DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL Date : 07/21/2007 Duedate: 08/03/2007 DARKHOLM DM-104 TURN-458 RANK TEAMS W L K % RANK TEAMS W L K % 1 TWISTED SESA 99/1289 1258 450 8 73.7 I'M SO SEXY 42/1072 2 MISTRESS 4 XM 3/1284 50 35 1 58.8 WHAT A TREAT 98/1201 3 DON'T ASK 82/1205 1867 1476 22 55.8 DEATH BY CHOCOLATE 97/1268 LOCAL BEER 82/1219 JUST DON'T CARE 5/1242 STREET PIZZA 18/114 HOLE IN THE WALL 6/1243 REAL PIZZA FLAVOR 82/1286 LARGE LOSERS 5/1228 DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II 82/1258 NEGATIVE CASH FLOW 82/1197 4-LETTER ANXIETY 82/1236 5 STYROFOAM 82/1090 1161 1019 8 53.3 ATTACK OF THE CLONES 82/1254 6 BIG MEAN FISH 18/292 932 870 7 51.7 4 NUTS 82/1240 2651 2135 8 55.4 CUTE & KINDA DEADLY 97/1229 072905R 41/1273 BEAN MACHINE 99/1202 CEMENTIA 61/1112 7 KIDS GONE BAD 3/446 18 25 0 41.9 PUDS AGAIN 6 82/1234 8 SEA DOGS 4/1271 137 208 5 39.7 MY DRUGS 98/1179 SEA DOGS 18/328 FLAT BROKE 82/1184 SEA DOGS 96/1241 IT'S NEW! 6/1195 9 GAMES LIBRARY 3/998 353 573 3 38.1 WASTELAND 18/468 10 ARROGANCE 18/732 994 1744 17 36.3 WASTELAND II 7/500 THE LADY'S LIST 6/917 NUMBERS 62/937 JUST BECAUSE 38/1151 LOOK OUT! 16/1278 11 LETHAL LEGIO 40/1290 1 8 0 11.1 '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id '-' Team did not fight this turn REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER Children of the Night: Well.... Mahi Mahi didn't challenge or avoid, so I suppose it was inevitable that someone took the title away from him. MAHI MAHI (18-4899) (155-84-2,263) of BIG MEAN FISH fought SCHYLER (6-4866) (93-133-1,270) of THE LADY'S LIST. MAHI MAHI was bested by SCHYLER in a 2 minute Title fight. Schyler, the duty and privilege now falls upon you, to write a column for the enlightenment of these lazy sods, I mean these brave warriors! In fact, no one challenged or avoided, this time. Soooo much apathy! Somebody did die, though. That was interesting to see. WORK IN PROGRESS (38-4193) (38-120- 2,193) of JUST BECAUSE fought BLACK WIDOW (3-3662) (29-5-1,186) of MISTRESS 4 XMAS. WORK IN PROGRESS was slaughtered by BLACK WIDOW in a 1 minute one-sided match. You can see why. Mr. Progress is...judging by his record...not in a hurry to finish his training. Losing most of his fights might keep him out of Primus for a few more semesters, mightn't it? I hate to suggest that anyone from a good Delarquan city like Cliffhome might be dogging it, but...it looked that way to me when he lowered his weapon and just let the Widow slay him. Of course, you could look at that as a display of amazing courage and dedication in the cause of non-induction. Well done, Work! Schyler, the ladies' man, is our top Slasher of course. PTI is our top lunger (and I would like to know what those initials stand for?), and he's a rather impressive fighter, so let's see how he did this turn.... PTI (7-5412) (79-32-0,341) of WASTELAND II fought CLEANER WRASSE (18-6495) (114-98-2,217) of BIG MEAN FISH. PTI slimly won victory over CLEANER WRASSE in an action packed 2 minute gruesome fight. It was a good fight to watch, and a good win. Very well done, PTI. IS it initials, really, or is it supposed to be pronounced? P'tee' or Putty or...I don't know. Do tell! I could be mistaken about the origin of this name, but I think I have experienced the sort of manicure that could lead to naming a warrior "The Cuticle Dance." Nasty! THE CUTICLE DANCE (82-13639) (37-25-2,218) of DON'T ASK fought NEOSPHINCTER (18-7317) (79-37-1,292) of WASTELAND. THE CUTICLE DANCE was viciously subdued by NEOSPHINCTER in a popular 4 minute fight. This is not at all surprising because in addition to being quite a lot more experienced and with a better win percentage, Neosphincter is a practitioner of that mysterious and highly favored style, the Aimed Blow. You'd think everyone