DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL

Date   : 06/24/2006    Duedate: 07/07/2006

DARKHOLM

DM-104    TURN-430

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 BLACK PRIMER 82/1187 1248  442  8 73.8    5 MEOW MIX 21/1094       36   31  2 53.7
  2 DON'T ASK 82/1205    1761 1377 20 56.1    6 STYROFOAM 82/1090    1148 1004  8 53.3
    HANNAH'S PALS 82/1270                     7 BIG MEAN FISH 18/292  843  781  7 51.9
    4-LETTER DOCTORS 82/1204                    BEAN MACHINE 99/1202                  
    4-LETTER NAMES 82/1256                      CUTE & KINDA DEADLY 97/1229           
    ELIMINATED SATURDAY 82/1267               8-BLADES OF ICE 7/192   460  443  2 50.9
    LOCAL BEER 82/1219                          BLADES OF DESTINY 60/1216             
    LUST MUPPETS 32/1036                        BLADES OF CHAOS 5/961                 
    DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II 82/1258                 BLADES OF STEEL 17/1211               
    ATTACK OF THE CLONES 82/1254                BLADES OF MIST 4/959                  
    4-LETTER ANXIETY 82/1236                    ZODIAC KNIGHTS 3/958                  
    WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1252                BLADES OF GRASS 33/1215               
  3 NUTS 82/1240         2200 1846  7 54.4    9 SEA DOGS 7/203         90  139  4 39.3
    PEPPER PRACTICE II 57/1069                  SEA DOGS 4/1271                       
    CEMENTIA 61/1112                            SEA DOGS 18/328                       
    IT'S NEW! 6/1195                            SEA DOGS 96/1241                      
    FLAT BROKE 82/1184                       10 DELVERS 42/1000       310  491  3 38.7
    MY DRUGS 98/1179                            DOGS OF WAR 4/999                     
    WASTELAND 18/468                            GAMES LIBRARY 3/998                   
    PUDS AGAIN 6 82/1234                     11 ARROGANCE 18/732      934 1636 17 36.3
    LARGE LOSERS 5/1228                         THE LADY'S LIST 6/917                 
    WHAT A TREAT 98/1201                        JUST BECAUSE 38/1151                  
    WASTELAND II 7/500                       12 END 13/1257           573 1109 10 34.1
    NUMBERS 62/937                              NEXT GENERATION 18/1150               
    072905R 41/1273                             GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS 65/1272          
    I'M SO SEXY 42/1072                         FOUND IN THE SAND 32/1034             
    DEATH BY CHOCOLATE 97/1268                  BIG BAD 7/1073                        
    JUST DON'T CARE 5/1242                      ALASTARIAN IDOL 10/1238               
    NEGATIVE CASH FLOW 82/1197                  THIS LITTLE PRIGGY 25/1162            
    HOLE IN THE WALL 6/1243                     CLOWNING AROUND 42/1200               
  4 UNTOUCHABLES 18/1212   35   30  0 53.8      VEGGIES 3/1227                        
    HIGHER PURPOSE 42/1259                

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                                  WARRIOR SPOTLIGHT

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                         ---===DELARQUAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

