DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL

Date   : 06/06/2009    Duedate: 06/19/2009

DARKHOLM

DM-104    TURN-507

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 072905R 41/1273      3572 2606 14 57.8      LARGE LOSERS 5/1228                   
    CEMENTIA 61/1112                            NEGATIVE CASH FLOW 82/1197            
    FLAT BROKE 82/1184                        2 STREET PIZZA 18/114  1965 1622 23 54.8
    MY DRUGS 98/1179                            REAL PIZZA FLAVOR 82/1286             
    LOOK OUT! 16/1278                           ATTACK OF THE CLONES 82/1254          
    THE NEPHEW 82/1322                          DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II 82/1258           
    WASTELAND 18/468                          3 STYROFOAM 82/1090    1182 1047  8 53.0
    DIE, MOFO, DIE IV 97/1293                 4 ILLFANG PACT 1/281    408  585  6 41.1
    WASTELAND II 7/500                          UP TO NO GOOD 37/316                  
    IT'S NEW! 6/1195                          5 JUST BECAUSE 38/1151 1049 1881 17 35.8
    I'M SO SEXY 42/1072                       6 BEACH BABES 7/1058    405  766  4 34.6
    WHAT A TREAT 98/1201                  

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                                  WARRIOR SPOTLIGHT

Andorak:
----------
Minute 11021:  Manager sipped his mai-tai atop his lounge chair in one of the
managers; suites in the arena.  It was another perfect turn in Andorak.  The sun was
shining, the competition sparse, and another glorious scum-fest was taking place.
     "See the way that warrior has his wrist turned the wrong way?" Manager talked
aloud to no one in particular, "That's costing him extra energy and he's going to
tire in around minute 22,000.  Tsk."
     Suddenly the door barged open.  In walked Armalias Skyhawk, ready for battle and
donning the emblem of the Scarlet Knights.  "Come," he said, his voice taking an
unusually serious tone, "We must go."

Free Blades:
------------
The Dark One and Aragon watched the fights from one of the overhanging walkways in
the arena. Dozens of black birds circled overhead, carrying pieces of parchment in
their beaks.
     "It looks like those birds are delivering messages," said Aragorn.
     "Ravens.  Some say they are messengers of death," noted the Dark One.
     Two of the black birds broke from formation and headed towards the two managers.
They dropped their parchments at the feet of the two managers.
     "Papyrus," mused the Dark One, "also a symbol of death."
     "Really?" asked Aragorn somewhat hesitant to open his parchment, "I wonder
what's going on."
     "No.  Just kidding," the Dark One teased as he opened his note.  "It says we're
supposed to meet at the managers' convention hall near the center of the Isle of the
Eye."

"Curious," mused Aragorn.

Darkholm:
---------
"Hey are there any more of TMM's muffins?" asked a famished Desiree as she jotted
down notes for the spyreport from the manager's lounge.
     "No time for muffins, sorry!" replied TUM has he hurriedly packed his bag.
     "What's going on?  They're not re-running the fights, are they?" asked the spy
reporter.
     "It looks like all ADM managers are being summoned to the Isle of the Eye," said
TUM.  "This must be something big."

Home Guard:
------------
"Whoa, all of the managers of ADM were invited and they asked us Home Guard folks to
attend?" asked the Mun.
     "I hear the last time this happened, it was because they were looking for
volunteers to go into the gate and help in the invasion of Gateway.  Most of the Home
Guard warriors were killed," noted One Armed Bandit.
     "Well, if there is danger, then it's up to the managers and warriors of the
Guard to answer," pointed out the Mun.
     "Yeah, they might need cannon fodder in the front lines again...."

