DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL

Date   : 05/27/2006    Duedate: 06/09/2006

DARKHOLM

DM-104    TURN-428

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 BLACK PRIMER 82/1187 1247  441  8 73.9    5 STYROFOAM 82/1090    1146 1004  8 53.3
  2 DON'T ASK 82/1205    1747 1369 20 56.1    6 MEOW MIX 21/1094       35   31  2 53.0
    4-LETTER DOCTORS 82/1204                  7 BIG MEAN FISH 18/292  833  777  7 51.7
    HANNAH'S PALS 82/1270                       BEAN MACHINE 99/1202                  
    4-LETTER NAMES 82/1256                      CUTE & KINDA DEADLY 97/1229           
    ELIMINATED SATURDAY 82/1267               8 BLADES OF ICE 7/192   457  437  2 51.1
    DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II 82/1258                 BLADES OF DESTINY 60/1216             
    LOCAL BEER 82/1219                          BLADES OF CHAOS 5/961                 
    LUST MUPPETS 32/1036                        BLADES OF MIST 4/959                  
    ATTACK OF THE CLONES 82/1254                BLADES OF STEEL 17/1211               
    WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1252                BLADES OF GRASS 33/1215               
    4-LETTER ANXIETY 82/1236                  9 DELVERS 42/1000       308  485  3 38.8
  3 UNTOUCHABLES 18/1212   31   26  0 54.4      DOGS OF WAR 4/999                     
    HIGHER PURPOSE 42/1259                      GAMES LIBRARY 3/998                   
  4 NUTS 82/1240         2170 1826  7 54.3   10 SEA DOGS 7/203         85  134  3 38.8
    CEMENTIA 61/1112                            SEA DOGS 4/1271                       
    PEPPER PRACTICE II 57/1069                  SEA DOGS 18/328                       
    IT'S NEW! 6/1195                            SEA DOGS 96/1241                      
    FLAT BROKE 82/1184                       11 ARROGANCE 18/732      931 1627 17 36.4
    MY DRUGS 98/1179                            SCARRY TEAM 36/824                    
    PUDS AGAIN 6 82/1234                        THE LADY'S LIST 6/917                 
    WASTELAND 18/468                            JUST BECAUSE 38/1151                  
    LARGE LOSERS 5/1228                      12 END 13/1257           568 1095 10 34.2
    WHAT A TREAT 98/1201                        THIS LITTLE PRIGGY 25/1162            
    WASTELAND II 7/500                          NEXT GENERATION 18/1150               
    NUMBERS 62/937                              FOUND IN THE SAND 32/1034             
    I'M SO SEXY 42/1072                         BIG BAD 7/1073                        
    JUST DON'T CARE 5/1242                      CLOWNING AROUND 42/1200               
    DEATH BY CHOCOLATE 97/1268                  GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS 65/1272          
    NEGATIVE CASH FLOW 82/1197                  ALASTARIAN IDOL 10/1238               
    HOLE IN THE WALL 6/1243                     VEGGIES 3/1227                        

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                                  WARRIOR SPOTLIGHT

                               The Obsidian Knowledge

     Our story thus far:  Some fool of a wizard discovered a closely guarded secret
of Sheila Greywand (evidently concerning a weakness of hers) and, for reason or whim
unknown, converted the knowledge into edible form:  A pill.  The pill was stolen by a
man who thought it held a completely different, much more useful secret.  Gringold
and Wiggler were recruited to catch him.
     They caught up with him on a boat on the Lake of Mists, but the man ate the
pill, evidently thinking he would then be too valuable to kill.  When he realized
that the knowledge he had just gained would make him #1 on Greywand's hit list, he
jumped into the monster-ridden lake in the belief that this would be a kinder death.
He was torn apart and eaten by baby lake monsters, but the two gladiators managed to
capture most or all of them, shrink them down to pocket size and bring them to the
Stronghold Academy.
     On the way there, one of the shrunken lake monsters was stolen from the back of
the wagon, no doubt in the belief that it was something entirely different.  Brennan,
the young mage who hired Wiggler and Gringold, looked into the past with a crystal
ball and showed them the thief and where she went.  She took the dead, miniaturized
monster to a secret headquarters of some kind, where it was angrily rejected by her
boss, who obviously had been expecting something else.
     So the thief fed the dead creature to a beast that was kept in a cage at the
headquarters.  (Upon being bitten, the dead monster resumed its normal size but was
still no more than a hearty meal for the thing in the cage.)  Brennan identified this
beast, a barvokk, as one of a magical species that serves various high-powered
enemies of Lady Greywand and the land she protects.  So, it seems that this barvokk
must be utterly destroyed before it can carry the forbidden knowledge back to its
master.