                                     Duelmasters
                                     -----------
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 546): TERCERO ENCANTO of LAB EXPERIMENTS (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 430): THE SHOCKER of INQUISITION SL5 (LHI, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 554): FLAGPOLE PANTIES of FRAT PARTY BLOWOUT (The Anarchist)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 550): SCANDALF of THE SHALLOWSHIP (Elfwine, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 549): IAN of I HEART BALLS (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 553): HOBBLED of DARK PANTHEON (Doc Steele, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 551): UMBRELLA MAN of BEACH BABES (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 545): QUO VADIS of QUBIT (Sultan, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 537): JOSH of SHEPHERDS (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 536): TUSK of GRIM FANDANGO (Stik, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 510): PALADIN of ERRATA (JE, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 500): ZIPPO of U.A.K. (Otis the Drunk, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 221): SKULK of CHEAP SHOTS (Cheap Shots Management, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 487): FOUR OF SPADES of COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 436): GRAPE of FRUITS (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 208): DANI of JANIX (KAT, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 196): BRANA GOREFANG of VILE REAVERS (Bobby Bigfoot, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 384): HOLLY MACKEREL of FISH MONGERS (Ghoti, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 173): MADKAWRAW'S LAW of MILCHAMAH (Hammer, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 429): HITZ of 4-LETTER DOCTORS from DWES EG (TUM, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
                                      ---------
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 546): LIVE FROM MOSCOW! (Huckle Cat, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 430): THE GOLDEN FISH (Nick, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 554): FRAT PARTY BLOWOUT (The Anarchist, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 550): THE SHALLOWSHIP (Elfwine, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 549): PAPER MARIO (Luigi, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 553): WINGED LEGION (Seraphim, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 551): BEACH BABES (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 545): CHILDREN OF INTI (Noachian, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 537): WASTELAND (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 536): SEA DOGS (One-Armed Bandit, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 510): ERRATA (JE, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 500): INQUISITION CLONES (LHI, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 221): THE MIDDLE WAY (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 487): DELVERS (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 436): AMAZON ELITE (Doc Miracle, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 208): JANIX (KAT, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 196): VILE REAVERS (Bobby Bigfoot, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 384): CHAOS ENFORCERS (?, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 173): OUTLAWS (Savant, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 429): BLACK PRIMERS (Doc Steele, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
                                  -----------------
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 547): MOUSE DAVIS of PARTY ANIMALS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 551): UMBRELLA MAN of BEACH BABES (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 537): BARITUS of VINCERE AUT MORI (Dark Knight Toker, mgr.)
                (turn 536): LOAF of CENTER FOR OLDS (Suave, mgr.)
                            ARMPIT CANDY of STREET PIZZA (TUM, mgr.)
                            PLANKWALKER of SEA DOGS (One-Armed Bandit, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 536): TUSK of GRIM FANDANGO (Stik, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 509): CLOVER of ERRATA (JE, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 487): FOUR OF SPADES of COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 435): GRANDMASTER of RONIN (Rosebud, mgr.)

