DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL Date : 04/01/2006 Duedate: 04/14/2006 DARKHOLM DM-104 TURN-424 RANK TEAMS W L K % RANK TEAMS W L K % 1-BLACK PRIMER 82/1187 1245 440 8 73.9 JUST DON'T CARE 5/1242 2 UNTOUCHABLES 18/1212 25 16 0 61.0 I'M SO SEXY 42/1072 HIGHER PURPOSE 42/1259 MORE NEW TEAMS 2 5/1188 3 DON'T ASK 82/1205 1722 1353 19 56.0 NEGATIVE CASH FLOW 82/1197 4-LETTER DOCTORS 82/1204 DEATH BY CHOCOLATE 97/1268 ORGANS ON THE SAND 97/1237 HOLE IN THE WALL 6/1243 DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II 82/1258 6 STYROFOAM 82/1090 1142 1004 8 53.2 ELIMINATED SATURDAY 82/1267 7 BIG MEAN FISH 18/292 816 766 6 51.6 LOCAL BEER 82/1219 BEAN MACHINE 99/1202 4-LETTER NAMES 82/1256 CUTE & KINDA DEADLY 97/1229 LUST MUPPETS 32/1036 8-SRETSAMLEUD 18/1183 18 21 2 46.2 WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1252 SRETSAMLEUD 37/1134 4-LETTER ANXIETY 82/1236 SRETSAMLEUD 62/1203 ATTACK OF THE CLONES 82/1254 9 SEA DOGS 7/203 80 124 3 39.2 4 RUN AND HYDE 18/1221 15 12 1 55.6 SEA DOGS 18/328 GRIM OBITUARY 62/1230 SEA DOGS 96/1241 5 NUTS 82/1240 2111 1785 7 54.2 10 DELVERS 42/1000 299 478 2 38.5 PEPPER PRACTICE II 57/1069 DOGS OF WAR 4/999 CEMENTIA 61/1112 GAMES LIBRARY 3/998 IT'S NEW! 6/1195 11 ARROGANCE 18/732 924 1608 17 36.5 FLAT BROKE 82/1184 SCARRY TEAM 36/824 I BENT MY WOOKIE 14/1239 THE LADY'S LIST 6/917 SANDS OF TIME 38/1178 JUST BECAUSE 38/1151 PUDS AGAIN 6 82/1234 12 U.A.K. 38/313 62 113 1 35.4 WASTELAND 18/468 OLD SCHOOL TOONS 36/1269 WHAT A TREAT 98/1201 13 NEXT GENERAT 18/1150 563 1075 10 34.4 WASTELAND II 7/500 THIS LITTLE PRIGGY 25/1162 NUMBERS 62/937 FOUND IN THE SAND 32/1034 MY DRUGS 98/1179 CLOWNING AROUND 42/1200 LARGE LOSERS 5/1228 '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id '-' Team did not fight this turn WARRIOR SPOTLIGHT The Obsidian Knowledge, Part Six Averi Brennan was a journeyman mage, which meant he was one of the favored elite in Talahya, a hot marriage prospect and automatically invited to a lot of fashionable parties. Therefore he was a bit full of himself. Like most of Lady Greywand's graduate students, he had learned to look down on gladiators. Spending a night on a mission with two Lord Protectors had been an eye opener. He had learned that some gladiators were as intelligent as he was. He had learned that some female gladiators, contrary to what "everyone knows," were neither scarred, cynical battle-axes nor witless sex toys. And he had learned that even a gladiator who was also an ex-pirate with a complete set of gold teeth might be a man of gentility and standards. Well...maybe the jury was still out on that one. Their mission, as interpreted by Gringold and Wiggler, was to save an innocent peasant family from the unrighteous wrath of Sheila Greywand. Forbidden knowledge about Lady Greywand, perhaps concerning a weakness or vulnerability, had been magically converted to an edible form. It had been eaten by a man, who was then eaten by some lake monsters, one of which was believed to be on the dinner menu of a poor family somewhere between Willow Beach and the Stronghold Academy in Talahya. That was a lot of territory to search for people who might not even be showing outward signs of knowing something they weren't supposed to know. And anyway, maybe the creature hadn't been eaten yet. Maybe it had been pickled and stashed in a cellar for later. It was four o'clock in the morning. Brennan wasn't exactly tired. The night had had a surreal quality and he was running on adrenaline and a sense of stunned acceptance. If these gladiators couldn't help him find the missing lake monster, Lady Greywand would be angry at him. Of course she wasn't the type to do terrible things to her underlings if they failed her in some way. But there was something about her that made you think she MIGHT change her mind about that policy any time. His mentor at the Academy had advised him not to do too much magic for gladiators, as it spoiled them. "There's a spell I can do," he said. "I can scry backwards, and we can see who stole the container." He nodded towards the door of the school. His mentor had said not to invite gladiators into the school as it gave them the idea they were just as good as mages. "Let's go in, get some kav, maybe get someone to fix us some breakfast while I warm up the crystal ball." Gringold shrugged and looked at Wiggler, who said, "Do you have someone to take care of the horse and cart?" "Oh...yes." The young mage took a bell from within his robes and rang it. A boy came out of the adjacent coach house, sneered at the rig which had been hastily bought from a carter in Willow Beach, and then took the horse's bridle and led it away. Carrying their stacks of sealed dinner containers which held magically shrunken lake monsters, Wiggler and Gringold followed Brennan through the front door. They didn't know it was unusual for gladiators to be let in. The entry