DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL

Date   : 03/17/2007    Duedate: 03/30/2007

DARKHOLM

DM-104    TURN-449

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 BLACK PRIMER 82/1187 1253  446  8 73.7      DEATH BY CHOCOLATE 97/1268            
  2 DON'T ASK 82/1205    1843 1445 20 56.1      WASTELAND II 7/500                    
    4-LETTER DOCTORS 82/1204                    NUMBERS 62/937                        
    LOCAL BEER 82/1219                          I'M SO SEXY 42/1072                   
    STREET PIZZA 18/114                         WHAT A TREAT 98/1201                  
    REAL PIZZA FLAVOR 82/1286                   LARGE LOSERS 5/1228                   
    WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1252                NEGATIVE CASH FLOW 82/1197            
    4-LETTER NAMES 82/1256                      HOLE IN THE WALL 6/1243               
    DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II 82/1258                 JUST DON'T CARE 5/1242                
    ATTACK OF THE CLONES 82/1254              5 STYROFOAM 82/1090    1157 1014  8 53.3
    4-LETTER ANXIETY 82/1236                  6 BIG MEAN FISH 18/292  908  840  7 51.9
  3 MISTRESS 4 XM 3/1284   42   34  0 55.3      CUTE & KINDA DEADLY 97/1229           
  4 NUTS 82/1240         2495 2041  8 55.0      BEAN MACHINE 99/1202                  
    LOOK OUT! 16/1278                         7 SEA DOGS 4/1271       122  186  5 39.6
    CEMENTIA 61/1112                            SEA DOGS 18/328                       
    IT'S NEW! 6/1195                            SEA DOGS 96/1241                      
    PUDS AGAIN 6 82/1234                      8 GAMES LIBRARY 3/998   343  538  3 38.9
    FLAT BROKE 82/1184                        9 ARROGANCE 18/732      972 1712 17 36.2
    MY DRUGS 98/1179                            THE LADY'S LIST 6/917                 
    072905R 41/1273                             JUST BECAUSE 38/1151                  
    WASTELAND 18/468                         10 POWER LEGION 16/1287    1    8  0 11.1

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

Good evening, Delarquans!

Nine stand-in warriors fought today.  They went 3-6-0, with two of the wins being
provided by Ferd the Tower.  We all know the inimitable Ferd, prominent hero and
gracious teacher.

Kill or be killed, that used to be the Delarquan way.  HAILSTORM (7-5698) (35-20-
0,194) of WASTELAND II fought FRIJOLE! (99-1214) (33-45-3,185) of BEAN MACHINE.
HAILSTORM assassinated FRIJOLE! in a 1 minute one-sided duel.

There was just one challenge this turn, and it was made by Strafe.  STRAFE (82-11158)
(54-24-0,205) of BLACK PRIMERS challenged SUPER BUM (82-18411) (64-38-1,247) of FLAT
BROKE.  STRAFE (our premier Wall of Steel warrior) viciously subdued SUPER BUM in a
crowd pleasing 3 minute Challenge fight.  Crowd pleasing?  Yes!  At least, it was
definitely good for me.  (sigh)  I've always liked wastes.  Soooo much muscle and
stamina!

The formidable Aimed Blow Practitioner, Credit Line, defeated one of our Doc Steeles
to remain the Keeper of the Runeblade this turn. CREDIT LINE (82-1366) (40-41-0,309)
of WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY fought DOC STEELE (18-6808) (73-106-1,223) of ARROGANCE.
CREDIT LINE demolished DOC STEELE in a 2 minute one-sided Title melee.  Despite
losing, Doc remains our top Parry-Lunger (a difficult style to master, so I've been
told).  Well done, C.L.  I hope to see a column from you in our next issue of the
sporting journal?

And how, you wonder, did the other Doc Steele do this turn?  Better than his brother.
STUPID SEXY FLANDERS (42-3836) (50-41-0,216) of I'M SO SEXY fought DOC STEELE (18-
6010) (80-157-6,195) of ARROGANCE.  STUPID SEXY FLANDERS was vanquished by DOC STEELE
in a 1 minute uneven duel.

A double celebrity matchup! CRACK IS CHEAP (82-18422) (50-49-0,198) of NEGATIVE CASH
FLOW fought FERD THE TOWER (104-27) (120-15-8,280) of ARENA STAND-INS.  CRACK IS
CHEAP was overpowered by FERD THE TOWER in a 3 minute uneven fray.  Of course, Mr.
Cheap remains our Overall Popularity Leader, amazing the spectators with his flashy
moves even when he loses.

