DARKHOLM SPORTING JOURNAL Date : 02/19/2018 Duedate: 03/03/2018 DARKHOLM ARENA DM 104 TURN 731 RANK TEAMS W L K % RANK TEAMS W L K % 1 LADIES OF QU 7/1404 9 4 0 69.2 UNLIKELY HEROES 18W 97/1408 2 SHADOWHOLD 31/1405 219 239 2 47.8 3 HIGHLANDERS 42/1341 712 871 10 45.0 OBSIDIAN HALL 33/1370 4 OBELISK 005 1/1409 76 104 1 42.2 SPECTRAL STEEL 47/1386 SAND KINGS 69/1118 THE HOLY LEGION 10/490 COLLEGE RADIO 51/1365 BLOODHAMMER CLAN 82/1387 HOUSE OF PANCAKES 5/1410 MYTHICAL KNIGHTS 60/1384 5 ARROGANCE 18/732 1624 2873 27 36.1 GRIZZLED VETERANS 40/1378 THE LADY'S LIST 6/917 REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER Hullo hullo! Is it ever going to stop raining? Anyway, we saw 12 fights today. Some of them were pretty stirring. There were 3 challenge matches, too. BATTLE BANSHEE (47-7979) (19-23-2,196) of SPECTRAL STEEL challenged MIKEL (6-6190) (93-109-3,209) of THE LADY'S LIST. BATTLE BANSHEE devastated MIKEL in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight. Oddly, Mikel isn't our top Slasher right now, but the Banshee is top Striker. SIR YVAIN (60-9076) (25-22-2,189) of MYTHICAL KNIGHTS challenged PHILTHRY (42-2079) (97-91-0,193) of HIGHLANDERS. SIR YVAIN demolished PHILTHRY in a popular 2 minute one-sided Challenge melee. Sir Yvain is top Slasher, while Philthry is top Parry- Strike. DIGITALIS (33-6862) (44-60-1,210) of OBSIDIAN HALL challenged PELIS THE TRUE (42-3469) (88-124-1,218) of HIGHLANDERS. DIGITALIS bested PELIS THE TRUE in a popular 4 minute gory Challenge contest. Digitalis is top Parry-Riposte. Wouldn't you like to see him challenge Monsieur Chardinee? Mr. True is our overall popularity leader. GLAMDRING (33-2328) (75-50-1,294) of OBSIDIAN HALL fought ASSUR (18-7821) (116-157- 2,204) of ARROGANCE. GLAMDRING subdued ASSUR in a 2 minute Title competition. Glamdring is our top TP and, of course, the Keeper of the Runeblade. And he still didn't write a column or even an ad. Assur is top Basher. KILLER KARCH (69-5668) (19-14-2,182) of SAND KINGS fought JHAARAN (10-2017) (28-32- 2,169) of THE HOLY LEGION. KILLER KARCH viciously subdued JHAARAN in a popular 5 minute bloody duel. Karch was voted this turn's favorite. AELFWINE (82-23244) (30-17-0,206) of BLOODHAMMER CLAN fought BLIND BEGGAR (104-26) (40-35-0,200). AELFWINE was overpowered by BLIND BEGGAR in a popular 2 minute mismatched brawl. Aelfwine is top Lunger. KANEN VILESTAR (31-6601) (24-11-0,191) of SHADOWHOLD fought BLIND BEGGAR (104-26) (40- 35-0,200). KANEN VILESTAR lost to BLIND BEGGAR in an action packed 3 minute duel. Mr. Vilestar is our top Wall of Steel even though he lost to the Blind Beggar. Argh! In fact, the Beggar defeated TWO stylemasters today. What is Darkholm coming to? KYLROI (40-4534) (34-17-0,154) of GRIZZLED VETERANS fought LOCAL CONSTABLE (104-22) (0-0-0,181). KYLROI was vanquished by LOCAL CONSTABLE in a 1 minute uneven fight. SIR LUCAN (60-9077) (30-23-0,164) of MYTHICAL KNIGHTS fought M. CHARDINEE (104-8) (0- 0-0,110). SIR LUCAN vanquished M. CHARDINEE in an exciting 1 minute one-sided fight. Sir Lucan is our top Aimed Blow. THE TEACH (7-6621) (30-23-3,93) of LADIES OF QUALITY fought GOLDEN SPIKE (1-1856) (18- 16-0,78) of OBELISK 005. THE TEACH overcame GOLDEN SPIKE in a 2 minute bout. MAJOR CINNAMON (97-6894) (6-5-4,34) of UNLIKELY HEROES 18W fought DRUNKEN FISHERMAN (104-1) (20-20-0,50). MAJOR CINNAMON was overpowered by DRUNKEN FISHERMAN in a 3 minute one-sided match. THE RAVEN (51-3875) (20-8-2,44) of