hall, which at the moment was dimly lit by a single sconce on the white stone wall, had a huge portrait of a white-bearded wizard touching his finger to the side of his nose. Gringold touched his nose, too, as he met Wiggler's gaze. In fact the place smelled funny. Wiggler didn't indicate that she noticed, because it wasn't good manners. The place looked antiseptic with its whitewashed stone, but in fact it whiffed of vinegar, formaldehyde, and unidentifiable other things. They followed Brennan down a series of hallways and into a laboratory where he rang for tea, then waved them over to a couple of stools while he got a large crystal ball out of cupboard. He set it on the counter in its stand so that all three of them had a good view of it. "Okay," he said. "I need you both to concentrate on that wagon ride. Let's see what we can find out." They peered into the milky depths of the stone. Wiggler blinked as she realized she was looking at the horse and wagon, with the three of them standing next to the wagon and talking. Then Brennan backed away and the two gladiators, moving backwards as well, replaced some containers into the covered water trough in the back of the wagon, and then awkwardly climbed backward onto the seats. Brennan returned, backed onto the seat as well, and the whole rig started moving in reverse through the streets of Talahya. It didn't take long. As they paused at an intersection, waiting for traffic that was still present in the wee hours, a nimble form hopped onto the wagon, replaced something under the tarp, and then peered into the trough. Brennan froze the scene at that instant. "That's the corner of Willow and Circle," he said. He waved his hand over the crystal ball. The image of the thief grew larger. He adjusted the viewpoint slightly, trying to get a view of the face. If it was an urchin as they'd speculated, it was a tallish one, nearly adult, but slender. The face was pale, but mostly in shadow. It was hard to see. "That's the best look I can get at the thief," Brennan said. Let's see where he went. He waved his hand over the ball again. The image slow-forwarded, showing the thief tucking the sealed dish into a black cloth bag which then went inside his or her shirt. Then the thief eased down off the wagon, dodged another wagon, and safely crossed the street, hands in pockets, looking casual. He or she walked a short distance down the sidewalk and then turned up an alley. "I know that alley," Brennan said, his palm circling over the crystal ball to scroll the view. The thief glanced around and then opened a door and slipped inside. The view followed, however. The building appeared to be a warehouse. The thief went into an office, spoke to someone, and handed them the sealed dish. The person at the desk opened the dish and looked inside. Wiggler caught her breath, expecting the lake monster to leap up and bite his face. It might have been one of the dead ones, though, because it didn't move. The man cursed--there was no sound but he was clearly angry--and threw the contents of the dish at the thief. Now they could clearly see the thief's face. It was a boy or a young woman. Looking disappointed, he or she picked up the shrunken monster and put it in her pocket, then walked out and strolled through the warehouse to a room with a locked door. The thief spoke to someone who unlocked the door. The thief went in and stood before a large cage, took out the shrunken monster and tossed it through the bars. The fishy thing was caught by...a catlike thing. The moment a fang pierced the shrunken monster, however, it expanded to its full size and was once again as big as a large dog, if a large dog had tentacles and tail flippers and a huge mouth with six rows of teeth. It was still dead, though. As for the catlike thing...Brennan scrolled the view to get a better look at that. "Gods protect us!" he said. The crystal showed a white-skinned creature perhaps the mass of a large draft horse but built like a starving tiger, saber- toothed. It wasn't really a cat or anything else of Ghea. The cat-like aspect only went so far. There were no nostrils. The eyes were nothing but holes into darkness. Smoke rose from its mouth as the creature bit into the lake monster and rapidly devoured it. "What is that?" said Gringold. "I've only read descriptions before," Brennan replied. "But I would guess that's a barvokk. They're minions of...various nasty gods. And someone has brought one onto the Isle of the Eye, and it has eaten the forbidden knowledge and knows Lady Greywand's weakness!" * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * ---===DELARQUAN REGIONAL NEWS===--- Duelmasters ----------- DM 1 MORDANT (turn 541): MESSIAH of MANNEQUIN'S BEST (Mannequin, mgr.) DM 2 NIANIA (turn 425): GOLDEN SHARK of THE GOLDEN FISH (Nick, mgr.) DM 3 OSKSI (turn 549): HEARTS of GAMES LIBRARY (Nick, mgr.) DM 4 JHELUM (turn 545): FORK BALL of F BALLS (Papa