTOUCHABLES fought DUSKY JAWFISH (18-6978) 
(48-54-1,205) of BIG MEAN FISH.  KYLIE savagely defeated DUSKY JAWFISH in a crowd 
pleasing 3 minute bloody conflict.  And I hear that Wylie is inviting All and Sundry 
(the senior arena orderlies) to a fish fry at his place.
     MAHI MAHI (18-4899) (105-67-1,215) of BIG MEAN FISH fought WHIRLING WORD (48-
3815) (74-41-1,202) of 4-LETTER WORDS.  MAHI MAHI was demolished by WHIRLING WORD in 
an exciting 1 minute one-sided bout.  Some words have a real edge to them.  Sort of 
verbal shurikin.
     MIMIC BLENNY (18-7541) (41-24-1,218) of BIG MEAN FISH fought JACK BOY (82-2030) 
(84-61-0,209) of ON A WHIM.  MIMIC BLENNY was bested by JACK BOY in a popular 5 
minute brutal brawl.  Next time, Jack Boy will use a heavier line.
     DR NUT (24-4254) (63-40-2,239) of DP CLONES fought SCHYLER (6-4866) (61-98-
1,195) of THE LADY'S LIST.  DR NUT viciously subdued SCHYLER in an exciting 2 minute 
bloody fray.  A vicious Dr?  Must be auditioning for an Infirmary job.
     JAKUCHU ITO (7-5102) (38-16-1,288) of NINJAS fought CLEANER WRASSE (18-6495) 
(80-65-2,272) of BIG MEAN FISH.  JAKUCHU ITO overpowered CLEANER WRASSE in a crowd 
pleasing 1 minute one-sided duel.  Talk about a dirty fight....
     DARK GUMBY (7-4694) (63-41-1,275) of WASTELAND II fought HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH (18-
6977) (54-47-0,192) of BIG MEAN FISH.  DARK GUMBY overpowered HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH in a 
1 minute mismatched conflict.  This does not appear to have been a good day to be a 
Fish.
     ETCHED IN STONE (61-3112) (52-24-1,213) of CEMENTIA fought GRINGOLD (7-2416) 
(27-28-2,191) of THE CUTTHROATS.  ETCHED IN STONE viciously subdued GRINGOLD in an 
exciting 5 minute bloody battle.  Threw the stone at him, in fact.  Seemed like a 
good move to me.

     And the challenge matches:
     STRAFE (82-11158) (22-15-0,86) of BLACK PRIMERS challenged WORK IN PROGRESS (38-
4193) (23-68-2,41) of JUST BECAUSE.  Down 45.  STRAFE handily defeated WORK IN 
PROGRESS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.  Looks like that "Work" isn't going 
to progress very rapidly.
     ARSONIST ART (39-3325) (36-32-0,147) of CRIMINAL ELEMENT challenged LIFE (3-
4196) (44-141-0,151) of GAMES LIBRARY.  Up 4.  ARSONIST ART was outwaited by LIFE in 
a popular 7 minute brutal Challenge fight.  The longest fight, and Life of Osksi was 
talking the WHOLE time.  Which is probably why Art didn't notice that his armor had 
rusted.
     B.A. TURRY (39-3383) (23-30-2,126) of CRIMINAL ELEMENT challenged BORGUS 
BASHIMUS (58-6097) (22-32-1,135) of NEXT GENERATION.  Up 9.  B.A. TURRY won victory 
over BORGUS BASHIMUS in a 1 minute Challenge fight.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but was 
bashing the kind of thing B.A. got into trouble for in the first place?  Was this two 
of a kind?
     SEX ON THE BEACH (54-2435) (34-22-3,163) of INDULGENT DRINKS challenged PTI (7-
5412) (30-14-0,169) of WASTELAND II.  Up 6.  SEX ON THE BEACH was viciously subdued 
by PTI in a 2 minute Challenge melee.  Nope, not going to say a word.  Let Desiree 
(not her real name) do it.
     MUMPHY CHICK (1-5487) (25-1-0,163) of LEGENDS OF STEELE challenged BEAR (7-4628) 
(27-50-1,123) of BIG BAD.  Down 40.  MUMPHY CHICK bested BEAR in a popular 3 minute 
Challenge competition.  Mumphy looks rather fetching on a bearskin rug.  At least, so 
long as there's a fire in the fireplace.  It's too cold otherwise, and goosebumps are 
never in style.
     ANTONIO (10-2554) (42-52-2,196) of WHOA! JUMP BACK! challenged BASS (5-3666) 
(61-101-2,204) of JOHNS.  Up 8.  ANTONIO was devastated by BASS in a crowd pleasing 2 
minute one-sided Challenge duel.  This is "Most Challenged" Bass, yes?  Why?  Okay, I 
know why--because more people challenged him.  You know what I was asking!
     SALESGUN (1-6745) (26-38-2,185) of LEGENDS OF STEELE challenged COOLER (82-7277) 
(39-31-1,183) of STYROFOAM.  Down 2.  SALESGUN was savagely defeated by COOLER in an 
exciting 2 minute Challenge fight.  As if anybody had to struggle to be cool today.  
Brrr!

