DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL

Date   : 04/24/2010    Duedate: 05/07/2010

DARKHOLM

DM-104    TURN-530

RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %  RANK TEAMS                  W    L  K    %
  1 072905R 41/1273      3757 2699 16 58.2      REAL PIZZA FLAVOR 82/1286             
    CEMENTIA 61/1112                            DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II 82/1258           
    DIE, MOFO, DIE IV 97/1293                 3 STYROFOAM 82/1090    1193 1059  8 53.0
    IT'S NEW! 6/1195                          4 INDULGENT DR 54/1153   97  113  2 46.2
    LARGE LOSERS 5/1228                         CRIMINAL ELEMENT 39/1074              
    NEGATIVE CASH FLOW 82/1197                5 ILLFANG PACT 1/281    419  620  6 40.3
  2 STREET PIZZA 18/114  2047 1681 23 54.9      UP TO NO GOOD 37/316                  
    HANNAH'S PALS 82/1270                     6 JUST BECAUSE 38/1151 1060 1916 17 35.6
    KILLING ME SOFTER 97/1323                 7 BEACH BABES 7/1058    437  849  5 34.0
    ATTACK OF THE CLONES 82/1254          

    '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id     '-'  Team did not fight this turn

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

Once again, it is you.

     And once again, it is I, Kthlahxoy, the Elkarrish of the Isle, filling in while
the old spyreporter's case is adjudicated.  She was supposed to have died of a plague
some years ago, but was resurrected--perhaps in accordance with the understanding
between Lord Ahringol and the Grey Witch, or perhaps illegally.  Meanwhile, here you
are again.  And here am I, the Goat of Doom, standing at my desk in a filthy pen.
Please ignore any traces of ordure on this spyreport.  Sanitation is truly a
challenge here.  I need more smash to make it bearable.
     This day of fighting was very reminiscent of a day of fighting that we had two
weeks ago.  Again, there were fourteen fights.  Again, two spectators were called to
fight.  Again, one of the Beach Babes fought Debby Tonte.  Again, no one challenged,
no one avoided, no one even pretended to die, and no one wrote a column for this
journal.  Are we caught in a time loop?  I should mention that the Keeper of the
Runeblade is not the only person who can write a Keeper of the Runeblade's column.
If you send in an essay entitled "(not) Keeper of the Runeblade's Column" it will
most likely be published anyway.

GATEWAY (82-15631) (73-55-1,332) of ATTACK OF THE CLONES fought COOLER (82-7277)
(105-104-1,211) of STYROFOAM.  GATEWAY devastated COOLER in a 1 minute mismatched
Title fight.  This miserable specimen, Gateway, did nothing whatever to deserve his
title.  I call upon Etched in Stone to challenge his sorry behind and kick him out
off the throne.  And then to write a nice column about it.  And Mr. Stone, if you'll
let me out of this pen, I'll gladly help.

Sometimes, at least, justice can triumph!  RUGEN THE JELLYFISH (82-12478) (37-18-
0,216) of HANNAH'S PALS fought CRACK IS CHEAP (82-18422) (82-98-0,202) of NEGATIVE
CASH FLOW.  RUGEN THE JELLYFISH savagely defeated CRACK IS CHEAP in an exciting 5
minute fight.  And so the unworthy Mr. Cheap received his rightful comeuppance.  I
note with disdain that he is still Overall Popularity Leader by a diminishing margin,
while Mr. Jellyfish is this turn's most popular warrior!

Work in Progress was voted this turn's least favorite warrior.  WORK IN PROGRESS (38-
4193) (52-178-2,210) of JUST BECAUSE fought MANUTE BOL (5-4233) (87-68-0,195) of
LARGE LOSERS.  WORK IN PROGRESS was overpowered by MANUTE BOL in a 1 minute one-sided
match.  It is sad, but the outcome seemed rather inevitable, did it not?  And I note
the Manute Bol is our top-ranked Aimed Blow, while Work in Progress is our top Parry-
Riposte.  Strange.  I would think Parry-Riposte would be a more devastating style.

The stand-in warriors had a 1-1 turn today, all against the team that is so justly
famous for inventing smash.
     *  MIAMI MIA (7-4818) (34-86-4,61) of BEACH BABES fought DEBBY TONTE (104-2)
(20-30-0,30) of ARENA STAND-INS.  MIAMI MIA devastated DEBBY TONTE in a 1 minute
mismatched bout.  I am pleased to note that the sinister blond has been defeated and
sent away in shame.
     * BEACH BETTY (7-5768) (44-69-0,35) of BEACH BABES fought COCKY SPECTATOR (104-
3) (0-0-0,0) of ARENA STAND-INS.  BEACH BETTY handily defeated COCKY SPECTATOR in a
popular 1 minute uneven fight.  This is progress.  Betty lost to Debby Tonte last
turn, but the Spectator is much tougher--thirteen years old at least, a husky lad,
and his hair is a natural color.