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

Greetings my fellow Darkholmians,

     I hope you're having a productive summer.  Mine has been kind of up and down.
     We had two deaths this turn:
     *  THE UPRIGHT MAN (10-5185) (25-25-0,123) of ALASTARIAN IDOL fought BILLY THE
SQUID (18-3880) (34-26-2,142) of SEA DOGS.  THE UPRIGHT MAN was killed by BILLY THE
SQUID in an exciting 1 minute conflict.  This is just one of the unfortunate things
that can happen when you don't challenge.  You end up fighting random deadly squids--
or worse.  You can wake up in the infirmary with confetti in your hair, like TUM.
     *  GOHAN (18-8449) (37-23-1,193) of WASTELAND fought DIRK CHOLERA (104-29) (80-
50-4,250) of SINISTER NPCS.  GOHAN was executed by DIRK CHOLERA in a popular 3 minute
bloody one-sided bout.  It was basically a Dark Arena fight--another thing that can
happen when you don't challenge.  And that wasn't even the real Dirk Cholera.  He's
retired...you could say.
     Here's an anomaly.  BRICKTOP (18-7955) (45-33-0,207) of WASTELAND fought DIRK
CHOLERA (104-29) (80-50-4,250) of SINISTER NPCS.  BRICKTOP was viciously subdued by
DIRK CHOLERA in an exciting 5 minute brutal fight.  Yes, Dirk Cholera fought twice--
not that weird for a stand-in.  But the thing is, according to the Unknown Spymaster,
Bricktop was our most challenged warrior!  And there were no avoids.  So how did he
end up fighting a stand-in?  I can only guess that after getting a taste of blood in
his fight with Gohan, the notorious Cholera actually arranged to fight someone else
he hoped he could kill.  Luckily, Bricktop was able to defend himself, if not win the
fight.
     PLANKWALKER (18-8604) (23-24-2,84) of SEA DOGS fought VIRGINIA, NO SANTA (65-
6623) (18-5-0,30) of GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS.  PLANKWALKER was defeated by VIRGINIA, NO
SANTA in an action packed 1 minute battle.  I mention this fight because Plankwalker
is our top Parry-Striker.  This Commission memo came through that said, "Why not
report the fights of stylemasters like the other spyreporters are doing?"  You know.
Phrased as a question.  The iron hand in the velvet glove.  That sort of thing.  The
truth is, I think, that Parry-Strikers, Parry-Ripostes, and Parry-Lungers are styles
as neglected as Bashers.  They can be great, but only when handled by a manager who
is free of prejudice and unaffected by the current fashions.  These styles are as
despised as Aimed Blows used to be.
     The top Parry-Riposte lost his fight, too. HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH (18-6977) (75-65-
0,195) of BIG MEAN FISH fought WORK IN PROGRESS (38-4193) (34-96-2,156) of JUST
BECAUSE.  HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH overpowered WORK IN PROGRESS in a 1 minute uneven
struggle.
      ...As did the top Basher.  WENT TO MARKET (25-4288) (44-51-2,215) of THIS
LITTLE PRIGGY fought NEOSPHINCTER (18-7317) (54-34-1,276) of WASTELAND.  WENT TO
MARKET was vanquished by NEOSPHINCTER in an action packed 1 minute uneven duel.
     Even our top Parry-Lunger was defeated this turn.  DOC STEELE (18-6010) (76-142-
6,191) of ARROGANCE fought RED FUSION (6-5480) (52-25-0,200) of IT'S NEW!.  DOC
STEELE was unbelievably bested by RED FUSION in a crowd pleasing 5 minute bout.  This
style, once grandly represented by the great Epitaph, has fallen to a sad state, has
it not?
     The rest of the stylemasters all have winning records, and someone to care about
them.
     Our top Wall of Steel won his fight.  This is a respected style.  In fact, it's
my favorite.  ROLEX WATCH (32-3732) (77-67-2,219) of LUST MUPPETS fought NUMBERED WON
(18-7434) (41-60-1,183) of NEXT GENERATION.  ROLEX WATCH devastated NUMBERED WON in
an action packed 1 minute one-sided competition.
     Slashers were once a neglected style, but were popularized years ago by Billy
the Kid of Dullens.  STRAFE (82-11158) (50-19-0,216) of BLACK PRIMERS fought COOLER
(82-7277) (59-50-1,240) of STYROFOAM.  STRAFE was savagely defeated by COOLER in an
exciting 2 minute gory melee.
     It is a great pity that Etched in Stone was matched against a stand-in.  This
superb Total Parry warrior is a stylemaster, too.  ETCHED IN STONE (61-3112) (80-35-
1,263) of CEMENTIA fought LOCAL CONSTABLE (104-22) (0-0-0,181) of ARENA STAND-INS.
ETCHED IN STONE viciously subdued LOCAL CONSTABLE in a crowd pleasing 4 minute fight.
     A few years ago, Aimed Blows were *the* loser style.  The saying was, "Any
warrior who would make a good Aimed Blow would make a better something else."  And so
a lot of young gladiators who dreamed of being Aimed Blows were forced into other
styles.  But look at this style now!  Neosphincter is our top Aimed Blow
representative.  WENT TO MARKET (25-4288) (44-51-2,215) of THIS LITTLE PRIGGY fought
NEOSPHINCTER (18-7317) (54-34-1,276) of WASTELAND.  WENT TO MARKET was vanquished by
NEOSPHINCTER in an action packed 1 minute uneven duel.
     Strikers have been a popular style, though I believe they were once considered
to be not that effective once they reached the Isle.  Our top Striker is Mahi Mahi
and he is most formidable!  MAHI MAHI (18-4899) (135-76-2,311) of BIG MEAN FISH
fought A. CAPONE (18-3228) (22-21-3,198) of UNTOUCHABLES.  MAHI MAHI demolished A.
CAPONE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched match.
     Of course, Lungers have always been popular because they are so easy to manage.
It's a straightforward style, literally.  Hitz, our top Lunger, successfully defended
his title this turn.  DR DAZZLE (57-4485) (103-40-2,290) of PEPPER PRACTICE II TV
challenged HITZ (82-10428) (33-15-0,231) of 4-LETTER DOCTORS.  DR DAZZLE was
devastated by HITZ in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge Title fight.
     ***  I have a proposition!  ***
     According to our arena statistics, it looks like we only have one Parry-Riposte
active here at the moment, one Parry-Striker, two Parry-Lungers and ten bashers.  I
suggest that we have a tournament for those styles.  If you would start transferring
in warriors of those styles, we could start the tournament in, say, five more turns?
On turn 435?  Come on, let's revive these neglected fighting styles!