Bear, mgr.) DM 5 KALTOS (turn 544): SAMANTHA FOX of PARTY ANIMALS (Crip, mgr.) DM 6 TRANSEL (turn 548): JUSTIN of THE LADY'S LIST (A-Sop, mgr.) DM 7 BONSUR (turn 545): PINK NOSE of WASTELAND II (The Muffin Man, mgr.) DM 10 KOLACT (turn 540): SADIE of SPRINGBORN (Still, mgr.) DM 18 TALCAMA (turn 531): ODDLY SHAPED BOOB of CENTER FOR OLDS (Suave, mgr.) DM 21 SUNSET (turn 530): SCYTHE of GRIM FANDANGO (Stik, mgr.) DM 36 JHANS (turn 504): OLIVE OYL of OLD SCHOOL TOONS (Otis the Drunk, mgr.) DM 38 CLIFFHOME (turn 494): GROUCHO of U.A.K. (Otis the Drunk, mgr.) DM 39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 219): HOT AIR DUCK of DUCKS UNLIMITED (Crip, mgr.) DM 42 RODEKI (turn 482): FOUR OF SPADES of COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.) DM 51 TRICORUS (turn 430): ZALGEI of DARK HORSEMEN (Nick, mgr.) DM 54 TROCAR (turn 205): NICKLEBACK of MILLENIUM METAL (Street Legal, mgr.) DM 59 ILLIS (turn 193): SOUL SCOURGE of VILE REAVERS (Bobby Bigfoot, mgr.) DM 62 VALAMANTIS (turn 379): DIED of SRETSAMLEUD (Phat Phat, mgr.) DM 72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 170): 2 PHAT 2 of VERMIN (Sultan, mgr.) ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 423): BOB, ETERNAL of SANDS OF TIME from CLIFFHOME (The Muffin Man, mgr.) Top Teams --------- DM 1 MORDANT (turn 541): SWEORDMASTERS (Mannequin, mgr.) DM 2 NIANIA (turn 425): THE GOLDEN FISH (Nick, mgr.) DM 3 OSKSI (turn 549): GAMES LIBRARY (Nick, mgr.) DM 4 JHELUM (turn 545): DOGS OF WAR (Nick, mgr.) DM 5 KALTOS (turn 544): SPORTS GREATS (Papa Bear, mgr.) DM 6 TRANSEL (turn 548): THE LADY'S LIST (A-Sop, mgr.) DM 7 BONSUR (turn 545): WASTELAND II (The Muffin Man, mgr.) DM 10 KOLACT (turn 540): QUBIT (Sultan, mgr.) DM 18 TALCAMA (turn 531): SHEPHERDS (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.) DM 21 SUNSET (turn 530): D.R.I. (Var, mgr.) DM 36 JHANS (turn 504): OLD SCHOOL TOONS (Otis the Drunk, mgr.) DM 38 CLIFFHOME (turn 494): U.A.K. (Otis the Drunk, mgr.) DM 39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 219): CRIMINAL ELEMENT (Fizban, mgr.) DM 42 RODEKI (turn 482): COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.) DM 51 TRICORUS (turn 430): RONIN (Rosebud, mgr.) DM 54 TROCAR (turn 205): none DM 59 ILLIS (turn 193): ISLANDERS (Nick, mgr.) DM 62 VALAMANTIS (turn 379): LEGION OF LEGEND (Seraphim, mgr.) DM 72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 170): MILCHAMAH (Hammer, mgr.) ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 423): BLACK PRIMERS, etc. (Doc Steele, mgr.) Recent Graduates ----------------- DM 4 JHELUM (turn 544): ALL LICKERED UP of ARENA FELINES (Garfield, mgr.) DM 5 KALTOS (turn 544): NORLE PARTH of THE MIDDLE WAY 5 (Nick, mgr.) (turn 543): HOFFA of JOHNS (Dear, mgr.) DM 18 TALCAMA (turn 531): ODDLY SHAPED BOOB of CENTER FOR OLDS (Suave, mgr.) DM 36 JHANS (turn 504): OLIVE OYL of OLD SCHOOL TOONS (Otis the Drunk, mgr.) DM 38 CLIFFHOME (turn 494): GROUCHO of U.A.K. (Otis the Drunk, mgr.) (turn 493): HARANDUR of JINDA-BAN (Nick, mgr.) DM 42 RODEKI (turn 481): KANGAROO LIFEBOAT of COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.) DM 51 TRICORUS (turn 429): SPIDER-MAN of WENSINWASIN M.H. (Youngblood, mgr.) DM 54 TROCAR (turn 204): SILVERBOLT of RUNNING AMOK (THawk, mgr.) DM 59 ILLIS (turn 193): SOUL SCOURGE of VILE REAVERS (Bobby Bigfoot, mgr.) WIMPIRA of ISLANDERS (Nick, mgr.) DM 72 DRAGONHEAD (170): MAKKEH KILLER of MILCHAMAH (Hammer, mgr.) THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM Reflections by the Keeper of the Runeblade Hmm, I'm still here so I must be doing something right. I don't have a lot of time to talk since my manager is copying this down as I speak and he's still recovering from a nasty cold. Suffice it to say, I'm thinking I'll be up here until I'm pulled to Primus, whenever that'll be. C'mon, Darkholm, prove me wrong! Someone come and take the Runeblade from me. Rolex Watch, you're next on my list. You might just be old enough to take me down. Then again, you might be too pudly. Only time will tell.... Bob, Eternal, signing off REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER Warriors of the Federation, There was one TV challenge which was the only challenge, which was also the title fight. BOB, ETERNAL, (38-4460) (38-8-0,303) of SANDS OF TIME TV challenged ROLEX WATCH (32-3732) (73-65-2,237) of LUST MUPPETS. BOB, ETERNAL, devastated ROLEX WATCH in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge Title fight. It seems that the management of the Aimed Blow Practitioner has been perfected in Darkholm. Bob, thank you for the column, and thank you for taking the trouble to issue a challenge, as well. And I hope your manager is feeling better. Well, our overall popularity leader, Crack is Cheap, fought Gringold, who was then voted This Turn's Favorite. CRACK IS CHEAP (82-18422) (38-36-0,186) of NEGATIVE CASH FLOW fought GRINGOLD (7-2416) (37-51-2,194) of