We resume:

     "Luckily it's in a cage, but for how long?" Gringold said.  "These barvokks, are
they intelligent?  Will it even understand the secret?"
     "Barvokks are more intelligent than humans," Brennan said.  "They communicate
telepathically although it is said that to be in contact with one is to know
madness."  He slumped in his chair in front of the crystal ball, looking sick.  The
image in the globe was still a frozen likeness of the huge, gaunt, vaguely tiger-like
beast gulping down the last tentacle of the lake monster.
     "What about these people who've got it in a cage?" Wiggler pointed out.  "Who
are they, and what are they after?"  She looked at Brennan.  "Did they look familiar
at all?"
     The young mage shook his head.  "There was a symbol painted on the wall behind
the boss's chair.  It was a kind of wavy asterisk, a chaos symbol of some kind I
think."
     "That's bad, isn't it?" Gringold said.
     "Usually," Brennan told him.  "Well...chaotic individuals aren't always bad, but
organizations devoted to chaos, besides being a contradiction in terms, are pretty
much always steeped in evil up to their eyeballs.  They're also quite common.  I know
of seven chaos cults in Talahya at the moment."
     "But at least they don't seem to be working with the master of that particular
barvokk," Wiggler pointed out.  "It was caged.  I wonder, are those things hard to
cage?"
     "They can bite through steel.  And they can attack with their minds.  Hard to
cage, yes," Brennan replied.  "The one we saw could be pretending to be their
prisoner.  I don't know why it would do that, maybe to find out what they were up to.
Or maybe so they'd bring it to the Isle for further study.  Normally, there are
defenses that would keep a barvokk or anyone controlled by a barvokk from stepping
foot on the Isle of the Eye.  But if it was brought ashore in a cage, as a prisoner,
well...problem solved."  He hunched lower, as if trying to pull his head into his
shoulders.
     "Shouldn't we tell someone?" said Wiggler.
     "Like Lady Greywand?" Gringold added.  "This is a bit over our heads, ain't it?"
     Brennan took a deep breath.  "Not yet," he said.  "Barvokks have a weakness.  If
we can kill it quickly and destroy the body, no one will ever have to know."
     Wiggler said, "You're the one who put the knowledge in a pill in the first
place, aren't you?  You screwed up and you're going to be in big trouble if Lady
Greywand finds out.  Right?"
     The young man nodded miserably.  "Something like that," he said--which, thought
Wiggler, was a slightly evasive answer.
     Gringold said, "Well, yer payin' us a goodly amount.  What is the beast's
weakness, then?  We'll slay it."
     "Barvokks can't burp," Brennan said.
     Wiggler and Gringold started at him for a full thirty seconds before Wiggler
said, "That's it?  That's the weakness?"
     "That's right," said the mage.  Which means if you get them to ingest something
carbonated--"
     "Beer!" said Gringold.
     "Right.  Champagne, or beer...will make them explode.  It takes a little while,
though.  And they get really irritable in the meantime.  And we would have to make
sure they don't explode in a place where anything would nibble on the exploded bits."
     "How about the fight ring at the Darkholm Arena?" Wiggler suggested.  "The place
is so small, it's almost claustrophobic.  And it can be scrubbed down.  The sand can
be carted out and buried somewhere.  All we'd have to do would be lure it there,
then...we'd need a beer hose or something."
     "The Wasteland Bar & Grill up on the third level," Gringold said.  "We could tap
into one of their big kegs and hose it right into the beast's mouth."
     "Those private viewing boxes that they hoist up above the fight ring, one of
those would be perfect for the delivery system," Wiggler added.  "So, Brennan, you
need to find a hose about fifty feet long, and make the arrangements with Desiree to
use the arena.  Gringold and I will lure the barvokk there.  How does one resist its
mind control?"
     Brennan was looking a lot less depressed now.  In fact, he looked perky.
"Hats!" he said.  "I can rig you up some hats that'll do the trick.  Let's get busy!"