          Very sincerely,

                                  Desiree

KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HITZ 82-10428               34  15  0  274  4-LETTER DOCTORS (1204)    DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MAHI MAHI 18-4899          136  76  2  322  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317        55  34  1  287  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     81  35  1  266  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 COOLER 82-7277              60  50  1  264  STYROFOAM (1090)           DWES EG
 MIMIC BLENNY 18-7541        69  36  1  258  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
-DEORNE 7-2529               87  58  1  245  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR
 HE HATE ME 18-7820          46  47  2  237  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 THE CUTICLE DANCE 82-13639  32  14  2  236  DON'T ASK (1205)           DWES EG
 TASTY HANGNAIL 7-5463       39  41  0  233  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 ROLEX WATCH 32-3732         78  67  2  226  LUST MUPPETS (1036)        ARVAT
 GRINGOLD 7-2416             40  55  2  219  SEA DOGS (203)             BONSUR
 HARV 82-20046               36  13  1  216  4-LETTER NAMES (1256)      DWES EG
 SCHYLER 6-4866              77 122  1  214  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 MUCKER 42-3596              87  84  2  213  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ONE A DAY 98-799            52  38  3  205  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL
 RED FUSION 6-5480           53  25  0  204  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL
 BRICKTOP 18-7955            45  34  0  204  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 FEAR 82-10416               40  60  1  204  4-LETTER ANXIETY (1236)    DWES EG
 PUD 126 82-22024            38  23  0  204  PUDS AGAIN 6 (1234)        DWES EG
 A. CAPONE 18-3228           22  22  3  204  UNTOUCHABLES (1212)        TALCAMA
 DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978       70  72  1  202  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 SUPER BUM 82-18411          52  32  1  202  FLAT BROKE (1184)          DWES EG
 PTI 7-5412                  55  29  0  201  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           34  22  0  200  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 STRAFE 82-11158             50  20  0  199  BLACK PRIMERS (1187)       DWES EG
 DOC STEELE 18-6010          76 143  6  198  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
-RENAE 7-4304                74  47  3  198  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR
 STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836  40  33  0  198  I'M SO SEXY (1072)         RODEKI
 FRIJOLE! 99-1214            29  31  3  198  BEAN MACHINE (1202)        SOUTH RIDGE
 HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH 18-6977  76  65  0  197  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
-TOWER 7-4461                49  32  1  197  BLADES OF ICE (192)        BONSUR
 DOC STEELE 18-6808          63  98  1  196  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
-THRENODY 4-4557             40  50  1  196  BLADES OF MIST (959)       JHELUM
-BLUE 33-5776                31  23  1  196  BLADES OF GRASS (1215)     NIATOLI ISLAND
 DR DAZZLE 57-4485          103  41  2  195  PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069)  ANDOR
 WENT TO MARKET 25-4288      44  52  2  195  THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162)  LYRATILAN
 GATEWAY 82-15631            32  10  0  195  ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254 DWES EG
 CLEANER WRASSE 18-6495      99  86  2  194  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 GOHAN 18-8449               37  24  1  194  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 2 62-2976                   43  39  3  192  NUMBERS (937)              VALAMANTIS
-EMILY 17-5753               39  26  0  192  BLADES OF STEEL (1211)     ALJAFIR
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366         28  35  0  190  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1252 DWES EG
 CLAW 21-5337                32  11  2  189  MEOW MIX (1094)            SUNSET

