DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL Date : 01/05/2008 Duedate: 01/18/2008 DARKHOLM DM-104 TURN-470 RANK TEAMS W L K % RANK TEAMS W L K % 1 POWER PLAY 82/1301 1270 454 8 73.7 I'M SO SEXY 42/1072 TWISTED SESAME 99/1289 WHAT A TREAT 98/1201 2 RAINDANCE 51/1106 69 33 2 67.6 LARGE LOSERS 5/1228 3 DON'T ASK 82/1205 1910 1520 22 55.7 DEATH BY CHOCOLATE 97/1268 WHY WE LOVE TUM 82/1164 HOLE IN THE WALL 6/1243 REAL PIZZA FLAVOR 82/1286 JUST DON'T CARE 5/1242 STREET PIZZA 18/114 NEGATIVE CASH FLOW 82/1197 ELIMINATED SATURDAY 82/1267 DIE, MOFO, DIE IV 97/1293 LOCAL BEER 82/1219 KILLER WORDS F3 98/1295 HYBRIDS V 82/1255 5 STYROFOAM 82/1090 1166 1026 8 53.2 4-LETTER ANXIETY 82/1236 6 SEA DOGS 4/1271 181 245 5 42.5 DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II 82/1258 DUNGEON CELL ZC3 13/1297 ATTACK OF THE CLONES 82/1254 DUNGEON CELL 21 82/1299 4 NUMBERS 62/937 2862 2287 10 55.6 SEA DOGS 1/1298 CEMENTIA 61/1112 SEA DOGS 96/1241 LOOK OUT! 16/1278 SEA DOGS 18/328 072905R 41/1273 7 DEATH MOB 62/329 25 39 1 39.1 071406C 24/1292 8 BEACH BABES 7/1058 368 618 4 37.3 FLAT BROKE 82/1184 9 ARROGANCE 18/732 1019 1787 17 36.3 PUDS AGAIN 6 82/1234 THE LADY'S LIST 6/917 MY DRUGS 98/1179 JUST BECAUSE 38/1151 WASTELAND 18/468 10 STEEL LEGION 1/1304 1 8 0 11.1 IT'S NEW! 6/1195 FOREIGN LEGION 14/1302 WASTELAND II 7/500 LEGION OF LEGEND 62/1305 DM OWNS YOU 82/1303 '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id '-' Team did not fight this turn REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER Warriors of Darkholm! We had but one challenge, which was a Tournament Victor challenge: 1) EVIL ELMO (99- 1222) (65-31-4,238) of TWISTED SESAME TV challenged WORK IN PROGRESS (38-4193) (39- 131-2,196) of JUST BECAUSE. EVIL ELMO slimly won victory over WORK IN PROGRESS in a 3 minute Challenge fight. Excitingly, Evil Elmo is a Wall of Steel -- my personal favorite style! Well done, O Tournament Victor! In our title fight, Neosphincter held onto the Runeblade. Or at least held onto the right to hang onto the Runeblade. You can't use it in the arena since it's magical, and not everyone fights well with a scimitar anyway. NEOSPHINCTER (18-7317) (90-38- 1,254) of WASTELAND fought YUENGLING (82-16265) (45-32-1,218) of LOCAL BEER. NEOSPHINCTER demolished YUENGLING in a popular 1 minute one-sided Title melee. Neo is, of course, our top Aimed Blow warrior, which makes him extra dangerous. It seems some of you have finally figured out how to manage that difficult style. Congratulations! There were no avoids. *sigh* The ability to avoid is a useful tool for assisting your warriors to dominate. Pity nobody uses it these days. Oboy, we had one death -- one of you was killed by an arena stand-in warrior! Dreadfully embarrassing. COLON CONVOY (18-9115) (37-22-0,192) of WASTELAND fought DIRK CHOLERA (104-29) (80-50-4,250) of ARENA STAND-INS. COLON CONVOY was assassinated by DIRK CHOLERA in a 2 minute mismatched conflict. Not surprising, though, since it was the real Dirk Cholera and not one of his impersonators. As usual, Mr. Cheap is our overall popularity leader. I think he pays people to vote for him. He lost his fight this turn. SMELLY TOES (82-17409) (29-15-0,194) of HYBRIDS V fought CRACK IS CHEAP (82-18422) (54-66-0,210) of NEGATIVE CASH FLOW. SMELLY TOES savagely defeated CRACK IS CHEAP in an action packed 2 minute gory duel. The spectators felt a lot of sympathy for Putrid Koala, and voted him This Turn's Favorite. PUTRID KOALA (62-96) (33-23-2,186) of DEATH MOB fought RED FUSION (6-5480) (70-47-0,195) of IT'S NEW!. PUTRID KOALA viciously subdued RED FUSION in an action packed 6 minute gruesome bout. I don't know. It didn't look to me like