SEA DOGS. CRACK IS CHEAP luckily beat GRINGOLD in a crowd pleasing 6 minute bloody fight. This means that the spectators love to watch Crack fight even though he is a defensive warrior, and they gave Gringold the "scum sympathy" vote because he had to fight six whole minutes. Actually, it WAS a very exciting fight, and could have gone either way. Needless to say, Rolex Watch was the most challenged warrior. And no one avoided anybody. (sigh) No one died. MASSAGE PARLOR (82-3972) (12-7-1,92) of ELIMINATED SATURDAY fought OLIVE OYL (36-5622) (19-7-0,64) of OLD SCHOOL TOONS. MASSAGE PARLOR demolished OLIVE OYL in a 1 minute one-sided conflict. Eliminated Saturday, what a strange name for a team. Some silly manager was celebrating the end of a case of constipation, I guess. But anyway, Olive Oyl was voted least popular this turn. Don't worry, girl. It's because you're new and you lost quickly. You'll get better, and someone else will be in that spotlight next turn. Oh dear, there's...nothing much else to say. I suppose I could give you the full fight notes. HITZ (82-10428) (29-14-0,253) of 4-LETTER DOCTORS fought GOHAN (18-8449) (34-20- 1,190) of WASTELAND. HITZ handily defeated GOHAN in an action packed 1 minute one- sided match. DR DAZZLE (57-4485) (97-40-2,216) of PEPPER PRACTICE II fought HEART (97-1096) (35-26-4,194) of ORGANS ON THE SAND. DR DAZZLE bested HEART in a popular 1 minute contest. PTI (7-5412) (49-28-0,218) of WASTELAND II fought NUMBERED WON (18-7434) (39-56- 1,199) of NEXT GENERATION. PTI overpowered NUMBERED WON in a 1 minute mismatched match. KYLIE (18-6057) (43-32-1,224) of UNTOUCHABLES fought MIMIC BLENNY (18-7541) (63- 35-1,206) of BIG MEAN FISH. KYLIE was viciously subdued by MIMIC BLENNY in a popular 5 minute bloody duel. GOKU (7-5628) (32-13-0,219) of WASTELAND II fought HARV (82-20046) (30-12-1,208) of 4-LETTER NAMES. GOKU was narrowly defeated by HARV in a crowd pleasing 3 minute gory brawl. MISS HONEY (36-4850) (86-89-0,212) of SCARRY TEAM fought CLEANER WRASSE (18- 6495) (96-82-2,184) of BIG MEAN FISH. MISS HONEY handily defeated CLEANER WRASSE in an action packed 1 minute uneven melee. NEOSPHINCTER (18-7317) (49-33-1,295) of WASTELAND fought MAHI MAHI (18-4899) (129-76-1,205) of BIG MEAN FISH. NEOSPHINCTER was vanquished by MAHI MAHI in a 1 minute uneven fight. DOC STEELE (18-6808) (61-93-1,214) of ARROGANCE fought ONE A DAY (98-799) (46- 37-3,199) of MY DRUGS. DOC STEELE was outwaited by ONE A DAY in a popular 7 minute fight. DOC STEELE (18-6010) (73-139-6,193) of ARROGANCE fought HE HATE ME (18-7820) (40-46-2,190) of WASTELAND. DOC STEELE overpowered HE HATE ME in a popular 1 minute one-sided melee. It's funny to see two Doc Steels in a row fight. And they're from the same team and the same arena. At least this one won. DECK SWAB (18-2148) (37-39-2,202) of SEA DOGS fought COOLER (82-7277) (54-49- 1,200) of STYROFOAM. DECK SWAB demolished COOLER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched match. HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH (18-6977) (72-62-0,206) of BIG MEAN FISH fought HEAT (98-981) (31-23-4,194) of WHAT A TREAT. HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH devastated HEAT in a crowd pleasing 1 minute gory one-sided battle. LIFE (3-4196) (52-166-0,185) of GAMES LIBRARY fought 2 (62-2976) (41-34-3,188) of NUMBERS. LIFE handily defeated 2 in an action packed 5 minute gory one-sided conflict. BRICKTOP (18-7955) (41-31-0,190) of WASTELAND fought GATEWAY (82-15631) (29-7- 0,198) of ATTACK OF THE CLONES. BRICKTOP bested GATEWAY in an action packed 2 minute brutal duel. WENT TO MARKET (25-4288) (41-48-2,201) of THIS LITTLE PRIGGY fought SCHYLER (6- 4866) (74-118-1,207) of THE LADY'S LIST. WENT TO MARKET devastated SCHYLER in a popular 1 minute mismatched brawl. PUD 126 (82-22024) (34-20-0,201) of PUDS AGAIN 6 fought MEN WORKING (38-4189) (36-88-1,152) of JUST BECAUSE. PUD 126 overpowered MEN WORKING in an exciting 1 minute one-sided match. SUPER BUM (82-18411) (48-29-1,200) of FLAT BROKE fought TOLAIS DEEPHEART (42- 1620) (116-119-0,180) of DELVERS. SUPER BUM bested TOLAIS DEEPHEART in a popular 3 minute bout. YUENGLING (82-16265) (27-16-1,204) of LOCAL BEER fought BRADEN (6-4867) (75-117- 1,199) of THE LADY'S LIST. YUENGLING vanquished BRADEN in an action packed 1 minute gruesome one-sided match. MUCKER (42-3596) (81-83-2,193) of DELVERS fought FEAR (82-10416) (38-55-1,204) of 4-LETTER ANXIETY. MUCKER handily defeated FEAR in an exciting 1 minute one-sided contest. ETCHED IN STONE (61-3112) (75-34-1,204) of CEMENTIA fought FRIJOLE! (99-1214) (27-26-3,172) of BEAN MACHINE. ETCHED IN STONE overpowered FRIJOLE! in a 1 minute uneven fight. MOLOCH (62-1267) (35-47-1,195) of GRIM OBITUARY fought DUSKY JAWFISH (18-6978) (67-68-1,176) of BIG MEAN FISH. MOLOCH savagely defeated DUSKY JAWFISH in an action packed 10 minute gory fight. RED FUSION (6-5480) (48-23-0,192) of IT'S