DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL

Date   : 01/07/2006    Duedate: 01/20/2006

DARKHOLM

DM-104    TURN-418

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 BLACK PRIMER 82/1187 1240  440  8 73.8      NEGATIVE CASH FLOW 82/1197            
    2 ALL BEEF BUNNIES II 82/1253               HOLE IN THE WALL 6/1243               
  2 UNTOUCHABLES 18/1212   11    8  0 57.9    5 STYROFOAM 82/1090    1139 1001  8 53.2
    HIGHER PURPOSE 42/1259                    6 BIG MEAN FISH 18/292  794  746  6 51.6
  3 DON'T ASK 82/1205    1687 1332 19 55.9      BEAN MACHINE 99/1202                  
    4-LETTER DOCTORS 82/1204                    CUTE & KINDA DEADLY 97/1229           
    WHY WE LOVE TUM 82/1164                   7 INDIFFERENCE 7/1194     7    7  1 50.0
    DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II 82/1258                 RUN AND HYDE 18/1221                  
    ORGANS ON THE SAND 97/1237                  GRIM OBITUARY 62/1230                 
    LOCAL BEER 82/1219                        8-HELLSTORM WI 42/1244  151  174  5 46.5
    LUST MUPPETS 32/1036                      9 KIDS GONE BAD 3/446    17   25  0 40.5
    4-LETTER ANXIETY 82/1236                 10 SEA DOGS 7/203         71  105  3 40.3
    HYBRIDS V 82/1255                           SEA DOGS 96/1241                      
    4-LETTER NAMES 82/1256                      SEA DOGS 18/328                       
    ATTACK OF THE CLONES 82/1254             11 DELVERS 42/1000       291  462  2 38.6
    WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1252                DOGS OF WAR 4/999                     
  4 NUTS 82/1240         2030 1712  7 54.2      GAMES LIBRARY 3/998                   
    CEMENTIA 61/1112                         12 ARROGANCE 18/732      906 1584 17 36.4
    SANDS OF TIME 38/1178                       SCARRY TEAM 36/824                    
    IT'S NEW! 6/1195                            THE LADY'S LIST 6/917                 
    FLAT BROKE 82/1184                          JUST BECAUSE 38/1151                  
    I BENT MY WOOKIE 14/1239                 13-GENOCIDE III 82/1251   14   25  0 35.9
    PEPPER PRACTICE II 57/1069                  MARY HAD A LITTLE... 69/1246          
    WHAT A TREAT 98/1201                        HELTER SKELTER 72/1250                
    WASTELAND 18/468                            ALABAMA RADIO 70/1247                 
    PUDS AGAIN 6 82/1234                        HELTER SKELTER 66/1245                
    NUMBERS 62/937                              GENOCIDE III 72/1249                  
    WASTELAND II 7/500                          VIRTUAL INSANITY 72/1248              
    I'M SO SEXY 42/1072                      14 END 13/1257           554 1059 10 34.3
    MY DRUGS 98/1179                            NEXT GENERATION 18/1150               
    JUST DON'T CARE 5/1242                      FOUND IN THE SAND 32/1034             
    LARGE LOSERS 5/1228                         CLOWNING AROUND 42/1200               
    MORE NEW TEAMS 2 5/1188                     THIS LITTLE PRIGGY 25/1162            

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                                  WARRIOR SPOTLIGHT

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                         ---===DELARQUAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