Our most popular warrior this turn is Plankwalker.  He wasn't scummed, really.  But a
lot of spectators automatically vote for whoever loses a long fight.  They should
pull their heads out of the sand. UBER GOOBER (82-26198) (40-32-0,180) of NUTS fought
PLANKWALKER (18-8604) (31-35-3,130) of SEA DOGS.  UBER GOOBER luckily beat
PLANKWALKER in an action packed 10 minute gruesome fight.

5 GOT PICKED (41-4199) (23-2-2,172) of 072905R fought MEN WORKING (38-4189) (37-112-
1,109) of JUST BECAUSE.  5 GOT PICKED overpowered MEN WORKING in a 1 minute one-sided
match.  In spite of losing, Men Working is still our Top Basher.  But he was also
voted the audience's least favorite warrior this turn.

HE HATE ME (18-7820) (59-52-2,303) of WASTELAND fought FEAR (82-10416) (49-69-1,192)
of 4-LETTER ANXIETY.  HE HATE ME handily defeated FEAR in an exciting 1 minute bloody
one-sided contest.  He Hate Me is our top Lunger.  Bravo!

That about wraps it up.  I hope you all have a good two weeks, and I'll see you again
at the end of 'em.  Practice hard and fight dirty!

                                 Desiree

KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366         41  41  0  320  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1252 DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HE HATE ME 18-7820          60  52  2  312  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 ONE A DAY 98-799            66  43  3  300  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL
-HITZ 82-10428               44  17  0  297  4-LETTER DOCTORS (1204)    DWES EG
 NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317        72  36  1  277  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     98  37  1  269  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 PTI 7-5412                  71  32  0  240  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 GOKU 7-5628                 48  23  0  240  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 MAHI MAHI 18-4899          149  82  2  234  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 BRICKTOP 18-7955            52  46  0  230  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 HAILSTORM 7-5698            36  20  1  229  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 STRAFE 82-11158             55  24  0  226  BLACK PRIMERS (1187)       DWES EG
 PUD 126 82-22024            52  28  0  220  PUDS AGAIN 6 (1234)        DWES EG
 DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978       80  81  1  217  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 2 62-2976                   51  50  3  215  NUMBERS (937)              VALAMANTIS
 DOC STEELE 18-6010          81 157  6  214  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 HEAT 98-981                 41  39  4  214  WHAT A TREAT (1201)        SYVYN'S HILL
 SCHYLER 6-4866              86 132  1  213  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 TASTY HANGNAIL 7-5463       53  46  0  213  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422     50  50  0  210  NEGATIVE CASH FLOW (1197)  DWES EG
 GOHAN 18-8449               45  35  1  210  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 CHIPS AHOY 97-1586          26  15  4  210  DEATH BY CHOCOLATE (1268)  SHADOW GROVE
-GATEWAY 82-15631            36  16  0  208  ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254 DWES EG
 COOLER 82-7277              69  60  1  207  STYROFOAM (1090)           DWES EG
 BRADEN 6-4867               85 133  1  205  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 RED FUSION 6-5480           66  31  0  204  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL
 SUPER BUM 82-18411          64  39  1  204  FLAT BROKE (1184)          DWES EG
 CLEANER WRASSE 18-6495     111  93  2  201  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399       24  26  3  201  SEA DOGS (1241)            OLD VALAMANTIS
 COLON CONVOY 18-9115        29  10  0  199  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
-YUENGLING 82-16265          37  24  1  198  LOCAL BEER (1219)          DWES EG
-THE CUTICLE DANCE 82-13639  36  22  2  198  DON'T ASK (1205)           DWES EG
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    38 112  2  197  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH 18-6977  86  74  0  196  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 DOC STEELE 18-6808          73 107  1  190  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 VAGABOND 4-6049             23  17  1  190  SEA DOGS (1271)            JHELUM
 STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836  50  42  0  187  I'M SO SEXY (1072)         RODEKI
 HARV 82-20046               44  24  1  187  4-LETTER NAMES (1256)      DWES EG
 FEAR 82-10416               49  70  1  186  4-LETTER ANXIETY (1236)    DWES EG
 BILLY THE SQUID 18-3880     41  39  3  182  SEA DOGS (328)             TALCAMA
 UBER GOOBER 82-26198        41  32  0  182  NUTS (1240)                DWES EG
 COOKIE FOR THE SOUL 6-6002  31  22  0  182  HOLE IN THE WALL (1243)    TRANSEL
 FRIJOLE! 99-1214            33  46  3  181  BEAN MACHINE (1202)        SOUTH RIDGE