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

Good day!

     Perhaps it's the heat.  STRAFE (82-11158) (49-18-0,275) of BLACK PRIMERS TV
challenged ONE A DAY (98-799) (50-37-3,235) of MY DRUGS.  STRAFE was outwaited by ONE
A DAY in a crowd pleasing 7 minute Challenge Title fight.  This was a Wall of Steel
vs. TP fight, and Strafe should have had the stamina to win it.  But he didn't write
a column, and you know how that goes.  Let's see if One a Day writes a column for us.
     SUSHI SLINGER (96-1399) (17-11-3,186) of SEA DOGS TV challenged THRENODY (4-
4557) (39-49-1,181) of BLADES OF MIST.  SUSHI SLINGER was luckily beaten by THRENODY
in an exciting 1 minute Challenge melee.  Hm.
     VAGABOND (4-6049) (12-6-1,40) of SEA DOGS TV challenged SINDARION (18-8499) (28-
18-1,56) of UNTOUCHABLES.  VAGABOND viciously subdued SINDARION in a crowd pleasing 2
minute Challenge brawl.  It was a brave challenge, a delightful fight, and a good
win.  Well done, Vagabond!
     There were a couple of deaths today.  MASSAGE PARLOR (82-3972) (16-7-1,145) of
ELIMINATED SATURDAY fought THE UPRIGHT MAN (10-5185) (25-23-0,109) of ALASTARIAN
IDOL.  MASSAGE PARLOR executed THE UPRIGHT MAN in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided
duel.  I won't send T.U.M. a death-gift like Galen does in Talahya, but I do salute
him for fighting hard enough that death was a possibility.
     The same goes for Credit Line.  MAHI MAHI (18-4899) (133-76-1,264) of BIG MEAN
FISH fought CREDIT LINE (82-1366) (28-32-0,210) of WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY.  Our top
striker murdered CREDIT LINE in an action packed 1 minute uneven bout.  It was a very
unlucky matchup for Credit, but he faced it and died without a whimper.
     Who's everybody's favorite warrior?  That's right, it's Crack, even when he
loses.  CRACK IS CHEAP (82-18422) (40-38-0,202) of NEGATIVE CASH FLOW fought
YUENGLING (82-16265) (29-17-1,201) of LOCAL BEER.  CRACK IS CHEAP was savagely
defeated by YUENGLING in an exciting 5 minute gory match.
     Look!  An easy win and some skills!  That's what a lot of people thought, and
that's why Schyler was our most challenged warrior.  However, he had some tricks up
his sleeve and wasn't such an easy win after all.  STUPID SEXY FLANDERS (42-3836)
(38-32-0,170) of I'M SO SEXY challenged SCHYLER (6-4866) (74-122-1,171) of THE LADY'S
LIST.  STUPID SEXY FLANDERS was vanquished by SCHYLER in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
     DOC STEELE (18-6010) (76-140-6,191) of ARROGANCE fought BRICKTOP (18-7955) (43-
33-0,198) of WASTELAND.  DOC STEELE was luckily beaten by BRICKTOP in a popular 6
minute gruesome fight.  For this, Doc Steel received the spectators' scum sympathy
vote and gets a free foot massage and pedicure at Goldie's Hospitality House.
     What of the other Doc Steele, who made the unpopularity list?  DR DAZZLE (57-
4485) (101-40-2,268) of PEPPER PRACTICE II, our top lunger, fought DOC STEELE (18-
6808) (63-95-1,216) of ARROGANCE.  DR DAZZLE vanquished DOC STEELE in a 1 minute
mismatched bout.  True, he was grievously down-challenged upon.  But--face it--he
fought like a n00b, which he surely isn't.
     VIRGINIA, NO SANTA (65-6623) (18-3-0,57) of GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS fought DEBBY
TONTE (104-2) (20-30-0,30) of  ARENA STAND-INS.  VIRGINIA, NO SANTA was overpowered
by DEBBY TONTE in a 1 minute one-sided fight.  I must point out that this wasn't the
real Debby Tonte, who would never have won that fight.  Still, it's pretty lame to
lose to a stand-in and that's why Virginia was voted this week's least popular.  But
don't worry Ginny, you'll do better.  The first couple of fights on the Isle are
generally awful.  I think Lady Greywand's immortality treatment puts warriors off
their stride.
     I promised you a further accounting of the mission carried out by Gringold and
Wiggler.  Did I deliver?  Of course!