COLLEGE RADIO fought ZYRO (33-8118) (27-28-0,66) of OBSIDIAN HALL. THE RAVEN viciously subdued ZYRO in an exciting 2 minute bloody battle. So... that's all he wrote, eh? -- Malic of Talcama KEEPER OF THE RUNEBLADE W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY GLAMDRING 33-2328 76 50 1 300 OBSIDIAN HALL (1370) NIYTYOLE ISLAND GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY DIGITALIS 33-6862 45 60 1 218 OBSIDIAN HALL (1370) NIYTYOLE ISLAND GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY BATTLE BANSHEE 47-7979 20 23 2 209 SPECTRAL STEEL (1386) NORTH FORK SIR YVAIN 60-9076 26 22 2 207 MYTHICAL KNIGHTS (1384) ARADI ASSUR 18-7821 116 158 2 202 ARROGANCE (732) TALCAMA PELIS THE TRUE 42-3469 88 125 1 198 HIGHLANDERS (1341) RODEKI AELFWINE 82-23244 30 18 0 193 BLOODHAMMER CLAN (1387) DWES EG KANEN VILESTAR 31-6601 24 12 0 191 SHADOWHOLD (1405) CHIMLEVTAL MIKEL 6-6190 93 110 3 188 THE LADY'S LIST (917) TRANSEL KILLER KARCH 69-5668 20 14 2 187 SAND KINGS (1118) CIMMERIAC PHILTHRY 42-2079 97 92 0 182 HIGHLANDERS (1341) RODEKI GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY JHAARAN 10-2017 28 33 2 170 THE HOLY LEGION (490) KOLACT SIR LUCAN 60-9077 31 23 0 166 MYTHICAL KNIGHTS (1384) ARADI KYLROI 40-4534 34 18 0 151 GRIZZLED VETERANS (1378) ZENSU GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY THE TEACH 7-6621 31 23 3 96 LADIES OF QUALITY (1404) BONSUR GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY GOLDEN SPIKE 1-1856 18 17 0 80 OBELISK 005 (1409) MORDANT THE RAVEN 51-3875 21 8 2 63 COLLEGE RADIO (1365) TRICORUS ZYRO 33-8118 27 29 0 53 OBSIDIAN HALL (1370) NIYTYOLE ISLAND MAJOR CINNAMON 97-6894 6 6 4 28 UNLIKELY HEROES 18W (1408) SHADOW GROVE '-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn. THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE Glamdring -- Saying "I was going to say something rude, but..." IS saying something rude. -- Philthry Battle Banshee -- Well, that surprised me. And I have a question. I'm a dwarf, 5'7". You're a Shewish Giant, 5'5". How did that happen" -- Pelis the True LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS BATTLE BANSHEE devastated MIKEL in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight. SIR YVAIN demolished PHILTHRY in a popular 2 minute one-sided Challenge melee. DIGITALIS bested PELIS THE TRUE in a popular 4 minute gory Challenge contest. GLAMDRING subdued ASSUR in a 2 minute Title competition. KILLER KARCH viciously subdued JHAARAN in a popular 5 minute bloody duel. AELFWINE was overpowered by BLIND BEGGAR in a popular 2 minute mismatched brawl. KANEN VILESTAR lost to BLIND BEGGAR in a action packed 3 minute duel. KYLROI was vanquished by LOCAL CONSTABLE in a 1 minute uneven fight. SIR LUCAN vanquished M. CHARDINEE in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fight. THE TEACH overcame GOLDEN SPIKE in a 2 minute bout. MAJOR CINNAMON was overpowered by DRUNKEN FISHERMAN in a 3 minute one-sided match. THE RAVEN viciously subdued ZYRO in a exciting 2 minute bloody battle. BATTLE REPORT MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS |FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT| |SLASHING ATTACK 3 BASHING ATTACK 14 - 8 - 0 64 | |AIMED BLOW 3 PARRY-RIPOSTE 12 - 7 - 0 63 | |BASHING ATTACK 3 AIMED BLOW 13 - 9 - 0 59 | |PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 TOTAL PARRY 11 - 9 - 0 55 | |TOTAL PARRY 2 PARRY-STRIKE 5 - 7 - 0 42 | |PARRY-STRIKE 2 SLASHING ATTACK 9 - 13 - 