would aim, but apparently they don't. Look at Uber Goober, who won by sheer scummy persistence and scarcely bothered to make an aggressive move at all. UBER GOOBER (82-26198) (42-39-0,174) of NUTS fought CALCULATOR (3-5513) (38- 51-0,148) of GAMES LIBRARY. UBER GOOBER outwaited CALCULATOR in an 8 minute fray. Calculator tried to aim, but he waited until he was too tired to raise his weapon. You do realize, don't you, that the Commission has mages who cast an "exhaustion field" around the arena at the beginning of each fight? Otherwise trained warriors would probably be able to hold their weapons up for eight minutes or even longer. So it goes. The exhaustion field is supposed to simulate conditions inside a chaos gate. Time for my daily laugh. I like to go and watch the Debby Tonte stand-in practice. She stands in front of a mirror, tosses her bleached blonde hair, and flips her upper attributes while swinging her little sword. Sometimes she hurts herself. Fare well until the coming fortnight! Desiree (not my real name) KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY SCHYLER 6-4866 94 133 1 312 THE LADY'S LIST (917) TRANSEL GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY PTI 7-5412 80 32 0 357 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317 80 37 1 306 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112 106 38 1 285 CEMENTIA (1112) JURINE TASTY HANGNAIL 7-5463 61 47 0 281 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR SUPER BUM 82-18411 71 41 1 257 FLAT BROKE (1184) DWES EG PUD 126 82-22024 59 30 0 247 PUDS AGAIN 6 (1234) DWES EG HE HATE ME 18-7820 68 53 2 240 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA GOKU 7-5628 55 25 0 237 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR YUENGLING 82-16265 41 25 1 229 LOCAL BEER (1219) DWES EG VAGABOND 4-6049 28 21 1 229 SEA DOGS (1271) JHELUM DECK SWAB 18-2148 39 40 2 225 SEA DOGS (328) TALCAMA GOHAN 18-8449 48 41 1 216 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA 2 62-2976 57 53 3 215 NUMBERS (937) VALAMANTIS BRADEN 6-4867 88 139 1 211 THE LADY'S LIST (917) TRANSEL ONE A DAY 98-799 74 44 3 211 MY DRUGS (1179) SYVYN'S HILL GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY THE IMPECCABLE PIG 5-3818 38 32 0 210 JUST DON'T CARE (1242) KALTOS THE CUTICLE DANCE 82-13639 37 26 2 209 DON'T ASK (1205) DWES EG CLEANER WRASSE 18-6495 114 99 2 208 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA COLON CONVOY 18-9115 33 15 0 207 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA COOLER 82-7277 73 65 1 206 STYROFOAM (1090) DWES EG DOC STEELE 18-6010 86 161 6 203 ARROGANCE (732) TALCAMA STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836 56 45 0 203 I'M SO SEXY (1072) RODEKI BLACK WIDOW 3-3662 30 5 2 202 MISTRESS 4 XMAS (1284) OSKSI FEAR 82-10416 54 74 2 201 4-LETTER ANXIETY (1236) DWES EG 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199 30 5 2 200 072905R (1273) KATI-TEI HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH 18-6977 90 79 0 198 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422 53 56 0 198 NEGATIVE CASH FLOW (1197) DWES EG BRICKTOP 18-7955 56 51 0 197 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA ANTAGONIST 3-2824 23 22 2 197 KIDS GONE BAD (446) OSKSI GATEWAY 82-15631 36 21 0 196 ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254 DWES EG MAHI MAHI 18-4899 155 85 2 195 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY HAILSTORM 7-5698 42 23 1 194 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR FRIJOLE! 99-1214 36 52 3 194 BEAN MACHINE (1202) SOUTH RIDGE COOKIE FOR THE SOUL 6-6002 36 26 0 193 HOLE IN THE WALL (1243) TRANSEL CHIPS AHOY 97-1586 29 21 4 192 DEATH BY CHOCOLATE (1268) SHADOW GROVE RED FUSION 6-5480 68 38 0 191 IT'S NEW! (1195) TRANSEL KUNG PAO KITTY 97-1310 26 38 3 191 CUTE & KINDA DEADLY (1229) SHADOW GROVE DOC STEELE 18-6808 78 111 1 190 ARROGANCE (732) TALCAMA ??RADAR?? 