Managers' Convention Center, the Isle of the Eye (The next day):
-----------------------------------------------------------------
The managers of the various Advanced Duelmasters arenas quickly descended upon the
Isle's convention center, which hadn't been used for a managerial gathering in many
years.  Conversation quickly turned to the reason upon which they had been rapidly
summoned.
     "Do you think it's another Rirorni invasion?" asked Tripwire.
     "Doubtful," said Le Pentarque, "it's been quiet on that front for years."
     "Maybe the Gateway monsters are back!" said Slugbait.
     "The magical seals we put in place don't appear to be broken," said the Dark
One.  "Although it could be a totally different dimension invading us this time."
     "As long as the tournament isn't cancelled, I can live with it," said Guardian.
     "Wait.  Don't you guys notice something weird about this place?" pointed out
Jekyll.  "This room has been decorated.  Festively."
     The managers of the isle began to look around.  The room did seem to be brightly
decorated, although not extravagantly so.  Colorful draperies had been hung on the
walls and streamers and balloons were all over the room as well.
     "Oh no," groaned Crip, "don't tell me that Soultaker has conned us all into
attending another one of his surprise birthday parties for himself again."
     "Gah," moaned Mannequin, "that's two years in a row he's got us now!"
     All of the managers sighed and started to head out of the convention center,
when suddenly a commission scribe appeared on stage.
     "Stop!" said the scribe, "this isn't another Soultaker surprise party!"
     "It's not?" asked Papa Bear.  "Then what's with all the decorations?"
     "This actually is a party, but not for the reason you think," said the scribe.
With a wave of his arm, a banner suddenly dropped down from behind the stage to the
gasp of many of the managers in attendance.  It read: "CELEBRATING THE RETURN OF THE
ADM REGIONAL TOURNAMENT!"
     "Wow, it's been so long since the last one," said Crip.
     "Indeed," said the scribe.  "The Lady of the Isle of the Eye has noted that in
this time of peace, all of you managers have grown soft.  You sit around talking shop
in the regional ADM arenas while prepping for the next tournament.  So if it's a
tournament you want, it's a tournament you shall have--but one you will have to fight
you way in.  And if you are able to fight your way through your comrades and earn
your spot on the team, you will have to duel it out with all of the other regionals'
best too.  We will be sending a rules pamphlet to each of your guild houses."
     "Can I mention that I'm the defending champion of the last ADM Regional
tournament?" said Mannequin.
     "Don't even start," replied Manager.  "It doesn't count if it took place before
the first TOGS competition.  Besides, you can't win.  Andorak is going to win."
     "Everyone knows the best and most deep region is Darkholm," said The Muffin Man.
"We have legions of managers who we can call on at any moment that can win this
thing."
     "Not me," said Guardian, "I play for Free Blades."
     "Don't forget the Slow arena managers," said Fandil of the Consortium Elders.
"The only reason Crysalis has never won before was because we weren't allowed to
compete.  This time we are unified and we will put together a team."
     "If you were any good, you'd run in a fast arena," quipped Manager
     "If any of you were any good, you'd run in Darkholmm," retorted the Muffin Man.
     The room erupted vociferously in argument as the managers of ADM began to argue
in favor of their home regions.
     Suddenly, One Armed Bandit streaked naked across the room.  "Home Guard
Rulez!!!" he yelled as a couple of security guards quickly teleported in and started
chasing him.
     From the top of her tower, Sheila Greywand watched the managers' argue amongst
themselves and smirked.

Regional Tournament FAQ:
==========================
The next ADM Regional Tournament will be held the Week of September 20th, 2009.

Q:  What is the ADM Regional Tournament?
A:  The ADM Regional Tournament is a competition where the best and brightest
warriors from the ADM regionals compete to for bragging rights and to see which one
is the best!

Q:  How does it work?
A:  During the week of September 19th, each Regional Team will be temporarly moved
to Lirin Kiv where they will battle it out in a single elimination tournament with
the last warrior standing winning for his region.  (Learns, Skills, and FE gained
during the contest will NOT count)

Q:  How are teams determined?
A:  There are 11 automatic berths given out to each team.  The Duelmaster and each of
the 10 Stylemasters at the end of the following turns will be awarded automatic
entry:
   Andorak:  Turn 513 (due 9/5)
   Free Blades: Turn 514 (due 8/26)
   Darkholm: Turn 513 (due 8/28)
   Home Guard: Turn 514 (due 9/1)
   Crysalis: Turn 212 (due 9/7)

To qualify for a Stylemaster position, you must have been active in the arena in 3 of
the prior 4 turns including the last one.  (Thus, you'll want to activate any
inactive warriors who you want to try and qualify by Mid-July sometime, but
immediately for Crysalis.)