                                 Desiree

KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ONE A DAY 98-799            51  37  3  259  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MAHI MAHI 18-4899          134  76  2  299  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 HARV 82-20046               35  12  1  298  4-LETTER NAMES (1256)      DWES EG
 DR DAZZLE 57-4485          102  40  2  279  PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069)  ANDOR
 PTI 7-5412                  54  28  0  276  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317        53  34  1  256  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     79  35  1  248  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 RENAE 7-4304                74  46  3  233  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR
 COOLER 82-7277              58  50  1  233  STYROFOAM (1090)           DWES EG
 HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH 18-6977  75  64  0  227  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 MIMIC BLENNY 18-7541        67  36  1  225  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 DEORNE 7-2529               86  58  1  222  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR
 HE HATE ME 18-7820          44  47  2  219  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 SUPER BUM 82-18411          51  31  1  218  FLAT BROKE (1184)          DWES EG
 2 62-2976                   43  37  3  216  NUMBERS (937)              VALAMANTIS
 HITZ 82-10428               32  15  0  216  4-LETTER DOCTORS (1204)    DWES EG
 CLEANER WRASSE 18-6495      98  85  2  214  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 YUENGLING 82-16265          30  17  1  210  LOCAL BEER (1219)          DWES EG
 JANAE 5-3867                67  51  3  209  BLADES OF CHAOS (961)      KALTOS
 DOC STEELE 18-6808          63  96  1  206  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           33  21  0  206  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 ROLEX WATCH 32-3732         76  67  2  205  LUST MUPPETS (1036)        ARVAT
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366         28  33  0  205  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1252 DWES EG
 TOWER 7-4461                49  31  1  204  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR
 BRICKTOP 18-7955            44  33  0  204  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 TOLAIS DEEPHEART 42-1620   118 122  0  202  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 STRAFE 82-11158             49  19  0  202  BLACK PRIMERS (1187)       DWES EG
 MUCKER 42-3596              85  84  2  200  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 THE CUTICLE DANCE 82-13639  30  14  2  200  DON'T ASK (1205)           DWES EG
 CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422     40  39  0  199  NEGATIVE CASH FLOW (1197)  DWES EG
 BRADEN 6-4867               76 121  1  198  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 GATEWAY 82-15631            31   9  0  198  ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254 DWES EG
 WENT TO MARKET 25-4288      43  51  2  197  THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162)  LYRATILAN
 DOC STEELE 18-6010          76 141  6  194  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 KYLIE 18-6057               45  35  1  193  UNTOUCHABLES (1212)        TALCAMA
 THRENODY 4-4557             40  49  1  193  BLADES OF MIST (959)       JHELUM
 PUD 126 82-22024            37  22  0  193  PUDS AGAIN 6 (1234)        DWES EG
 GOHAN 18-8449               36  23  1  190  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 RED FUSION 6-5480           51  25  0  188  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL
 FEAR 82-10416               38  60  1  188  4-LETTER ANXIETY (1236)    DWES EG
 BLUE 33-5776                31  22  1  188  BLADES OF GRASS (1215)     NIATOLI ISLAND
 LIFE 3-4196                 55 168  0  187  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 TASTY HANGNAIL 7-5463       37  41  0  186  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 CYCLOPS 7-4625              26  32  1  185  BIG BAD (1073)             BONSUR
 SCHYLER 6-4866              75 122  1  184  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978       69  71  1  183  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 GRINGOLD 7-2416             38  55  2  183  SEA DOGS (203)             BONSUR