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 YUENGLING 82-16265          30  19  1  186  LOCAL BEER (1219)          DWES EG
 KYLIE 18-6057               46  36  1  185  UNTOUCHABLES (1212)        TALCAMA
 HEAT 98-981                 34  27  4  184  WHAT A TREAT (1201)        SYVYN'S HILL
 GOKU 7-5628                 34  18  0  182  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 BRADEN 6-4867               76 123  1  181  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SHINY PENNY 32-3789         50 103  2  180  FOUND IN THE SAND (1034)   ARVAT
 NUMBERED WON 18-7434        41  61  1  180  NEXT GENERATION (1150)     TALCAMA
 CYCLOPS 7-4625              26  34  1  180  BIG BAD (1073)             BONSUR
 MASSAGE PARLOR 82-3972      19   7  2  180  ELIMINATED SATURDAY (1267) DWES EG
-JANAE 5-3867                67  52  3  176  BLADES OF CHAOS (961)      KALTOS
 CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422     40  41  0  176  NEGATIVE CASH FLOW (1197)  DWES EG
 LIFE 3-4196                 55 170  0  175  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399       17  14  3  168  SEA DOGS (1241)            OLD VALAMANTIS
 BILLY THE SQUID 18-3880     35  26  3  167  SEA DOGS (328)             TALCAMA
 MEN WORKING 38-4189         36  95  1  165  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    34  97  2  159  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 HAILSTORM 7-5698            26  11  0  156  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 THE IMPECCABLE PIG 5-3818   25  17  0  154  JUST DON'T CARE (1242)     KALTOS
 UBER GOOBER 82-26198        33  21  0  151  NUTS (1240)                DWES EG

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TOLAIS DEEPHEART 42-1620   118 124  0  144  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 ADASHIR 42-4088             21  12  1  134  HIGHER PURPOSE (1259)      RODEKI
 ALLAH 13-2440               17  14  0  133  END (1257)                 DULLENS
-COLIN 3-5475                35  54  2  132  ZODIAC KNIGHTS (958)       OSKSI
-INSURRECTION 60-5607        11  10  0  132  BLADES OF DESTINY (1216)   ARADI
 THE UPRIGHT MAN 10-5185     25  26  0  125  ALASTARIAN IDOL (1238)     KOLACT
 ??RADAR?? 82-20310          17  22  0  122  DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II (1258) DWES EG
 MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509         69 105  2  120  DOGS OF WAR (999)          JHELUM
 COOKIE FOR THE SOUL 6-6002  23  11  0  107  HOLE IN THE WALL (1243)    TRANSEL

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 KUNG PAO KITTY 97-1310      13  23  3   98  CUTE & KINDA DEADLY (1229) SHADOW GROVE
 RUGEN THE JELLYFI 82-12478  15  10  0   92  HANNAH'S PALS (1270)       DWES EG

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-BARITUS 18-8674             22  19  2   87  VINCERE AUT MORI (1274)    TALCAMA
 5 GOLDEN WARRIORS 65-6624   21   3  2   86  GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS (1272 DAL SHANG
 VAGABOND 4-6049             14   7  1   85  SEA DOGS (1271)            JHELUM
 SINDARION 18-8499           30  19  1   68  UNTOUCHABLES (1212)        TALCAMA
 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199        15   2  2   65  072905R (1273)             KATI-TEI
 VIRGINIA, NO SANTA 65-6623  19   5  0   63  GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS (1272 DAL SHANG
 PLANKWALKER 18-8604         23  25  2   57  SEA DOGS (328)             TALCAMA
 BOZO 42-4016                24  61  0   54  CLOWNING AROUND (1200)     RODEKI
 TURTLEFACE 7-5734           18   6  0   54  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 CHIPS AHOY 97-1586          15   7  4   53  DEATH BY CHOCOLATE (1268)  SHADOW GROVE
 GREEN BEAN 3-6419           10   5  1   43  VEGGIES (1227)             OSKSI