In addition, each region will be allowed to select 2 wildcard entrants.  Wildcard
entrants are generally selected based on regional votes, but the regional team
captain may decide at his discretion.  There will be a turn break in most of the
regionals after the slots have been decided but before the regional tourney begins in
order to vote, if necessary.

Each manager may only play for 1 region and qualify no more than 2 warriors on a
regional team.  It's quite possible that based on activity, that certain regions may
not be able to field a full team.

Also, because they are hosting the competition, Lirin Kiv has been given a select
amount of wildcard berths.  Managers and warriors who are still loyal to Lirin Kiv
may email/diplo the Lirin Kiv regional coordinator to inquire how to get onto the
team.  (Lirith Kai citizenship/immigration required)

Q:  What's a regional coordinator?
A:  The Regional Coordinator is the unofficial "team captain" so to speak.  They are
the ones who are in charge of putting together teams based on the rules, and trying
to make sure everyone is included and disputes are handled.  (Say, someone qualifies
more than 2 warriors, the regional coordinator will get with that manager and find
out which ones are in or out and notify replacements, etc.)

   The regional coordinators are:  Manager (Andorak), The Muffin Man (Darkholm), The
Dark One (Free Blades), Crip (Crysalis), Jorja (Lirith Kai), One Armed Bandit (Home
Guard).  If you need to contact them, you can write a personal ad in the ADM arena,
or send a diplo to them at:
   Manager: Superior Forces in DM 105
   The Dark One: Angels of Pain in DM 103
   The Muffin Man: Wasteland in DM 104
   One Armed Bandit: Sea Dogs in DM 101
   Crip: Royal Flush in DM 106
   Jorja: Sand Dancers in DM 65

Q:  What does happen if someone qualifies more than 2 warriors?
A:  That manager will be able to decide which two to send and the next highest
qualifying warrior will be able to take the place of the warrior that doesn't get
sent if it's an automatic spot.

Q:  What if my warriors are not an ADM regional?  (Or in the wrong one?)
A:  If your warriors are in 100 (or in the wrong region), for a limited time only you
can put in a request to customer service to move to the proper regional.  Mention
that your warrior wants to try and compete in the regional tourney. (Your warrior
must have been qualified for that region as of the last split)

Q:  Is there a prize?
A:  Bragging rights!

If there are any other questions, send a diplo to Manager or ask them in the personal
ad section of the arena.  Thanks!

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                         ---===DELARQUAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

                                     Duelmasters
                                     -----------
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 624): MIASMA of SWEORDMASTERS (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 507): GALLORDIN of THE GOLDEN FISH (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 630): FARFALE of PASTA (Papa Bear, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 625): HALIBUTT of WIZARD'S WRATH (Visionist, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 625): WHISPER WALK of MY LITTLE TRIBE (?, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 629): CANDY CANE of CHURCH LADIES (Papa Bear, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 618): DEIMOS of THE MOONDOGS (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 615): SPARE ANCHOR of SEA DOGS (One Armed Bandit, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 614): PILSON of DEATH MOB 4 (Jakari, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 586): EVA MENDES of GIRLS X3 (Non?, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 578): REDD CORVAITT of JINDA-BAN (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 260): D'URVILLE of KIWI CONNECTION (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 562): CHATTY CABALIST of DUNGEON CELL (One Armed Bandit, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 513): HASARCH of DARK HORSEMEN (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 247): KORASIM of TRADERS OF TROCAR (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 235): GISBORNE of KIWI CONNECTION (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 462): FYRE SWORD of DEATH MOB (Jakari, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 211): THE TRUNK MONKEY of BARBARIAN HORDE (?, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 506): SUPER BUM of FLAT BROKE (The Muffin Man, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
                                      ---------
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 624): LAB EXPERIMENTS (?, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 507): THE GOLDEN FISH (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 630): GAMES LIBRARY (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 625): THE MIDDLE WAY 5 (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 625): PSYCHO SQUAD (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 629): POSITION IS EMPTY
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 618): THE MOONDOGS (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 615): SEA DOGS (One Armed Bandit, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 614): GRIM FANDANGO (Stik, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 586): GIRLS X3 (Non?, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 578): U.A.K. (Otis the Drunk, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 260): KIWI CONNECTION (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 562): DUNGEON CELL (One Armed Bandit, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 513): AMAZON ELITE (?, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 247): TRADERS OF TROCAR (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 235): ISLANDERS (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 462): DEATH MOB (Jakari, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 211): FEARSOME LEGENDS (?, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 506) 0729205R et al (The Muffin Man, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
                                  -----------------
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 623): POOP DECK GUY of SEA DOGS (One Armed Bandit, mgr.)
                            WAYWARD SON of MANNEQUIN'S BEST (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 625): BIMBETTE of PSYCHO SQUAD (Jorja, mgr.)
                (turn 624): HATTIE of PSYCHO SQUAD (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 614): PILSON of DEATH MOB 4 (Jakari, mgr.)
                           SLYTHR of GRIM FANDANGO (Stik, mgr.)
                           WHITMAN of LITERATE LOONS (?, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 260): D'URVILLE of KIWI CONNECTION (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 234): KIRRALA of ISLANDERS (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 461): ANGRY DECKHAND of DEATH MOB (Jakari, mgr.)

