DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL

Date   : 01/20/2007    Duedate: 02/02/2007

DARKHOLM

DM-104    TURN-445

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 BLACK PRIMER 82/1187 1252  444  8 73.8      LARGE LOSERS 5/1228                   
  2 DON'T ASK 82/1205    1827 1431 20 56.1      NEGATIVE CASH FLOW 82/1197            
    HANNAH'S PALS 82/1270                       HOLE IN THE WALL 6/1243               
    4-LETTER NAMES 82/1256                      JUST DON'T CARE 5/1242                
    4-LETTER DOCTORS 82/1204                  4 STYROFOAM 82/1090    1155 1012  8 53.3
    LOCAL BEER 82/1219                        5 SPACE WOLVES 36/1283   38   34  0 52.8
    DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II 82/1258                 MISTRESS 4 XMAS 3/1284                
    WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1252              6 BIG MEAN FISH 18/292  899  825  7 52.1
    4-LETTER ANXIETY 82/1236                    CUTE & KINDA DEADLY 97/1229           
    ATTACK OF THE CLONES 82/1254                BEAN MACHINE 99/1202                  
  3 NUTS 82/1240         2427 2005  7 54.8    7 SEA DOGS 4/1271       118  174  5 40.4
    LOOK OUT! 16/1278                           SEA DOGS 18/328                       
    CEMENTIA 61/1112                            SEA DOGS 96/1241                      
    IT'S NEW! 6/1195                          8 DELVERS 42/1000       340  521  3 39.5
    FLAT BROKE 82/1184                          DOGS OF WAR 4/999                     
    PUDS AGAIN 6 82/1234                        GAMES LIBRARY 3/998                   
    072905R 41/1273                           9 ARROGANCE 18/732      963 1697 17 36.2
    MY DRUGS 98/1179                            THE LADY'S LIST 6/917                 
    DEATH BY CHOCOLATE 97/1268                  JUST BECAUSE 38/1151                  
    WASTELAND 18/468                         10-SPORTS 21/1285        583 1128 10 34.1
    WASTELAND II 7/500                       11 WINGED LEGION 6/1277    1    8  0 11.1
    WHAT A TREAT 98/1201                        BLOODY LEGION 96/1276                 
    I'M SO SEXY 42/1072                      12-EYE OF THE S 54/1279    0    2  0  0.0
    NUMBERS 62/937                        

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

Warriors of the Dark Federation!