the Koala deserved much sympathy. He lost his own damn fight. Hmm. We know Tepid Felony is a hot warrior, or he wouldn't be fighting on the Isle with such a scanty record. But he hasn't shown us his stuff yet, has he? Once again he was voted least popular warrior. TEPID FELONY (98-1081) (13-8-4,83) of KILLER WORDS F3 fought HATCH BATTENER (1-8014) (18-13-1,51) of SEA DOGS. TEPID FELONY was devastated by HATCH BATTENER in a 1 minute mismatched match. Tsk. Our top Slasher is Cooler. COOLER (82-7277) (77-72-1,281) of STYROFOAM fought GOKU (7-5628) (62-29-0,194) of WASTELAND II. COOLER handily defeated GOKU in an action packed 1 minute uneven fight. Well done! And our top Total Parry, obviously no scum, is Super Bum. SUPER BUM (82-18411) (80- 43-2,274) of FLAT BROKE fought SMELL CAREFULLY (18-8889) (31-44-2,181) of STREET PIZZA. SUPER BUM overpowered SMELL CAREFULLY in a 1 minute mismatched match. That, O children of the Federation, is all I have to say until next time. I trust you've stopped eating leftovers from the solstice feast, and are now returning to your lean and dangerous fighting trim! Desiree KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317 91 38 1 274 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY COOLER 82-7277 78 72 1 307 STYROFOAM (1090) DWES EG SCHYLER 6-4866 103 136 1 296 THE LADY'S LIST (917) TRANSEL SUPER BUM 82-18411 81 43 2 279 FLAT BROKE (1184) DWES EG HAILSTORM 7-5698 52 25 1 258 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR GATEWAY 82-15631 43 26 0 256 ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254 DWES EG EVIL ELMO 99-1222 66 31 4 245 TWISTED SESAME (1289) SOUTH RIDGE DOC STEELE 18-6010 91 168 6 226 ARROGANCE (732) TALCAMA 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199 36 11 2 224 072905R (1273) KATI-TEI TASTY HANGNAIL 7-5463 72 48 0 223 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR PUD 126 82-22024 66 35 0 222 PUDS AGAIN 6 (1234) DWES EG RAW SEX APPEAL 82-1331 26 11 0 218 WHY WE LOVE TUM (1164) DWES EG PUTRID KOALA 62-96 34 23 2 211 DEATH MOB (329) VALAMANTIS GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY ONE A DAY 98-799 82 48 3 210 MY DRUGS (1179) SYVYN'S HILL HE HATE ME 18-7820 77 56 2 210 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA GOHAN 18-8449 57 44 1 210 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA PTI 7-5412 89 35 0 208 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR THE CUTICLE DANCE 82-13639 45 30 2 208 DON'T ASK (1205) DWES EG HEAT 98-981 53 48 4 207 WHAT A TREAT (1201) SYVYN'S HILL ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112 114 42 1 206 CEMENTIA (1112) JURINE 2 62-2976 65 57 4 206 NUMBERS (937) VALAMANTIS FEAR 82-10416 61 79 2 206 4-LETTER ANXIETY (1236) DWES EG TWIG 82-25226 53 36 0 205 POWER PLAY (1301) DWES EG GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY SMELLY TOES 82-17409 30 15 0 205 HYBRIDS V (1255) DWES EG DOC STEELE 18-6808 81 120 1 204 ARROGANCE (732) TALCAMA -BILLY THE SQUID 18-3880 48 51 3 204 SEA DOGS (328) TALCAMA YUENGLING 82-16265 45 33 1 204 LOCAL BEER (1219) DWES EG -DECK SWAB 18-2148 44 45 2 204 SEA DOGS (328) TALCAMA -VAGABOND 4-6049 35 24 1 204 SEA DOGS (1271) JHELUM PSYCHO GRANDMA! 16-5120 32 10 1 203 LOOK OUT! (1278) WILLAF WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193 39 132 2 202 JUST BECAUSE (1151) CLIFFHOME -SUSHI SLINGER 96-1399 35 34 3 199 SEA DOGS (1241) OLD VALAMANTIS MASOCHISTIC NEWT 62-1081 30 26 3 199 DEATH MOB (329) VALAMANTIS CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422 54 67 0 197 NEGATIVE CASH FLOW (1197) DWES EG CHIEF STORMCLOUD 51-4306 36 16 1 196 RAINDANCE (1106) TRICORUS MANUTE BOL 5-4233 49 47 0 195 LARGE LOSERS (1228) KALTOS ??RADAR?? 