82-20310 30 37 1 190 DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II (1258) DWES EG EVIL ELMO 99-1222 57 28 4 189 TWISTED SESAME (1289) SOUTH RIDGE DUSKY JAWFISH 18-6978 84 86 1 188 BIG MEAN FISH (292) TALCAMA WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193 38 121 2 185 JUST BECAUSE (1151) CLIFFHOME PLANKWALKER 18-8604 33 43 3 185 SEA DOGS (328) TALCAMA GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY BILLY THE SQUID 18-3880 44 45 3 180 SEA DOGS (328) TALCAMA HEAT 98-981 46 43 4 179 WHAT A TREAT (1201) SYVYN'S HILL UBER GOOBER 82-26198 43 39 0 176 NUTS (1240) DWES EG SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399 28 31 3 176 SEA DOGS (1241) OLD VALAMANTIS MR TACO WORKS 18-7620 28 23 1 175 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA MANUTE BOL 5-4233 42 42 0 172 LARGE LOSERS (1228) KALTOS GRAND ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY CALCULATOR 3-5513 38 52 0 150 GAMES LIBRARY (998) OSKSI PSYCHO GRANDMA! 16-5120 26 4 1 148 LOOK OUT! (1278) WILLAF MEN WORKING 38-4189 38 121 1 146 JUST BECAUSE (1151) CLIFFHOME SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889 26 38 2 118 STREET PIZZA (114) TALCAMA GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY GREASY NAPKINS 82-10156 16 9 0 87 REAL PIZZA FLAVOR (1286) DWES EG VISTA BLOWS 18-9258 22 11 0 84 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA MR. DUTCH CRUNCH 18-9257 26 9 0 80 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA FOOL'S MATE 3-5516 25 37 0 68 GAMES LIBRARY (998) OSKSI STRATEGICS 3-5751 28 30 0 63 GAMES LIBRARY (998) OSKSI DUNE 3-4195 19 59 0 59 GAMES LIBRARY (998) OSKSI -SLICE 40-4182 13 6 1 46 LETHAL LEGION (1290) ZENSU OLD MAID 3-5624 26 36 1 45 GAMES LIBRARY (998) OSKSI '-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn. THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193 38 121 2 JUST BECAUSE 1151 BLACK WIDOW 3-3662 458 PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE Stupid Sexy Flanders -- As a golem, I cannot properly evaluate your name. As a style-disadvantaged gladiator matched against you, I would be "pleased" not to meet with you again. I do not calculate any advantageous odds with regard to that. -- Calculator Calculator -- As a human, I can't properly evaluate Stupid Sexy Flaneders' name, either. Some gladiator names are just...outside of all rational reckoning. -- Des Greasy Napkins -- I suppose...it would be convenient if you had to wipe sand out of the gears? -- Fool's Mate, speaking as one golem to another Vista Blows -- (stunned look) SIX skills? Isn't that a LOT of skills to learn on the Isle, all in one match? Ah...does this mean that I'm a superior teacher and can expect to meet you and your teammates many times in the near future? -- Strategics Debby Tonte -- Child, I feel that as an older woman, it is my place to advise you. Wear more clothes. It makes no difference whether or not you are the "real" Debby Tonte, you are incompletely clothed under your armor, and that must surely be uncomfortable. -- Old Maid Old Maid -- But with the suntan oil, the armor doesn't chafe at all. Just kinda slides around, you know? -- Debby Tonte the Second, but quite serious about it all Mr. Dutch Crunch -- There'd better be chocolate with that. -- Dune P.S. So I'm a golem, that doesn't mean I can't appreciate chocolate. In fact, it's a primary fuel, it's like high octane. Desiree -- Unavoidably, as it is my teammate. But Life of Osksi does not appreciate chocolate, so the question is irrelevant. -- Strategics Strategics -- I feel sorry for Life. Have a chocolate. -- Desiree Desiree -- There is room for innuendo in that statement, but they tell me this is