     The TV challenges:
     WIGGLER (18-8088) (20-6-1,91) of THUNDR + LITENING TV challenged STUPID SEXY 
FLANDERS (42-3836) (19-14-0,68) of I'M SO SEXY.  Down 23.  WIGGLER vanquished STUPID 
SEXY FLANDERS in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.  Good.  Becaue he's NOT.
     NUMBERED WON (18-7434) (30-32-0,155) of NEXT GENERATION TV challenged TOLAIS 
DEEPHEART (42-1620) (96-106-0,190) of DELVERS.  Up 35.  NUMBERED WON was demolished 
by TOLAIS DEEPHEART in a 3 minute Challenge melee.  Same old same old.
     DR DAZZLE (57-4485) (70-34-2,199) of PEPPER PRACTICE II TV challenged SPEEDI 
(58-3029) (111-86-3,220) of SHAMROCKS.  Up 21.  DR DAZZLE was devastated by SPEEDI in 
a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.  And very appropriate that this was a short 
fight, too.  Some days you don't get that congruence.

     And for the job of sword-sitting the Runeblade:  ROB A. REE (39-3241) (45-29-
1,265) of CRIMINAL ELEMENT fought TUM (18-7380) (34-19-2,239) of FROM THE FACE.  ROB 
A. REE was demolished by TUM in a 1 minute mismatched Title competition.  Somebody 
write a column about this; it will please Desiree (not her real name) and make her 
wonder what's going on.

                                       Ketchum
                                    (my real name)

KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TUM 18-7380                 35  19  2  258  FROM THE FACE (1213)       TALCAMA

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-RAMZA 7-4340                66  36  2  336  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR
 JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102          39  16  1  307  NINJAS (1107)              BONSUR

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DARK GUMBY 7-4694           64  41  1  287  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 SPEEDI 58-3029             112  86  3  249  SHAMROCKS (424)            DELARQ TOR
 DR NUT 24-4254              64  40  2  246  DP CLONES (1045)           ZORPUNT
 WHIRLING WORD 48-3815       75  41  1  232  4-LETTER WORDS (1063)      CAER
 JACK BOY 82-2030            85  61  0  226  ON A WHIM (1014)           DWES EG
-JANAE 5-3867                63  47  3  219  BLADES OF CHAOS (961)      KALTOS
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     53  24  1  219  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 BASS 5-3666                 62 101  2  216  JOHNS (927)                KALTOS
 TAPS 96-841                 29  26  5  211  MUSIC TO KILL BY (1119)    OLD VALAMANTIS