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

Well, hello there!

I have good news and bad news.  I always like to give the bad news first.  If it's
bad enough, sometimes people pass out or run away and they never do hear the good
news.  *smiling*

The bad news:  Of 22 fights, 13 involved a standby.  The standbys had a 6-7-0 turn.
There were no challenges or avoids.

The good news:  The regional tourney sounds interesting.

And on to our regular news:

SUPER BUM (82-18411) (110-50-2,469) of FLAT BROKE fought GREASY NAPKINS (82-10156)
(35-38-0,200) of REAL PIZZA FLAVOR.  SUPER BUM devastated GREASY NAPKINS in a 3
minute grotesquely mismatched Title fight.

This was something of an upset:  GATEWAY (82-15631) (55-50-1,194) of ATTACK OF THE
CLONES fought RED FUSION (6-5480) (91-63-0,196) of IT'S NEW!.  GATEWAY viciously
subdued RED FUSION in a popular 5 minute gruesome conflict.  Gateway was voted this
turn's favorite warrior, with good reason!

Ah, the Beach Babes.  So pretty, so... strange a career choice.  BEACH BETTY (7-5768)
(32-58-0,66) of BEACH BABES fought BOOKIE'S GUARD (104-5) (35-18-0,75) of PLEASE
STAND BY!  BEACH BETTY was handily defeated by BOOKIE'S GUARD in a 1 minute uneven
duel.

Laguna Lil showed us why she is the top basher in Darkholm!  LAGUNA LIL (7-5681) (27-
69-0,150) of BEACH BABES fought MEN WORKING (38-4189) (45-162-1,128) of JUST BECAUSE.
LAGUNA LIL vanquished MEN WORKING in a 1 minute one-sided match.  Note that Men
Working has almost twice as many wins as Lil!  It was an upset.  Well done, Lil!

And Crysoprase remains our top parry-striker, surely a difficult discipline to
master.  SMELL CAREFULLY (18-8889) (40-72-2,210) of STREET PIZZA fought CRYSOPRASE
(1-3266) (76-92-2,168) of ILLFANG PACT.  SMELL CAREFULLY vanquished CRYSOPRASE in an
action packed 1 minute uneven fight.  Obviously, there is still some study needed
here.

Our best parry-riposter is Work in Progress, who did not make a good showing this
turn.  MANUTE BOL (5-4233) (70-62-0,197) of LARGE LOSERS fought WORK IN PROGRESS (38-
4193) (45-162-2,180) of JUST BECAUSE.  MANUTE BOL devastated WORK IN PROGRESS in a 1
minute one-sided bout.

Now, Cooler is our top slasher.  PSYCHO GRANDMA! (16-5120) (54-24-1,182) of LOOK OUT!
fought COOLER (82-7277) (94-92-1,191) of STYROFOAM.  PSYCHO GRANDMA! defeated COOLER
in a 2 minute fight.  Stylemasters didn't do so hot this turn, did they?

