AD Date : 03/28/2006 Duedate: 04/24/2006 CRYSALIS DM-106 TURN-168 RANK TEAMS W L K % RANK TEAMS W L K % 1 CHAMPIONS OF 8/1106 4 1 0 80.0 Z GLADIATORZ 8/1128 2 REAL BEER 21/859 1761 886 24 66.5 5 ANDORIAN KNIG 11/962 102 90 2 53.1 CRUEL PET NAMES 40/1117 6 X-FORCE 8/1054 21 21 2 50.0 HERE TO PHOENIX 26/871 X-POSSE 72/1093 PRIMATES-R-US 25/963 7-ODIN'S CHOSE 73/1088 2 2 0 50.0 PARTY ANIMALS 5/476 8-SECOND CHANC 71/1130 129 142 2 47.6 MILITARY MAYHEM 31/37 9 VALHALLA 28/1102 45 50 1 47.4 OTTO'S PARTS 52/664 THE BEAR'S PAW 47/196 INGRATE WHITE NORTH 60/745 10-SIR AGLIO 10/716 78 92 1 45.9 IMPORTED FOOTBALLERS 7/883 11 SAND DANCERS 52/942 322 557 1 36.6 ROYAL FLUSH 47/10 SAND DANCERS 51/610 CHAPEL ROCK 79/615 NORTHERN LIGHTS 45/1042 3 OVERRATED 96/1044 33 22 1 60.0 MIDDLE WAY 6 50/1114 UNFIT TO BE ORCS 31/881 THE MIDDLE WAY 39/946 WASTED SCUM 47/1112 MIDDLE WAY 7 31/1131 4 LENPROS 30/189 132 100 0 56.9 12 KNIGHTS TEMP 47/1132 1 7 0 12.5 FLOWER GIRLS 52/265 13 WHY DID I DO 31/1129 2 0 0 100 GOLDEN GLADIATORS 16/577 '##/###' Avoid teams by their Team Id '-' Team did not fight this turn WARRIOR SPOTLIGHT * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * ---===SLOW ARENA NEWS===--- Duelmasters ----------- DM 8 ARKERS (turn 268): INOCHI of YAKUZA (Sensei Jan, mgr.) DM 28 SLAUGHTER PRIEST MEM (turn 265): MR. CHOMP CHOMP of THE PENTARCHY (Le Pentarque, mgr.) DM 31 CHIMLEVTAL (turn 263): BRILLIANT ORANGE of UNFIT TO BE ORCS (Slugbait, mgr.) DM 39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 219): HOT AIR DUCK of DUCKS UNLIMITED (Crip, mgr.) DM 45 STORMCROWE (turn 240): ZOEY of A DEAL'S A DEAL (Applejack, mgr.) DM 47 SCOMSS SWAMP (turn 235): JACK MCFARLAND of SECOND BANANAS (Mannequin, mgr.) DM 50 SNOWBOUND (turn 222): YAIWE of DARK SIDHE (Daehir, mgr.) DM 52 FRATSFA (turn 215): INSOLENT IRIS of FLOWER GIRLS (Lady Fern, mgr.) DM 54 TROCAR (turn 205): NICKLEBACK of MILLENIUM METAL (Street Legal, mgr.) DM 59 ILLIS (turn 193): SOUL SCOURGE of VILE REAVERS (Bobby Bigfoot, mgr.) DM 71 KYR'TERR (turn 170): EYE OF THE KNEE DOLL of HAZAARDS OF CLONING (Crip, mgr.) DM 72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 170): 2 PHAT 2 of VERMIN (Sultan, mgr.) DM 73 ERINIKA (turn 170): APPLE DANISH of WORLDWIDE GORE (Crip, mgr.) Top Teams --------- DM 8 ARKERS (turn 268): ORCISH IDIOMS (Slugbait, mgr.) DM 28 SLAUGHTER PRIEST MEM (turn 265): none DM 31 CHIMLEVTAL (turn 263): THE STORMGUARDS (The Icelord, mgr.) DM 39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 219): CRIMINAL ELEMENT (Fizban, mgr.) DM 45 STORMCROWE (turn 240): A DEAL'S A DEAL (Applejack, mgr.) DM 47 SCOMSS SWAMP (turn 235): none DM 50 SNOWBOUND (turn 222): DARK SIDHE (Daehir, mgr.) DM 52 FRATSFA (turn 215): BLOOD AND GUTS! (Le Pentarque, mgr.) DM 54 TROCAR (turn 205): none DM 59 ILLIS (turn 193): ISLANDERS (Nick, mgr.) DM 71 KYR'TERR (turn 170): NIGHTHAWKS (Savant, mgr.) DM 72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 170): MILCHAMAH (Hammer, mgr.) DM 73 ERINIKA (turn 170): FAMILY JEWELS (Gem Genius, mgr.) Recent Graduates ---------------- DM 8 ARKERS (turn 268): TOM SAWYER of SMITHSONIAN (The Curator, mgr.) DM 31 CHIMLEVTAL (turn 263): BRILLIANT ORANGE of UNFIT TO BE ORCS (Slugbait, mgr.) (turn 262): BARTOFELES of THE STORMGUARDS (The