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 WHIRLING DOG 10-4177        70  35  1  209  MONGREL HORDE (964)        KOLACT
 ONE A DAY 98-799            28  23  3  209  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL
 BLACK WIDOW 37-1303         68  74  3  208  BEAST MASTERS (136)        SIBIKHAS
-DEORNE 7-2529               79  57  1  207  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR
 SUPER BUM 82-18411          31  14  0  207  FLAT BROKE (1184)          DWES EG
 MUCKER 42-3596              62  70  1  205  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 MIMIC BLENNY 18-7541        41  25  1  204  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
-RENAE 7-4304                68  44  3  203  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR
 KYLIE 18-6057               33  27  1  202  UNTOUCHABLES (1212)        TALCAMA
 NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317        29  21  1  202  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
-RAZOX 7-2400                85  58  1  201  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR
 MAHI MAHI 18-4899          105  68  1  199  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 DOC STEELE 18-6808          50  72  1  199  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 SCHYLER 6-4866              61  99  1  198  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 GRINGOLD 7-2416             27  29  2  198  THE CUTTHROATS (203)       BONSUR
 CLEANER WRASSE 18-6495      80  66  2  196  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 DR DAZZLE 57-4485           70  35  2  196  PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069)  ANDOR
 HAIR LIP! 82-3261           18  17  1  196  PUNCHLINES (1115)          DWES EG
 STARBUCK 6-5387             41  31  0  195  SCIENCE FICTION (1191)     TRANSEL
 TOLAIS DEEPHEART 42-1620    97 106  0  194  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978       48  55  1  194  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 ROB A. REE 39-3241          45  30  1  194  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 A NEW PONY! 82-1306         31  37  0  194  WHAT I ATE FOR XMAS (1114) DWES EG
 A DIFFERENT GRAPE 82-1258   45  39  1  192  MY WIFE'S COSMETICS (1038) DWES EG
 COOLER 82-7277              40  31  1  192  STYROFOAM (1090)           DWES EG
 TORNADO 6-2249              35  52  2  192  ACTS OF NATURE (415)       TRANSEL
 SMOOGIE 82-2247             16  13  1  192  STREET PIZZAD III (1190)   DWES EG
-THRENODY 4-4557             38  43  1  191  BLADES OF MIST (959)       JHELUM
 CHIEF STORMCLOUD 51-4306    32  11  1  191  RAINDANCE (1106)           TRICORUS
 HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH 18-6977  54  48  0  190  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 OBSESSIVE 58-2447           52  52  1  190  ELEMENTS OF PSI (423)      DELARQ TOR
 ANTONIO 10-2554             42  53  2  187  WHOA! JUMP BACK! (763)     KOLACT
 ROLEX WATCH 32-3732         53  53  1  182  LUST MUPPETS (1036)        ARVAT
 PTI 7-5412                  31  14  0  181  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 SALESGUN 1-6745             26  39  2  181  LEGENDS OF STEELE (1047)   MORDANT

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HE HATE ME 18-7820          26  28  2  177  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422     28  14  0  175  NEGATIVE CASH FLOW (1197)  DWES EG
 MISS HONEY 36-4850          71  72  0  174  SCARRY TEAM (824)          JHANS
 DOC STEELE 18-6010          62 118  6  174  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 ASHANTI 6-5352              28  36  5  169  KREWE OF DRUID (1186)      TRANSEL
 SEX ON THE BEACH 54-2435    34  23  3  165  INDULGENT DRINKS (1153)    TROCAR
 SUX0R 5-4560                30  10  0  165  MORE NEW TEAMS 2 (1188)    KALTOS
 MUMPHY CHICK 1-5487         26   1  0  165  LEGENDS OF STEELE (1047)   MORDANT
 ISHINOMORI 7-5390           35  12  1  164  NINJAS (1107)              BONSUR
 LIFE 3-4196                 45 141  0  160  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
-REDEMPTION 4-4868           30  22  1  159  BLADES OF MIST (959)       JHELUM
 SHINY PENNY 32-3789         37  77  2  156  FOUND IN THE SAND (1034)   ARVAT
 PEGASUS 6-4161              29  40  1  156  KREWE OF DRUID (1186)      TRANSEL
 NUMBERED WON 18-7434        30  33  0  155  NEXT GENERATION (1150)     TALCAMA
 QUID PRO QUO 10-4794        36  23  1  153  QUBIT (1140)               KOLACT