The clerk has come for my report.  I will let you fend for yourselves now.

Kthlahxoy

KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 GATEWAY 82-15631            74  55  1  343  ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254 DWES EG

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS    W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 REDDI WHIP 97-1636          90  32  9  501  KILLING ME SOFTER (1323)   SHADOW GROVE
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112    157  59  1  262  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 RUGEN THE JELLYFI 82-12478  38  18  0  224  HANNAH'S PALS (1270)       DWES EG
 THAT GUY 97-2120            53  29  3  223  DIE, MOFO, DIE IV (1293)   SHADOW GROVE
 ROB A. REE 39-3241          49  33  1  213  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 RED FUSION 6-5480          105  73  0  211  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL

GRAND CHAMPIONS               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ??RADAR?? 82-20310          54  85  1  210  DYSLEXICS UNTIE! II (1258) DWES EG
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           88  68  0  209  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199        73  34  3  205  072905R (1273)             KATI-TEI
 ARSONIST ART 39-3325        41  35  0  205  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 SEX ON THE BEACH 54-2435    38  26  3  205  INDULGENT DRINKS (1153)    TROCAR
 CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422     82  99  0  203  NEGATIVE CASH FLOW (1197)  DWES EG
 STASSIA 37-1523             70  93  2  203  UP TO NO GOOD (316)        SIBIKHAS
 SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889     46  90  2  199  STREET PIZZA (114)         TALCAMA
 COOLER 82-7277             105 105  1  195  STYROFOAM (1090)           DWES EG
 GREASY NAPKINS 82-10156     44  53  0  195  REAL PIZZA FLAVOR (1286)   DWES EG
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    52 179  2  192  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 CRYSOPRASE 1-3266           79 113  2  188  ILLFANG PACT (281)         MORDANT
 MEN WORKING 38-4189         49 182  1  188  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS       W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ALOHA ALICE 7-4867          35  83  0  180  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR
 TALLAHASSE TINA 7-4889      33 102  0  179  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR
 B.A. TURRY 39-3383          27  34  2  178  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 LAGUNA LIL 7-5681           29  91  0  157  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR

GRAND INITIATES               W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-BIG DISAPPOINTMENT 42-4510  22   6  0   72  COLOR ME SUAVE (1280)      RODEKI
 MIAMI MIA 7-4818            35  86  4   63  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR
-VOLLEYBALL 21-5691          17   8  0   59  SPORTS (1285)              SUNSET
 BEACH BETTY 7-5768          45  69  0   37  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Sex on the Beach -- We've tried that and found it too gritty.  Beds are better. --
Tallahasse Tina

That Guy -- Yeah! -- Aloha Alice

Men Working -- They always say that. -- Laguna Lil

Bookie's Guard -- Go guard a bookie, then.  See if I care. -- Miami Mia

Debby Tonte?  As if!  She's got no tan at all. -- Beach Betty

??Radar?? -- You did that very well.  I don't know why you've got a puddy record like
mine. -- Crysoprase

Red Fusion -- Oh, that's just pathetic.  I was winning until the last 30 seconds!
And then, I collapsed.  *smiling*  But I kinda like a man who can wear me out.  If
only you had a sex, you know? -- Stassia

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

GATEWAY devastated COOLER in a 1 minute mismatched Title fight.
THAT GUY slimly won victory over SMELL CAREFULLY in a action packed 4 minute battle.
REDDI WHIP overpowered 5 GOT PICKED in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched duel.
RUGEN THE JELLYFISH savagely defeated CRACK IS CHEAP in a exciting 5 minute fight.
ETCHED IN STONE viciously subdued ??RADAR?? in a popular 4 minute bloody duel.
CRYSOPRASE overpowered LAGUNA LIL in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
SEX ON THE BEACH defeated MEN WORKING in a action packed 1 minute melee.
ARSONIST ART was viciously subdued by RED FUSION in a action packed 8 minute duel.
ROB A. REE vanquished TALLAHASSE TINA in a popular 1 minute one-sided duel.
GREASY NAPKINS beat B.A. TURRY in a popular 1 minute melee.
WORK IN PROGRESS was overpowered by MANUTE BOL in a 1 minute one-sided match.
STASSIA viciously subdued ALOHA ALICE in a exciting 3 minute brutal contest.
MIAMI MIA devastated DEBBY TONTE in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
BEACH BETTY handily defeated COCKY SPECTATOR in a popular 1 minute uneven fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   6         AIMED BLOW        14 -   6 -  0      70  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      6         WALL OF STEEL     30 -  17 -  0      64  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    5         LUNGING ATTACK    42 -  24 -  1      64  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     2         SLASHING ATTACK    6 -   4 -  0      60  |
|AIMED BLOW                       2         TOTAL PARRY       33 -  30 -  0      52  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         PARRY-STRIKE       7 -  13 -  1      35  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   2         PARRY-RIPOSTE      3 -  17 -  0      15  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  1         BASHING ATTACK     2 -  18 -  0      10  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      0         PARRY-LUNGE        0 -   0 -  0       0  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  0         STRIKING ATTACK    0 -   0 -  0       0  |