NEW! fought APOLLYON (62-2348) (26-25- 1,162) of GRIM OBITUARY. RED FUSION luckily beat APOLLYON in an action packed 5 minute brutal match. THE CUTICLE DANCE (82-13639) (28-12-2,206) of DON'T ASK fought STUPID SEXY FLANDERS (42-3836) (37-29-0,171) of I'M SO SEXY. THE CUTICLE DANCE vanquished STUPID SEXY FLANDERS in a 1 minute one-sided fray. CREDIT LINE (82-1366) (26-30-0,195) of WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY fought FRIED TWINKIE (5-4562) (37-31-0,179) of MORE NEW TEAMS 2. CREDIT LINE savagely defeated FRIED TWINKIE in an action packed 3 minute competition. TASTY HANGNAIL (7-5463) (35-38-0,166) of WASTELAND II fought SHINY PENNY (32- 3789) (49-97-2,180) of FOUND IN THE SAND. TASTY HANGNAIL overpowered SHINY PENNY in an action packed 1 minute uneven fight. WORK IN PROGRESS (38-4193) (33-91-2,164) of JUST BECAUSE fought MANUTE BOL (5- 4233) (29-20-0,169) of LARGE LOSERS. WORK IN PROGRESS was overpowered by MANUTE BOL in a 1 minute one-sided match. PUPPETMASTER (62-2295) (26-17-3,146) of GRIM OBITUARY fought SUSHI SLINGER (96- 1399) (15-9-3,149) of SEA DOGS. PUPPETMASTER defeated SUSHI SLINGER in a 1 minute fight. A. CAPONE (18-3228) (19-18-3,144) of UNTOUCHABLES fought ??RADAR?? (82-20310) (14-17-0,92) of DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II. A. CAPONE was overpowered by ??RADAR?? in an action packed 1 minute one-sided bout. MAGINOT MIKE (4-4509) (67-100-1,149) of DOGS OF WAR fought I WET MY BED! (14- 4052) (26-11-0,100) of I BENT MY WOOKIE. MAGINOT MIKE was demolished by I WET MY BED! in a popular 1 minute uneven contest. FREAK (18-7300) (24-13-4,134) of RUN AND HYDE fought HAILSTORM (7-5698) (24-6- 0,107) of WASTELAND II. FREAK demolished HAILSTORM in a 1 minute mismatched match. BILLY THE SQUID (18-3880) (32-22-2,134) of SEA DOGS fought THE IMPECCABLE PIG (5-3818) (22-13-0,100) of JUST DON'T CARE. BILLY THE SQUID was overpowered by THE IMPECCABLE PIG in a 1 minute one-sided fray. ADASHIR (42-4088) (18-8-1,88) of HIGHER PURPOSE fought COOKIE FOR THE SOUL (6- 6002) (20-7-0,73) of HOLE IN THE WALL. ADASHIR viciously subdued COOKIE FOR THE SOUL in a popular 2 minute gruesome bout. BOZO (42-4016) (23-55-0,65) of CLOWNING AROUND fought CHIPS AHOY (97-1586) (11- 3-4,37) of DEATH BY CHOCOLATE. BOZO was overpowered by CHIPS AHOY in a crowd pleasing 3 minute one-sided competition. GROUCHO (38-3696) (21-16-0,79) of U.A.K. fought UBER GOOBER (82-26198) (26-21- 0,74) of NUTS. GROUCHO was unbelievably bested by UBER GOOBER in a popular 4 minute brutal match. TURTLEFACE (7-5734) (15-2-0,51) of WASTELAND II fought SINDARION (18-8499) (27- 15-1,71) of UNTOUCHABLES. TURTLEFACE lost to SINDARION in a crowd pleasing 3 minute brutal duel. KUNG PAO KITTY (97-1310) (7-22-3,79) of CUTE & KINDA DEADLY fought DEBBY TONTE (104-2) (20-30-0,30) of ARENA STAND-INS. KUNG PAO KITTY viciously subdued DEBBY TONTE in a 2 minute bloody duel. She's a sweet girl, but Debby is no fighter. I don't know why she volunteered to be a stand-in. That's all then. Keep your fences mended so your horses don't stray. With best wishes, Desiree KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY BOB, ETERNAL, 38-4460 39 8 0 318 SANDS OF TIME (1178) CLIFFHOME GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY HITZ 82-10428 30 14 0 268 4-LETTER DOCTORS (1204) DWES EG -STRAFE 82-11158 47 18 0 237 BLACK PRIMERS (1187) DWES EG PTI 7-5412 50 28 0 229 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR MISS HONEY 36-4850 87 89 0 226 SCARRY TEAM (824) JHANS HARV 82-20046 31 12 1 226 4-LETTER NAMES (1256) DWES EG DR DAZZLE 57-4485 98 40 2 224 PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069) ANDOR MAHI MAHI 18-4899 130 76 1 223 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA MIMIC BLENNY 18-7541 64 35 1 220 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH 18-6977 73 62 0 219 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA YUENGLING 82-16265 28 16 1 217 LOCAL BEER (1219) DWES EG DECK SWAB 18-2148 38 39 2 216 SEA DOGS (328) TALCAMA THE CUTICLE DANCE 82-13639 29 12 2 214 DON'T ASK (1205) DWES EG WENT TO MARKET 25-4288 42 48 2 212 THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162) LYRATILAN BRICKTOP 18-7955 42 31 0 211 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY MUCKER 42-3596 82 83 2 208 DELVERS (1000) RODEKI ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112 76 34 1 208 CEMENTIA (1112) JURINE ONE A DAY 98-799 47 37 3 208 MY DRUGS (1179) SYVYN'S HILL HEART 97-1096 35 27 4 206 ORGANS ON THE SAND (1237) SHADOW GROVE KYLIE 18-6057 43 33 1 205 UNTOUCHABLES (1212) TALCAMA LIFE 3-4196 53 166 0 204 GAMES LIBRARY (998) OSKSI NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317 49 34 1 204 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA DOC STEELE 18-6010 74 139 6 203 ARROGANCE (732) TALCAMA SUPER BUM 82-18411 49 29 1 203 FLAT BROKE (1184) DWES EG PUD 126 82-22024 35 20 0 203 PUDS AGAIN 6 (1234) DWES