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-TOWER 7-4461                45  27  1  151  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509         61  74  1  149  DOGS OF WAR (999)          JHELUM
 LINK 6-5144                 29  54  2  148  SUPER BASH BROTHERS (1067) TRANSEL
 ARSONIST ART 39-3325        36  33  0  146  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 EMILY 17-5753               35  22  0  141  BLADES OF STEEL (1211)     ALJAFIR
 WENT TO MARKET 25-4288      28  29  2  141  THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162)  LYRATILAN
 BEAR 7-4628                 27  51  1  137  BIG BAD (1073)             BONSUR
 B.A. TURRY 39-3383          24  30  2  137  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 BORGUS BASHIMUS 58-6097     22  33  1  126  NEXT GENERATION (1075)     DELARQ TOR
 RED FUSION 6-5480           32   7  0  123  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL
 QSTAFF INFECTION 82-14523   15   5  0  113  DIRTY INFIRMARY (1206)     DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 WIGGLER 18-8088             21   6  1   99  THUNDR + LITENING (309)    TALCAMA
 HITZ 82-10428               11   7  0   99  4-LETTER DOCTORS (1204)    DWES EG
-MY1STADMWARRIOR 37-4668     25  10  1   95  SRETSAMLEUD (1134)         SIBIKHAS

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 THE CUTICLE DANCE 82-13639  14   4  1   90  DON'T ASK (1205)           DWES EG
 STRAFE 82-11158             23  15  0   88  BLACK PRIMERS (1187)       DWES EG
 FRIED TWINKIE 5-4562        27   9  0   87  MORE NEW TEAMS 2 (1188)    KALTOS
 ENDYMION 6-4163             27  43  1   82  KREWE OF DRUID (1186)      TRANSEL
-NARCISSISTIC NUN 69-8644    13   7  0   79  ODD SQUAD (1217)           CIMMERIAC
-PEON NECROMANCER 18-7856    23  16  5   76  SRETSAMLEUD (1183)         TALCAMA
 TASTY HANGNAIL 7-5463       22  19  0   69  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836  19  15  0   68  I'M SO SEXY (1072)         RODEKI
 2 62-2976                   24  19  3   64  NUMBERS (937)              VALAMANTIS
-BET OR NOT DIE 62-3981      17  12  3   59  SRETSAMLEUD (1203)         VALAMANTIS
 YUENGLING 82-16265          13   5  1   59  LOCAL BEER (1219)          DWES EG
 HEAT 98-981                 12  10  4   56  WHAT A TREAT (1201)        SYVYN'S HILL
 BRADEN 6-4867               60 100  1   49  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
-YOU 62-4002                 17   9  1   47  SRETSAMLEUD (1203)         VALAMANTIS
 JOCK 82-10452                6   6  0   47  4-LETTER ITCHES (1218)     DWES EG
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    23  69  2   44  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
-PUD #20 82-19855            14   9  0   31  MORE NEW TEAMS 4 (1220)    DWES EG
 MEN WORKING 38-4189         29  63  1   25  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

     Heroes of the Delarquan People! -- To my great regret, other duties call me away
     until the turn of the year.  May you keep warm and well fed, may you enjoy the
     company of your beloved on these coldest winter nights.  Till we meet again,
     foaming mugs and fragrant fires to you all! -- Desiree

Numbered Won -- Good try, but it had better be the skills you were after, sonny.
(sneezing)  I wish they wouldn't throw down flowers, I'm allergic to some of the
commoner ones. -- Tolais Deepheart
P.S.  I'll be glad to defeat you while teaching skills.  Any time, boy.  Any time.

Pegasus -- That's kind strange.  I thought horses had more sense.  Or did the wings
suck away some of your thinking power?  I mean, you really figure gladiating is the
right career path for you? -- Mucker
P.S.  Of course, like me, you're a golem.  That means "no choice," right?

