DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL

Date   : 03/13/2010    Duedate: 03/26/2010

DARKHOLM

DM-104    TURN-527

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 072905R 41/1273      3743 2695 16 58.1      KILLING ME SOFTER 97/1323             
    FLAT BROKE 82/1184                          ATTACK OF THE CLONES 82/1254          
    CEMENTIA 61/1112                            REAL PIZZA FLAVOR 82/1286             
    DIE, MOFO, DIE IV 97/1293                   DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II 82/1258           
    WASTELAND II 7/500                        3 STYROFOAM 82/1090    1192 1057  8 53.0
    IT'S NEW! 6/1195                          4 INDULGENT DR 54/1153   92  106  2 46.5
    WHAT A TREAT 98/1201                        CRIMINAL ELEMENT 39/1074              
    LARGE LOSERS 5/1228                       5 ILLFANG PACT 1/281    417  616  6 40.4
    NEGATIVE CASH FLOW 82/1197                  UP TO NO GOOD 37/316                  
  2 STREET PIZZA 18/114  2035 1675 23 54.9    6 JUST BECAUSE 38/1151 1058 1912 17 35.6
    HANNAH'S PALS 82/1270                     7 BEACH BABES 7/1058    434  837  5 34.1

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                                  WARRIOR SPOTLIGHT

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                         ---===DELARQUAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

                                     Duelmasters
                                     -----------
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 644): VAN DERMINT of BOOZE (Papa Bear, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 526): GROND of THE GOLDEN FISH (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 650): VIRTUAL REALITY of STATE OF MIND (Marma Duke, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 621): PETE MASTIFF of DOGS OF WAR (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 645): CREDIT CARD of BLOOD SUCKERS (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 640): ACOLYTE 1 of GOLDEN DAWN (Chief Illiniwek, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 648): LITTLE VENUS of BEACH BABES (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 633): PHLEGM of ABOMINATION (Chase, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 634): PLANKTON of SEA DOGS (One Armed Bandit, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 633): FLY FISHER of SEA DOGS (One Armed Bandit, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 605): EDDIE INCHER of MIDDLE WAY 17 (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 596): ZAG of U.A.K. (Otis the Drunk, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 270): MANN SLAUGHTER of CRIMINAL ELEMENT (Fizban, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 581): BIG DISAPPOINTMENT of COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 532): SHOGGOTH of RAISING R'LYEH (Reaper, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 254): VARDIN ABEQ of TRADERS OF TROCAR (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 245): I'M A BASHER of BASHAHOLICS ANON (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 478): SAND STORM of DISASTERS (Papa Bear, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 221): TORANS ULRIK of MIDDLE WAY 9 (Jorja, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 256): GATEWAY of ATTACK OF THE CLONES (The Upright Man, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
                                      ---------
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 644): SWEORDMASTERS (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 526): 042909A (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 650): GENERATION X (Storm Lord, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 621): DOGS OF WAR (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 645): BLOOD SUCKERS (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 640): GOLDEN DAWN (Chief Illiniwek, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 648): BEACH BABES (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 633): POSITION IS EMPTY
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 634): GHOST RIDERS TOO (Bladerunner, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 633): FIZBANS FOLLIES (Fizban, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 605): BABES (Papa Bear, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 597): U.A.K. (Otis the Drunk, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 270): IDLE ITEMS (Tonezy, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 581): COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 532): QUESTIONS (?, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 254): TRADERS OF TROCAR (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 245): WHAT'S IN A NAME (Storm Lord, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 478): MIDDLE WAY 10 (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 221): MIDDLE WAY 9 (Jorja, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 526) 0729205R et al (The Muffin Man, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
                                  -----------------
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 526): GULBY of THE GOLDEN FISH (Jorja, mgr.)
               (turn 525): BUBBA BENDER of PEANUT BUTTER FUDGE (Gavin Rule, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 633): GRUMPY GHOUL of THE GRATEFUL UNDEAD (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 633): FLY FISHER of SEA DOGS (One Armed Bandit, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 596): ZIG of U.A.K. (Otis the Drunk, mgr.)
                              BERTHA of U.A.K. (Otis the Drunk, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 581): STONECRUSHER II of DELVERS (Harby, mgr.)

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

Once again, there you are.