     Greetings!  During this round of fights, no one died, which is probably a good
thing.  And no one avoided anyone, which could be considered a good thing as well.
     There was one challenge fight:  STRAFE (82-11158) (53-22-0,214) of BLACK PRIMERS
challenged RED FUSION (6-5480) (63-29-0,254) of IT'S NEW!.  STRAFE viciously subdued
RED FUSION in a crowd pleasing 5 minute Challenge fight.  This was a brave challenge
against a more experienced and obviously dangerous opponent.  Well done, Strafe!  And
congratulations for taking the Top Wall of Steel title.
     Pud 126 (and what confidence his manager showed in him, eh?) successfully
defended his title.  PUD 126 (82-22024) (48-27-0,293) of PUDS AGAIN 6 fought
??RADAR?? (82-20310) (25-28-0,219) of DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II.  PUD 126 subdued ??RADAR??
in an exciting 2 minute gory Title melee.  This more-than-competent young lunger,
hardly a pud, found himself unfairly matched against someone who was much less
expert.  What could he do?  He fought, he won.  He managed not to kill his opponent.
Well done!
     Of course, Crack is Cheap still remains our overall popularity leader.  This
turn he found himself matched against a fill-in warrior:  Shadowmane, who was
considered too dangerous for the Dark Arena in Mordant.  CRACK IS CHEAP (82-18422)
(49-46-0,213) of NEGATIVE CASH FLOW fought SHADOWMANE (104-28) (0-0-0,200) of FILL-IN
WARRIORS.  CRACK IS CHEAP unbelievably bested SHADOWMANE in a popular 8 minute gory
duel.  It was a GOOD show.  Loved the groans of pain, the sweating, the hacking off
of that long mane.
     Also matched against a fill-in warrior was Stupid Sexy Flanders (our top Aimed
Blow).  How mismatched was this?  Well, let's see.  STUPID SEXY FLANDERS (42-3836)
(48-39-0,267) of I'M SO SEXY fought LOCAL CONSTABLE (104-22) (0-0-0,181) of ARENA
STAND-INS.  STUPID SEXY FLANDERS devastated LOCAL CONSTABLE in a 2 minute bloody
mismatched bout.  Hmm.  Actually toyed with the man a bit, let him think he had a
chance for a few seconds.  That was cruel of you, Flanders.  I liked it.
     Not all of the fill-in warriors did poorly, of course.  Remember Dirk Cholera,
the Bandit Prince?  Well, he's not fighting in this arena as a stand-in.  He's still
in prison somewhere under Lady Greywand's tower.  But she has made a simulacrum of
him to stand in occasionally.  UBER GOOBER (82-26198) (40-28-0,211) of NUTS fought
DIRK CHOLERA (104-29) (80-50-4,250) of GOLEMS YOU DON'T WANT TO MEET IN A DARK ALLEY.
UBER GOOBER was overpowered by DIRK CHOLERA in a 2 minute mismatched fight.  Be glad
he didn't take a souvenir, Goober.  He...it...whatever.  I bought it a mug of mead
last week.  It drank, and wiped its mouth on its sleeve.  Don't know how lifelike it
is, beyond that.  I didn't quite have the courage to try to find out.
     Speaking of golems...once again, Life was unfairly defeated by a less perfect
but (sorry) more skilled warrior.  CREDIT LINE (82-1366) (36-41-0,250) of WOMEN LOVE
ME FOR MY fought LIFE (3-4196) (62-177-0,194) of GAMES LIBRARY.  CREDIT LINE handily
defeated LIFE in a 2 minute brutal one-sided contest.  It has been a long road,
hasn't it, Life?  Surely you have earned that retirement by now, and a nice gender
attachment to enjoy it with.  I hope Nick shows you some compassion.
     As usual, I'm running late, and that's all I have time for.  So I wish you all a
good two weeks.  Try to get out in the cold and have some fun!