Hair Lip! -- You are INSANE!  I would have punched you right ON your silly lip, but
the arenamaster stopped me. -- Life of Osksi

Went to Market -- Find anything GOOD there? -- Maginot Mike

8 December 2004
Battle Royal 4
     The Battle Royal arena contests are one of the purest tests of manager skill
available. The rules are simple.  The scoring is simple.  The updates are live.  If
you would like to participate, simply get a team ready in Talcama in the next month
and announce in the personals that you're in.  The prize is bragging rights and
having your name along side previous winners (Doc Steele, Manray Frothingslosh, and
Manager).  It is a brutal contest, but it is a lot of fun!
     Basic rules:  No avoiding other contest teams.  Score = Wins + Kills - Losses.
Only fights against other BR teams count.  First team to 25 wins!
     BR4 begins in Talcama (DM 18) on turn 502, due on Jan 29, 2005.
     Visit http://www.geocities.com/assurnasir/br4 for more information.

8 December 2004
TURF WAR IV -- GRAND CONTEST NOTICE!
     The Turf War IV Grand Contest will commence on Turn 221 (approx. February 22,
2005).  For those who have never participated, Turf Wars are alliance-type contest
and Winner-Takes-All.  There are no 2nd place winners!
     Everyone may participate; known alliances, new alliances, or temporary alliances
created to compete in the Turf War!  However, to participate, each alliance must:
     A.  Announce the alliance name and the Captain of the alliance in the North Fork
         (DM #47) newsletter.
Captains are responsible for:
     A.  Verifying those who wish to participate under the banner of their alliance;
     B.  Distribution of prizes should their alliance win the TW4.
Managers must:
     A.  Submit one (1) RSI Roll-up Gift Certificate to participate;
     B.  Announce their intent to compete with manager name, team name and alliance
         in which they will be fighting under, in the DM #47 North Fork newsletter.
Rules:
1.  No scoring will begin until an RSI Roll-up Gift Certificate is received.  No
    exceptions will be made.
2.  Before a manager can compete, he must be acknowledged and verified by the Captain
    of the alliance he has claimed for;
    A.  The following turn, points will begin to be awarded or subtracted;
3.  Only one (1) team per manager may compete.  No multiple aliases please (we'll be
    checking this and if caught...you'll be disqualified and no refund);
4.  The contest will end on Turn 233 (12 turns!).  Winners will be announced on Turn
    234 and prizes sent to winning alliance between Turn 233 and 234.
5.  No declarations will be acknowledged after Turn 231.
6.  For the purpose of scoring, I reserve the right to make all final decisions.
Scoring:         Win    Lose     Kill     Die
Challenge         +2     -2       +5       -5
Match-up          +1     -1       +1       -5
Bloodfeud         +2     -5       +5       -10
Champion          x2     x2       x2       x2
Downchallenge     +2     -5       +2       -10
Dark Arena       +10     -5       xx       xx
Special Scoring:
     A.  Each mention in the Spy Report is worth 5 points;
     B.  Each Style Master is worth 5 points;
Champions:
     A.  Champions may be declared, but are not mandatory.  If declared, they must be
         in the Adepts or lower brackets.
Bloodfeuds:
     A.  Bloodfeuds will count for all four turns.  However, the same warrior may not
         bloodfeud all four turns.  A penalty of -10 will be given to the team who
         violates this rule.
Special Conditions:
     A.  I reserve the right for all final decisions.
     B.  If I make a mistake, I'll multiply the points by 2;
     C.  If you claim I did, and *YOU* are wrong; I'll subtract points at the rate of
         x10!
     D.  Each alliance begins with zero (0) points.
     E.  Dark Arena may be used on the first turn of every warrior with no penalty.
     F.  T.V.'s won after contest begins gain a Triple rate of scoring.
     G.  T.C.'s won after the contest begins gain a multiple of 10 scoring.
     H.  No switching alliances once verified by an alliance.
     Any questions or concerns may be addressed (if you're incarcerated) to:
Baphomet, mgr. Knights Templar (268), DM #47 -- North Fork.
     If you're in the free world:  Rick Strigner  Merit East
                                   SCI  P.O. Box 500
                                   Georgetown, DE  19947-0500
P.S.  Prizes are:
     A.  100% of the roll-up certs
     B.  Currently under negotiations with R.S.I. for other prizes
     C.  A special prize from me that I will discuss with the Captain of the winning
         alliance.