Well... the top wall of steel (which is the very sexiest style) is ??RadaR??
??RADAR?? (82-20310) (44-71-1,210) of DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II fought HEAT (98-981) (75-
62-4,198) of WHAT A TREAT.  ??RADAR?? savagely defeated HEAT in a crowd pleasing 3
minute bloody brawl.  He won!  Well done!

What does "PTI" stand for?  He is our top lunger and he did well.  PTI (7-5412) (119-
41-0,281) of WASTELAND II fought BLIND BEGGAR (104-26) (40-35-0,200) of PLEASE STAND
BY!  PTI viciously subdued BLIND BEGGAR in a crowd pleasing 3 minute gory brawl.
*cough*  A warrior of that caliber versus a blind beggar -- I should certainly hope
so!  The only surprise is that it took three minutes.

Likewise Tasty Hangnail, our representative of the aimed blow style, managed to
subdue his stand-in opponent.  TASTY HANGNAIL (7-5463) (99-57-0,321) of WASTELAND II
fought LOCAL CONSTABLE (104-22) (0-0-0,181) of PLEASE STAND BY!  TASTY HANGNAIL
overpowered LOCAL CONSTABLE in a 2 minute bloody mismatched match.

I think I have thrilled you long enough.  I look forward to seeing who will represent
Darkholm in the regional tourney.

Desiree

KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 SUPER BUM 82-18411         111  50  2  480  FLAT BROKE (1184)          DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ONE A DAY 98-799           110  57  4  382  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL
 TASTY HANGNAIL 7-5463      100  57  0  327  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 PTI 7-5412                 120  41  0  292  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 HE HATE ME 18-7820         105  65  2  281  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 ??RADAR?? 82-20310          45  71  1  224  DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II (1258) DWES EG
 GATEWAY 82-15631            56  50  1  217  ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254 DWES EG
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112    143  50  1  216  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199        59  25  2  216  072905R (1273)             KATI-TEI
 HAILSTORM 7-5698            82  32  1  215  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889     41  72  2  213  STREET PIZZA (114)         TALCAMA

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 GREASY NAPKINS 82-10156     35  39  0  206  REAL PIZZA FLAVOR (1286)   DWES EG
 VISTA BLOWS 18-9258         52  30  1  205  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 LITTLEST TYRANT 82--9646    22   5  0  205  THE NEPHEW (1322)          DWES EG
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           71  62  0  204  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422     70  88  0  201  NEGATIVE CASH FLOW (1197)  DWES EG
 THAT GUY 97-2120            37  22  3  199  DIE, MOFO, DIE IV (1293)   SHADOW GROVE
 HEAT 98-981                 75  63  4  197  WHAT A TREAT (1201)        SYVYN'S HILL
 PSYCHO GRANDMA! 16-5120     55  24  1  194  LOOK OUT! (1278)           WILLAF

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 RED FUSION 6-5480           91  64  0  193  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL
 STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836  89  61  0  192  I'M SO SEXY (1072)         RODEKI
 COOLER 82-7277              94  93  1  190  STYROFOAM (1090)           DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 STASSIA 37-1523             62  78  2  180  UP TO NO GOOD (316)        SIBIKHAS
 ALOHA ALICE 7-4867          34  61  0  180  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    45 163  2  176  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 CRYSOPRASE 1-3266           76  93  2  166  ILLFANG PACT (281)         MORDANT
 LAGUNA LIL 7-5681           28  69  0  154  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR

GRAND ADEPTS                  W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 MEN WORKING 38-4189         45 163  1  124  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TALLAHASSE TINA 7-4889      25  87  0   86  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR
 MIAMI MIA 7-4818            26  72  3   71  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR
 BEACH BETTY 7-5768          32  59  0   63  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Our fight reports were waylaid by robbers on the long road from Darkholm, and all we
have are the single-sentence reports from the lightning pigeons.  Not a lot to go on
with, but hey, we can talk about almost nothing at considerable length, so--

Is it our imagination, or were there a LOT of standbys on the sands?  Not that we
MIND, since we won the three fights against standbys that we had. -- the Beach Babes

    Yes, there were a lot of standbys.