0 41 | |LUNGING ATTACK 2 WALL OF STEEL 4 - 6 - 0 40 | |STRIKING ATTACK 1 LUNGING ATTACK 8 - 15 - 0 35 | |WALL OF STEEL 1 STRIKING ATTACK 3 - 7 - 0 30 | |PARRY-LUNGE 0 PARRY-LUNGE 0 - 0 - 0 0 | Turn 731 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are: PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 - 0 AIMED BLOW 1 - 2 3 SLASHING ATTACK STRIKING ATTACK 1 - 0 BASHING ATTACK 1 - 2 2 BASHING ATTACK SLASHING ATTACK 2 - 1 PARRY-LUNGE 0 - 0 1 TOTAL PARRY TOTAL PARRY 1 - 1 PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 2 1 PARRY-RIPOSTE LUNGING ATTACK 0 - 2 1 STRIKING ATTACK WALL OF STEEL 0 - 1 1 LUNGING ATTACK 1 WALL OF STEEL 1 PARRY-STRIKE TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME TOTAL PARRY GLAMDRING 33-2328 76 50 1 300 OBSIDIAN HALL (1370) PARRY-RIPOSTE DIGITALIS 33-6862 45 60 1 218 OBSIDIAN HALL (1370) STRIKING ATTACK BATTLE BANSHEE 47-7979 20 23 2 209 SPECTRAL STEEL (1386) SLASHING ATTACK SIR YVAIN 60-9076 26 22 2 207 MYTHICAL KNIGHTS (1384) BASHING ATTACK ASSUR 18-7821 116 158 2 202 ARROGANCE (732) LUNGING ATTACK AELFWINE 82-23244 30 18 0 193 BLOODHAMMER CLAN (1387) WALL OF STEEL KANEN VILESTAR 31-6601 24 12 0 191 SHADOWHOLD (1405) PARRY-STRIKE PHILTHRY 42-2079 97 92 0 182 HIGHLANDERS (1341) AIMED BLOW SIR LUCAN 60-9077 31 23 0 166 MYTHICAL KNIGHTS (1384) The overall popularity leader is PELIS THE TRUE 42-3469. The most popular warrior this turn was KILLER KARCH 69-5668. The ten other most popular fighters were THE RAVEN 51-3875, SIR YVAIN 60-9076, DIGITALIS 33-6862, PELIS THE TRUE 42-3469, GLAMDRING 33-2328, JHAARAN 10-2017, AELFWINE 82-23244, SIR LUCAN 60-9077, BATTLE BANSHEE 47-7979, and KANEN VILESTAR 31-6601. The least popular fighter this week was KYLROI 40-4534. The other ten least popular fighters were PHILTHRY 42-2079, ZYRO 33-8118, MAJOR CINNAMON 97-6894, ASSUR 18-7821, MIKEL 6-6190, GOLDEN SPIKE 1-1856, THE TEACH 7-6621, KANEN VILESTAR 31-6601, BATTLE BANSHEE 47-7979, and SIR LUCAN 60-9077. Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K MORDANT(1) 0 1 0 CHIMLEVTAL(31) 0 1 0 TRICORUS(51) 1 0 0 TRANSEL(6) 0 1 0 NIYTYOLE ISLAND(33) 2 1 0 ARADI(60) 2 0 0 BONSUR(7) 1 0 0 ZENSU(40) 0 1 0 CIMMERIAC(69) 1 0 0 KOLACT(10) 0 1 0 RODEKI(42) 0 2 0 DWES EG(82) 0 1 0 TALCAMA(18) 0 1 0 NORTH FORK(47) 1 0 0 SHADOW GROVE(97) 0 1 0 TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY GOLDEN SPIKE 1-1856 18 17 0 80 OBELISK 005 (1409) MORDANT MIKEL 6-6190 93 110 3 188 THE LADY'S LIST (917) TRANSEL THE TEACH 7-6621 31 23 3 96 LADIES OF QUALITY (1404) BONSUR JHAARAN 10-2017 28 33 2 170 THE HOLY LEGION (490) KOLACT ASSUR 18-7821 116 158 2 202 ARROGANCE (732) TALCAMA KANEN VILESTAR 31-6601 24 12 0 191 SHADOWHOLD (1405) CHIMLEVTAL GLAMDRING 33-2328 76 50 1 300 OBSIDIAN HALL (1370) NIYTYOLE ISLAND KYLROI 40-4534 34 18 0 151 GRIZZLED VETERANS (1378) ZENSU PELIS THE TRUE 42-3469 88 125 1 198 HIGHLANDERS (1341) RODEKI BATTLE BANSHEE 47-7979 20 23 2 209 SPECTRAL STEEL (1386) NORTH FORK THE RAVEN 51-3875 21 8 2 63 COLLEGE RADIO (1365) TRICORUS SIR YVAIN 60-9076 26 22 2 207 MYTHICAL KNIGHTS (1384) ARADI KILLER KARCH 69-5668 20 14 2 187 SAND KINGS (1118) CIMMERIAC AELFWINE 82-23244 30 18 0 193 BLOODHAMMER CLAN (1387) DWES EG MAJOR CINNAMON 97-6894 6 6 4 28 UNLIKELY HEROES 18W (1408) SHADOW GROVE SUMMER FACE-TO-FACE IN ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA We have planned our summer FTF for July 13-15, 2018, in Arlington, Virginia, only 7 miles on a quick Metro ride from