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CLAW 21-5337                31  11  2  181  MEOW MIX (1094)            SUNSET

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SHINY PENNY 32-3789         50 101  2  180  FOUND IN THE SAND (1034)   ARVAT
 HEAT 98-981                 33  26  4  180  WHAT A TREAT (1201)        SYVYN'S HILL
 FRIJOLE! 99-1214            28  30  3  180  BEAN MACHINE (1202)        SOUTH RIDGE
 GOKU 7-5628                 33  17  0  179  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399       17  12  3  179  SEA DOGS (1241)            OLD VALAMANTIS
 EMILY 17-5753               38  26  0  178  BLADES OF STEEL (1211)     ALJAFIR
 MASSAGE PARLOR 82-3972      17   7  2  176  ELIMINATED SATURDAY (1267) DWES EG
 NUMBERED WON 18-7434        40  60  1  175  NEXT GENERATION (1150)     TALCAMA
 A. CAPONE 18-3228           21  21  3  163  UNTOUCHABLES (1212)        TALCAMA
 STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836  38  33  0  160  I'M SO SEXY (1072)         RODEKI
 MEN WORKING 38-4189         36  93  1  159  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    33  96  2  154  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ??RADAR?? 82-20310          17  20  0  150  DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II (1258) DWES EG
 HAILSTORM 7-5698            25  10  0  139  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509         69 103  2  137  DOGS OF WAR (999)          JHELUM
 THE IMPECCABLE PIG 5-3818   24  16  0  134  JUST DON'T CARE (1242)     KALTOS
 UBER GOOBER 82-26198        31  21  0  125  NUTS (1240)                DWES EG
 BILLY THE SQUID 18-3880     33  26  2  122  SEA DOGS (328)             TALCAMA
 ADASHIR 42-4088             21  10  1  113  HIGHER PURPOSE (1259)      RODEKI
 THE UPRIGHT MAN 10-5185     25  24  0  112  ALASTARIAN IDOL (1238)     KOLACT
 ALLAH 13-2440               16  13  0  105  END (1257)                 DULLENS
 INSURRECTION 60-5607        10  10  0  104  BLADES OF DESTINY (1216)   ARADI

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TURTLEFACE 7-5734           18   4  0   92  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 KUNG PAO KITTY 97-1310      11  23  3   88  CUTE & KINDA DEADLY (1229) SHADOW GROVE
 RUGEN THE JELLYFI 82-12478  13  10  0   83  HANNAH'S PALS (1270)       DWES EG
 COOKIE FOR THE SOUL 6-6002  21  11  0   79  HOLE IN THE WALL (1243)    TRANSEL
 BOZO 42-4016                24  59  0   64  CLOWNING AROUND (1200)     RODEKI
 VAGABOND 4-6049             13   6  1   61  SEA DOGS (1271)            JHELUM
 SINDARION 18-8499           28  19  1   45  UNTOUCHABLES (1212)        TALCAMA
 CHIPS AHOY 97-1586          14   6  4   43  DEATH BY CHOCOLATE (1268)  SHADOW GROVE
 GREEN BEAN 3-6419           10   4  1   43  VEGGIES (1227)             OSKSI
 5 GOLDEN WARRIORS 65-6624   20   2  2   41  GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS (1272 DAL SHANG
 VIRGINIA, NO SANTA 65-6623  18   4  0   33  GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS (1272 DAL SHANG

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN
THE UPRIGHT MAN 10-5185    25  24  0 ALASTARIAN IDOL 1238   MASSAGE PARLOR 82-3972 428
CREDIT LINE 82-1366        28  33  0 WOMEN LOVE ME FOR 1252 MAHI MAHI 18-4899      428