Manute Bol -- What was really gruesome was the cross-eyed, fanged smiley face on your
armor.  Worse than Medusa's head!  I could barely force myself to glance at it. --
Aloha Alice

Psycho Grandma! -- Ah, you've been forced to look at Manute Bol's armor, too, eh?
Because I'm sure that Alice is going to go psycho from it, even though she isn't a
grandma.  That I know of. -- laguna Lil

Red Fusion -- Something about your name makes me thirsty.  Buy me a drink?  Do golems
drink?  I guess it depends on how you're made, doesn't it?  Do you drink? -- Stassia

Men Working -- *sigh*  My manager really should change my train.  Not likely to
happen though.  How about you?  There's some air about you that seems to hint you may
be neglected by your manager, too. -- Crysoprase

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

SUPER BUM devastated GREASY NAPKINS in a 3 minute mismatched Title fight.
ONE A DAY savagely defeated SHADOWMANE in a exciting 5 minute gory melee.
PTI viciously subdued BLIND BEGGAR in a crowd pleasing 3 minute gory brawl.
TASTY HANGNAIL overpowered LOCAL CONSTABLE in a 2 minute bloody mismatched match.
VISTA BLOWS was unbelievably bested by SOLACIA in a crowd pleasing 2 minute fight.
STUPID SEXY FLANDERS was overpowered by BLIND BEGGAR in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
HE HATE ME handily defeated SOLACIA in a action packed 1 minute uneven melee.
SMELL CAREFULLY vanquished CRYSOPRASE in a action packed 1 minute uneven fight.
PSYCHO GRANDMA! defeated COOLER in a 2 minute fight.
5 GOT PICKED overpowered ALOHA ALICE in a popular 2 minute brutal one-sided melee.
HAILSTORM demolished SHADOWMANE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched competition.
ETCHED IN STONE subdued BLIND BEGGAR in a crowd pleasing 5 minute gory match.
GATEWAY viciously subdued RED FUSION in a popular 5 minute gruesome conflict.
CRACK IS CHEAP savagely defeated STASSIA in a action packed 6 minute struggle.
??RADAR?? savagely defeated HEAT in a crowd pleasing 3 minute bloody brawl.
LITTLEST TYRANT was savagely defeated by DIRK CHOLERA in a exciting 5 minute bout.
THAT GUY was overpowered by SOLACIA in a crowd pleasing 3 minute one-sided match.
MANUTE BOL devastated WORK IN PROGRESS in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
LAGUNA LIL vanquished MEN WORKING in a 1 minute one-sided match.
BEACH BETTY was handily defeated by BOOKIE'S GUARD in a 1 minute uneven duel.
TALLAHASSE TINA devastated DRUNKEN FISHERMAN in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
MIAMI MIA was overpowered by BOOKIE'S GUARD in a exciting 1 minute uneven fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW                       8         AIMED BLOW       100 -  41 -  1      71  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      7         TOTAL PARRY       50 -  27 -  1      65  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   6         LUNGING ATTACK    44 -  37 -  1      54  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    3         SLASHING ATTACK    5 -   5 -  0      50  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         STRIKING ATTACK    5 -   9 -  0      36  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   2         WALL OF STEEL     11 -  32 -  1      26  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     2         PARRY-STRIKE       5 -  15 -  0      25  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      5 -  15 -  0      25  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      0         BASHING ATTACK     3 -  24 -  0      11  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  0         PARRY-LUNGE        0 -   0 -  0       0  |

Turn 507 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

LUNGING ATTACK     4 -  2     WALL OF STEEL      1 -  2         4  LUNGING ATTACK 
AIMED BLOW         5 -  3     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  0         3  TOTAL PARRY    
TOTAL PARRY        4 -  3     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  2         3  AIMED BLOW     
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1     SLASHING ATTACK    0 -  1         1  WALL OF STEEL  
BASHING ATTACK     1 -  1     STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  0     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      SUPER BUM 82-18411        111  50  2  480 FLAT BROKE (1184)
AIMED BLOW       TASTY HANGNAIL 7-5463     100  57  0  327 WASTELAND II (500)
LUNGING ATTACK   PTI 7-5412                120  41  0  292 WASTELAND II (500)
WALL OF STEEL    ??RADAR?? 82-20310         45  71  1  224 DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II (1258)
SLASHING ATTACK  COOLER 82-7277             94  93  1  190 STYROFOAM (1090)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193   45 163  2  176 JUST BECAUSE (1151)
PARRY-STRIKE     CRYSOPRASE 1-3266          76  93  2  166 ILLFANG PACT (281)
BASHING ATTACK   LAGUNA LIL 7-5681          28  69  0  154 BEACH BABES (1058)