     There were, as usual, no deaths in this arena, even of the fleeting kind.  It's
a great pity.  I miss the drama--the last words, the death rattle, the eyes glazing
over.  Tsk.
     However, there was a title fight.  GATEWAY (82-15631) (70-55-1,289) of ATTACK OF
THE CLONES fought MANUTE BOL (5-4233) (86-66-0,217) of LARGE LOSERS.  GATEWAY bested
MANUTE BOL in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Title fight.  Crowd pleasing?  Hmm.  We
weren't all pleased, were we?  And so, Gateway is still considered the top Lunger,
whereas Manute Bol is no longer rated as the top Aimed Blow.
     A frightened clerk told me that I should mention the Overall Popularity Leader.
I do not like being approached by frightened clerks.  This one made me take the form
of a woman with a shrill voice.  I think it was his ex-wife?  In any case:  The
overall popularity leader is a warrior known as "Crack is Cheap."  RUGEN THE
JELLYFISH (82-12478) (35-17-0,398) of HANNAH'S PALS fought CRACK IS CHEAP (82-18422)
(81-96-0,188) of NEGATIVE CASH FLOW.  RUGEN THE JELLYFISH savagely defeated CRACK IS
CHEAP in an exciting 3 minute fight.  There.  The well-liked fellow lost.  I'm glad.
Rugen the Jellyfish was appreciated by the spectators, too.  I suppose he did spill
some blood.  That is always of interest.
     Once again, the new guild had a winning record of 2-0.  Their manager, Fizban,
is very welcome here, as long as he manages to sustain his wild dread of billy goats.
     ROB A. REE (39-3241) (47-31-1,190) of CRIMINAL ELEMENT fought LAGUNA LIL (7-
5681) (29-87-0,172) of BEACH BABES.  ROB A. REE vanquished LAGUNA LIL in an action
packed 1 minute uneven fight.
     MEN WORKING (38-4189) (48-179-1,183) of JUST BECAUSE fought ARSONIST ART (39-
3325) (38-34-0,164) of CRIMINAL ELEMENT.  MEN WORKING was narrowly defeated by
ARSONIST ART in an exciting 3 minute fight.  Men Working is rated the top Basher.  I
do not think this is much of a distinction?  Perhaps I am mistaken.
     It was a short session in the arena--just fourteen fights--and then the
spectators were released to seek other entertainment in this small and boring town.
In fact, someone died in Willow Beach today!  A very old man, who caught his thumb
with a fish hook last week, and perished of blood poisoning.  I had the pleasure of
escorting the fellow to Ahringol's realm.  For him, I took the form of a corpse that
had been in the lake for several days.  Although, in reality, those get eaten by the
lake monsters, which are always hungry.
     I have decided to offer a free tour of Ahringol's domain--including a return
trip--so anyone with an open mind can see for himself or herself that it is quite a
cheery place to go.  Meals and comfortable accomodations will be provided.  Please
let me know if you are interested in going on the tour.

Kthlahxoy

KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 GATEWAY 82-15631            71  55  1  305  ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254 DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 REDDI WHIP 97-1636          87  32  9  442  KILLING ME SOFTER (1323)   SHADOW GROVE
 RUGEN THE JELLYFI 82-12478  36  17  0  403  HANNAH'S PALS (1270)       DWES EG
 GREASY NAPKINS 82-10156     42  52  0  244  REAL PIZZA FLAVOR (1286)   DWES EG
 COOLER 82-7277             104 103  1  242  STYROFOAM (1090)           DWES EG
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112    154  59  1  230  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199        71  33  3  220  072905R (1273)             KATI-TEI
 SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889     45  88  2  217  STREET PIZZA (114)         TALCAMA
 ??RADAR?? 82-20310          53  83  1  216  DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II (1258) DWES EG