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ??RADAR?? 82-20310          26  32  0  180  DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II (1258) DWES EG
 KUNG PAO KITTY 97-1310      22  33  3  180  CUTE & KINDA DEADLY (1229) SHADOW GROVE
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           39  36  0  174  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199        24   2  2  174  072905R (1273)             KATI-TEI
 THE IMPECCABLE PIG 5-3818   31  30  0  172  JUST DON'T CARE (1242)     KALTOS
 MR TACO WORKS 18-7620       26  16  1  154  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PLANKWALKER 18-8604         31  36  3  143  SEA DOGS (328)             TALCAMA
 SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889     26  29  2  135  STREET PIZZA (114)         TALCAMA
 CALCULATOR 3-5513           36  45  0  131  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 MEN WORKING 38-4189         37 113  1  121  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BLACK WIDOW 3-3662          22   4  1   95  MISTRESS 4 XMAS (1284)     OSKSI
 PSYCHO GRANDMA! 16-5120     19   2  1   91  LOOK OUT! (1278)           WILLAF

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-FLAMING FLAMINGO 21-3570    19  12  0   69  DOC LEGRAND'S AVIANS (26)  SUNSET
-HART CRANE 21-6207          17  15  2   68  LITERATE LOONS (1288)      SUNSET
 OLD MAID 3-5624             25  28  1   61  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 FOOL'S MATE 3-5516          23  30  0   61  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 DUNE 3-4195                 17  52  0   58  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 STRATEGICS 3-5751           25  24  0   50  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN
FRIJOLE! 99-1214           33  46  3 BEAN MACHINE 1202      HAILSTORM 7-5698       449

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

The Impeccable Pig -- I have examined my stores of words and concepts and do not find
an acceptable congruence of the concept "impeccable" with that of "pig."  Therefore,
you are what I believe is called an "illusion."  Which is to say, not real. --
Calculator

Psycho Grandma! -- You're nuts, you do know that, don't you? -- Dune

A Drunken Fisherman?  I do not understand the value of this.  Why should this
fisherman be important to the gladiatorial system? -- Strategics

The Innkeeper's Son is a dear boy, I'm sure, but rather inclined to get "above
himself," as they say.  Really, the Innkeeper should give him an occasional smack,
just to demonstrate that, though loved, he is not going to be allowed to get out of
hand. -- Old Maid

Black Widow -- Are you a fool?  Because if not, you can't have anything to do with
me.  It's in the rules. -- Fool's Mate

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

STRAFE viciously subdued SUPER BUM in a crowd pleasing 3 minute Challenge fight.
CREDIT LINE demolished DOC STEELE in a 2 minute one-sided Title melee.
VAGABOND was overpowered by TASTY HANGNAIL in a 1 minute mismatched duel.
ONE A DAY narrowly defeated BLIND BEGGAR in a exciting 3 minute fight.
NEOSPHINCTER bested BRADEN in a action packed 3 minute brawl.
ETCHED IN STONE luckily beat COOLER in a exciting 3 minute bloody struggle.
PTI handily defeated WORK IN PROGRESS in a action packed 1 minute uneven fight.
STUPID SEXY FLANDERS was vanquished by DOC STEELE in a 1 minute uneven duel.
GOKU defeated CLEANER WRASSE in a 2 minute gruesome duel.
GOHAN was overpowered by MAHI MAHI in a action packed 3 minute gory one-sided fight.
BRICKTOP narrowly defeated HARV in a exciting 6 minute bloody match.
HE HATE ME handily defeated FEAR in a exciting 1 minute bloody one-sided contest.
HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH overpowered THE IMPECCABLE PIG in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.
HAILSTORM assassinated FRIJOLE! in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
DUSKY JAWFISH devastated ??RADAR?? in a exciting 1 minute uneven duel.
COLON CONVOY viciously subdued KUNG PAO KITTY in a crowd pleasing 3 minute gory brawl.
COOKIE FOR THE SOUL was overpowered by SCHYLER in a exciting 1 minute one-sided match.
2 overpowered LOCAL CONSTABLE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched conflict.
RED FUSION luckily beat SHADOWMANE in a action packed 5 minute brutal fight.
CRACK IS CHEAP was overpowered by FERD THE TOWER in a 3 minute uneven fray.
PUD 126 overpowered BLIND BEGGAR in a popular 3 minute gruesome one-sided match.
SUSHI SLINGER overpowered MR TACO WORKS in a popular 1 minute uneven fight.
CHIPS AHOY was savagely defeated by FERD THE TOWER in a action packed 3 minute match.
HEAT vanquished SHEWISH GIANT in a action packed 3 minute brutal one-sided fray.
MANUTE BOL handily defeated SMELL CAREFULLY in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
UBER GOOBER luckily beat PLANKWALKER in a action packed 10 minute gruesome fight.
5 GOT PICKED overpowered MEN WORKING in a 1 minute one-sided match.
BILLY THE SQUID savagely defeated CALCULATOR in a exciting 5 minute brutal fight.
BLACK WIDOW overpowered STRATEGICS in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided fray.
PSYCHO GRANDMA! vanquished DUNE in a exciting 1 minute mismatched fight.
OLD MAID demolished DRUNKEN FISHERMAN in a 1 minute one-sided struggle.
FOOL'S MATE was handily defeated by BOOKIE'S GUARD in a 1 minute one-sided fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW                      15         TOTAL PARRY       60 -  40 -  0      60  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                  12         PARRY-STRIKE       6 -   4 -  1      60  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     10         LUNGING ATTACK    91 -  63 -  0      59  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  4         AIMED BLOW        88 -  69 -  1      56  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    4         SLASHING ATTACK   14 -  17 -  0      45  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         PARRY-LUNGE        8 -  12 -  0      40  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   3         STRIKING ATTACK   14 -  22 -  0      39  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         WALL OF STEEL     14 -  28 -  0      33  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -   8 -  0      20  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         BASHING ATTACK     2 -  16 -  0      11  |