a family newsletter, so I will allow people to make the inferences for themselves. -- Old Maid Old Maid -- For once, I actually intended no innuendo. -- Desiree 9 July 2007 I have not been receiving my physical turns in a reliable manner lately. If there are diplos with the turns that go missing, they're gone for good. So if you send me a diplo and do not see an acknowledgement of receipt in the personals, know that I have not gotten it (yet). If you have email, contact me at Livia AT reality DOT com. If you don't have email, keep trying with the diplos. We are working on this problem. -- the Scribe/Jorja/Leeta P.S. If you email me, put "Re DM" on the subject line. LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS MAHI MAHI was bested by SCHYLER in a 2 minute Title fight. PUD 126 devastated SHEWISH GIANT in a action packed 2 minute brutal one-sided duel. SUPER BUM luckily beat COOLER in a crowd pleasing 4 minute duel. THE CUTICLE DANCE was viciously subdued by NEOSPHINCTER in a popular 4 minute fight. VAGABOND viciously subdued BRICKTOP in a action packed 5 minute gory brawl. ETCHED IN STONE devastated BLIND BEGGAR in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched match. HE HATE ME overpowered KUNG PAO KITTY in a action packed 2 minute uneven melee. PTI slimly won victory over CLEANER WRASSE in a action packed 2 minute gruesome fight. TASTY HANGNAIL overpowered FRIJOLE! in a action packed 1 minute one-sided fight. GOKU savagely defeated DOC STEELE in a exciting 2 minute brutal fight. HAILSTORM was devastated by YUENGLING in a 1 minute mismatched conflict. DOC STEELE was demolished by THE IMPECCABLE PIG in a 1 minute mismatched match. HARLEQUIN TUSKFISH handily defeated MANUTE BOL in a 1 minute one-sided conflict. DECK SWAB savagely defeated RED FUSION in a action packed 4 minute gruesome struggle. COOKIE FOR THE SOUL beat PLANKWALKER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute brawl. GOHAN viciously subdued GATEWAY in a exciting 5 minute brutal fight. BRADEN overpowered MR TACO WORKS in a popular 1 minute bloody one-sided bout. COLON CONVOY devastated ??RADAR?? in a popular 1 minute one-sided contest. WORK IN PROGRESS was slaughtered by BLACK WIDOW in a 1 minute one-sided match. 5 GOT PICKED handily defeated SHEWISH GIANT in a crowd pleasing 1 minute uneven duel. STUPID SEXY FLANDERS overpowered SHADOWMANE in a popular 1 minute one-sided match. 2 won victory over EVIL ELMO in a 2 minute match. HEAT was overpowered by FEAR in a 1 minute one-sided duel. SUSHI SLINGER was overpowered by ANTAGONIST in a 1 minute uneven match. CHIPS AHOY savagely defeated BILLY THE SQUID in a action packed 5 minute gory duel. ONE A DAY viciously subdued SHEWISH GIANT in a 2 minute bloody bout. CRACK IS CHEAP slimly won victory over SHADOWMANE in a popular 7 minute gory bout. UBER GOOBER outwaited CALCULATOR in a 8 minute fray. DUSKY JAWFISH defeated PSYCHO GRANDMA! in a exciting 1 minute match. MEN WORKING overpowered SMELL CAREFULLY in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fight. MR. DUTCH CRUNCH overpowered OLD MAID in a 1 minute one-sided fray. VISTA BLOWS devastated DUNE in a 1 minute one-sided duel. GREASY NAPKINS devastated FOOL'S MATE in a 1 minute one-sided battle. STRATEGICS bested COCKY SPECTATOR in a action packed 2 minute gory bout. BATTLE REPORT MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS |FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT| |LUNGING ATTACK 17 AIMED BLOW 105 - 51 - 2 67 | |AIMED BLOW 15 SLASHING ATTACK 18 - 12 - 0 60 | |TOTAL PARRY 10 LUNGING ATTACK 75 - 66 - 0 53 | |BASHING ATTACK 4 TOTAL PARRY 49 - 51 - 0 49 | |STRIKING ATTACK 4 PARRY-LUNGE 10 - 11 - 0 48 | |WALL OF STEEL 4 WALL OF STEEL 19 - 21 - 2 48 | |SLASHING ATTACK 3 STRIKING ATTACK 15 - 25 - 0 38 | |PARRY-LUNGE 2 