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-HEAT 98-981                 87  70  4  210  WHAT A TREAT (1201)        SYVYN'S HILL
 THAT GUY 97-2120            50  29  3  208  DIE, MOFO, DIE IV (1293)   SHADOW GROVE
 CRYSOPRASE 1-3266           78 111  2  204  ILLFANG PACT (281)         MORDANT
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    51 177  2  204  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
-SUPER BUM 82-18411         126  54  2  203  FLAT BROKE (1184)          DWES EG
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           86  67  0  199  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 STASSIA 37-1523             69  91  2  199  UP TO NO GOOD (316)        SIBIKHAS
-PTI 7-5412                 135  45  1  198  WASTELAND II (500)         BONSUR
 ROB A. REE 39-3241          48  31  1  198  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 SEX ON THE BEACH 54-2435    36  25  3  195  INDULGENT DRINKS (1153)    TROCAR
 RED FUSION 6-5480          102  73  0  192  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL
 CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422     81  97  0  192  NEGATIVE CASH FLOW (1197)  DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ARSONIST ART 39-3325        39  34  0  180  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 B.A. TURRY 39-3383          27  31  2  177  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 ALOHA ALICE 7-4867          35  80  0  175  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR
 MEN WORKING 38-4189         48 180  1  172  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 TALLAHASSE TINA 7-4889      33  99  0  172  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR
 LAGUNA LIL 7-5681           29  88  0  172  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BEACH BETTY 7-5768          44  67  0   62  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR
 MIAMI MIA 7-4818            33  85  4   61  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR
-BUBBA BENDER 2-5566         15   6  0   51  PEANUT BUTTER FUDGE (1324) NIANIA

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Jorja -- How have you been, you lovely lady, you ready to give and old wizard a
chance yet?  <wink wink> -- Fizban the flirty

Work in Progress -- Progress is slow it seems.  (he he he) -- Rob a Ree

Men Working -- That's the problem with men working, some woman always has to come
along and finish up for them.  Didn't hurt you too bad there, did I, darlin? -- Sex
on the Beach

Tallahasse  Tina -- Woo hoo, that's how I like it, girl, a little rough from you and
a lot rough from me.  <grin> -- B.A. Turry

Aloha Alice -- Didn't mean to burn you down, sweetie, but you get me so hot. --
Arsonist Art

All -- 7-1-0 for my first 2 turns back in Darkholm, something is not right here.  I'm
not that good, I'm more of a 3-5-0 guy.  Come on, people knock me down a peg or 2. --
Fizban the baffled

Spy Reporting Entity -- A question in response to your first question: that it is
pointless... do you mean it's pointless for the gladiators to practice, making
special efforts every fortnight, or for people to watch them do so?

What would be the value of pretending to die?  It is a hollow pretense, as you
yourself observed.  Why make a mockery of death with such pretense?

Novgorodny Vir is not much of a threat.  He is only "like" the sun, after all, and
frankly, not very like.  In fact, he's a bit of a donkey. -- Beach Babes

     Beach Babes -- Dying, in an arena on this island, could be an art form.  One
     would like to witness a vivid spray of blood, the stench of spilled entrails,
     the occasional horrific scream.  True, it is essentially theater, but it could
     at least be GOOD theater.  I suppose these fights are not pointless at all from
     the viewpoint of the Grey Witch.  But there is no chance of enjoying Lord
     Ahringol's considerable hospitality.  Thanks to the lies that have been spread,
     that lack is considered a great boon.  Baa!  You are all deprived of something
     every mortal should desire. -- Kthlahxoy

     I have seen Novgorodny Vir.  A golem.  As you say, not at all like the sun,
     though he is not like a donkey either.  Baa! -- Kthlahxoy

Sex on the Beach -- I have a headache, thanks anyway. -- Crysoprase

Gateway -- You'll be glad to know, maybe, that they reattached my arm.  *sigh*  I've
almost kinda got feeling back in my fingers. -- Stassia

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

GATEWAY bested MANUTE BOL in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Title fight.
REDDI WHIP vanquished WORK IN PROGRESS in a exciting 1 minute uneven battle.
ETCHED IN STONE overpowered CRYSOPRASE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched duel.
RUGEN THE JELLYFISH savagely defeated CRACK IS CHEAP in a exciting 3 minute fight.
GREASY NAPKINS viciously subdued RED FUSION in a popular 4 minute bloody duel.
COOLER overpowered B.A. TURRY in a popular 1 minute mismatched brawl.
SEX ON THE BEACH was handily defeated by 5 GOT PICKED in a 1 minute uneven melee.
ROB A. REE vanquished LAGUNA LIL in a action packed 1 minute uneven fight.
MEN WORKING was narrowly defeated by ARSONIST ART in a exciting 3 minute fight.
??RADAR?? overpowered ALOHA ALICE in a exciting 1 minute bloody one-sided fight.
STASSIA was viciously subdued by THAT GUY in a exciting 5 minute brutal contest.
SMELL CAREFULLY devastated TALLAHASSE TINA in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
BEACH BETTY overpowered INKEEPER'S SON in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
MIAMI MIA was bested by INKEEPER'S SON in a 3 minute duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   6         AIMED BLOW        19 -   8 -  0      70  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      6         LUNGING ATTACK    46 -  21 -  1      69  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    5         WALL OF STEEL     30 -  14 -  0      68  |
|AIMED BLOW                       2         SLASHING ATTACK    6 -   4 -  0      60  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     2         TOTAL PARRY       31 -  32 -  0      49  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         PARRY-STRIKE       5 -  15 -  1      25  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   2         PARRY-RIPOSTE      4 -  16 -  0      20  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  1         BASHING ATTACK     1 -  19 -  0       5  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      0         PARRY-LUNGE        0 -   0 -  0       0  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  0         STRIKING ATTACK    0 -   0 -  0       0  |