                                     Duelmasters
                                     -----------
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 535): HELLACIOUS of MANNEQUIN'S BEST (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 421): THE SHOCKER of INQUISITION SL5 (LHI, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 543): OTIS of FRAT PARTY BLOWOUT (The Anarchist, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 539): VANGUARD of ORCCON THUGS (DMobster, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 538): LHOTSE of EVEREST LLP (?, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 542): HOBBLED of DARK PANTHEON (Doc Steele, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 540): CLARITIN JUNKIE of WASTELAND II (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 534): SIR DA of SIR AGLIO (Sultan, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 526): DAVE of SHEPHERDS (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 524): ACE of SWORD OPERA (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 498): CLOVER of ERRATA (JE, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 488): RUMAKI of FREAKISH (Hombre, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 216): SKULK of CHEAP SHOTS (?, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 476): RED SKELTON of CLOWNING AROUND (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 424): DELANGE of DARK HORSEMEN (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 202): SILVERBOLT of RUNNING AMOK (THawk, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 190): SOUL SCOURGE of VILE REAVERS (Bobby Bigfoot, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 373): DIO of MIDGETS (Ganolus Oakleaf, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 167): MAKKEH KILLER of MILCHAMAH (Hammer, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 417): DR DAZZLE of PEPPER PRACTICE II from ANDOR (The Muffin
                             Man, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
                                      ---------
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 535): LETHAL HERITAGE (Lord Xiang, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 421): THE GOLDEN FISH (Nick, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 543): FRAT PARTY BLOWOUT (The Anarchist, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 539): DOGS OF WAR (Nick, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 538): THE MIDDLE WAY 5 (Nick, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 542): THE LADY'S LIST (A-Sop, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 540): WASTELAND II (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 534): QUBIT (Sultan, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 526): PENTARCHIE-18 (The Pentalque, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 524): none
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 498): PORTAL (?, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 488): JINDA-BAN (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 216): THE MIDDLE WAY (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 476): COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 424): DARK HORSEMEN (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 202): JANIX (KAT, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 190): CHAPEL ROCK (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 373): THE BEARS (Papa Bear, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 167): MEAT YOUR MAKER (Crip, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 417): BLACK PRIMERS, etc. (Doc Steele, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
                                  -----------------
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 420): SCARDY CAT of ARENA FELINES (Garfield, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 539): MAGIC JOHNSON of PURPLE AND GOLD (Zalgor Prigg, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 534): SIR DA of SIR AGLIO (Sultan, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 526): DAVE of SHEPHERDS (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 498): DONNA THE HUNTRESS of THE FALLEN (Azrael, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 476): RED SKELTON of CLOWNING AROUND (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 424): DELANGE of DARK HORSEMEN (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 373): RELENTLESS of THE BEARS (Papa Bear, mgr.)

                                 THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
                      Reflections by the Keeper of the Runeblade

Okay, here's my column (for those in desperate need of one!).  This is the last turn
before the tourney so good luck to everyone.  I'm predicting that several of the
warriors from this arena will have a good showing.  We aren't quite as large an arena
as we used to be but we have it where it counts.  I think.

Anyway, my TV challenge goes to Dusky Jawfish this turn.  Have at thee, Dusky!

Dr Dazzle

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

Good morning, citizens of the Federation!

I'm sorry to say there is no continuation of our epic this turn, but there will be,
next turn.  I almost promise.

I'm delighted to note that our Keeper of the Runeblade not only challenged, not only
hung onto the title, but also wrote a column!  Well done!  And it was even a TV
challenge.  DR DAZZLE (57-4485) (93-38-2,285) of PEPPER PRACTICE II TV challenged
DUSKY JAWFISH (18-6978) (66-63-1,216) of BIG MEAN FISH.  DR DAZZLE slimly won victory
over DUSKY JAWFISH in a 2 minute Challenge Title fight.
     There were three other TV challenges, and all of our Tournament Victors were
once again victorious:

* FLUFFY WONDER BUNNY (82-1953) (31-16-0,170) of 2 ALL BEEF BUNNIES II TV challenged
WORK IN PROGRESS (38-4193) (32-86-2,143) of JUST BECAUSE.  FLUFFY WONDER BUNNY
vanquished WORK IN PROGRESS in a 1 minute uneven Challenge battle.
*  STRAFE (82-11158) (42-18-0,147) of BLACK PRIMERS TV challenged MUTINEER (7-2607)
(31-22-2,138) of SEA DOGS.  STRAFE overpowered MUTINEER in a crowd pleasing 2 minute
mismatched Challenge duel.
*  MANUTE BOL (5-4233) (25-18-0,85) of LARGE LOSERS TV challenged ??RADAR?? (82-
20310) (11-14-0,90) of DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II.  MANUTE BOL overpowered ??RADAR?? in a 1
minute mismatched Challenge match.

There was no "most challenged," as there was no more than one challenge to a
customer.  As for most avoided...there were no avoids posted.  That's strange, don't
you think?  We have some of Alastari's best managers here.  Why wouldn't they use all
of the tools they have?  And out of 36 fights, there were only six challenges
altogether, including the four TVs.  Now, that is a pity.