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN
THE UPRIGHT MAN 10-5185    25  26  0 ALASTARIAN IDOL 1238   BILLY THE SQUID 18-388 430
GOHAN 18-8449              37  24  1 WASTELAND 468          DIRK CHOLERA 104-29    430

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Stupid Sexy Flanders -- So YOU say, but what does a dwarf know about sexy, eh?
Anyone who would wear red flanders, and them faded besides, well, forget it. --
Tolais Deepheart

He Hate Me -- And well he should!  It says here that you're a dwarf, but actually,
you're a pig.  I can tell. -- Life of Osksi

Shiny Penny -- And such a big one, too!  I bet I could buy a LOT of...anything with a
nice shiny penny your size.  Hmm. -- Mucker

Insurrection -- Well, listen, I've heard about Aradi, and I guess ANYONE would
insurrect there.  Pretty steep. -- Maginot Mike

Desiree -- No wonder you don't use your real name.  If you did, all of us women who
are denied our gender by your careless, cutting comments would GET you. -- Tolais
Deepheart, that's Ms. Deepheart to you

     Ms. Deepheart -- I humbly apologize.  It IS hard to tell with warrior gear on
     unless the lady has, you know, very large endowments.  And, although I think
     you may have told me before, I can only blame a brain fart for my forgetting.
     -- Desiree

Desiree -- Are you sure? -- Nick

    I am.  Not Kansas.

26 May 2006
     The Dark Knights of the Desolate Empire want to announce the joining of a new
member who cherishes the same ideals, respect and loyalty that we hold dear.
     From this day forward let all know that Blackstorm is now a Dark Knight of the
Desolate Empire Alliance.  With him as our chosen brother, our alliance only becomes
stronger.  Let all his foes become ours, and ours his.  May all our enemies' blood
flow freely and give NO quarter in war.
     This is also a warning to any cowards, bullies, etc....  If you play with fire,
you WILL get burnt!!!

Dark Knights of the Desolate Empire

6 June 2006
To those involved, no, I have not abandoned your stories.  But I've been letting them
drift, and that has to stop, so I am taking the time to make sure that I know where
they are going, more than just "what happens next" dreamed up on the fly, before
resuming work on them.  No new stories will be started until at least one of the old
ones has concluded, for the same reason:  quantity can't substitute for quality.
Your patience in this matter is appreciated. -- the Scribe

20 May 2006
Dark Knights of the Desolate Empire
Our newest Dark Knight disrespected?!?!?!  ARE THEY SERIOUS?!?!  If at all possible,
let's get over to 31.  I'm on the way.  Let's get 'em. -- Dark Knight Osiris