Washington, D.C.!. It will be held at the Holiday Inn Arlington at Ballston. Room rates are $79 per night on 7/12 and 7/15 and $129 on 7/13 and 7/14, 1-2 occupancy. There's free wireless throughout the property as well as a fitness center, outdoor pool, and business center, as well as a resturant and bar inside the hotel. There is no airport shuttle and parking is $7/day. The rooms are blocked -- ask for the Reality Simulations block. Reservations must be made by 6/12. (As always if you have issues making reservations, please let us know!) Hotel site: http://www.hiarlington.com Look for the tournament info sheet and minioverviews some time in June. We hope you're all looking forward to it and that we will see you there! -- RSI Mission to the Twisted Lands Episode One Old Brown could run pretty fast if properly motivated, but mostly he walked with a long-legged, distance-devouring stride. He was a huge horse, a half-giant's warhorse, shaggy and self-assured, with muscles like half-buried boulders in his shoulders and hips. Lounging in the saddle was the motivating force, the half-giant, Keel Woodhaven. Although in his mind he was slouching and half-asleep, he sat up straight in the saddle since that is more comfortable for riding. It was twilight, stars coming out above and lights in farmhouse windows below. They traveled through vineyards, brown and fallow now in the winter, descending gently toward the tree-crowded coast. The distant trees, not just pines, were green. They stayed green because the marsh that surrounded the city-state of Bonsur had hot springs in it. Keel Woodhaven had always liked Bonsur. It had a relaxed feel about it, the women seemed prettier, the music was great, everyone thought about having fun. And the booze was excellent, of course. He passed the arena at the edge of town, and paused to read the current statistics, posted on the gate and lit by a lantern. So, an elven cobbler was the Duelmaster? Why would a shoemaker take up such a painful profession? Then he noticed the team name: Shewish Picnic. He snorted. That explained it, all right. As a half-Shew, he was kind of bothered by that team theme, which was present in Home Guard as well. It was sort of funny though. He saw that Elf Cobbler was headed for the Isle. Probably not bound for Home Guard just yet, though. They passed a small chicken ranch. A rooster uttered an untimely crow. At about that time, Old Brown took exception to something and bolted. Cussing, Keel hauled on the reins, to little effect since the horse was stronger than him and apparently frightened. He didn't see the masked men coming out of their hiding places behind him, looking frustrated. At least not until a crossbow bolt thunked into the backside of his leather cuirass. His horse screamed and ran faster. Hauling Old Brown to the left as they passed a set of big open gates into a well- lighted courtyard, Keel got them behind the shelter of the high stone wall, and patted the horse's sweaty neck. "You're okay now, friend. I'll go take care of those bozos." As he dismounted, he noticed he was becoming surrounded by uniformed men, some with swords and some with halberds. "Howdy?" he said, hoping they were friendly. "Your horse has been shot," said someone, pointing at a bolt sticking out of Old Brown's butt. "Well damn!" Keel laid a comforting hand on the horse's flank, which quivered. "So have you," the guard continued. "Yeah, thought so. Doesn't feel like it got