It was a blessing for Maginot Mike, of course--one of our best teachers, Mike seldom
has a chance at a random matchup.  TASTY HANGNAIL (7-5463) (34-33-0,190) of WASTELAND
II fought MAGINOT MIKE (4-4509) (65-96-1,156) of DOGS OF WAR.  TASTY HANGNAIL was
bested by MAGINOT MIKE in a 2 minute bout.  That was nicely done, Mike.

Fluffy Wonder Bunny, I had to smile at your personal ad about how you got your name.
Yes, you deserve to have it changed!  Of course, it might at least make your opponent
underestimate you in a fight.  But even that did not work for "I Wet My Bed!"  GAMBLE
(7-4884) (20-14-2,150) of INDIFFERENCE fought I WET MY BED! (14-4052) (23-8-0,94) of
I BENT MY WOOKIE.  GAMBLE assassinated I WET MY BED! in an exciting 1 minute one-
sided struggle.  You can see by his record that Mr. Bed is a competent duelist.
However, Gamble didn't stop laughing at his name all through the fight until
unfortunate end.  This was our only death.  I'm pleased to note that Gamble did stop
laughing then; he saluted his fallen foe and helped carry the body to the infirmary.

As always, our overall popularity leader is Crack is Cheap.  CRACK IS CHEAP (82-
18422) (38-30-0,204) of NEGATIVE CASH FLOW fought BLIND BEGGAR (104-26) (40-35-0,200)
of  ARENA STAND-INS.  CRACK IS CHEAP was viciously subdued by BLIND BEGGAR in a
popular 5 minute fight.  Well done, Crack, to make even that fight interesting to
watch.  And I would like to note that the Blind Beggar isn't really blind.  He lets
his eyes get all crusty and glued-shut with eye boogers so people will feel sorry for
him and give him money, but when he washes his face, he can see just fine.  Oddly,
Crack made the "Least Popular" list too.  I asked around.  Too many people in the
audience didn't realize that the Blind Beggar can see just fine, so they voted
against Crack.  I set them straight.  Now the Beggar is mad at me; he called me a
rude name.  True, but rude.  I've half a mind to jump him and wash his face for him.

Well, I had been wanting to know how Etched in Stone was doing.  This fine Total
Parry thought he could ply his trade against Heart.  ETCHED IN STONE (61-3112) (72-
31-1,229) of CEMENTIA challenged HEART (97-1096) (31-24-4,237) of ORGANS ON THE SAND.
ETCHED IN STONE was viciously subdued by HEART in a 4 minute Challenge fight.  And
so, Etched lost his fight and Heart gained the Top Slasher title, and the vote for
This Week's Favorite.  Well done!

You know, I want to ask.  I really want to ask.  THE CUTICLE DANCE (82-13639) (25-11-
2,207) of DON'T ASK fought GOKU (7-5628) (28-11-0,166) of WASTELAND II.  THE CUTICLE
DANCE overpowered GOKU in a popular 1 minute uneven duel.  Why "Don't Ask"?  How DID
The Cuticle Dance get that name?  Anyway, Goku was our least favored warrior this
turn, and you could see why.  One shot to the elbow and down.  Meh.

And that, my dears, is....  Oh all right.  I saw a hand go up in the back there...
someone wants advice.  (smiling)  You should not spend all day playing.  Take time
out from whatever you're doing that's so engrossing, and at least do one chore.  Wash
the dishes or fold the clean laundry.  You'll feel better about yourself.

It's a fair stretch now to the next holiday, so save up that warm and fuzzy winter-
festival feeling and keep it close!

                                      Desiree

KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DR DAZZLE 57-4485           94  38  2  295  PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069)  ANDOR

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HEART 97-1096               32  24  4  266  ORGANS ON THE SAND (1237)  SHADOW GROVE
 MUCKER 42-3596              80  79  2  236  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 GRINGOLD 7-2416             36  47  2  225  SEA DOGS (203)             BONSUR
 ONE A DAY 98-799            43  35  3  224  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL
 MOLOCH 62-1267              34  46  1  222  GRIM OBITUARY (1230)       VALAMANTIS
 DOC STEELE 18-6010          71 136  6  220  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 THE CUTICLE DANCE 82-13639  26  11  2  218  DON'T ASK (1205)           DWES EG
 NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317        44  33  1  217  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 MAHI MAHI 18-4899          125  75  1  214  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 KYLIE 18-6057               39  31  1  213  UNTOUCHABLES (1212)        TALCAMA
 BOB, ETERNAL, 38-4460       34   8  0  213  SANDS OF TIME (1178)       CLIFFHOME
 HEAT 98-981                 28  21  4  213  WHAT A TREAT (1201)        SYVYN'S HILL
 ROLEX WATCH 32-3732         70  63  2  212  LUST MUPPETS (1036)        ARVAT
 HITZ 82-10428               26  14  0  212  4-LETTER DOCTORS (1204)    DWES EG