EG GOKU 7-5628 32 14 0 203 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR CREDIT LINE 82-1366 27 30 0 202 WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1252 DWES EG DOC STEELE 18-6808 61 94 1 200 ARROGANCE (732) TALCAMA ROLEX WATCH 32-3732 73 66 2 198 LUST MUPPETS (1036) ARVAT CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422 39 36 0 198 NEGATIVE CASH FLOW (1197) DWES EG MOLOCH 62-1267 36 47 1 198 GRIM OBITUARY (1230) VALAMANTIS NUMBERED WON 18-7434 39 57 1 195 NEXT GENERATION (1150) TALCAMA GATEWAY 82-15631 29 8 0 195 ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254 DWES EG RED FUSION 6-5480 49 23 0 194 IT'S NEW! (1195) TRANSEL BRADEN 6-4867 75 118 1 192 THE LADY'S LIST (917) TRANSEL SCHYLER 6-4866 74 119 1 190 THE LADY'S LIST (917) TRANSEL COOLER 82-7277 54 50 1 190 STYROFOAM (1090) DWES EG GRINGOLD 7-2416 37 52 2 189 SEA DOGS (203) BONSUR HEAT 98-981 31 24 4 189 WHAT A TREAT (1201) SYVYN'S HILL GOHAN 18-8449 34 21 1 187 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA FEAR 82-10416 38 56 1 186 4-LETTER ANXIETY (1236) DWES EG TASTY HANGNAIL 7-5463 36 38 0 184 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR HE HATE ME 18-7820 40 47 2 181 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY TOLAIS DEEPHEART 42-1620 116 120 0 180 DELVERS (1000) RODEKI FRIJOLE! 99-1214 27 27 3 180 BEAN MACHINE (1202) SOUTH RIDGE DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978 67 69 1 179 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA 2 62-2976 41 35 3 179 NUMBERS (937) VALAMANTIS FRIED TWINKIE 5-4562 37 32 0 179 MORE NEW TEAMS 2 (1188) KALTOS MANUTE BOL 5-4233 30 20 0 179 LARGE LOSERS (1228) KALTOS GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY CLEANER WRASSE 18-6495 96 83 2 178 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA APOLLYON 62-2348 26 26 1 175 GRIM OBITUARY (1230) VALAMANTIS STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836 37 30 0 172 I'M SO SEXY (1072) RODEKI SHINY PENNY 32-3789 49 98 2 163 FOUND IN THE SAND (1034) ARVAT MEN WORKING 38-4189 36 89 1 158 JUST BECAUSE (1151) CLIFFHOME WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193 33 92 2 158 JUST BECAUSE (1151) CLIFFHOME PUPPETMASTER 62-2295 27 17 3 156 GRIM OBITUARY (1230) VALAMANTIS GRAND ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY FREAK 18-7300 25 13 4 147 RUN AND HYDE (1221) TALCAMA SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399 15 10 3 145 SEA DOGS (1241) OLD VALAMANTIS I WET MY BED! 14-4052 27 11 0 136 I BENT MY WOOKIE (1239) TOBIR THE IMPECCABLE PIG 5-3818 23 13 0 133 JUST DON'T CARE (1242) KALTOS ??RADAR?? 82-20310 15 17 0 130 DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II (1258) DWES EG -MUTINEER 7-2607 33 25 2 127 SEA DOGS (203) BONSUR MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509 67 101 1 118 DOGS OF WAR (999) JHELUM BILLY THE SQUID 18-3880 32 23 2 110 SEA DOGS (328) TALCAMA A. CAPONE 18-3228 19 19 3 108 UNTOUCHABLES (1212) TALCAMA HAILSTORM 7-5698 24 7 0 107 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR MASSAGE PARLOR 82-3972 13 7 1 102 ELIMINATED SATURDAY (1267) DWES EG GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY ADASHIR 42-4088 19 8 1 99 HIGHER PURPOSE (1259) RODEKI GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY -BET OR NOT DIE 62-3981 19 12 3 89 SRETSAMLEUD (1203) VALAMANTIS UBER GOOBER 82-26198 27 21 0 86 NUTS (1240) DWES EG KUNG PAO KITTY 97-1310 8 22 3 81 CUTE & KINDA DEADLY (1229) SHADOW GROVE SINDARION 18-8499 28 15 1 79 UNTOUCHABLES (1212) TALCAMA -PEON NECROMANCER 18-7856 24 17 5 76 SRETSAMLEUD (1183) TALCAMA GROUCHO 38-3696 21 17 0 76 U.A.K. (313) CLIFFHOME COOKIE FOR THE SOUL 6-6002 20 8 0 75 HOLE IN THE WALL (1243) TRANSEL -OTIS THE DRUNK 36-5483 15 13 0 66 OLD SCHOOL TOONS (1269) JHANS OLIVE OYL 36-5622 19 8 0 63 OLD SCHOOL TOONS (1269) JHANS CHIPS AHOY 97-1586 12 3 4 62 DEATH BY CHOCOLATE (1268) SHADOW GROVE TURTLEFACE 7-5734 15 3 0 57 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR -MY1STADMWARRIOR 37-4668 25 12 1 53 SRETSAMLEUD (1134) SIBIKHAS -YOU 62-4002 17 11 1 53 SRETSAMLEUD (1203) VALAMANTIS BOZO 42-4016 23 56 0 46 CLOWNING AROUND (1200) RODEKI '-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn. THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE Braden -- On the lady's list, are you? Well, I hope it's a list for SEVERE punishment, because that's what you NEED. You are HOPELESSLY uncouth. -- Life of Osksi P.S. They tell me, SNICKERING as they do so, that today is a day for stupid, pointless DECEPTION. It must have been on JUST such a day that you were enrolled in the FIRST place, because you are STUPID, as well as uncouth. Mahi Mahi -- I dunno, I never was one for fish, and this proves it. Good fight. -- Mucker 2 -- Yes, you seem to have "done a number" on me there. I unfortunately find it hard to take such a gladiatress seriously. It's your name, of course. -- Tolais Deepheart