through the armor though." Keel tried to look over his shoulder, but could only see the feathered end of the bolt. "Who are you guys?" "We are the Queen's Guard." "What? Queen Gemra? Okay, please take care of Old Brown here, and I'll go find the ***holes that shot him." "Sir, you are mistaken. You will be taken to a doctor. We will arrest the assailants." "Hey! I'm on a mission from Sheila Greywand. Anyway, they shot my horse. My HORSE! I'm gonna get 'em." Unslinging his huge sword, Keel strode toward the gate. Four Guardsmen came with him, flanking him like the trailing ends of a flock of geese. They might have intended a different formation, but he had the longest legs and walked the fastest. The one who'd spoken to him before said, "I'm Corporal Brat Langerman. And you are?" "Keel Woodhaven." "I've heard of you! The Queen will want to meet you." "That's fine. Let's stick to the sides of these buildings. If they're still around, we'll be targets in the middle of the street." They weren't quiet, exactly, since the guards wore highly polished chain mail which jingled. However, Bonsur had a lively night life. Music and laughter came from bars and nightclubs on adjacent streets, people lingered on corners chatting and sometimes playing instruments, and children hawked newssheets, shoeshines, flowers, a selection of rouges, and offered to carry packages. So the sounds the guards made weren't too noticeable. Keel led the way back to the chicken ranch. He was thinking that the bad guys wouldn't have waited around to be hunted. They might have left clues, though. Perhaps even a discarded, crumpled note offering a cash reward for his head, and signed by a notorious crimelord. Or distinctive cigar stubs, monogrammed hankies... personalized masks. Tracks of boots made by elven cobblers. Anything. Witnesses, even. There were no people on the street near the chicken ranch. It was full night now, a bit chilly although there was a warm and slightly funky breeze from the marsh. Corporal Brat Langerman said quietly, "Is this where it happened?" "Yup." "Well, I don't think they're here anymore." Keel was about to agree, when a crossbow bolt appeared in the Corporal's arm. The young man hissed, "Everybody down!" The guardsmen hunkered against the wall of a hardware store, which didn't offer anything resembling good cover except that they were in shadow there. Keel crouched a little, but he knew he was a pretty big target, plus his sword gave off a faint greenish glow. He looked around, searching the darkness for signs of their foes. A shadow on top of a shaded walkway across the street shifted a little. Keel pulled a weighted dart out of his pocket and hurled it. He was good at tavern darts, but it was dark, the distance was too great, and he just wasn't lucky. The little missile clattered against the shingles of the porch roof. There was a startled twitch from the half-seen form. At that instant, Keel lunged across the street. His long legs carried him across to the opposite shadows in three bounds. More bolts came out of the darkness, one lodging in his calf, the others missing him altogether. Now the Guardsmen had a good idea where their foes were, and it takes a while to reload a crossbow. The four men charged, yelling wildly. Tucking his sword under his arm, Keel grabbed one of the posts holding up the porch roof, strained, and dislodged it. After a moment he yanked it out of the structure entirely. The roof sagged, there was