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978       66  64  1  210  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 RED FUSION 6-5480           47  19  0  209  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL
 WENT TO MARKET 25-4288      39  45  2  207  THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162)  LYRATILAN
 DOC STEELE 18-6808          58  91  1  205  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 FEAR 82-10416               36  52  1  203  4-LETTER ANXIETY (1236)    DWES EG
 SUPER BUM 82-18411          46  26  1  202  FLAT BROKE (1184)          DWES EG
 RAW SEX APPEAL 82-1331      25  11  0  202  WHY WE LOVE TUM (1164)     DWES EG
 CLEANER WRASSE 18-6495      93  80  2  201  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     72  32  1  200  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 SCHYLER 6-4866              71 116  1  199  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 MISS HONEY 36-4850          84  86  0  198  SCARRY TEAM (824)          JHANS
 PTI 7-5412                  45  27  0  198  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422     38  31  0  197  NEGATIVE CASH FLOW (1197)  DWES EG
 YUENGLING 82-16265          26  14  1  197  LOCAL BEER (1219)          DWES EG
 MIMIC BLENNY 18-7541        59  34  1  194  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 DECK SWAB 18-2148           35  36  2  193  SEA DOGS (328)             TALCAMA
 BRICKTOP 18-7955            39  28  0  192  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH 18-6977  70  59  0  191  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 GATEWAY 82-15631            28   7  0  190  ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254 DWES EG
 HARV 82-20046               27  10  1  190  4-LETTER NAMES (1256)      DWES EG
 COOLER 82-7277              51  47  1  189  STYROFOAM (1090)           DWES EG
 TOLAIS DEEPHEART 42-1620   113 117  0  186  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 SHINY PENNY 32-3789         46  95  2  186  FOUND IN THE SAND (1034)   ARVAT

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PUD 126 82-22024            31  18  0  186  PUDS AGAIN 6 (1234)        DWES EG
 HE HATE ME 18-7820          36  45  2  185  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 GOHAN 18-8449               32  17  1  185  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 BRADEN 6-4867               71 116  1  182  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509         66  96  1  180  DOGS OF WAR (999)          JHELUM
 SMELLY TOES 82-17409        28  14  0  180  HYBRIDS V (1255)           DWES EG
 GAMBLE 7-4884               21  14  3  180  INDIFFERENCE (1194)        BONSUR
 STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836  36  25  0  177  I'M SO SEXY (1072)         RODEKI
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366         23  28  0  176  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1252 DWES EG
 APOLLYON 62-2348            25  24  1  175  GRIM OBITUARY (1230)       VALAMANTIS
 FLUFFY WONDER BUNN 82-1953  32  16  0  174  2 ALL BEEF BUNNIES I (1253 DWES EG
 NUMBERED WON 18-7434        37  53  1  173  NEXT GENERATION (1150)     TALCAMA
 ANTAGONIST 3-2824           22  22  2  173  KIDS GONE BAD (446)        OSKSI
 LIFE 3-4196                 51 162  0  171  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 TASTY HANGNAIL 7-5463       34  34  0  169  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 GOKU 7-5628                 28  12  0  169  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 FRIED TWINKIE 5-4562        36  27  0  167  MORE NEW TEAMS 2 (1188)    KALTOS
 STRAFE 82-11158             43  18  0  163  BLACK PRIMERS (1187)       DWES EG
 FRIJOLE! 99-1214            25  23  3  162  BEAN MACHINE (1202)        SOUTH RIDGE