                                  Desiree

KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PUD 126 82-22024            49  27  0  301  PUDS AGAIN 6 (1234)        DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-HITZ 82-10428               42  17  0  276  4-LETTER DOCTORS (1204)    DWES EG
 STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836  49  39  0  273  I'M SO SEXY (1072)         RODEKI
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366         37  41  0  259  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1252 DWES EG
 HE HATE ME 18-7820          56  52  2  247  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978       78  79  1  246  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 SUPER BUM 82-18411          62  37  1  242  FLAT BROKE (1184)          DWES EG
 STRAFE 82-11158             54  22  0  239  BLACK PRIMERS (1187)       DWES EG
 ONE A DAY 98-799            62  43  3  233  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL
 MUCKER 42-3596              98  88  2  226  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317        68  36  1  226  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422     50  46  0  221  NEGATIVE CASH FLOW (1197)  DWES EG
 DOC STEELE 18-6010          79 155  6  219  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     94  37  1  218  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 HEAT 98-981                 40  36  4  214  WHAT A TREAT (1201)        SYVYN'S HILL
 VAGABOND 4-6049             22  14  1  212  SEA DOGS (1271)            JHELUM
 MAHI MAHI 18-4899          146  81  2  211  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 RED FUSION 6-5480           63  30  0  204  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL
-GATEWAY 82-15631            35  15  0  203  ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254 DWES EG
 HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH 18-6977  84  72  0  202  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 COOLER 82-7277              67  58  1  202  STYROFOAM (1090)           DWES EG
 COOKIE FOR THE SOUL 6-6002  29  20  0  202  HOLE IN THE WALL (1243)    TRANSEL
 ??RADAR?? 82-20310          25  29  0  201  DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II (1258) DWES EG
 DOC STEELE 18-6808          71 105  1  199  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 TOLAIS DEEPHEART 42-1620   124 133  0  198  DELVERS (1000)             RODEKI
 FEAR 82-10416               48  67  1  198  4-LETTER ANXIETY (1236)    DWES EG
 GOKU 7-5628                 44  23  0  198  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 UBER GOOBER 82-26198        40  29  0  198  NUTS (1240)                DWES EG
 SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399       23  23  3  198  SEA DOGS (1241)            OLD VALAMANTIS
 PTI 7-5412                  67  32  0  197  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 FRIJOLE! 99-1214            33  42  3  197  BEAN MACHINE (1202)        SOUTH RIDGE
 BRADEN 6-4867               84 130  1  196  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 2 62-2976                   48  49  3  195  NUMBERS (937)              VALAMANTIS
 GOHAN 18-8449               43  33  1  192  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           38  33  0  192  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 MAGINOT MIKE 4-4509         75 114  2  191  DOGS OF WAR (999)          JHELUM
 TASTY HANGNAIL 7-5463       50  45  0  191  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    37 109  2  191  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 CLEANER WRASSE 18-6495     109  91  2  188  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
-YUENGLING 82-16265          35  24  1  187  LOCAL BEER (1219)          DWES EG
 LIFE 3-4196                 62 178  0  186  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 HARV 82-20046               44  20  1  183  4-LETTER NAMES (1256)      DWES EG
 BRICKTOP 18-7955            49  45  0  182  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-THE CUTICLE DANCE 82-13639  35  21  2  180  DON'T ASK (1205)           DWES EG
 HAILSTORM 7-5698            32  20  0  178  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 SCHYLER 6-4866              83 131  1  177  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
-RUGEN THE JELLYFI 82-12478  22  13  0  175  HANNAH'S PALS (1270)       DWES EG
 KUNG PAO KITTY 97-1310      22  29  3  174  CUTE & KINDA DEADLY (1229) SHADOW GROVE
 BILLY THE SQUID 18-3880     40  36  3  168  SEA DOGS (328)             TALCAMA
 COLON CONVOY 18-9115        27   8  0  165  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 THE IMPECCABLE PIG 5-3818   29  28  0  163  JUST DON'T CARE (1242)     KALTOS
 CHIPS AHOY 97-1586          25  12  4  156  DEATH BY CHOCOLATE (1268)  SHADOW GROVE
 MR TACO WORKS 18-7620       24  14  1  153  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199        20   2  2  151  072905R (1273)             KATI-TEI

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MEN WORKING 38-4189         37 109  1  136  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 PLANKWALKER 18-8604         30  33  3  103  SEA DOGS (328)             TALCAMA

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PSYCHO GRANDMA! 16-5120     15   2  1   82  LOOK OUT! (1278)           WILLAF
 HAWK 6-5764                 17   7  0   77  WINGED LEGION (1277)       TRANSEL
 BLACK WIDOW 3-3662          18   4  1   56  MISTRESS 4 XMAS (1284)     OSKSI
-SWIMMING 21-5693            14   7  0   49  SPORTS (1285)              SUNSET
-CHAOS WARRIOR 54-2069       17  19  3   47  EYE OF THE STORM (1279)    TROCAR
 ASSASSIN 96-1802             9   6  4   33  BLOODY LEGION (1276)       OLD VALAMANTIS

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Nick (Delvers, et al) -- I appreciate you activating Life way back when.  Obviously,
I'm pretty inactive here in Darkholm now, so retire him away.  And congratulations
(?maybe?) on getting him Eligible. -- Assurnasirbanipal

Okay, I forgot to contact the Commission, and besides they were busy with the
tourney.  But--remind me!--next week everyone on the team retires. -- Nick

Neosphincter -- I don't like to lose, but Nick says it's good.  This is my manager?
Go figure. -- Mucker

Red Fusion -- The old familiar faces, ah.  I can't say I'm going to miss you, because
that would be lying.  I will ENJOY retirement. -- Tolais Deepheart

Super Bum -- You are a disgusting person, even for a born person!  I should win, I
should win CONSTANTLY so I can INDUCTED in the next five days, before Nick FORCES me
into retirement!  Born people are so UNFAIR to golems, just because we're PERFECT. --
Life of Osksi

