DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL

Date   : 03/31/2007    Duedate: 04/13/2007

DARKHOLM

DM-104    TURN-450

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 BLACK PRIMER 82/1187 1253  447  8 73.7      I'M SO SEXY 42/1072                   
  2 STREET PIZZA 18/114  1845 1448 20 56.0      WHAT A TREAT 98/1201                  
    4-LETTER NAMES 82/1256                      LARGE LOSERS 5/1228                   
    WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY 82/1252                NEGATIVE CASH FLOW 82/1197            
    DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II 82/1258                 HOLE IN THE WALL 6/1243               
    4-LETTER ANXIETY 82/1236                    JUST DON'T CARE 5/1242                
  3 MISTRESS 4 XM 3/1284   43   34  0 55.8    5 STYROFOAM 82/1090    1157 1015  8 53.3
  4 NUTS 82/1240         2514 2050  8 55.1    6 BIG MEAN FISH 18/292  911  843  7 51.9
    LOOK OUT! 16/1278                           CUTE & KINDA DEADLY 97/1229           
    CEMENTIA 61/1112                            BEAN MACHINE 99/1202                  
    IT'S NEW! 6/1195                          7 SEA DOGS 4/1271       124  188  5 39.7
    PUDS AGAIN 6 82/1234                        SEA DOGS 18/328                       
    FLAT BROKE 82/1184                          SEA DOGS 96/1241                      
    MY DRUGS 98/1179                          8 GAMES LIBRARY 3/998   344  542  3 38.8
    072905R 41/1273                           9 ARROGANCE 18/732      974 1716 17 36.2
    WASTELAND 18/468                            THE LADY'S LIST 6/917                 
    WASTELAND II 7/500                          JUST BECAUSE 38/1151                  
    DEATH BY CHOCOLATE 97/1268               10-POWER LEGION 16/1287    1    8  0 11.1
    NUMBERS 62/937                        

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

Denizens of Darkholm!

Credit Line remains our Keeper of the Runeblade and, of course, our premier Aimed
Blow Practitioner.  CREDIT LINE (82-1366) (41-41-0,320) of WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY
fought BRICKTOP (18-7955) (52-46-0,230) of WASTELAND.  CREDIT LINE demolished
BRICKTOP in a popular 2 minute gruesome one-sided Title melee.  Look at that record,
though... does Credit Line really deserve to be at the top of the heap?  Should he
prove it by challenging Neosphincter?  What do you think?

There was just one challenge fight this turn.  STRAFE (82-11158) (55-24-0,226) of
BLACK PRIMERS challenged SUPER BUM (82-18411) (64-39-1,204) of FLAT BROKE.  STRAFE
was viciously subdued by SUPER BUM in a 6 minute Challenge fight.  Strafe, sorry you
lost.  But thank you for challenging.

The warrior voted least popular this turn was Mr. Dutch Crunch.  I guess people
thought he was going to hand out candy and he didn't.  You've got to be careful about
getting people's hopes up, they can turn mean when you disappoint them.  MR. DUTCH
CRUNCH (18-9257) (20-7-0,67) of WASTELAND fought DUNE (3-4195) (17-52-0,58) of GAMES
LIBRARY.  MR. DUTCH CRUNCH was overpowered by DUNE in a 1 minute one-sided fray.

Scum.  Definitely scum, this turn.  And yet, CiC is STILL the overall popularity
leader!  BRADEN (6-4867) (85-133-1,205) of THE LADY'S LIST fought CRACK IS CHEAP (82-
18422) (50-50-0,210) of NEGATIVE CASH FLOW.    BRADEN was outlasted by CRACK IS CHEAP
in an exciting 9 minute gruesome melee.  It was our longest fight, by the way.  And
Braden was this turn's favorite, due to the "scum sympathy" vote.  Go figure.

No one was killed.  No one avoided anyone.  Ho-hum.