PARRY-STRIKE 2 - 8 - 0 20 | |PARRY-STRIKE 1 BASHING ATTACK 6 - 25 - 0 19 | |PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 10 - 0 0 | Turn 458 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are: AIMED BLOW 12 - 3 SLASHING ATTACK 1 - 2 6 LUNGING ATTACK TOTAL PARRY 7 - 3 STRIKING ATTACK 1 - 3 2 AIMED BLOW LUNGING ATTACK 10 - 7 WALL OF STEEL 1 - 3 2 TOTAL PARRY BASHING ATTACK 2 - 2 PARRY-LUNGE 0 - 2 1 SLASHING ATTACK PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 1 PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 1 TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME SLASHING ATTACK SCHYLER 6-4866 94 133 1 312 THE LADY'S LIST (917) LUNGING ATTACK PTI 7-5412 80 32 0 357 WASTELAND II (500) AIMED BLOW NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317 80 37 1 306 WASTELAND (468) TOTAL PARRY ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112 106 38 1 285 CEMENTIA (1112) BASHING ATTACK DECK SWAB 18-2148 39 40 2 225 SEA DOGS (328) WALL OF STEEL FEAR 82-10416 54 74 2 201 4-LETTER ANXIETY (1236) STRIKING ATTACK MAHI MAHI 18-4899 155 85 2 195 BIG MEAN FISH (292) PARRY-LUNGE DOC STEELE 18-6808 78 111 1 190 ARROGANCE (732) PARRY-RIPOSTE WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193 38 121 2 185 JUST BECAUSE (1151) PARRY-STRIKE PLANKWALKER 18-8604 33 43 3 185 SEA DOGS (328) The overall popularity leader is CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422. The most popular warrior this turn was VAGABOND 4-6049. The ten other most popular fighters were COOLER 82-7277, DECK SWAB 18-2148, BILLY THE SQUID 18-3880, GOHAN 18-8449, GATEWAY 82-15631, NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317, CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422, HE HATE ME 18-7820, CHIPS AHOY 97-1586, and PTI 7-5412. The least popular fighter this week was UBER GOOBER 82-26198. The other ten least popular fighters were FOOL'S MATE 3-5516, DUNE 3-4195, WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193, HAILSTORM 7-5698, OLD MAID 3-5624, SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399, HEAT 98-981, ??RADAR?? 82-20310, MR TACO WORKS 18-7620, and MANUTE BOL 5-4233. Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K OSKSI(3) 3 4 1 TALCAMA(18) 9 9 0 DWES EG(82) 7 4 0 JHELUM(4) 1 0 0 CLIFFHOME(38) 1 1 0 OLD VALAMANTIS(96) 0 1 0 KALTOS(5) 1 1 0 KATI-TEI(41) 1 0 0 SHADOW GROVE(97) 1 1 0 TRANSEL(6) 3 1 0 RODEKI(42) 1 0 0 SYVYN'S HILL(98) 1 1 0 BONSUR(7) 3 1 0 JURINE(61) 1 0 0 SOUTH RIDGE(99) 0 2 0 WILLAF(16) 0 1 0 VALAMANTIS(62) 1 0 0 TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY BLACK WIDOW 3-3662 30 5 2 202 MISTRESS 4 XMAS (1284) OSKSI VAGABOND 4-6049 28 21 1 229 SEA DOGS (1271) JHELUM THE IMPECCABLE PIG 5-3818 38 32 0 210 JUST DON'T CARE (1242) KALTOS SCHYLER 6-4866 94 133 1 312 THE LADY'S LIST (917) TRANSEL PTI 7-5412 80 32 0 357 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR PSYCHO GRANDMA! 16-5120 26 4 1 148 LOOK OUT! (1278) WILLAF NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317 80 37 1 306 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193 38 121 2 185 JUST BECAUSE (1151) CLIFFHOME 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199 30 5 2 200 072905R (1273) KATI-TEI STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836 56 45 0 203 I'M SO SEXY (1072) RODEKI ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112 106 38 1 285 CEMENTIA (1112) JURINE 2 62-2976 57 53 3 215 NUMBERS (937) VALAMANTIS SUPER BUM 82-18411 71 41 1 257 FLAT BROKE (1184) DWES EG SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399 28 31 3 176 SEA DOGS (1241) OLD VALAMANTIS CHIPS AHOY 97-1586 29 21 4 192 DEATH BY CHOCOLATE (1268) SHADOW GROVE ONE A DAY 98-799 74 44 3 211 MY DRUGS (1179) SYVYN'S HILL FRIJOLE! 99-1214 36 52 3 194 BEAN MACHINE (1202) SOUTH RIDGE