Frijole -- Cool!  I get the only win, what a rush!  Thanks, little guy.  Let me buy
you a keg! -- Maginot Mike

Desiree -- No, Life should NOT be inducted to Home Guard, or it'd run forever, and I
don't think any of us can stand that. -- Nick

     Nick -- So if it's retiring next turn, will you at least be giving it the
     Superior Gender Attachment for which it has so long campaigned?  A womb? --
     Desiree

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

STRAFE viciously subdued RED FUSION in a crowd pleasing 5 minute Challenge fight.
PUD 126 subdued ??RADAR?? in a exciting 2 minute gory Title melee.
ONE A DAY vanquished TOLAIS DEEPHEART in a popular 3 minute mismatched brawl.
UBER GOOBER was overpowered by DIRK CHOLERA in a 2 minute mismatched match.
COOKIE FOR THE SOUL was overpowered by MAHI MAHI in a 2 minute one-sided struggle.
PTI was viciously subdued by MUCKER in a action packed 2 minute gruesome fight.
GOKU was viciously subdued by DUSKY JAWFISH in a action packed 5 minute gory duel.
CRACK IS CHEAP unbelievably bested SHADOWMANE in a popular 8 minute gory duel.
SUPER BUM savagely defeated SOLACIA in a popular 9 minute gory melee.
NEOSPHINCTER demolished FEAR in a 1 minute mismatched match.
CREDIT LINE handily defeated LIFE in a 2 minute brutal one-sided contest.
STUPID SEXY FLANDERS devastated LOCAL CONSTABLE in a 2 minute bloody mismatched bout.
HE HATE ME overpowered WORK IN PROGRESS in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH bested TASTY HANGNAIL in a action packed 1 minute duel.
BRICKTOP was savagely defeated by FRIJOLE! in a crowd pleasing 9 minute bloody brawl.
GOHAN was overpowered by BLIND BEGGAR in a exciting 1 minute one-sided bout.
MAGINOT MIKE was beaten by COOLER in a popular 2 minute bloody match.
VAGABOND devastated HAILSTORM in a popular 1 minute one-sided contest.
DOC STEELE lost to HEAT in a popular 3 minute gruesome match.
ETCHED IN STONE viciously subdued SHADOWMANE in a crowd pleasing 5 minute gory fray.
2 savagely defeated LAUGHING BARMAID in a popular 3 minute gruesome fight.
CLEANER WRASSE was overpowered by DOC STEELE in a popular 1 minute gory uneven fight.
HARV narrowly defeated THE IMPECCABLE PIG in a exciting 5 minute gruesome melee.
SCHYLER was handily defeated by SUSHI SLINGER in a exciting 1 minute uneven bout.
BRADEN handily defeated COLON CONVOY in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
MR TACO WORKS was outlasted by KUNG PAO KITTY in a action packed 7 minute fight.
MANUTE BOL overpowered BILLY THE SQUID in a popular 1 minute gory one-sided match.
5 GOT PICKED overpowered MEN WORKING in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
CHIPS AHOY viciously subdued KHALHUMS DWARF in a 4 minute bloody match.
PLANKWALKER vanquished BLACK WIDOW in a exciting 1 minute mismatched fight.
ASSASSIN was demolished by PSYCHO GRANDMA! in a 1 minute one-sided struggle.
HAWK overpowered BOOKIE'S GUARD in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided match.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW                      17         TOTAL PARRY       62 -  41 -  0      60  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                  12         PARRY-STRIKE       6 -   4 -  1      60  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     10         LUNGING ATTACK    98 -  71 -  0      58  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    5         AIMED BLOW        76 -  73 -  0      51  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         WALL OF STEEL     24 -  25 -  0      49  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  3         SLASHING ATTACK   15 -  19 -  0      44  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         STRIKING ATTACK   14 -  21 -  0      40  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      4 -   7 -  0      36  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         PARRY-LUNGE        8 -  15 -  0      35  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   1         BASHING ATTACK     1 -  11 -  0       8  |