Now I've hit all the high points I normally like to hit -- except the ones, of
course, that didn't happen this turn.  And there is space to fill...

List of possible topics to talk about:
     *  Favorite recipes
     *  Sex
     *  Springtime
     *  Bloodshed

Springtime it is, then.

     The cherry trees were in bloom around the Black Tower this morning as I whipped
up a panful of Blood and Guts (scrambled eggs with LOTS of tabasco).  I was whistling
right along with the season's first robin (well, he was the first one I saw, but I
don't keep an eye out for them or anything), when who should I see down below,
slinking from the shadow of one cherry tree to the next, but my old boyfriend,
Japhor, the Bandit Prince (either him, or his Far Worse Twin, Dirk Cholera).  If it
was Japhor, then he evidently had escaped from Sheila Greywand's prison and I knew
that I should properly report him to the authorities.  If it was Cholera, naturally I
should drop the spatula and run for the hills.
     So I set the pan off the fire, got my horsewhip out of the closet, and went
downstairs to see which one it was.  Brave?  No.  Stupid?  Maybe.  But it's
springtime, when a young woman's fancy turns to thoughts of...
     "What are you doing lurking in my cherries?" I said, lightly resting the whip on
my shoulder as I studied him, trying to figure out if he was the Evil Twin or the Far
Worse Twin.
     "It's springtime," he said, stalking towards me.  Looking dark and dangerous,
which was not a bad thing in itself, unless he turned out to be the FWT.
     I did my quick-draw and cracked the whip an inch from his nose.  "Hold on!
Which one are you?"
     "I've just eluded wizards and constables and packs of bloodhounds to come here
and give you a kiss to celebrate the season," he said.
     "What kind of a kiss?" I asked him suspiciously.  Because the FWT puts strange
names on the things he does.
     "A Plundering Kiss," Japhor said.
     "Oh!  Carry on, then."  I coiled up the whip and hung it over my shoulder.

My Favorite Recipe:  the Plundering Kiss

Starts with a sultry look, and a bit of a husky growl
One hand on back of head
One hand on waist (for support)
75% tongue (preferably to the tonsils)
25% hot breath on cheek
Ends with a backwards dip (which is when the supporting hands are so useful)
Heat for two minutes, minimum.
Repeat as needed.

That's all for now.  Have a pleasant two weeks.

                      Desiree

KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366         42  41  0  336  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1252 DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ONE A DAY 98-799            67  43  3  326  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL
 HE HATE ME 18-7820          61  52  2  326  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317        73  36  1  299  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     99  37  1  275  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 MAHI MAHI 18-4899          150  82  2  265  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 PTI 7-5412                  72  32  0  253  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 HAILSTORM 7-5698            37  20  1  245  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PUD 126 82-22024            53  28  0  236  PUDS AGAIN 6 (1234)        DWES EG
 SCHYLER 6-4866              87 132  1  232  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 SUPER BUM 82-18411          65  39  1  228  FLAT BROKE (1184)          DWES EG
 DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978       81  81  1  226  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 TASTY HANGNAIL 7-5463       54  46  0  220  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422     51  50  0  218  NEGATIVE CASH FLOW (1197)  DWES EG
 GOHAN 18-8449               46  35  1  213  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399       25  26  3  210  SEA DOGS (1241)            OLD VALAMANTIS
 RED FUSION 6-5480           66  32  0  207  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL
 STRAFE 82-11158             55  25  0  205  BLACK PRIMERS (1187)       DWES EG
 COLON CONVOY 18-9115        30  10  0  205  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 VAGABOND 4-6049             24  17  1  205  SEA DOGS (1271)            JHELUM
 DOC STEELE 18-6808          74 107  1  203  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 DOC STEELE 18-6010          81 158  6  200  ARROGANCE (732)            TALCAMA
 HEAT 98-981                 41  40  4  200  WHAT A TREAT (1201)        SYVYN'S HILL
 CHIPS AHOY 97-1586          26  16  4  200  DEATH BY CHOCOLATE (1268)  SHADOW GROVE
 CLEANER WRASSE 18-6495     111  94  2  199  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA
 HARV 82-20046               45  24  1  199  4-LETTER NAMES (1256)      DWES EG
 BRADEN 6-4867               85 134  1  198  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 2 62-2976                   51  51  3  198  NUMBERS (937)              VALAMANTIS
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           40  36  0  197  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 GOKU 7-5628                 48  24  0  196  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 COOLER 82-7277              69  61  1  194  STYROFOAM (1090)           DWES EG
 COOKIE FOR THE SOUL 6-6002  32  22  0  192  HOLE IN THE WALL (1243)    TRANSEL
 BRICKTOP 18-7955            52  47  0  190  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    38 113  2  185  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 UBER GOOBER 82-26198        41  33  0  184  NUTS (1240)                DWES EG
 KUNG PAO KITTY 97-1310      23  33  3  182  CUTE & KINDA DEADLY (1229) SHADOW GROVE
 HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH 18-6977  86  75  0  181  BIG MEAN FISH (292)        TALCAMA