Apollyon -- Appalling, anyway. A dwarf at five foot nine? I don't think so! -- Maginot Mike P.S. Seriously, are you a human under false pretenses, or a dwarf who's been drinking growth potions, or what? Desiree -- But pink flamingoes are an endangered species! You can't...oh. Well, who needs pink flamingoes in the Lake of Mists, anyway? -- Nick On the shore of this Lake, flamingoes are most definitely endangered. The only birds that can survive here are fighting birds. -- Desiree P.S. I didn't shoot the flamingo. Last I saw, it was flapping its slow and defenseless way toward the Lake, so it's probably dead. Chips Ahoy -- Next time, don't struggle so. I mean, you're MADE to be eaten, right? So why fight it? By the time we were done, gazebo! You were all crumbs, and it's really hard to dunk crumbs in a glass of milk. I had to use a SPOON. -- Debby Tonte Gazebo? (sigh) 24 March 2006 A few notes about e-mailed personals: You may submit personal ads, columns, spotlights, etc. electronically, either via e- mail to ads at reality dot com (which doesn't need any more spam, thank you) or on the web at http://www.reality.com/duel2/modules.php?name=Ads. When you submit something, you should get back a receipt from HAL at RSI. If you do NOT get a receipt, your ads may have gone astray (not all e-mail makes it to its destination any more than all snail mail does). If you DO get a receipt, it should, in the body of the message, tell you what arena your stuff was filed in. Check your receipt to make sure your submission made it to the intended destination. Also check to see that everything you sent made it to the same place. Sometimes HAL, who is rather simple-minded in some ways, will send half your stuff to another arena if the name or number of that arena shows up at the beginning of a line. So if the word Ti appears at the beginning of a line halfway through your ads, all the ads after that may end up in Ti, which is closed and doesn't need ads. As a side note, sometimes things move slowly, so don't wait until the last minute to send your ads and all. If they get held up along the way, they may not show up until next turn. Happy writing! -- Ed. 28 March 2006 We of the Desolate Empire Alliance want to welcome two managers to our fold. Kon of the Empire Rising, and Osiris! May they be blessed with the blood of their enemies, and give no quarter in War! -- Dark Knights of the Desolate Empire LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS BOB, ETERNAL, devastated ROLEX WATCH in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge Title fight. HITZ handily defeated GOHAN in a action packed 1 minute one-sided match. DR DAZZLE bested HEART in a popular 1 minute contest. PTI overpowered NUMBERED WON in a 1 minute mismatched match. KYLIE was viciously subdued by MIMIC BLENNY in a popular 5 minute bloody duel. GOKU was narrowly defeated by HARV in a crowd pleasing 3 minute gory brawl. MISS HONEY handily defeated CLEANER WRASSE in a action packed 1 minute uneven melee. NEOSPHINCTER was vanquished by MAHI MAHI in a 1 minute uneven fight. DOC STEELE was outwaited by ONE A DAY in a popular 7 minute fight. DOC STEELE overpowered HE HATE ME in a popular 1 minute one-sided melee. DECK SWAB demolished COOLER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched match. HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH devastated HEAT in a crowd pleasing 1 minute gory one-sided battle. LIFE handily defeated 2 in a action packed 5 minute gory one-sided conflict. BRICKTOP bested GATEWAY in a action packed 2 minute brutal duel. WENT TO MARKET devastated SCHYLER in a popular 1 minute mismatched brawl. PUD 126 overpowered MEN WORKING in a exciting 1 minute one-sided match. CRACK IS CHEAP luckily beat GRINGOLD in a crowd pleasing 6 minute bloody fight. SUPER BUM bested TOLAIS DEEPHEART in a popular 3 minute bout. YUENGLING vanquished BRADEN in a action packed 1 minute gruesome one-sided match. MUCKER handily defeated FEAR in a exciting 1 minute one-sided contest. ETCHED IN STONE overpowered FRIJOLE! in a 1 minute uneven fight. MOLOCH savagely defeated DUSKY JAWFISH in a action packed 10 minute gory fight. RED FUSION luckily beat APOLLYON in a action packed 5 minute brutal match. THE CUTICLE DANCE vanquished STUPID SEXY FLANDERS in a 1 minute one-sided fray. CREDIT LINE savagely defeated FRIED TWINKIE in a action packed 3 minute competition. TASTY HANGNAIL overpowered SHINY PENNY in a action packed 1 minute uneven fight. WORK IN PROGRESS was overpowered by MANUTE BOL in a 1 minute one-sided match. PUPPETMASTER defeated SUSHI SLINGER in a 1 minute fight. A. CAPONE was overpowered by ??RADAR?? in a action packed 1 minute one-sided bout. MAGINOT MIKE was demolished by I WET MY BED! in a popular 1 minute uneven contest. FREAK demolished HAILSTORM in a 1 minute mismatched match. BILLY THE SQUID was overpowered by THE IMPECCABLE PIG in a 1 minute one-sided fray. MASSAGE