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Hailstorm -- Well, naturally you won.  It was the style thing, right?  Not to mention
that I'm especially sensitive to hail. -- Maginot Mike

Frijole! -- Stupid bean. -- Life of Osksi

Desiree -- It would appear that Life of Osksi is not itself.  Speaking for its
teammates, this is good.  I hope you can bear not having...scintillating personals.
-- Nick

     Nick -- Oh my gosh, what happened to it?  Has the disgruntlement over not
     getting a gender attachment finally crystallized into despair? -- Desiree

Doc Steele the Warrior 6010 -- Bah.  Arrogant fool. -- Mucker

Emily -- Your time will come. -- Tolais Deepheart
P.S.  Mine is going fast.

3 May 2006
All -- I've seen what's on the forum.  So I'm prey, am I, Max.  You and all your
devious buddies will become my prey, even those I thought okay.  I don't have to
explain anything I do, much like yourselves so bring it on.  Feel free to come over
to 31 for a thrashing.  Oh, by the way, I am also in a new alliance.  They tend to
share my sentiments about the VC.  If they follow me or not, we will see; I'm not at
liberty to talk for them.  The VC may be on their last stand!!!! -- Blackstorm

6 May 2006
The 2006 Mordanti Alliance Olympics are off to a grand start!  With seventeen teams
declared, running under eight different flags (not to mention six additional non-
Olympic teams present), it is looking to be as tough as any previous Olympiad, if not
more!  Olympians petitioned the Commission to make an allowance for late entries, and
the Commission agreed, and will allow new entrants to partake, as long as they are
active by Round 3 (T546, due May 29th).  So if you wish to enter, please email your
intentions to amicitia@gwi.net with team name, manager name, and affiliation
(alliance name or independent), or show up in Mordant (DM-1) on, or before, May 29th
and place your declarations in the newsletter!

Amicitia Primoris (Lord Xiang, Dameon Darkheart, JGW, Seraphim)

26 May 2006
     The Dark Knights of the Desolate Empire want to announce the joining of a new
member who cherishes the same ideals, respect and loyalty that we hold dear.
     From this day forward let all know that Blackstorm is now a Dark Knight of the
Desolate Empire Alliance.  With him as our chosen brother, our alliance only becomes
stronger.  Let all his foes become ours, and ours his.  May all our enemies' blood
flow freely and give NO quarter in war.
     This is also a warning to any cowards, bullies, etc....  If you play with fire,
you WILL get burnt!!!