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 FEAR 82-10416               49  71  1  180  4-LETTER ANXIETY (1236)    DWES EG
 ??RADAR?? 82-20310          26  33  0  180  DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II (1258) DWES EG
 BILLY THE SQUID 18-3880     41  40  3  179  SEA DOGS (328)             TALCAMA
 STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836  50  43  0  178  I'M SO SEXY (1072)         RODEKI
 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199        25   2  2  176  072905R (1273)             KATI-TEI
 FRIJOLE! 99-1214            33  47  3  174  BEAN MACHINE (1202)        SOUTH RIDGE
 THE IMPECCABLE PIG 5-3818   32  30  0  174  JUST DON'T CARE (1242)     KALTOS
 MR TACO WORKS 18-7620       27  16  1  162  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PLANKWALKER 18-8604         31  37  3  139  SEA DOGS (328)             TALCAMA
 CALCULATOR 3-5513           36  46  0  138  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889     26  30  2  135  STREET PIZZA (114)         TALCAMA
 MEN WORKING 38-4189         37 114  1  132  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BLACK WIDOW 3-3662          23   4  1   97  MISTRESS 4 XMAS (1284)     OSKSI
 PSYCHO GRANDMA! 16-5120     20   2  1   94  LOOK OUT! (1278)           WILLAF

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DUNE 3-4195                 18  52  0   80  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 OLD MAID 3-5624             25  29  1   70  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
-HART CRANE 21-6207          17  15  2   68  LITERATE LOONS (1288)      SUNSET
 VISTA BLOWS 18-9258         17   9  0   66  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 FOOL'S MATE 3-5516          23  31  0   64  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 MR. DUTCH CRUNCH 18-9257    20   8  0   52  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 STRATEGICS 3-5751           25  25  0   44  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                    W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY              TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Billy the Squid -- Tentacles!  My calculations suggested that you were evil, and the
results of this fight proved it. -- Calculator
P.S.  Not that I really understand the concept of "evil," but this is what I was
told.  And I always remember what I'm told.

     Tentacles are definitely evil.  There are people who like them--people who like
     them a great deal--but I am not one.  BAD tentacles! -- Desiree

Black Widow -- I believe there is a strategic problem here somewhere.  One that could
be alleviated if Nick would get off his rear and enter a new strategy for me. --
Strategics

Psycho Grandma! -- You're nuts. -- Dune

A Drunken Fisherman?  I can see that he's been a Bad Boy.  I couldn't let that slip
past. -- Old Maid

Dammit, I would have paid that bookie, I was MEANING to, but then he sent this
werecat to collect, and I'm ALLERGIC to cats! -- Fool's Mate