15 December 2004
The Company of Brothers Alliance would like to welcome Azereth as our newest member.
We are sure he will be an asset to both our alliance and the dueling community! --
Baphomet, Co-Founder T.C.B.

24 December 2004
Due to requests, the Turf War IV will be postponed until turn 225 (approx May/June
2005).  Sorry about the inconvenience. -- Baphomet, host of TW 4

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

DR DAZZLE was devastated by SPEEDI in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
NUMBERED WON was demolished by TOLAIS DEEPHEART in a 3 minute Challenge melee.
WIGGLER vanquished STUPID SEXY FLANDERS in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
SALESGUN was savagely defeated by COOLER in a exciting 2 minute Challenge fight.
ANTONIO was devastated by BASS in a crowd pleasing 2 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
MUMPHY CHICK bested BEAR in a popular 3 minute Challenge competition.
SEX ON THE BEACH was viciously subdued by PTI in a 2 minute Challenge melee.
B.A. TURRY won victory over BORGUS BASHIMUS in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
ARSONIST ART was outwaited by LIFE in a popular 7 minute brutal Challenge fight.
STRAFE handily defeated WORK IN PROGRESS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
ROB A. REE was demolished by TUM in a 1 minute mismatched Title competition.
ETCHED IN STONE viciously subdued GRINGOLD in a exciting 5 minute bloody battle.
DARK GUMBY overpowered HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.
JAKUCHU ITO overpowered CLEANER WRASSE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided duel.
DR NUT viciously subdued SCHYLER in a exciting 2 minute bloody fray.
MIMIC BLENNY was bested by JACK BOY in a popular 5 minute brutal brawl.
MAHI MAHI was demolished by WHIRLING WORD in a exciting 1 minute one-sided bout.
KYLIE savagely defeated DUSKY JAWFISH in a crowd pleasing 3 minute bloody conflict.
DOC STEELE was overpowered by HAIR LIP! in a exciting 1 minute uneven fight.
DOC STEELE was beaten by ONE A DAY in a action packed 4 minute fray.
NEOSPHINCTER viciously subdued OBSESSIVE in a popular 2 minute brutal contest.
WHIRLING DOG defeated A NEW PONY! in a action packed 2 minute fight.
STARBUCK was luckily beaten by SUPER BUM in a action packed 6 minute gory fight.
SMOOGIE overpowered PEGASUS in a exciting 1 minute gruesome uneven match.
MISS HONEY was handily defeated by CHIEF STORMCLOUD in a 1 minute uneven bout.
BLACK WIDOW viciously subdued A DIFFERENT GRAPE in a exciting 3 minute gory duel.
TORNADO was defeated by MUCKER in a action packed 1 minute gory duel.
TAPS overpowered CRACK IS CHEAP in a popular 4 minute brutal one-sided match.
MAGINOT MIKE was overpowered by ISHINOMORI in a exciting 1 minute uneven bout.
ROLEX WATCH devastated WENT TO MARKET in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
HE HATE ME devastated QSTAFF INFECTION in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided battle.
QUID PRO QUO was savagely defeated by SUX0R in a popular 5 minute brutal fray.
EMILY was demolished by ASHANTI in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
SHINY PENNY viciously subdued KHALHUMS DWARF in a popular 2 minute gruesome bout.
RED FUSION was savagely defeated by LINK in a exciting 4 minute bloody competition.
HEAT won victory over DRUNKEN FISHERMAN in a popular 1 minute match.
YUENGLING subdued BRADEN in a action packed 1 minute bloody duel.
THE CUTICLE DANCE subdued TASTY HANGNAIL in a action packed 2 minute conflict.
JOCK handily defeated MEN WORKING in a 1 minute mismatched fight.
HITZ overpowered 2 in a crowd pleasing 2 minute brutal uneven competition.
FRIED TWINKIE beat ENDYMION in a exciting 2 minute fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  27         WALL OF STEEL     89 -  49 -  0      64  |
|WALL OF STEEL                   12         TOTAL PARRY       72 -  53 -  0      58  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     12         LUNGING ATTACK   125 - 108 -  4      54  |
|AIMED BLOW                       9         PARRY-STRIKE       9 -   9 -  0      50  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  7         AIMED BLOW        39 -  46 -  0      46  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   6         STRIKING ATTACK   20 -  24 -  0      45  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  3         SLASHING ATTACK   36 -  44 -  1      45  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         PARRY-LUNGE       13 -  16 -  0      45  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      7 -  14 -  0      33  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         BASHING ATTACK    16 -  56 -  0      22  |