a yelp of surprise, and someone's foot appeared off the edge of it. Keel grabbed him by the ankle and hauled him the rest of the way down. There were brief sounds of fighting, then footsteps that rapidly receded down an alley. Three Guardsmen raced off in pursuit. Keel's prisoner started to try to get away, so the half-Shew tossed him up, grabbed him by the arms and bashed him against the wall. "Are you okay?" asked Brat, sheathing his sword. "Took one in the leg, but it's not too bad I think," Keel said, shifting his unconscious prisoner to one hand and bending to pick up his sword. "I'll help you tie that one up," Brat said. "There's a dead one here. I think there were two more." He grunted slightly, trying to reach something with his injured arm. "Got some ties in my right-hand belt pouch. If you could get them for me?" They bound the prisoner, then bandaged each other. "What did they want?" asked the Corporal. Keel shrugged. "No clue. Let's get him somewhere safe and we can ask him..." He listened. "Your guys are coming back." "Yeah." The Guardsmen hadn't been able to track their assailants in the darkness, but at least there were no further injuries. The group of them returned warily to the courtyard of the Guard House, where a woman was smearing some kind of ointment on Old Brown's wound. After the horse was bedded down in the stable, the Guardsmen led Keel into their office, where there was a welcome scent of fresh coffee. The medic set about binding Keel's wound and that of the Corporal, who turned out to be an extremely handsome man. Keel remembered hearing that Queen Gemra required her Guardsmen to be good looking. That didn't mean they weren't competent, though. Brat had done pretty well. The medic roused their prisoner with smelling salts. They all sat in the main office, Corporal Langerman facing the miscreant, who was seated in a cushioned chair, looking reasonably comfortable except for his bandaged head. "All right," said Brat. "Now I want you to tell me that you're going to turn Queen's Evidence." "Not on your life, pretty boy!" The man had, perhaps, some excuse for hard feelings since he was more homely than not, with a crooked nose and eyes set too close together. He and Keel looked shabby and ill-favored amongst all these gleamingly handsome Guardsmen. Keel leaned forward. "You guys shot my horse." "Oh. Sorry, didn't mean to do that. We were just shooting at you." "Why?" "Glowing sword." "What?" "Duh, it's a magic sword! We saw it when you drew it in Delarq Tor, and figured we could sell it so we followed you." The half-Shew snorted. "The Dentless isn't magic. It was in a Chaos Gate for five hundred years and it picked up some energy, that's all. All it does, is glow. And cut things." The bandit looked chagrined. "But... it's got to be magic." "Ain't. Sorry kid." After that, Keel was taken to enjoy a sumptuous dinner at the Palace. Queen Gemra was a definite babe, with long, silken black hair, a delicate pouty face, and luscious curves. She asked him about his mission, which was to go to the Twisted Lands and shut down a leaking Chaos Gate. He entertained her with the story of his adventure on the Two-Shew Express, and she gave him a brown velvet cloak to show her appreciation. She did not invite him to her bed, which was fine because his heart belonged to another, always and forever. * * * * * This is a continuing adventure. Watch for future chapters in the Bonsur and Home Guard newsletters!