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

DR DAZZLE was devastated by HITZ in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge Title fight.
STRAFE was savagely defeated by COOLER in a exciting 2 minute gory melee.
THE CUTICLE DANCE viciously subdued PTI in a crowd pleasing 2 minute gory brawl.
GATEWAY was defeated by TASTY HANGNAIL in a crowd pleasing 2 minute bloody match.
ETCHED IN STONE viciously subdued LOCAL CONSTABLE in a crowd pleasing 4 minute fight.
ROLEX WATCH devastated NUMBERED WON in a action packed 1 minute one-sided competition.
WENT TO MARKET was vanquished by NEOSPHINCTER in a action packed 1 minute uneven duel.
HE HATE ME overpowered SHEWISH GIANT in a popular 2 minute gory uneven duel.
MIMIC BLENNY savagely defeated 2 in a popular 5 minute gory melee.
MAHI MAHI demolished A. CAPONE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched match.
KYLIE was bested by DUSKY JAWFISH in a 2 minute battle.
CLEANER WRASSE demolished HAILSTORM in a 1 minute one-sided brawl.
DOC STEELE was viciously subdued by PUD 126 in a popular 1 minute gruesome conflict.
HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH overpowered WORK IN PROGRESS in a 1 minute uneven struggle.
DOC STEELE was unbelievably bested by RED FUSION in a crowd pleasing 5 minute bout.
BRICKTOP was viciously subdued by DIRK CHOLERA in a exciting 5 minute brutal fight.
GOHAN was executed by DIRK CHOLERA in a popular 3 minute bloody one-sided bout.
GOKU was devastated by HARV in a popular 1 minute one-sided contest.
CLAW viciously subdued CYCLOPS in a popular 3 minute gruesome match.
GRINGOLD vanquished CREDIT LINE in a popular 1 minute mismatched fray.
HEAT was savagely defeated by MUCKER in a popular 2 minute gruesome fight.
ONE A DAY overpowered MEN WORKING in a 1 minute uneven fight.
STUPID SEXY FLANDERS overpowered SUSHI SLINGER in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
CRACK IS CHEAP was vanquished by FRIJOLE! in a action packed 4 minute uneven bout.
SUPER BUM unbelievably bested SHINY PENNY in a crowd pleasing 5 minute bout.
YUENGLING was vanquished by SCHYLER in a popular 1 minute one-sided bout.
BRADEN was vanquished by MANUTE BOL in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fray.
FEAR demolished LIFE in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
MASSAGE PARLOR overpowered MAGINOT MIKE in a action packed 1 minute one-sided bout.
TOLAIS DEEPHEART was viciously subdued by THE IMPECCABLE PIG in a 2 minute duel.
UBER GOOBER luckily beat ADASHIR in a crowd pleasing 4 minute brutal match.
??RADAR?? was overcome by ALLAH in a exciting 1 minute fight.
THE UPRIGHT MAN was killed by BILLY THE SQUID in a exciting 1 minute conflict.
COOKIE FOR THE SOUL won victory over 5 GOLDEN WARRIORS in a popular 1 minute bout.
KUNG PAO KITTY won victory over 5 GOT PICKED in a crowd pleasing 4 minute brutal bout.
SINDARION overcame INKEEPER'S SON in a 2 minute brutal duel.
PLANKWALKER was defeated by VIRGINIA, NO SANTA in a action packed 1 minute battle.
TURTLEFACE was vanquished by VAGABOND in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided struggle.
CHIPS AHOY unbelievably bested GREEN BEAN in a popular 2 minute bloody conflict.
BOZO was savagely defeated by RUGEN THE JELLYFISH in a 3 minute competition.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  24         STRIKING ATTACK   12 -   8 -  1      60  |
|AIMED BLOW                      14         LUNGING ATTACK   138 -  99 -  1      58  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     10         WALL OF STEEL     44 -  36 -  0      55  |
|BASHING ATTACK                  10         TOTAL PARRY       57 -  53 -  1      52  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    8         AIMED BLOW        72 -  69 -  0      51  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         SLASHING ATTACK   21 -  22 -  0      49  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  2         PARRY-LUNGE       10 -  16 -  1      38  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         PARRY-RIPOSTE      4 -   9 -  0      31  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         BASHING ATTACK    17 -  51 -  0      25  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         PARRY-STRIKE       0 -   2 -  0       0  |

Turn 430 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

STRIKING ATTACK    2 -  0     BASHING ATTACK     2 -  8         4  LUNGING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        7 -  3     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  1         2  AIMED BLOW     
SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  1     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  1         2  TOTAL PARRY    
LUNGING ATTACK    13 - 11                                       1  STRIKING ATTACK
AIMED BLOW         7 -  7                                       1  SLASHING ATTACK
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  1                                       1  WALL OF STEEL  
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  4     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   HITZ 82-10428              34  15  0  274 4-LETTER DOCTORS (1204)
STRIKING ATTACK  MAHI MAHI 18-4899         136  76  2  322 BIG MEAN FISH (292)
AIMED BLOW       NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317       55  34  1  287 WASTELAND (468)