Dark Knights of the Desolate Empire

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

STRAFE was outwaited by ONE A DAY in a crowd pleasing 7 minute Challenge Title fight.
SUSHI SLINGER was luckily beaten by THRENODY in a exciting 1 minute Challenge melee.
VAGABOND viciously subdued SINDARION in a crowd pleasing 2 minute Challenge brawl.
GRINGOLD was overpowered by THE CUTICLE DANCE in a 2 minute Challenge match.
STUPID SEXY FLANDERS was vanquished by SCHYLER in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
CLAW overpowered WORK IN PROGRESS in a popular 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
BRADEN was handily defeated by DEORNE in a action packed 2 minute uneven melee.
HARV vanquished RED FUSION in a action packed 3 minute gory uneven fight.
GATEWAY was overpowered by RENAE in a popular 2 minute gory uneven match.
PTI demolished WENT TO MARKET in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched match.
COOLER devastated DUSKY JAWFISH in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided battle.
ETCHED IN STONE narrowly defeated JANAE in a crowd pleasing 5 minute gory conflict.
DR DAZZLE vanquished DOC STEELE in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
LIFE was vanquished by MANUTE BOL in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
MUCKER slimly lost to HITZ in a 2 minute bloody brawl.
HE HATE ME overpowered FRIJOLE! in a exciting 1 minute one-sided bout.
MIMIC BLENNY overpowered CYCLOPS in a crowd pleasing 2 minute bloody one-sided match.
NEOSPHINCTER devastated FEAR in a action packed 1 minute one-sided bout.
MAHI MAHI murdered CREDIT LINE in a action packed 1 minute uneven bout.
HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH handily defeated KYLIE in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
DOC STEELE was luckily beaten by BRICKTOP in a popular 6 minute gruesome fight.
CLEANER WRASSE overpowered GOHAN in a 1 minute uneven fight.
NUMBERED WON was defeated by TASTY HANGNAIL in a 2 minute bout.
ROLEX WATCH subdued GOKU in a exciting 5 minute gruesome melee.
PUD 126 viciously subdued LOCAL CONSTABLE in a action packed 5 minute brutal bout.
BLUE was handily defeated by 2 in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
TOLAIS DEEPHEART was outlasted by SUPER BUM in a action packed 7 minute fight.
CRACK IS CHEAP was savagely defeated by YUENGLING in a exciting 5 minute gory match.
TOWER defeated SHINY PENNY in a exciting 3 minute gory bout.
MEN WORKING was handily defeated by EMILY in a 1 minute mismatched match.
HEAT narrowly defeated ??RADAR?? in a exciting 4 minute brutal struggle.
A. CAPONE bested HAILSTORM in a action packed 1 minute bout.
BILLY THE SQUID was narrowly defeated by MAGINOT MIKE in a exciting 6 minute match.
THE IMPECCABLE PIG handily defeated ALLAH in a popular 1 minute uneven match.
MASSAGE PARLOR executed THE UPRIGHT MAN in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided duel.
ADASHIR was luckily beaten by UBER GOOBER in a action packed 4 minute competition.
INSURRECTION savagely defeated COOKIE FOR THE SOUL in a action packed 3 minute battle.
RUGEN THE JELLYFISH was viciously subdued by TURTLEFACE in a 2 minute bloody match.
CHIPS AHOY was viciously subdued by BOZO in a popular 5 minute bloody conflict.
KUNG PAO KITTY beat GREEN BEAN in a 2 minute competition.
5 GOLDEN WARRIORS was handily defeated by INKEEPER'S SON in a 1 minute conflict.
VIRGINIA, NO SANTA was overpowered by DEBBY TONTE in a 1 minute one-sided fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  26         STRIKING ATTACK   12 -   8 -  1      60  |
|AIMED BLOW                      14         LUNGING ATTACK   135 -  90 -  1      60  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     11         WALL OF STEEL     42 -  37 -  0      53  |
|BASHING ATTACK                  10         AIMED BLOW        68 -  69 -  0      50  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    9         SLASHING ATTACK   23 -  24 -  0      49  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  4         TOTAL PARRY       53 -  59 -  1      47  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      4         PARRY-LUNGE       10 -  14 -  0      42  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  2         BASHING ATTACK    16 -  43 -  0      27  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      3 -  10 -  0      23  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         PARRY-STRIKE       0 -   0 -  0       0  |

Turn 428 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

SLASHING ATTACK    3 -  1     WALL OF STEEL      3 -  6         4  LUNGING ATTACK 
LUNGING ATTACK    17 -  9     PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  3         2  TOTAL PARRY    
TOTAL PARRY        7 -  4     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  9         2  AIMED BLOW     
AIMED BLOW         7 -  7     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         2  SLASHING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK    1 -  1     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  1         1  STRIKING ATTACK

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      ONE A DAY 98-799           51  37  3  259 MY DRUGS (1179)
STRIKING ATTACK  MAHI MAHI 18-4899         134  76  2  299 BIG MEAN FISH (292)
AIMED BLOW       HARV 82-20046              35  12  1  298 4-LETTER NAMES (1256)
LUNGING ATTACK   DR DAZZLE 57-4485         102  40  2  279 PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069)
SLASHING ATTACK  RENAE 7-4304               74  46  3  233 BLADES OF ICE (192)
PARRY-LUNGE      JANAE 5-3867               67  51  3  209 BLADES OF CHAOS (961)
WALL OF STEEL    ROLEX WATCH 32-3732        76  67  2  205 LUST MUPPETS (1036)
BASHING ATTACK   WENT TO MARKET 25-4288     43  51  2  197 THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193   33  96  2  154 JUST BECAUSE (1151)

The overall popularity leader is CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422.  The most popular warrior 
this turn was DOC STEELE 18-6010.  The ten other most popular fighters were GOKU 
7-5628, TOLAIS DEEPHEART 42-1620, STRAFE 82-11158, YUENGLING 82-16265, PUD 126 
82-22024, BOZO 42-4016, JANAE 5-3867, ADASHIR 42-4088, INSURRECTION 60-5607, and 
CHIPS AHOY 97-1586.