82-20310 33 46 1 195 DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II (1258) DWES EG COLON CONVOY 18-9115 37 23 0 193 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA COOKIE FOR THE SOUL 6-6002 42 32 0 190 HOLE IN THE WALL (1243) TRANSEL RED FUSION 6-5480 70 48 0 189 IT'S NEW! (1195) TRANSEL MASSAGE PARLOR 82-3972 20 9 2 189 ELIMINATED SATURDAY (1267) DWES EG GOKU 7-5628 62 30 0 188 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889 31 45 2 186 STREET PIZZA (114) TALCAMA GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836 63 50 0 180 I'M SO SEXY (1072) RODEKI THE IMPECCABLE PIG 5-3818 41 41 0 180 JUST DON'T CARE (1242) KALTOS PLANKWALKER 18-8604 38 50 3 179 SEA DOGS (328) TALCAMA BRICKTOP 18-7955 61 58 0 178 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA CHIPS AHOY 97-1586 33 29 4 174 DEATH BY CHOCOLATE (1268) SHADOW GROVE GREASY NAPKINS 82-10156 23 14 0 162 REAL PIZZA FLAVOR (1286) DWES EG MR. DUTCH CRUNCH 18-9257 36 11 0 160 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA VISTA BLOWS 18-9258 33 12 0 160 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA MEN WORKING 38-4189 40 131 1 153 JUST BECAUSE (1151) CLIFFHOME GRAND ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY HORTATOR 1-7791 23 17 2 137 SEA DOGS (1298) MORDANT LAGUNA LIL 7-5681 23 37 0 137 BEACH BABES (1058) BONSUR A. MONK, P.I. 24-4732 26 7 0 126 071406C (1292) ZORPUNT ALOHA ALICE 7-4867 27 31 0 120 BEACH BABES (1058) BONSUR GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY MAKESHIFT ANCHOR 1-7724 27 22 0 100 SEA DOGS (1298) MORDANT FRANKENBERRY 82--13733 13 5 0 99 DM OWNS YOU (1303) DWES EG GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY INDENTURED OARSMAN 18-9167 13 5 1 82 SEA DOGS (328) TALCAMA HATCH BATTENER 1-8014 19 13 1 81 SEA DOGS (1298) MORDANT BEACH BETTY 7-5768 23 31 0 79 BEACH BABES (1058) BONSUR PRISONER ZC01 13-4876 19 6 1 73 DUNGEON CELL ZC3 (1297) DULLENS PRISONER 0103 82--31803 17 46 0 66 DUNGEON CELL 21 (1299) DWES EG THAT GUY 97-2120 12 10 3 66 DIE, MOFO, DIE IV (1293) SHADOW GROVE MIAMI MIA 7-4818 20 41 3 63 BEACH BABES (1058) BONSUR TEPID FELONY 98-1081 13 9 4 59 KILLER WORDS F3 (1295) SYVYN'S HILL -ZEUS 62-4010 16 4 0 52 LEGION OF LEGEND (1305) VALAMANTIS TALLAHASSE TINA 7-4889 15 60 0 51 BEACH BABES (1058) BONSUR '-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn. THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN COLON CONVOY 18-9115 37 23 0 WASTELAND 468 DIRK CHOLERA 470 PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE Men Working -- They all SAY that, but it doesn't look so very true, you know? -- Miami Mia Vista Blows -- And blows and blows. -- Aloha Alice Mr. Dutch Crunch -- At least there's chocolate. -- Laguna Lil Tepid Felony -- So what else is new? -- Tallahasse Tina I love this Drunken Fisherman. -- Beach Betty P.S. Platonically. Betty -- It doesn't have to stay platonic. Come out on my boat with me and I will show you the romance of the lake. -- The Fisherman (currently sober) Desiree -- You have eaten straw? -- Laguna Lil Laguna Lil -- Yes. Not as a dietary staple, but I have tasted it. Don't you taste things? -- Desiree The Regional Arena News is down for repairs but will return soon. 22 December 2007 All -- Just that tired old reminder to check your e-mail settings when you send ads and such. Please send stuff as plain text rather than as HTML or formatted text. HAL, being the simple golem it is, doesn't know what to do with anything other than plain text. Note, this also means it doesn't know what to do with "smart" or "curly" quotes, whether single or double, em-dashes (rendered here as two hyphens "--") or everyone's favourite ellipsis (..., aka three dots). -- A public self-service announcement from your Ed. LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS EVIL ELMO slimly won victory over WORK IN PROGRESS in a 3 minute Challenge fight. NEOSPHINCTER demolished YUENGLING in a popular 1 minute one-sided Title melee. PUD 126 bested DOC STEELE in a popular 2 minute contest. SUPER BUM overpowered SMELL CAREFULLY in a 1 minute mismatched match. SCHYLER bested MASSAGE PARLOR in a popular 1 minute duel. GATEWAY devastated THE IMPECCABLE PIG in a 1 minute mismatched match. COOLER handily defeated GOKU in a action packed 1 minute uneven fight. 2 was viciously subdued by DIRK CHOLERA in a action packed 3 minute gory duel. ETCHED IN STONE lost to DIRK CHOLERA in a popular 4 minute gory duel. TASTY HANGNAIL beat ??RADAR?? in a popular 1 minute gory melee. 5 GOT PICKED demolished LOCAL CONSTABLE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched match. ONE A DAY was savagely defeated by FERD THE TOWER in a crowd pleasing 5 minute match. HAILSTORM handily defeated SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute one-sided conflict. HEAT was viciously subdued by SOLACIA in a action packed 3 minute brutal duel. HE HATE ME was devastated by FERD THE TOWER in a popular 1 minute mismatched brawl. GOHAN was demolished by FERD THE TOWER in a exciting 1 minute one-sided bout. COLON CONVOY was assassinated by DIRK CHOLERA in a 2 minute mismatched conflict. DOC STEELE overpowered COOKIE FOR THE SOUL in a exciting 1 minute gory uneven fight. PSYCHO GRANDMA! handily defeated SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute uneven duel. STUPID SEXY FLANDERS was overpowered by SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute one-sided match. CHIEF STORMCLOUD lost to RAW SEX APPEAL in a popular 1 minute match. PTI vanquished MASOCHISTIC NEWT in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fight. PUTRID KOALA viciously subdued RED FUSION in a action packed 6 minute gruesome bout. FEAR beat MR. DUTCH CRUNCH in a exciting 1 minute fray. THE CUTICLE DANCE handily defeated PLANKWALKER in a popular 1 minute one-sided duel. SMELLY TOES savagely defeated CRACK IS CHEAP in a action packed 2 minute gory duel. MANUTE BOL overpowered MEN WORKING in a popular 1 minute one-sided match. TWIG savagely defeated CHIPS AHOY in a popular 2 minute gruesome bout. GREASY NAPKINS demolished ALOHA ALICE in a popular 2 minute bloody uneven contest. BRICKTOP subdued LAGUNA LIL in a crowd pleasing 4 minute match. HORTATOR was overpowered by VISTA BLOWS in a 1 minute one-sided fray. MAKESHIFT ANCHOR was demolished by A. MONK, P.I. in a 2 minute mismatched match. MIAMI MIA was overpowered by INDENTURED OARSMAN in a 1 minute uneven bout. PRISONER 0103 was savagely defeated by BEACH BETTY in a exciting 2 minute competition. FRANKENBERRY vanquished PRISONER ZC01 in a 1 minute one-sided match. THAT GUY subdued TALLAHASSE TINA in a action packed 4 minute duel. TEPID FELONY was devastated by HATCH BATTENER in a 1 minute mismatched match. BATTLE REPORT MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS |FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT| |AIMED BLOW 19 SLASHING ATTACK 18 - 11 - 0 62 | |LUNGING ATTACK 15 AIMED BLOW 107 - 66 - 1 62 | |TOTAL PARRY 11 LUNGING ATTACK 80 - 62 - 0 56 | |WALL OF STEEL 4 STRIKING ATTACK 16 - 14 - 1 53 | |SLASHING ATTACK 3 WALL OF STEEL 18 - 18 - 0 50 | |STRIKING ATTACK 3 TOTAL PARRY 41 - 66 - 1 38 | |BASHING ATTACK 3 PARRY-LUNGE 6 - 12 - 0 33 | |PARRY-STRIKE 2 BASHING ATTACK 14 - 28 - 0 33 | |PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 PARRY-STRIKE 4 - 11 - 0 27 | |PARRY-LUNGE 1 PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 - 14 - 0 7 | Turn 470 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are: SLASHING ATTACK 3 - 0 LUNGING ATTACK 7 - 8 4 AIMED BLOW WALL OF STEEL 3 - 1 TOTAL PARRY 4 - 7 3 LUNGING ATTACK STRIKING ATTACK 2 - 1 PARRY-LUNGE 0 - 1 2 SLASHING ATTACK AIMED BLOW 10 - 9 PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 2 1 TOTAL PARRY PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 2 1 WALL OF STEEL BASHING ATTACK 0 - 3 TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME AIMED BLOW NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317 91 38 1 274 WASTELAND (468) SLASHING ATTACK COOLER 82-7277 78 72 1 307 STYROFOAM (1090) TOTAL PARRY SUPER BUM 82-18411 81 43 2 279 FLAT BROKE (1184) LUNGING ATTACK GATEWAY 82-15631 43 26 0 256 ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254) WALL OF STEEL EVIL ELMO 99-1222 66 31 4 245 TWISTED SESAME (1289) PARRY-LUNGE DOC STEELE 18-6808 81 120 1 204 ARROGANCE (732) PARRY-RIPOSTE WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193 39 132 2 202 JUST BECAUSE (1151) STRIKING ATTACK MASOCHISTIC NEWT 62-1081 30 26 3 199 DEATH MOB (329) PARRY-STRIKE PLANKWALKER 18-8604 38 50 3 179 SEA DOGS (328) BASHING ATTACK MEN WORKING 38-4189 40 131 1 153 JUST BECAUSE (1151) The overall popularity leader is CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422. The most popular warrior this turn was PUTRID KOALA 62-96. The ten other most popular fighters were LAGUNA LIL 7-5681, SMELLY TOES 82-17409, ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112, ONE A DAY 98-799, TALLAHASSE TINA 7-4889, NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317, BEACH BETTY 7-5768, HEAT 98-981, TWIG 82-25226, and A. MONK, P.I. 24-4732. The least popular fighter this week was TEPID FELONY 98-1081. The other ten least popular fighters were MIAMI MIA 7-4818, HORTATOR 1-7791, THE IMPECCABLE PIG 5-3818, PRISONER ZC01 13-4876, MAKESHIFT ANCHOR 1-7724, ALOHA ALICE 7-4867, CHIEF STORMCLOUD 51-4306, STUPID SEXY FLANDERS 42-3836, COOKIE FOR THE SOUL 6-6002, and GOKU 7-5628. Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K MORDANT(1) 1 2 0 TALCAMA(18) 5 7 0 JURINE(61) 0 1 0 KALTOS(5) 1 1 0 ZORPUNT(24) 1 0 0 VALAMANTIS(62) 1 2 0 TRANSEL(6) 1 2 0 CLIFFHOME(38) 0 2 0 DWES EG(82) 11 5 0 BONSUR(7) 4 5 0 KATI-TEI(41) 1 0 0 SHADOW GROVE(97) 1 1 0 DULLENS(13) 0 1 0 RODEKI(42) 0 1 0 SYVYN'S HILL(98) 0 3 0 WILLAF(16) 1 0 0 TRICORUS(51) 0 1 0 SOUTH RIDGE(99) 1 0 0 TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY HORTATOR 1-7791 23 17 2 137 SEA DOGS (1298) MORDANT MANUTE BOL 5-4233 49 47 0 195 LARGE LOSERS (1228) KALTOS SCHYLER 6-4866 103 136 1 296 THE LADY'S LIST (917) TRANSEL HAILSTORM 7-5698 52 25 1 258 WASTELAND II (500) BONSUR PRISONER ZC01 13-4876 19 6 1 73 DUNGEON CELL ZC3 (1297) DULLENS PSYCHO GRANDMA! 16-5120 32 10 1 203 LOOK OUT! (1278) WILLAF NEOSPHINCTER 18-7317 91 38 1 274 WASTELAND (468) TALCAMA A. MONK, P.I. 24-4732 26 7 0 126 071406C (1292) ZORPUNT WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193 39 132 2 202 JUST BECAUSE (1151) CLIFFHOME 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199 36 11 2 224 072905R (1273) KATI-TEI STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836 63 50 0 180 I'M SO SEXY (1072) RODEKI CHIEF STORMCLOUD 51-4306 36 16 1 196 RAINDANCE (1106) TRICORUS ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112 114 42 1 206 CEMENTIA (1112) JURINE PUTRID KOALA 62-96 34 23 2 211 DEATH MOB (329) VALAMANTIS COOLER 82-7277 78 72 1 307 STYROFOAM (1090) DWES EG CHIPS AHOY 97-1586 33 29 4 174 DEATH BY CHOCOLATE (1268) SHADOW GROVE ONE A DAY 98-799 82 48 3 210 MY DRUGS (1179) SYVYN'S HILL EVIL ELMO 99-1222 66 31 4 245 TWISTED SESAME (1289) SOUTH RIDGE