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112    81  35  1  266 CEMENTIA (1112)
SLASHING ATTACK  COOLER 82-7277             60  50  1  264 STYROFOAM (1090)
WALL OF STEEL    ROLEX WATCH 32-3732        78  67  2  226 LUST MUPPETS (1036)
PARRY-LUNGE      DOC STEELE 18-6808         63  98  1  196 ARROGANCE (732)
BASHING ATTACK   WENT TO MARKET 25-4288     44  52  2  195 THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193   34  97  2  159 JUST BECAUSE (1151)
PARRY-STRIKE     PLANKWALKER 18-8604        23  25  2   57 SEA DOGS (328)

The overall popularity leader is CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422.  The most popular warrior 
this turn was SHINY PENNY 32-3789.  The ten other most popular fighters were MIMIC 
BLENNY 18-7541, DOC STEELE 18-6010, CLAW 21-5337, RUGEN THE JELLYFISH 82-12478, 
FRIJOLE! 99-1214, 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199, GREEN BEAN 3-6419, COOLER 82-7277, ADASHIR 
42-4088, and ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112.

The least popular fighter this week was TURTLEFACE 7-5734.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were MEN WORKING 38-4189, WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193, HAILSTORM 
7-5698, MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509, LIFE 3-4196, BRADEN 6-4867, YUENGLING 82-16265, SUSHI 
SLINGER 96-1399, CREDIT LINE 82-1366, and GOKU 7-5628.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
OSKSI(3)             0  2 0  SUNSET(21)           1  0 0  VALAMANTIS(62)       0  1 0  
JHELUM(4)            1  1 0  LYRATILAN(25)        0  1 0  DAL SHANG(65)        1  1 0  
KALTOS(5)            2  0 0  ARVAT(32)            1  1 0  DWES EG(82)         10  6 0  
TRANSEL(6)           3  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  2 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   0  1 0  
BONSUR(7)            2  5 0  KATI-TEI(41)         0  1 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     2  0 0  
KOLACT(10)           0  1 0  RODEKI(42)           2  3 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     1  1 0  
DULLENS(13)          1  0 0  ANDOR(57)            0  1 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      1  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          9  8 1  JURINE(61)           1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 LIFE 3-4196                 55 170  0  175  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509         69 105  2  120  DOGS OF WAR (999)          JHELUM
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           34  22  0  200  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 SCHYLER 6-4866              77 122  1  214  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 TASTY HANGNAIL 7-5463       39  41  0  233  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 THE UPRIGHT MAN 10-5185     25  26  0  125  ALASTARIAN IDOL (1238)     KOLACT
 ALLAH 13-2440               17  14  0  133  END (1257)                 DULLENS
 MAHI MAHI 18-4899          136  76  2  322  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 CLAW 21-5337                32  11  2  189  MEOW MIX (1094)            SUNSET
 WENT TO MARKET 25-4288      44  52  2  195  THIS LITTLE PRIGGY (1162)  LYRATILAN
 ROLEX WATCH 32-3732         78  67  2  226  LUST MUPPETS (1036)        ARVAT
 MEN WORKING 38-4189         36  95  1  165  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199        15   2  2   65  072905R (1273)             KATI-TEI
 MUCKER 42-3596              87  84  2  213  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 DR DAZZLE 57-4485          103  41  2  195  PEPPER PRACTICE II (1069)  ANDOR
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     81  35  1  266  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 2 62-2976                   43  39  3  192  NUMBERS (937)              VALAMANTIS
 5 GOLDEN WARRIORS 65-6624   21   3  2   86  GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS (1272 DAL SHANG
 HITZ 82-10428               34  15  0  274  4-LETTER DOCTORS (1204)    DWES EG
 SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399       17  14  3  168  SEA DOGS (1241)            OLD VALAMANTIS
 KUNG PAO KITTY 97-1310      13  23  3   98  CUTE & KINDA DEADLY (1229) SHADOW GROVE
 ONE A DAY 98-799            52  38  3  205  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL
 FRIJOLE! 99-1214            29  31  3  198  BEAN MACHINE (1202)        SOUTH RIDGE