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    32  87  2  144  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399       14   5  3  144  SEA DOGS (1241)            OLD VALAMANTIS
 2 62-2976                   38  32  3  138  NUMBERS (937)              VALAMANTIS
 MUTINEER 7-2607             31  23  2  136  SEA DOGS (203)             BONSUR
 MEN WORKING 38-4189         35  84  1  132  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 BILLY THE SQUID 18-3880     30  19  2  103  SEA DOGS (328)             TALCAMA

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 I WET MY BED! 14-4052       23   9  0  100  I BENT MY WOOKIE (1239)    TOBIR
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           26  18  0   99  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 FREAK 18-7300               23  12  4   98  RUN AND HYDE (1221)        TALCAMA

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 THE IMPECCABLE PIG 5-3818   20  10  0   88  JUST DON'T CARE (1242)     KALTOS
 ??RADAR?? 82-20310          11  15  0   79  DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II (1258) DWES EG
 COOKIE FOR THE SOUL 6-6002  18   5  0   74  HOLE IN THE WALL (1243)    TRANSEL
 UBER GOOBER 82-26198        23  19  0   73  NUTS (1240)                DWES EG
 HAILSTORM 7-5698            22   4  0   68  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 KUNG PAO KITTY 97-1310       5  19  3   58  CUTE & KINDA DEADLY (1229) SHADOW GROVE
 SINDARION 18-8499           24  13  1   56  UNTOUCHABLES (1212)        TALCAMA
-ADASHIR 42-4088             16   6  1   55  HIGHER PURPOSE (1259)      RODEKI
 BOZO 42-4016                22  51  0   52  CLOWNING AROUND (1200)     RODEKI

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN
I WET MY BED! 14-4052      23   9  0 I BENT MY WOOKIE 1239  GAMBLE 7-4884          418

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Ketchum -- So the story goes that during try-outs years ago to make the rookie
practice squad for Steele's guild house, Cliff Banana and Doc Steele were debating
that any warrior name would sound ominous and powerful if the warrior was good
enough.  Cliff Banana, as one might guess by his manager name, was the one contending
that any name would do.  Doc Steele decided to make a bet of it with Cliff just as I
made the team.  I guess I caught Doc's eye because he allowed Cliff to give me my
team and warrior name as part of their experiment.  Cliff Banana retired from the
games years ago, but perhaps it is time for him to pay up!  I have fought my way back
from the dead, and I am the reigning TC for the ADM tourney and still I get no

respect!?!  I asked Doc to change my name after I TCed, but he said it had sort of
grown on him.  Maybe you can talk to him about allowing me to change it to something
more serious like his precious Wiggler. -- Fluffy, the Fearsome ADM TC Wonder Bunny

     Ketchum isn't here this turn, but I know he's a regular reader of the Darkholm
     Sporting Journal and he'll be interested to know how you got your warrior name.
     -- Desiree

Dr. Dazzle -- Congratulations on the Throne.  Now, please try to at least write a few
sentences for a Duelmaster's Column! -- Doc Steele

     He did!

Numbered Won -- I salute you!  I believe you have learned all that I can teach.  Go
forth and defeat other people now. -- Tolais Deepheart

Goku -- You know, people keep telling me you're a pickle.  You don't look like a
pickle to me.  Not even after I winkled you out of the jar and sliced you thin.  So I
guess...not a pickle, hmm? -- Mucker
P.S.  I don't know why people tell me that.  They seem to think that just because I'm
a golem, I'll believe ANYTHING.

Sushi Slinger -- Vile, hairy dwarf, you got less than you deserved!  You, coming of
the species of born artificers, should have KNOWN that I was a superior being,
created by a MASTER, and yet you struck me!  ME!  Have you no RESPECT, you eater of
raw fish?  Can you not see that to even ASSOCIATE with raw fish betrays your LOW and
SECOND-CLASS nature?  Begone from my sight, you despicably hairy born-creature! --
Life of Osksi

Braden -- Uh...were you supposed to do that? -- Maginot Mike

30 December 2005
Just a reminder to all you online type people.  It is much appreciated if you send
your personals in PLAIN TEXT, rather than HTML or formatted text.  HAL, in his
infinite wisdom, doesn't DO formatting, which means having to unsnarl your personal
ads from bunches of extraneous...stuff.  So, if your e-mailer has a plain text
option, let it be your friend. -- Ed.
P.S.  Sometimes it's the formatted text which makes ads go astray.  Not often, but
sometimes.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