Turn 391 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

WALL OF STEEL      8 -  4     AIMED BLOW         3 -  6         6  LUNGING ATTACK 
LUNGING ATTACK    17 - 10     BASHING ATTACK     2 -  4         3  WALL OF STEEL  
SLASHING ATTACK    4 -  3     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  1         1  PARRY-LUNGE    
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  1         1  TOTAL PARRY    
TOTAL PARRY        6 -  6     STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  3     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   TUM 18-7380                35  19  2  258 FROM THE FACE (1213)
WALL OF STEEL    DARK GUMBY 7-4694          64  41  1  287 WASTELAND II (500)
TOTAL PARRY      ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112    53  24  1  219 CEMENTIA (1112)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    TAPS 96-841                29  26  5  211 MUSIC TO KILL BY (1119)
SLASHING ATTACK  BLACK WIDOW 37-1303        68  74  3  208 BEAST MASTERS (136)
AIMED BLOW       NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317       29  21  1  202 WASTELAND (468)
STRIKING ATTACK  MAHI MAHI 18-4899         105  68  1  199 BIG MEAN FISH (292)
PARRY-LUNGE      DOC STEELE 18-6808         50  72  1  199 ARROGANCE (732)
PARRY-STRIKE     ANTONIO 10-2554            42  53  2  187 WHOA! JUMP BACK! (763)
BASHING ATTACK   SHINY PENNY 32-3789        37  77  2  156 FOUND IN THE SAND (1034)

The overall popularity leader is MUMPHY CHICK 1-5487.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was STARBUCK 6-5387.  The ten other most popular fighters were GRINGOLD 7-2416, 
MIMIC BLENNY 18-7541, LINK 6-5144, DOC STEELE 18-6808, JACK BOY 82-2030, TAPS 96-841, 
LIFE 3-4196, BLACK WIDOW 37-1303, QUID PRO QUO 10-4794, and SUX0R 5-4560.