The least popular fighter this week was VIRGINIA, NO SANTA 65-6623.  The other ten 
least popular fighters were 5 GOLDEN WARRIORS 65-6624, MEN WORKING 38-4189, GOHAN 
18-8449, KYLIE 18-6057, FEAR 82-10416, LIFE 3-4196, DOC STEELE 18-6808, STUPID SEXY 
FLANDERS 42-3836, HAILSTORM 7-5698, and BLUE 33-5776.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
OSKSI(3)             0  2 0  SUNSET(21)           1  0 0  JURINE(61)           1  0 0  
JHELUM(4)            3  0 0  LYRATILAN(25)        0  1 0  VALAMANTIS(62)       1  0 0  
KALTOS(5)            2  1 0  ARVAT(32)            1  1 0  DAL SHANG(65)        0  2 0  
TRANSEL(6)           1  3 0  NIATOLI ISLAND(33)   0  1 0  DWES EG(82)          9  7 1  
BONSUR(7)            6  4 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  2 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   0  1 0  
KOLACT(10)           0  1 0  RODEKI(42)           1  4 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     1  1 0  
DULLENS(13)          0  1 0  ANDOR(57)            1  0 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     2  0 0  
ALJAFIR(17)          1  0 0  ARADI(60)            1  0 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      0  1 0  
TALCAMA(18)          8  8 1  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 LIFE 3-4196                 55 168  0  187  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 THRENODY 4-4557             40  49  1  193  BLADES OF MIST (959)       JHELUM
 JANAE 5-3867                67  51  3  209  BLADES OF CHAOS (961)      KALTOS
 BRADEN 6-4867               76 121  1  198  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 PTI 7-5412                  54  28  0  276  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 THE UPRIGHT MAN 10-5185     25  24  0  112  ALASTARIAN IDOL (1238)     KOLACT
 ALLAH 13-2440               16  13  0  105  END (1257)                 DULLENS
 EMILY 17-5753               38  26  0  178  BLADES OF STEEL (1211)     ALJAFIR
 MAHI MAHI 18-4899          134  76  2  299  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 CLAW 21-5337                31  11  2  181  MEOW MIX (1094)            SUNSET
 WENT TO MARKET 25-4288      43  51  2  197  THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162)  LYRATILAN
 ROLEX WATCH 32-3732         76  67  2  205  LUST MUPPETS (1036)        ARVAT
 BLUE 33-5776                31  22  1  188  BLADES OF GRASS (1215)     NIATOLI ISLAND
 MEN WORKING 38-4189         36  93  1  159  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 TOLAIS DEEPHEART 42-1620   118 122  0  202  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 DR DAZZLE 57-4485          102  40  2  279  PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069)  ANDOR
 INSURRECTION 60-5607        10  10  0  104  BLADES OF DESTINY (1216)   ARADI
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     79  35  1  248  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 2 62-2976                   43  37  3  216  NUMBERS (937)              VALAMANTIS
 5 GOLDEN WARRIORS 65-6624   20   2  2   41  GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS (1272 DAL SHANG
 HARV 82-20046               35  12  1  298  4-LETTER NAMES (1256)      DWES EG
 SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399       17  12  3  179  SEA DOGS (1241)            OLD VALAMANTIS
 KUNG PAO KITTY 97-1310      11  23  3   88  CUTE & KINDA DEADLY (1229) SHADOW GROVE
 ONE A DAY 98-799            51  37  3  259  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL
 FRIJOLE! 99-1214            28  30  3  180  BEAN MACHINE (1202)        SOUTH RIDGE