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

STRAFE was viciously subdued by SUPER BUM in a 6 minute Challenge fight.
CREDIT LINE demolished BRICKTOP in a popular 2 minute gruesome one-sided Title melee.
HEAT was devastated by SOLACIA in a popular 2 minute brutal one-sided contest.
ONE A DAY viciously subdued SOLACIA in a action packed 3 minute gory brawl.
PUD 126 devastated BLIND BEGGAR in a crowd pleasing 3 minute gory mismatched match.
SCHYLER overcame GOKU in a 2 minute melee.
NEOSPHINCTER vanquished CLEANER WRASSE in a popular 2 minute gruesome uneven duel.
2 was viciously subdued by DUSKY JAWFISH in a popular 7 minute brutal fight.
PTI handily defeated DOC STEELE in a exciting 2 minute brutal one-sided bout.
TASTY HANGNAIL devastated BILLY THE SQUID in a exciting 1 minute mismatched conflict.
HAILSTORM demolished COOLER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided brawl.
ETCHED IN STONE handily defeated SHEWISH GIANT in a popular 1 minute uneven fight.
MAHI MAHI vanquished RED FUSION in a crowd pleasing 3 minute bloody one-sided fray.
HE HATE ME devastated BLIND BEGGAR in a 2 minute one-sided fight.
HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH was subdued by MANUTE BOL in a exciting 1 minute bout.
DOC STEELE overpowered STUPID SEXY FLANDERS in a 2 minute mismatched fight.
GOHAN slimly won victory over ??RADAR?? in a popular 4 minute gory contest.
COLON CONVOY vanquished LAUGHING BARMAID in a action packed 2 minute one-sided match.
WORK IN PROGRESS was handily defeated by VAGABOND in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
COOKIE FOR THE SOUL overpowered FRIJOLE! in a 1 minute uneven fight.
FEAR was overpowered by SUSHI SLINGER in a popular 2 minute gory uneven fight.
BRADEN was outlasted by CRACK IS CHEAP in a exciting 9 minute gruesome melee.
HARV viciously subdued UBER GOOBER in a action packed 5 minute brutal bout.
CHIPS AHOY was viciously subdued by BLIND BEGGAR in a exciting 5 minute gory duel.
THE IMPECCABLE PIG overpowered SMELL CAREFULLY in a 1 minute uneven duel.
KUNG PAO KITTY defeated MEN WORKING in a 3 minute match.
5 GOT PICKED demolished CALCULATOR in a exciting 3 minute one-sided fight.
MR TACO WORKS overpowered PLANKWALKER in a 1 minute uneven bout.
BLACK WIDOW subdued OLD MAID in a 1 minute contest.
PSYCHO GRANDMA! vanquished FOOL'S MATE in a 1 minute mismatched fight.
VISTA BLOWS demolished STRATEGICS in a 1 minute mismatched match.
MR. DUTCH CRUNCH was overpowered by DUNE in a 1 minute one-sided fray.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW                      17         AIMED BLOW        98 -  61 -  1      62  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                  12         TOTAL PARRY       60 -  40 -  0      60  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     10         LUNGING ATTACK    83 -  64 -  0      56  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  4         PARRY-STRIKE       5 -   5 -  1      50  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    4         SLASHING ATTACK   13 -  17 -  0      43  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         STRIKING ATTACK   15 -  22 -  0      41  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   3         PARRY-LUNGE        8 -  12 -  0      40  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         WALL OF STEEL     13 -  28 -  0      32  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -   8 -  0      20  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         BASHING ATTACK     2 -  18 -  0      10  |

Turn 450 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

AIMED BLOW        14 -  3     LUNGING ATTACK     4 -  8         3  AIMED BLOW     
SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  2         3  TOTAL PARRY    
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  1     WALL OF STEEL      1 -  3         3  LUNGING ATTACK 
STRIKING ATTACK    2 -  2     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  1         1  STRIKING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY        5 -  5     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  1         1  SLASHING ATTACK