Turn 527 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  0     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  0         5  LUNGING ATTACK 
LUNGING ATTACK     5 -  1     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  2         2  WALL OF STEEL  
WALL OF STEEL      3 -  2     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  2         2  TOTAL PARRY    
AIMED BLOW         1 -  1     STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  0         1  SLASHING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY        3 -  3     BASHING ATTACK     0 -  2         1  AIMED BLOW     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   GATEWAY 82-15631           71  55  1  305 ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254)
WALL OF STEEL    REDDI WHIP 97-1636         87  32  9  442 KILLING ME SOFTER (1323)
SLASHING ATTACK  COOLER 82-7277            104 103  1  242 STYROFOAM (1090)
TOTAL PARRY      ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112   154  59  1  230 CEMENTIA (1112)
AIMED BLOW       5 GOT PICKED 41-4199       71  33  3  220 072905R (1273)
PARRY-STRIKE     CRYSOPRASE 1-3266          78 111  2  204 ILLFANG PACT (281)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193   51 177  2  204 JUST BECAUSE (1151)
BASHING ATTACK   MEN WORKING 38-4189        48 180  1  172 JUST BECAUSE (1151)

The overall popularity leader is CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422.  The most popular warrior 
this turn was RUGEN THE JELLYFISH 82-12478.  The ten other most popular fighters were 
GREASY NAPKINS 82-10156, STASSIA 37-1523, MEN WORKING 38-4189, ROB A. REE 39-3241, 
THAT GUY 97-2120, SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889, ARSONIST ART 39-3325, ??RADAR?? 82-20310, 
REDDI WHIP 97-1636, and RED FUSION 6-5480.

The least popular fighter this week was ALOHA ALICE 7-4867.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were SEX ON THE BEACH 54-2435, B.A. TURRY 39-3383, TALLAHASSE TINA 
7-4889, CRYSOPRASE 1-3266, WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193, MANUTE BOL 5-4233, MIAMI MIA 
7-4818, BEACH BETTY 7-5768, LAGUNA LIL 7-5681, and COOLER 82-7277.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           0  1 0  SIBIKHAS(37)         0  1 0  TROCAR(54)           0  1 0  
KALTOS(5)            0  1 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  2 0  JURINE(61)           1  0 0  
TRANSEL(6)           0  1 0  XOCHITHLAN(39)       2  1 0  DWES EG(82)          5  1 0  
BONSUR(7)            1  4 0  KATI-TEI(41)         1  0 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     2  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          1  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CRYSOPRASE 1-3266           78 111  2  204  ILLFANG PACT (281)         MORDANT
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           86  67  0  199  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 RED FUSION 6-5480          102  73  0  192  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL
 ALOHA ALICE 7-4867          35  80  0  175  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR
 SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889     45  88  2  217  STREET PIZZA (114)         TALCAMA
 STASSIA 37-1523             69  91  2  199  UP TO NO GOOD (316)        SIBIKHAS
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    51 177  2  204  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 ROB A. REE 39-3241          48  31  1  198  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199        71  33  3  220  072905R (1273)             KATI-TEI
 SEX ON THE BEACH 54-2435    36  25  3  195  INDULGENT DRINKS (1153)    TROCAR
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112    154  59  1  230  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 GATEWAY 82-15631            71  55  1  305  ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254 DWES EG
 REDDI WHIP 97-1636          87  32  9  442  KILLING ME SOFTER (1323)   SHADOW GROVE