Turn 445 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  0     AIMED BLOW         8 -  9         4  LUNGING ATTACK 
LUNGING ATTACK     9 -  3     WALL OF STEEL      2 -  3         3  AIMED BLOW     
SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  1     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  2         3  TOTAL PARRY    
STRIKING ATTACK    2 -  1     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  1         1  WALL OF STEEL  
TOTAL PARRY        6 -  4     BASHING ATTACK     0 -  1     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   PUD 126 82-22024           49  27  0  301 PUDS AGAIN 6 (1234)
AIMED BLOW       STUPID SEXY FLAND 42-3836  49  39  0  273 I'M SO SEXY (1072)
TOTAL PARRY      DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978      78  79  1  246 BIG MEAN FISH (292)
WALL OF STEEL    STRAFE 82-11158            54  22  0  239 BLACK PRIMERS (1187)
STRIKING ATTACK  MAHI MAHI 18-4899         146  81  2  211 BIG MEAN FISH (292)
SLASHING ATTACK  COOLER 82-7277             67  58  1  202 STYROFOAM (1090)
PARRY-LUNGE      DOC STEELE 18-6808         71 105  1  199 ARROGANCE (732)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193   37 109  2  191 JUST BECAUSE (1151)
BASHING ATTACK   MEN WORKING 38-4189        37 109  1  136 JUST BECAUSE (1151)
PARRY-STRIKE     PLANKWALKER 18-8604        30  33  3  103 SEA DOGS (328)

The overall popularity leader is CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422.  The most popular warrior 
this turn was FRIJOLE! 99-1214.  The ten other most popular fighters were MR TACO 
WORKS 18-7620, SUPER BUM 82-18411, STRAFE 82-11158, GOKU 7-5628, 2 62-2976, HARV 
82-20046, THE IMPECCABLE PIG 5-3818, DOC STEELE 18-6808, ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112, and 
MUCKER 42-3596.

The least popular fighter this week was ASSASSIN 96-1802.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were BLACK WIDOW 3-3662, COLON CONVOY 18-9115, GOHAN 18-8449, WORK 
IN PROGRESS 38-4193, FEAR 82-10416, MEN WORKING 38-4189, BILLY THE SQUID 18-3880, 
SCHYLER 6-4866, CLEANER WRASSE 18-6495, and HAILSTORM 7-5698.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
OSKSI(3)             0  2 0  TALCAMA(18)          7  7 0  DWES EG(82)          7  3 0  
JHELUM(4)            1  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  2 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   1  1 0  
KALTOS(5)            1  1 0  KATI-TEI(41)         1  0 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     2  0 0  
TRANSEL(6)           2  3 0  RODEKI(42)           2  1 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     2  0 0  
BONSUR(7)            0  4 0  JURINE(61)           1  0 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      1  0 0  
WILLAF(16)           1  0 0  VALAMANTIS(62)       1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 LIFE 3-4196                 62 178  0  186  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 VAGABOND 4-6049             22  14  1  212  SEA DOGS (1271)            JHELUM
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           38  33  0  192  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 RED FUSION 6-5480           63  30  0  204  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL
 GOKU 7-5628                 44  23  0  198  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 PSYCHO GRANDMA! 16-5120     15   2  1   82  LOOK OUT! (1278)           WILLAF
 HE HATE ME 18-7820          56  52  2  247  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    37 109  2  191  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199        20   2  2  151  072905R (1273)             KATI-TEI
 STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836  49  39  0  273  I'M SO SEXY (1072)         RODEKI
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     94  37  1  218  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 2 62-2976                   48  49  3  195  NUMBERS (937)              VALAMANTIS
 PUD 126 82-22024            49  27  0  301  PUDS AGAIN 6 (1234)        DWES EG
 SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399       23  23  3  198  SEA DOGS (1241)            OLD VALAMANTIS
 KUNG PAO KITTY 97-1310      22  29  3  174  CUTE & KINDA DEADLY (1229) SHADOW GROVE
 ONE A DAY 98-799            62  43  3  233  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL
 FRIJOLE! 99-1214            33  42  3  197  BEAN MACHINE (1202)        SOUTH RIDGE