DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL Date : 04/24/2010 Duedate: 05/07/2010 DARKHOLM DM-104 TURN-530 RANK TEAMS W L K % RANK TEAMS W L K % 1 072905R 41/1273 3757 2699 16 58.2 REAL PIZZA FLAVOR 82/1286 CEMENTIA 61/1112 DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II 82/1258 DIE, MOFO, DIE IV 97/1293 3 STYROFOAM 82/1090 1193 1059 8 53.0 IT'S NEW! 6/1195 4 INDULGENT DR 54/1153 97 113 2 46.2 LARGE LOSERS 5/1228 CRIMINAL ELEMENT 39/1074 NEGATIVE CASH FLOW 82/1197 5 ILLFANG PACT 1/281 419 620 6 40.3 2 STREET PIZZA 18/114 2047 1681 23 54.9 UP TO NO GOOD 37/316 HANNAH'S PALS 82/1270 6 JUST BECAUSE 38/1151 1060 1916 17 35.6 KILLING ME SOFTER 97/1323 7 BEACH BABES 7/1058 437 849 5 34.0 ATTACK OF THE CLONES 82/1254 '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id '-' Team did not fight this turn REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER Once again, it is you. And once again, it is I, Kthlahxoy, the Elkarrish of the Isle, filling in while the old spyreporter's case is adjudicated. She was supposed to have died of a plague some years ago, but was resurrected--perhaps in accordance with the understanding between Lord Ahringol and the Grey Witch, or perhaps illegally. Meanwhile, here you are again. And here am I, the Goat of Doom, standing at my desk in a filthy pen. Please ignore any traces of ordure on this spyreport. Sanitation is truly a challenge here. I need more smash to make it bearable. This day of fighting was very reminiscent of a day of fighting that we had two weeks ago. Again, there were fourteen fights. Again, two spectators were called to fight. Again, one of the Beach Babes fought Debby Tonte. Again, no one challenged, no one avoided, no one even pretended to die, and no one wrote a column for this journal. Are we caught in a time loop? I should mention that the Keeper of the Runeblade is not the only person who can write a Keeper of the Runeblade's column. If you send in an essay entitled "(not) Keeper of the Runeblade's Column" it will most likely be published anyway. GATEWAY (82-15631) (73-55-1,332) of ATTACK OF THE CLONES fought COOLER (82-7277) (105-104-1,211) of STYROFOAM. GATEWAY devastated COOLER in a 1 minute mismatched Title fight. This miserable specimen, Gateway, did nothing whatever to deserve his title. I call upon Etched in Stone to challenge his sorry behind and kick him out off the throne. And then to write a nice column about it. And Mr. Stone, if you'll let me out of this pen, I'll gladly help. Sometimes, at least, justice can triumph! RUGEN THE JELLYFISH (82-12478) (37-18- 0,216) of HANNAH'S PALS fought CRACK IS CHEAP (82-18422) (82-98-0,202) of NEGATIVE CASH FLOW. RUGEN THE JELLYFISH savagely defeated CRACK IS CHEAP in an exciting 5 minute fight. And so the unworthy Mr. Cheap received his rightful comeuppance. I note with disdain that he is still Overall Popularity Leader by a diminishing margin, while Mr. Jellyfish is this turn's most popular warrior! Work in Progress was voted this turn's least favorite warrior. WORK IN PROGRESS (38- 4193) (52-178-2,210) of JUST BECAUSE fought MANUTE BOL (5-4233) (87-68-0,195) of LARGE LOSERS. WORK IN PROGRESS was overpowered by MANUTE BOL in a 1 minute one-sided match. It is sad, but the outcome seemed rather inevitable, did it not? And I note the Manute Bol is our top-ranked Aimed Blow, while Work in Progress is our top Parry- Riposte. Strange. I would think Parry-Riposte would be a more devastating style. The stand-in warriors had a 1-1 turn today, all against the team that is so justly famous for inventing smash. * MIAMI MIA (7-4818) (34-86-4,61) of BEACH BABES fought DEBBY TONTE (104-2) (20-30-0,30) of ARENA STAND-INS. MIAMI MIA devastated DEBBY TONTE in a 1 minute mismatched bout. I am pleased to note that the sinister blond has been defeated and sent away in shame. * BEACH BETTY (7-5768) (44-69-0,35) of BEACH BABES fought COCKY SPECTATOR (104- 3) (0-0-0,0) of ARENA STAND-INS. BEACH BETTY handily defeated COCKY SPECTATOR in a popular 1 minute uneven fight. This is progress. Betty lost to Debby Tonte last turn, but the Spectator is much tougher--thirteen years old at least, a husky lad, and his hair is a natural color. The clerk has come for my report. I will let you fend for yourselves now. Kthlahxoy KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY GATEWAY 82-15631 74 55 1 343 ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254 DWES EG GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY REDDI WHIP 97-1636 90 32 9 501 KILLING ME SOFTER (1323) SHADOW GROVE ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112 157 59 1 262 CEMENTIA (1112) JURINE RUGEN THE JELLYFI 82-12478 38 18 0 224 HANNAH'S PALS (1270) DWES EG THAT GUY 97-2120 53 29 3 223 DIE, MOFO, DIE IV (1293) SHADOW GROVE ROB A. REE 39-3241 49 33 1 213 CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074) XOCHITHLAN RED FUSION 6-5480 105 73 0 211 IT'S NEW! (1195) TRANSEL GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY ??RADAR?? 82-20310 54 85 1 210 DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II (1258) DWES EG MANUTE BOL 5-4233 88 68 0 209 LARGE LOSERS (1228) KALTOS 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199 73 34 3 205 072905R (1273) KATI-TEI ARSONIST ART 39-3325 41 35 0 205 CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074) XOCHITHLAN SEX ON THE BEACH 54-2435 38 26 3 205 INDULGENT DRINKS (1153) TROCAR CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422 82 99 0 203 NEGATIVE CASH FLOW (1197) DWES EG STASSIA 37-1523 70 93 2 203 UP TO NO GOOD (316) SIBIKHAS SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889 46 90 2 199 STREET PIZZA (114) TALCAMA COOLER 82-7277 105 105 1 195 STYROFOAM (1090) DWES EG GREASY NAPKINS 82-10156 44 53 0 195 REAL PIZZA FLAVOR (1286) DWES EG WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193 52 179 2 192 JUST BECAUSE (1151) CLIFFHOME CRYSOPRASE 1-3266 79 113 2 188 ILLFANG PACT (281) MORDANT MEN WORKING 38-4189 49 182 1 188 JUST BECAUSE (1151) CLIFFHOME GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY ALOHA ALICE 7-4867 35 83 0 180 BEACH BABES (1058) BONSUR TALLAHASSE TINA 7-4889 33 102 0 179 BEACH BABES (1058) BONSUR B.A. TURRY 39-3383 27 34 2 178 CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074) XOCHITHLAN LAGUNA LIL 7-5681 29 91 0 157 BEACH BABES (1058) BONSUR GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY -BIG DISAPPOINTMENT 42-4510 22 6 0 72 COLOR ME SUAVE (1280) RODEKI MIAMI MIA 7-4818 35 86 4 63 BEACH BABES (1058) BONSUR -VOLLEYBALL 21-5691 17 8 0 59 SPORTS (1285) SUNSET BEACH BETTY 7-5768 45 69 0 37 BEACH BABES (1058) BONSUR '-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn. THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE Sex on the Beach -- We've tried that and found it too gritty. Beds are better. -- Tallahasse Tina That Guy -- Yeah! -- Aloha Alice Men Working -- They always say that. -- Laguna Lil Bookie's Guard -- Go guard a bookie, then. See if I care. -- Miami Mia Debby Tonte? As if! She's got no tan at all. -- Beach Betty ??Radar?? -- You did that very well. I don't know why you've got a puddy record like mine. -- Crysoprase Red Fusion -- Oh, that's just pathetic. I was winning until the last 30 seconds! And then, I collapsed. *smiling* But I kinda like a man who can wear me out. If only you had a sex, you know? -- Stassia LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS GATEWAY devastated COOLER in a 1 minute mismatched Title fight. THAT GUY slimly won victory over SMELL CAREFULLY in a action packed 4 minute battle. REDDI WHIP overpowered 5 GOT PICKED in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched duel. RUGEN THE JELLYFISH savagely defeated CRACK IS CHEAP in a exciting 5 minute fight. ETCHED IN STONE viciously subdued ??RADAR?? in a popular 4 minute bloody duel. CRYSOPRASE overpowered LAGUNA LIL in a 1 minute mismatched brawl. SEX ON THE BEACH defeated MEN WORKING in a action packed 1 minute melee. ARSONIST ART was viciously subdued by RED FUSION in a action packed 8 minute duel. ROB A. REE vanquished TALLAHASSE TINA in a popular 1 minute one-sided duel. GREASY NAPKINS beat B.A. TURRY in a popular 1 minute melee. WORK IN PROGRESS was overpowered by MANUTE BOL in a 1 minute one-sided match. STASSIA viciously subdued ALOHA ALICE in a exciting 3 minute brutal contest. MIAMI MIA devastated DEBBY TONTE in a 1 minute mismatched bout. BEACH BETTY handily defeated COCKY SPECTATOR in a popular 1 minute uneven fight. BATTLE REPORT MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS |FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT| |LUNGING ATTACK 6 AIMED BLOW 14 - 6 - 0 70 | |TOTAL PARRY 6 WALL OF STEEL 30 - 17 - 0 64 | |WALL OF STEEL 5 LUNGING ATTACK 42 - 24 - 1 64 | |PARRY-STRIKE 2 SLASHING ATTACK 6 - 4 - 0 60 | |AIMED BLOW 2 TOTAL PARRY 33 - 30 - 0 52 | |PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 PARRY-STRIKE 7 - 13 - 1 35 | |BASHING ATTACK 2 PARRY-RIPOSTE 3 - 17 - 0 15 | |SLASHING ATTACK 1 BASHING ATTACK 2 - 18 - 0 10 | |PARRY-LUNGE 0 PARRY-LUNGE 0 - 0 - 0 0 | |STRIKING ATTACK 0 STRIKING ATTACK 0 - 0 - 0 0 | Turn 530 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are: PARRY-STRIKE 2 - 0 PARRY-LUNGE 0 - 0 4 TOTAL PARRY WALL OF STEEL 4 - 1 PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 2 3 LUNGING ATTACK LUNGING ATTACK 4 - 2 SLASHING ATTACK 0 - 1 2 WALL OF STEEL AIMED BLOW 1 - 1 STRIKING ATTACK 0 - 0 2 AIMED BLOW TOTAL PARRY 3 - 3 BASHING ATTACK 0 - 2 TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME LUNGING ATTACK GATEWAY 82-15631 74 55 1 343 ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254) WALL OF STEEL REDDI WHIP 97-1636 90 32 9 501 KILLING ME SOFTER (1323) TOTAL PARRY ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112 157 59 1 262 CEMENTIA (1112) AIMED BLOW MANUTE BOL 5-4233 88 68 0 209 LARGE LOSERS (1228) SLASHING ATTACK COOLER 82-7277 105 105 1 195 STYROFOAM (1090) PARRY-RIPOSTE WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193 52 179 2 192 JUST BECAUSE (1151) PARRY-STRIKE CRYSOPRASE 1-3266 79 113 2 188 ILLFANG PACT (281) BASHING ATTACK MEN WORKING 38-4189 49 182 1 188 JUST BECAUSE (1151) The overall popularity leader is CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422. The most popular warrior this turn was RUGEN THE JELLYFISH 82-12478. The ten other most popular fighters were SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889, ??RADAR?? 82-20310, ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112, STASSIA 37-1523, CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422, ARSONIST ART 39-3325, THAT GUY 97-2120, GREASY NAPKINS 82-10156, ROB A. REE 39-3241, and MANUTE BOL 5-4233. The least popular fighter this week was WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193. The other ten least popular fighters were TALLAHASSE TINA 7-4889, RED FUSION 6-5480, LAGUNA LIL 7-5681, 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199, COOLER 82-7277, MIAMI MIA 7-4818, B.A. TURRY 39-3383, MEN WORKING 38-4189, CRYSOPRASE 1-3266, and GATEWAY 82-15631. Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K MORDANT(1) 1 0 0 SIBIKHAS(37) 1 0 0 TROCAR(54) 1 0 0 KALTOS(5) 1 0 0 CLIFFHOME(38) 0 2 0 JURINE(61) 1 0 0 TRANSEL(6) 1 0 0 XOCHITHLAN(39) 1 2 0 DWES EG(82) 3 3 0 BONSUR(7) 2 3 0 KATI-TEI(41) 0 1 0 SHADOW GROVE(97) 2 0 0 TALCAMA(18) 0 1 0 TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY CRYSOPRASE 1-3266 79 113 2 188 ILLFANG PACT (281) MORDANT MANUTE BOL 5-4233 88 68 0 209 LARGE LOSERS (1228) KALTOS RED FUSION 6-5480 105 73 0 211 IT'S NEW! (1195) TRANSEL ALOHA ALICE 7-4867 35 83 0 180 BEACH BABES (1058) BONSUR SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889 46 90 2 199 STREET PIZZA (114) TALCAMA STASSIA 37-1523 70 93 2 203 UP TO NO GOOD (316) SIBIKHAS WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193 52 179 2 192 JUST BECAUSE (1151) CLIFFHOME ROB A. REE 39-3241 49 33 1 213 CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074) XOCHITHLAN 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199 73 34 3 205 072905R (1273) KATI-TEI SEX ON THE BEACH 54-2435 38 26 3 205 INDULGENT DRINKS (1153) TROCAR ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112 157 59 1 262 CEMENTIA (1112) JURINE GATEWAY 82-15631 74 55 1 343 ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254 DWES EG REDDI WHIP 97-1636 90 32 9 501 KILLING ME SOFTER (1323) SHADOW GROVE NEW GRADUATES--FROM ALL ARENAS (INCLUDING CLOSED ARENAS) For those of you who keep track of such things, 4 additional warriors graduated from regular DM arenas (including closed arenas) since the last tournament. EUGENE FLUCKY (82-41642) of MEDAL OF HONOR 30 (6955) FGC (47-6648) of KAOS (695) PRISONER B91 (82-53433) of DUNGEON CELL B9 (9014) PRISONER 0381 82-42371 of DUNGEON CELL 77 (7085) Congrats to the grads. -- Green Eyes