DR DAZZLE slimly won victory over DUSKY JAWFISH in a 2 minute Challenge Title fight.
FLUFFY WONDER BUNNY vanquished WORK IN PROGRESS in a 1 minute uneven Challenge battle.
STRAFE overpowered MUTINEER in a crowd pleasing 2 minute mismatched Challenge duel.
MANUTE BOL overpowered ??RADAR?? in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
ETCHED IN STONE was viciously subdued by HEART in a 4 minute Challenge fight.
NEOSPHINCTER bested MISS HONEY in a popular 1 minute Challenge competition.
MOLOCH overcame DECK SWAB in a action packed 3 minute melee.
MUCKER vanquished HARV in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
ONE A DAY won victory over HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH in a popular 3 minute duel.
MIMIC BLENNY was defeated by DOC STEELE in a action packed 1 minute match.
KYLIE overpowered ANTAGONIST in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
CLEANER WRASSE was subdued by RED FUSION in a crowd pleasing 3 minute competition.
DOC STEELE demolished HE HATE ME in a 1 minute mismatched match.
MAHI MAHI overpowered SMELLY TOES in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.
NUMBERED WON was overpowered by SCHYLER in a crowd pleasing 2 minute one-sided duel.
GOHAN lost to RAW SEX APPEAL in a exciting 3 minute bloody fray.
WENT TO MARKET devastated APOLLYON in a exciting 1 minute one-sided brawl.
ROLEX WATCH demolished PUD 126 in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
SHINY PENNY was luckily beaten by BRICKTOP in a crowd pleasing 4 minute bloody fight.
TASTY HANGNAIL was bested by MAGINOT MIKE in a 2 minute bout.
HEAT defeated YUENGLING in a exciting 5 minute gory duel.
PTI handily defeated LIFE in a crowd pleasing 2 minute gory uneven duel.
BOB, ETERNAL, narrowly defeated FEAR in a 2 minute fight.
GRINGOLD overpowered GATEWAY in a popular 1 minute one-sided duel.
CRACK IS CHEAP was viciously subdued by BLIND BEGGAR in a popular 5 minute fight.
SUPER BUM won victory over LAUGHING BARMAID in a action packed 3 minute gruesome bout.
CREDIT LINE was beaten by TOLAIS DEEPHEART in a exciting 1 minute fray.
HITZ handily defeated STUPID SEXY FLANDERS in a popular 1 minute one-sided duel.
THE CUTICLE DANCE overpowered GOKU in a popular 1 minute uneven duel.
COOLER savagely defeated FRIED TWINKIE in a popular 3 minute gory match.
BRADEN beat SUSHI SLINGER in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
BILLY THE SQUID was overcome by MEN WORKING in a crowd pleasing 1 minute match.
GAMBLE assassinated I WET MY BED! in a exciting 1 minute one-sided struggle.
FRIJOLE! devastated 2 in a popular 3 minute brutal uneven bout.
FREAK demolished HAILSTORM in a action packed 1 minute one-sided conflict.
SINDARION was savagely defeated by COOKIE FOR THE SOUL in a 4 minute bout.
KUNG PAO KITTY was handily defeated by THE IMPECCABLE PIG in a 1 minute match.
UBER GOOBER defeated BOZO in a action packed 4 minute battle.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  22         PARRY-RIPOSTE      7 -   4 -  0      64  |
|AIMED BLOW                      14         STRIKING ATTACK   12 -   8 -  0      60  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     11         WALL OF STEEL     48 -  35 -  1      58  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    8         PARRY-LUNGE       13 -  10 -  0      57  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  7         LUNGING ATTACK   116 -  90 -  0      56  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   6         AIMED BLOW        65 -  65 -  1      50  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  2         TOTAL PARRY       57 -  60 -  0      49  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         SLASHING ATTACK   25 -  37 -  0      40  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         BASHING ATTACK    21 -  38 -  1      36  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         PARRY-STRIKE       0 -   0 -  0       0  |