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
AIMED BLOW       CREDIT LINE 82-1366        42  41  0  336 WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1252)
TOTAL PARRY      ONE A DAY 98-799           67  43  3  326 MY DRUGS (1179)
LUNGING ATTACK   HE HATE ME 18-7820         61  52  2  326 WASTELAND (468)
STRIKING ATTACK  MAHI MAHI 18-4899         150  82  2  265 BIG MEAN FISH (292)
SLASHING ATTACK  SCHYLER 6-4866             87 132  1  232 THE LADY'S LIST (917)
WALL OF STEEL    STRAFE 82-11158            55  25  0  205 BLACK PRIMERS (1187)
PARRY-LUNGE      DOC STEELE 18-6808         74 107  1  203 ARROGANCE (732)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193   38 113  2  185 JUST BECAUSE (1151)
PARRY-STRIKE     PLANKWALKER 18-8604        31  37  3  139 SEA DOGS (328)
BASHING ATTACK   MEN WORKING 38-4189        37 114  1  132 JUST BECAUSE (1151)

The overall popularity leader is CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422.  The most popular warrior 
this turn was BRADEN 6-4867.  The ten other most popular fighters were HARV 82-20046, 
2 62-2976, DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978, STRAFE 82-11158, SUPER BUM 82-18411, 5 GOT PICKED 
41-4199, GOHAN 18-8449, CHIPS AHOY 97-1586, PUD 126 82-22024, and NEOSPHINCTER 
18-7317.

The least popular fighter this week was MR. DUTCH CRUNCH 18-9257.  The other ten 
least popular fighters were STRATEGICS 3-5751, FOOL'S MATE 3-5516, PLANKWALKER 
18-8604, SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889, WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193, OLD MAID 3-5624, 
CALCULATOR 3-5513, FEAR 82-10416, FRIJOLE! 99-1214, and STUPID SEXY FLANDERS 42-3836.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
OSKSI(3)             2  4 0  TALCAMA(18)          9  8 0  DWES EG(82)          5  5 0  
JHELUM(4)            1  0 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  2 0  OLD VALAMANTIS(96)   1  0 0  
KALTOS(5)            2  0 0  KATI-TEI(41)         1  0 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     1  1 0  
TRANSEL(6)           2  2 0  RODEKI(42)           0  1 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     1  1 0  
BONSUR(7)            3  1 0  JURINE(61)           1  0 0  SOUTH RIDGE(99)      0  1 0  
WILLAF(16)           1  0 0  VALAMANTIS(62)       0  1 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CALCULATOR 3-5513           36  46  0  138  GAMES LIBRARY (998)        OSKSI
 VAGABOND 4-6049             24  17  1  205  SEA DOGS (1271)            JHELUM
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           40  36  0  197  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 SCHYLER 6-4866              87 132  1  232  THE LADY'S LIST (917)      TRANSEL
 PTI 7-5412                  72  32  0  253  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PSYCHO GRANDMA! 16-5120     20   2  1   94  LOOK OUT! (1278)           WILLAF
 HE HATE ME 18-7820          61  52  2  326  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    38 113  2  185  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199        25   2  2  176  072905R (1273)             KATI-TEI
 STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836  50  43  0  178  I'M SO SEXY (1072)         RODEKI
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112     99  37  1  275  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 2 62-2976                   51  51  3  198  NUMBERS (937)              VALAMANTIS
 CREDIT LINE 82-1366         42  41  0  336  WOMEN LOVE ME FOR MY (1252 DWES EG
 SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399       25  26  3  210  SEA DOGS (1241)            OLD VALAMANTIS
 CHIPS AHOY 97-1586          26  16  4  200  DEATH BY CHOCOLATE (1268)  SHADOW GROVE
 ONE A DAY 98-799            67  43  3  326  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL
 FRIJOLE! 99-1214            33  47  3  174  BEAN MACHINE (1202)        SOUTH RIDGE