Turn 530 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  0     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  0         4  TOTAL PARRY    
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  1     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  2         3  LUNGING ATTACK 
LUNGING ATTACK     4 -  2     SLASHING ATTACK    0 -  1         2  WALL OF STEEL  
AIMED BLOW         1 -  1     STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  0         2  AIMED BLOW     
TOTAL PARRY        3 -  3     BASHING ATTACK     0 -  2     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   GATEWAY 82-15631           74  55  1  343 ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254)
WALL OF STEEL    REDDI WHIP 97-1636         90  32  9  501 KILLING ME SOFTER (1323)
TOTAL PARRY      ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112   157  59  1  262 CEMENTIA (1112)
AIMED BLOW       MANUTE BOL 5-4233          88  68  0  209 LARGE LOSERS (1228)
SLASHING ATTACK  COOLER 82-7277            105 105  1  195 STYROFOAM (1090)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193   52 179  2  192 JUST BECAUSE (1151)
PARRY-STRIKE     CRYSOPRASE 1-3266          79 113  2  188 ILLFANG PACT (281)
BASHING ATTACK   MEN WORKING 38-4189        49 182  1  188 JUST BECAUSE (1151)

The overall popularity leader is CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422.  The most popular warrior 
this turn was RUGEN THE JELLYFISH 82-12478.  The ten other most popular fighters were 
SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889, ??RADAR?? 82-20310, ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112, STASSIA 
37-1523, CRACK IS CHEAP 82-18422, ARSONIST ART 39-3325, THAT GUY 97-2120, GREASY 
NAPKINS 82-10156, ROB A. REE 39-3241, and MANUTE BOL 5-4233.

The least popular fighter this week was WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193.  The other ten 
least popular fighters were TALLAHASSE TINA 7-4889, RED FUSION 6-5480, LAGUNA LIL 
7-5681, 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199, COOLER 82-7277, MIAMI MIA 7-4818, B.A. TURRY 39-3383, 
MEN WORKING 38-4189, CRYSOPRASE 1-3266, and GATEWAY 82-15631.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
MORDANT(1)           1  0 0  SIBIKHAS(37)         1  0 0  TROCAR(54)           1  0 0  
KALTOS(5)            1  0 0  CLIFFHOME(38)        0  2 0  JURINE(61)           1  0 0  
TRANSEL(6)           1  0 0  XOCHITHLAN(39)       1  2 0  DWES EG(82)          3  3 0  
BONSUR(7)            2  3 0  KATI-TEI(41)         0  1 0  SHADOW GROVE(97)     2  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          0  1 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 CRYSOPRASE 1-3266           79 113  2  188  ILLFANG PACT (281)         MORDANT
 MANUTE BOL 5-4233           88  68  0  209  LARGE LOSERS (1228)        KALTOS
 RED FUSION 6-5480          105  73  0  211  IT'S NEW! (1195)           TRANSEL
 ALOHA ALICE 7-4867          35  83  0  180  BEACH BABES (1058)         BONSUR
 SMELL CAREFULLY 18-8889     46  90  2  199  STREET PIZZA (114)         TALCAMA
 STASSIA 37-1523             70  93  2  203  UP TO NO GOOD (316)        SIBIKHAS
 WORK IN PROGRESS 38-4193    52 179  2  192  JUST BECAUSE (1151)        CLIFFHOME
 ROB A. REE 39-3241          49  33  1  213  CRIMINAL ELEMENT (1074)    XOCHITHLAN
 5 GOT PICKED 41-4199        73  34  3  205  072905R (1273)             KATI-TEI
 SEX ON THE BEACH 54-2435    38  26  3  205  INDULGENT DRINKS (1153)    TROCAR
 ETCHED IN STONE 61-3112    157  59  1  262  CEMENTIA (1112)            JURINE
 GATEWAY 82-15631            74  55  1  343  ATTACK OF THE CLONES (1254 DWES EG
 REDDI WHIP 97-1636          90  32  9  501  KILLING ME SOFTER (1323)   SHADOW GROVE

               NEW GRADUATES--FROM ALL ARENAS (INCLUDING CLOSED ARENAS)

     For those of you who keep track of such things, 4 additional warriors graduated 
from regular DM arenas (including closed arenas) since the last tournament.  

                 EUGENE FLUCKY (82-41642) of MEDAL OF HONOR 30 (6955)
                             FGC (47-6648) of KAOS (695)
                  PRISONER B91 (82-53433) of DUNGEON CELL B9 (9014)
                   PRISONER 0381 82-42371 of DUNGEON CELL 77 (7085)

Congrats to the grads. -- Green Eyes