Turn 449 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

AIMED BLOW        10 -  5     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  2         4  LUNGING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  1     STRIKING ATTACK    1 -  3         3  AIMED BLOW     
TOTAL PARRY        6 -  4     WALL OF STEEL      1 -  3         3  TOTAL PARRY    
LUNGING ATTACK     7 -  5     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  1         1  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  1     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  1     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
AIMED BLOW       CREDIT LINE 82-1366        41  41  0  320 WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1252)
LUNGING ATTACK   HE HATE ME 18-7820         60  52  2  312 WASTELAND (468)
TOTAL PARRY      ONE A DAY 98-799           66  43  3  300 MY DRUGS (1179)
STRIKING ATTACK  MAHI MAHI 18-4899         149  82  2  234 BIG MEAN FISH (292)
WALL OF STEEL    STRAFE 82-11158            55  24  0  226 BLACK PRIMERS (1187)
SLASHING ATTACK  SCHYLER 6-4866             86 132  1  213 THE LADY'S LIST (917)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193   38 112  2  197 JUST BECAUSE (1151)
PARRY-LUNGE      DOC STEELE 18-6808         73 107  1  190 ARROGANCE (732)
PARRY-STRIKE     PLANKWALKER 18-8604        31  36  3  143 SEA DOGS (328)
BASHING ATTACK   MEN WORKING 38-4189        37 113  1  121 JUST BECAUSE (1151)

The overall popularity leader is CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422.  The most popular warrior 
this turn was PLANKWALKER 18-8604.  The ten other most popular fighters were HARV 
82-20046, BILLY THE SQUID 18-3880, COLON CONVOY 18-9115, HEAT 98-981, STRAFE 
82-11158, MAHI MAHI 18-4899, COOLER 82-7277, PUD 126 82-22024, NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317, 
and GOHAN 18-8449.

The least popular fighter this week was MEN WORKING 38-4189.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889, STUPID SEXY FLANDERS 42-3836, FOOL'S 
MATE 3-5516, DUNE 3-4195, STRATEGICS 3-5751, FRIJOLE! 99-1214, THE IMPECCABLE PIG 
5-3818, FEAR 82-10416, WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193, and VAGABOND 4-6049.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
OSKSI(3)             2  4 0  TALCAMA(18)          9  6 0  DWES EG(82)          4  6 0  
JHELUM(4)            0  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  2 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   1  0 0  
KALTOS(5)            1  1 0  KATI-TEI(41)         1  0 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     0  2 0  
TRANSEL(6)           2  2 0  RODEKI(42)           0  1 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     2  0 0  
BONSUR(7)            4  0 1  JURINE(61)           1  0 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      0  1 0  
WILLAF(16)           1  0 0  VALAMANTIS(62)       1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CALCULATOR 3-5513           36  45  0  131  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 VAGABOND 4-6049             23  17  1  190  SEA DOGS (1271)            JHELUM
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           39  36  0  174  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 SCHYLER 6-4866              86 132  1  213  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 PTI 7-5412                  71  32  0  240  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 PSYCHO GRANDMA! 16-5120     19   2  1   91  LOOK OUT! (1278)           WILLAF
 HE HATE ME 18-7820          60  52  2  312  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    38 112  2  197  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199        24   2  2  174  072905R (1273)             KATI-TEI
 STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836  50  42  0  187  I'M SO SEXY (1072)         RODEKI
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     98  37  1  269  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 2 62-2976                   51  50  3  215  NUMBERS (937)              VALAMANTIS
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366         41  41  0  320  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1252 DWES EG
 SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399       24  26  3  201  SEA DOGS (1241)            OLD VALAMANTIS
 CHIPS AHOY 97-1586          26  15  4  210  DEATH BY CHOCOLATE (1268)  SHADOW GROVE
 ONE A DAY 98-799            66  43  3  300  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL
 FRIJOLE! 99-1214            33  46  3  181  BEAN MACHINE (1202)        SOUTH RIDGE