The overall popularity leader is CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422.  The most popular warrior 
this turn was GATEWAY 82-15631.  The ten other most popular fighters were PTI 7-5412, 
LITTLEST TYRANT 82--9646, ONE A DAY 98-799, STASSIA 37-1523, ??RADAR?? 82-20310, 
CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422, ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112, HEAT 98-981, 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199, 
and SUPER BUM 82-18411.

The least popular fighter this week was BEACH BETTY 7-5768.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were MEN WORKING 38-4189, WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193, MIAMI MIA 
7-4818, ALOHA ALICE 7-4867, CRYSOPRASE 1-3266, STUPID SEXY FLANDERS 42-3836, LAGUNA 
LIL 7-5681, TALLAHASSE TINA 7-4889, MANUTE BOL 5-4233, and HAILSTORM 7-5698.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           0  1 0  TALCAMA(18)          2  1 0  JURINE(61)           1  0 0  
KALTOS(5)            1  0 0  SIBIKHAS(37)         0  1 0  DWES EG(82)          4  3 0  
TRANSEL(6)           0  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  2 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     0  1 0  
BONSUR(7)            5  3 0  KATI-TEI(41)         1  0 0  SYVYN'S HILL(98)     1  1 0  
WILLAF(16)           1  0 0  RODEKI(42)           0  1 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CRYSOPRASE 1-3266           76  93  2  166  ILLFANG PACT (281)         MORDANT
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           71  62  0  204  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 RED FUSION 6-5480           91  64  0  193  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL
 TASTY HANGNAIL 7-5463      100  57  0  327  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 PSYCHO GRANDMA! 16-5120     55  24  1  194  LOOK OUT! (1278)           WILLAF
 HE HATE ME 18-7820         105  65  2  281  WASTELAND (468)            TALCAMA
 STASSIA 37-1523             62  78  2  180  UP TO NO GOOD (316)        SIBIKHAS
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    45 163  2  176  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199        59  25  2  216  072905R (1273)             KATI-TEI
 STUPID SEXY FLANDE 42-3836  89  61  0  192  I'M SO SEXY (1072)         RODEKI
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112    143  50  1  216  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 SUPER BUM 82-18411         111  50  2  480  FLAT BROKE (1184)          DWES EG
 THAT GUY 97-2120            37  22  3  199  DIE, MOFO, DIE IV (1293)   SHADOW GROVE
 ONE A DAY 98-799           110  57  4  382  MY DRUGS (1179)            SYVYN'S HILL

                          SUMMER FACE-TO-FACE IN CLEVELAND!

Our summer FTF will be an eastern one this time, located in Cleveland, Ohio  on July 
17-19, 2009.  It will be held at the Holiday Inn in Strongsville, OH, at 15471 
Royalton Rd (440-238-8800).  Rooms are only $95.00 per night, 1-2 occupancy.  

There is a free shuttle from the airport, free parking, and free high-speed wireless 
internet in all guestrooms ($3/day in public space).  The hotel has an indoor pool, 
pool table, and hockey, and a fitness center.   The hotel is located 1/2 mile from the 
largest mall in Northeast Ohio, with indoor minigolf and pottery painting, and right 
next door to Iceland Arena, which offers open skate and skate rental.  They also have 
four bikes on property available for checkout, as the Metro parks are next door as 
well.  The rooms are blocked--ask for the "Reality Simulations" room block.  There are 
many restaurants and nightspots nearby and at the Mall, as well as a cafe in the 
hotel.  

The tournament information sheet will be out imminently.  We hope you're all looking 
forward to the tournament and that we will see you there!