The least popular fighter this week was MEN WORKING 38-4189.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were WENT TO MARKET 25-4288, ROB A. REE 39-3241, WORK IN PROGRESS 
38-4193, STUPID SEXY FLANDERS 42-3836, DR DAZZLE 57-4485, EMILY 17-5753, QSTAFF 
INFECTION 82-14523, MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509, TORNADO 6-2249, and MISS HONEY 36-4850.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           1  1 0  ZORPUNT(24)          1  0 0  TRICORUS(51)         1  0 0  
OSKSI(3)             1  0 0  LYRATILAN(25)        0  1 0  TROCAR(54)           0  1 0  
JHELUM(4)            0  1 0  ARVAT(32)            2  0 0  ANDOR(57)            0  1 0  
KALTOS(5)            3  0 0  JHANS(36)            0  1 0  DELARQ TOR(58)       1  2 0  
TRANSEL(6)           2  7 0  SIBIKHAS(37)         1  0 0  JURINE(61)           1  0 0  
BONSUR(7)            4  3 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  2 0  VALAMANTIS(62)       0  1 0  
KOLACT(10)           1  2 0  XOCHITHLAN(39)       1  2 0  DWES EG(82)         10  4 0  
ALJAFIR(17)          0  1 0  RODEKI(42)           2  1 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   1  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          5  8 0  CAER(48)             1  0 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     2  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SALESGUN 1-6745             26  39  2  181  LEGENDS OF STEELE (1047)   MORDANT
 LIFE 3-4196                 45 141  0  160  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509         61  74  1  149  DOGS OF WAR (999)          JHELUM
 BASS 5-3666                 62 101  2  216  JOHNS (927)                KALTOS
 SCHYLER 6-4866              61  99  1  198  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 JAKUCHU ITO 7-5102          39  16  1  307  NINJAS (1107)              BONSUR
 WHIRLING DOG 10-4177        70  35  1  209  MONGREL HORDE (964)        KOLACT
 EMILY 17-5753               35  22  0  141  BLADES OF STEEL (1211)     ALJAFIR
 TUM 18-7380                 35  19  2  258  FROM THE FACE (1213)       TALCAMA
 DR NUT 24-4254              64  40  2  246  DP CLONES (1045)           ZORPUNT
 WENT TO MARKET 25-4288      28  29  2  141  THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162)  LYRATILAN
 ROLEX WATCH 32-3732         53  53  1  182  LUST MUPPETS (1036)        ARVAT
 MISS HONEY 36-4850          71  72  0  174  SCARRY TEAM (824)          JHANS
 BLACK WIDOW 37-1303         68  74  3  208  BEAST MASTERS (136)        SIBIKHAS
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    23  69  2   44  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 ROB A. REE 39-3241          45  30  1  194  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 MUCKER 42-3596              62  70  1  205  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 WHIRLING WORD 48-3815       75  41  1  232  4-LETTER WORDS (1063)      CAER
 CHIEF STORMCLOUD 51-4306    32  11  1  191  RAINDANCE (1106)           TRICORUS
 SEX ON THE BEACH 54-2435    34  23  3  165  INDULGENT DRINKS (1153)    TROCAR
 DR DAZZLE 57-4485           70  35  2  196  PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069)  ANDOR
 SPEEDI 58-3029             112  86  3  249  SHAMROCKS (424)            DELARQ TOR
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     53  24  1  219  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 2 62-2976                   24  19  3   64  NUMBERS (937)              VALAMANTIS
 JACK BOY 82-2030            85  61  0  226  ON A WHIM (1014)           DWES EG
 TAPS 96-841                 29  26  5  211  MUSIC TO KILL BY (1119)    OLD VALAMANTIS
 ONE A DAY 98-799            28  23  3  209  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL

                                FACE-TO-FACE XXXIV

     Our next Winter Face-to-Face will be held on Martin Luther King weekend, Friday 
through Sunday, 14-16 January 2005, at the Embassy Suites in Tempe, Arizona (4400 S 
Rural Rd--this is the same hotel as last year).  Room rates are $139.00 per night, 
1-4 occupancy, which includes breakfast.  The rooms are blocked.  The reservations 
number is 480-897-7444; tell them you're with the "Reality Simulations Face to Face 
Convention" block.  Our room block will be released in mid-December, so please make 
sure you reserve your room before then! 
     Room rates include a full cooked-to-order breakfast and a complimentary two-hour 
manager's reception.  There is a free shuttle to the airport, as well as free parking.  
The hotel is located down the freeway in Tempe.  All rooms have high speed internet 
(for an extra charge).  There is a fitness center, jacuzzi, and pool, and of course a 
bar and Mexican restaurant inside the hotel.  And there's Denny's right across the 
street.  Look for transportation info in the tournament information sheet.
     The tournament information sheet/strategy sheet should be out sometime in late 
November/early December. 
     If you haven't been to a Face-to-Face before, you're overdue.  If you have, 
you'll be back.  Don't miss this one, it'll be a blast!  See you there! 

                                          -- Green Eyes and the RSI Staff