PARLOR demolished OLIVE OYL in a 1 minute one-sided conflict. ADASHIR viciously subdued COOKIE FOR THE SOUL in a popular 2 minute gruesome bout. BOZO was overpowered by CHIPS AHOY in a crowd pleasing 3 minute one-sided competition. GROUCHO was unbelievably bested by UBER GOOBER in a popular 4 minute brutal match. TURTLEFACE lost to SINDARION in a crowd pleasing 3 minute brutal duel. KUNG PAO KITTY viciously subdued DEBBY TONTE in a 2 minute bloody duel. BATTLE REPORT MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS |FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT| |LUNGING ATTACK 25 LUNGING ATTACK 122 - 89 - 0 58 | |AIMED BLOW 14 WALL OF STEEL 45 - 34 - 1 57 | |TOTAL PARRY 11 STRIKING ATTACK 11 - 9 - 0 55 | |WALL OF STEEL 7 PARRY-LUNGE 10 - 10 - 0 50 | |SLASHING ATTACK 7 AIMED BLOW 65 - 73 - 0 47 | |BASHING ATTACK 5 SLASHING ATTACK 26 - 30 - 0 46 | |PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 TOTAL PARRY 52 - 61 - 0 46 | |STRIKING ATTACK 2 BASHING ATTACK 21 - 34 - 1 38 | |PARRY-LUNGE 2 PARRY-RIPOSTE 5 - 9 - 0 36 | |PARRY-STRIKE 0 PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 0 - 0 0 | Turn 424 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are: TOTAL PARRY 8 - 3 WALL OF STEEL 3 - 4 7 LUNGING ATTACK LUNGING ATTACK 16 - 9 BASHING ATTACK 2 - 3 2 AIMED BLOW AIMED BLOW 7 - 7 PARRY-LUNGE 0 - 2 1 WALL OF STEEL PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 - 1 PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 0 1 STRIKING ATTACK STRIKING ATTACK 1 - 1 SLASHING ATTACK 0 - 7 TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME AIMED BLOW BOB, ETERNAL, 38-4460 39 8 0 318 SANDS OF TIME (1178) LUNGING ATTACK HITZ 82-10428 30 14 0 268 4-LETTER DOCTORS (1204) STRIKING ATTACK MAHI MAHI 18-4899 130 76 1 223 BIG MEAN FISH (292) BASHING ATTACK DECK SWAB 18-2148 38 39 2 216 SEA DOGS (328) TOTAL PARRY BRICKTOP 18-7955 42 31 0 211 WASTELAND (468) SLASHING ATTACK HEART 97-1096 35 27 4 206 ORGANS ON THE SAND (1237) WALL OF STEEL KYLIE 18-6057 43 33 1 205 UNTOUCHABLES (1212) PARRY-LUNGE DOC STEELE 18-6808 61 94 1 200 ARROGANCE (732) PARRY-RIPOSTE MOLOCH 62-1267 36 47 1 198 GRIM OBITUARY (1230) The overall popularity leader is CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422. The most popular warrior this turn was GRINGOLD 7-2416. The ten other most popular fighters were DOC STEELE 18-6808, MIMIC BLENNY 18-7541, MOLOCH 62-1267, DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978, APOLLYON 62-2348, CREDIT LINE 82-1366, GROUCHO 38-3696, LIFE 3-4196, GOKU 7-5628, and HARV 82-20046. The least popular fighter this week was OLIVE OYL 36-5622. The other ten least popular fighters were HAILSTORM 7-5698, WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193, HE HATE ME 18-7820, NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317, NUMBERED WON 18-7434, ROLEX WATCH 32-3732, BILLY THE SQUID 18-3880, MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509, SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399, and SHINY PENNY 32-3789. Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K OSKSI(3) 1 0 0 LYRATILAN(25) 1 0 0 VALAMANTIS(62) 2 2 0 JHELUM(4) 0 1 0 ARVAT(32) 0 2 0 DWES EG(82) 11 3 0 KALTOS(5) 2 1 0 JHANS(36) 1 1 0 OLD VALAMANTIS(96) 0 1 0 TRANSEL(6) 1 3 0 CLIFFHOME(38) 1 3 0 SHADOW GROVE(97) 2 1 0 BONSUR(7) 2 4 0 RODEKI(42) 2 3 0 SYVYN'S HILL(98) 1 1 0 TOBIR(14) 1 0 0 ANDOR(57) 1 0 0 SOUTH RIDGE(99) 0 1 0 TALCAMA(18) 8 10 0 JURINE(61) 1 0 0 TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY LIFE 3-4196 53 166 0 204 GAMES LIBRARY (998) OSKSI MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509 67 101 1 118 DOGS OF WAR (999) JHELUM FRIED TWINKIE 5-4562 37 32 0 179 MORE NEW TEAMS 2 (1188) KALTOS RED FUSION 6-5480 49 23 0 194 IT'S NEW! (1195) TRANSEL PTI 7-5412 50 28 0 229 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR I WET MY BED! 14-4052 27 11 0 136 I BENT MY WOOKIE (1239) TOBIR MAHI MAHI 18-4899 130 76 1 223 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA WENT TO MARKET 25-4288 42 48 2 212 THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162) LYRATILAN ROLEX WATCH 32-3732 73 66 2 198 LUST MUPPETS (1036) ARVAT MISS HONEY 36-4850 87 89 0 226 SCARRY TEAM (824) JHANS BOB, ETERNAL, 38-4460 39 8 0 318 SANDS OF TIME (1178) CLIFFHOME MUCKER 42-3596 82 83 2 208 DELVERS (1000) RODEKI DR DAZZLE 57-4485 98 40 2 224 PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069) ANDOR ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112 76 34 1 208 CEMENTIA (1112) JURINE MOLOCH 62-1267 36 47 1 198 GRIM OBITUARY (1230) VALAMANTIS HITZ 82-10428 30 14 0 268 4-LETTER DOCTORS (1204) DWES EG SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399 15 10 3 145 SEA DOGS (1241) OLD VALAMANTIS HEART 97-1096 35 27 4 206 ORGANS ON THE SAND (1237) SHADOW GROVE ONE A DAY 98-799 47 37 3 208 MY DRUGS (1179) SYVYN'S HILL FRIJOLE! 99-1214 27 27 3 180 BEAN MACHINE (1202) SOUTH RIDGE