Turn 418 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

STRIKING ATTACK    2 -  0     AIMED BLOW         5 -  9         5  LUNGING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    4 -  3     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         1  SLASHING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY        6 -  5                                       1  TOTAL PARRY    
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  1                                       1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1                                       1  AIMED BLOW     
LUNGING ATTACK    11 - 11                                       1  STRIKING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK     3 -  3                                       1  WALL OF STEEL  
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  4     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   DR DAZZLE 57-4485          94  38  2  295 PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069)
SLASHING ATTACK  HEART 97-1096              32  24  4  266 ORGANS ON THE SAND (1237)
TOTAL PARRY      ONE A DAY 98-799           43  35  3  224 MY DRUGS (1179)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    MOLOCH 62-1267             34  46  1  222 GRIM OBITUARY (1230)
AIMED BLOW       NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317       44  33  1  217 WASTELAND (468)
STRIKING ATTACK  MAHI MAHI 18-4899         125  75  1  214 BIG MEAN FISH (292)
WALL OF STEEL    KYLIE 18-6057              39  31  1  213 UNTOUCHABLES (1212)
BASHING ATTACK   WENT TO MARKET 25-4288     39  45  2  207 THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162)
PARRY-LUNGE      DOC STEELE 18-6808         58  91  1  205 ARROGANCE (732)

The overall popularity leader is CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422.  The most popular warrior 
this turn was HEART 97-1096.  The ten other most popular fighters were FRIJOLE! 
99-1214, YUENGLING 82-16265, SHINY PENNY 32-3789, HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH 18-6977, COOLER 
82-7277, BOZO 42-4016, CLEANER WRASSE 18-6495, HEAT 98-981, ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112, 
and GOHAN 18-8449.

The least popular fighter this week was GOKU 7-5628.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were PUD 126 82-22024, ANTAGONIST 3-2824, HARV 82-20046, KUNG PAO KITTY 
97-1310, HAILSTORM 7-5698, I WET MY BED! 14-4052, BILLY THE SQUID 18-3880, SUSHI 
SLINGER 96-1399, STUPID SEXY FLANDERS 42-3836, and CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
OSKSI(3)             0  2 0  LYRATILAN(25)        1  0 0  VALAMANTIS(62)       1  2 0  
JHELUM(4)            1  0 0  ARVAT(32)            1  1 0  DWES EG(82)          8  9 0  
KALTOS(5)            2  1 0  JHANS(36)            0  1 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   0  1 0  
TRANSEL(6)           4  0 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        2  1 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     1  1 0  
BONSUR(7)            3  4 1  RODEKI(42)           2  2 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     2  0 0  
TOBIR(14)            0  1 0  ANDOR(57)            1  0 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      1  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          7 10 0  JURINE(61)           0  1 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ANTAGONIST 3-2824           22  22  2  173  KIDS GONE BAD (446)        OSKSI
 MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509         66  96  1  180  DOGS OF WAR (999)          JHELUM
 FRIED TWINKIE 5-4562        36  27  0  167  MORE NEW TEAMS 2 (1188)    KALTOS
 RED FUSION 6-5480           47  19  0  209  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL
 GRINGOLD 7-2416             36  47  2  225  SEA DOGS (203)             BONSUR
 I WET MY BED! 14-4052       23   9  0  100  I BENT MY WOOKIE (1239)    TOBIR
 DOC STEELE 18-6010          71 136  6  220  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 WENT TO MARKET 25-4288      39  45  2  207  THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162)  LYRATILAN
 ROLEX WATCH 32-3732         70  63  2  212  LUST MUPPETS (1036)        ARVAT
 MISS HONEY 36-4850          84  86  0  198  SCARRY TEAM (824)          JHANS
 BOB, ETERNAL, 38-4460       34   8  0  213  SANDS OF TIME (1178)       CLIFFHOME
 MUCKER 42-3596              80  79  2  236  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 DR DAZZLE 57-4485           94  38  2  295  PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069)  ANDOR
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     72  32  1  200  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 MOLOCH 62-1267              34  46  1  222  GRIM OBITUARY (1230)       VALAMANTIS
 THE CUTICLE DANCE 82-13639  26  11  2  218  DON'T ASK (1205)           DWES EG
 SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399       14   5  3  144  SEA DOGS (1241)            OLD VALAMANTIS
 HEART 97-1096               32  24  4  266  ORGANS ON THE SAND (1237)  SHADOW GROVE
 ONE A DAY 98-799            43  35  3  224  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL
 FRIJOLE! 99-1214            25  23  3  162  BEAN MACHINE (1202)        SOUTH RIDGE