Icelord, mgr.) KAMBARD MURH of MIDDLE WAY 7 (Jorja, mgr.) DM 47 SCOMSS SWAMP (turn 235): BOMBADIL of FREEDONIA (Mr. Snarky, mgr.) (turn 234): ART PENDRAGON of KNIGHTS TEMPLAR (Baphomet, mgr.) DM 50 SNOWBOUND (turn 221): NEUMA of DARK SIDHE (Daehir, mgr.) FENDER GRALE of MIDDLE WAY 6 (Jorja, mgr.) DM 54 TROCAR (turn 204): SILVERBOLT of RUNNING AMOK (THawk, mgr.) DM 59 ILLIS (turn 193): SOUL SCOURGE of VILE REAVERS (Bobby Bigfoot, mgr.) WIMPIRA of ISLANDERS (Nick, mgr.) DM 72 DRAGONHEAD (170): MAKKEH KILLER of MILCHAMAH (Hammer, mgr.) THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM Reflections by the Chief Tower Guard Not sure if I'll be fighting this turn or not. Crip's mail has been acting up of late. Usually, it is just slow getting to him, but for some reason, things have been redirected to the center of Canada for the past two to three weeks, which will result in the mail coming back 2-3 weeks later that it normally would, which is pretty damn late. Crip was supposed to have sent in strats for Fratsfa and Crysalis in one of those weekends, but thinking back on it now, it may have been Fratsfa and Home Guard. Usually he writes down what was sent in on what date, but because of spring holiday travels, it didn't happen this time. Only one way to find out what will happen. Either way, we will be back again next turn for sure. King Uvdahell Royal Flush REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER You want a spy report? I hardly know if I can face it. True, thirty-one fights gives the impression of activity, life, and interest in the arena... until you count the mimes out there. FIFTEEN standbys fought today! That is pathetic, and I wouldn't blame other spy reporters if they sneered. Well, okay, I would blame them. But I'd understand how they came to do it, too. FIFTEEN.... As noted, thirty-one fights. No deaths. You could at least have killed some of the damned mimes. Nine challenges, none of them TV challenges. Pull up your socks and make us proud here, you sluggards! There's a tourney coming up, and I want to see half a dozen tv challenges here after it. That means you ENTER and you WIN. Do it. Royal Flush was avoided by the Andorian Knights this month. Good work, use the tools of management provided to you. The Unknown Spymaster says that "everybody wants a piece of SHARD," which seems appropriate give his name. Most challenged this time out. We'll see how it worked out for the "lucky" challenger later. Two fights were tied at five minutes for Longest Fight of the Day. Five minutes? This is ridiculous! A dedicated pair of warriors here should go DAYS, and not mind the rain, either. Just plain silly. Five minutes. Pfaugh. Okay, something about the fights. You will pardon me if I sneer occasionally, I trust. Fifteen standbys! The mind boggles. SUNFLASH (45-3474) (29-34-1,60) of NORTHERN LIGHTS fought BALDER (28-3778) (18- 16-3,66) of VALHALLA. SUNFLASH was viciously subdued by BALDER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute brutal fight. Sunflash was at a major disadvantage today, in that the sun did not shine, so there were no flashes. Life is tough, and then it rains. SNOWFALL (45-3473) (38-25-0,88) of NORTHERN LIGHTS fought R.O.U.S. (106-4) (0-0- 0,50) of the College of Mimes. SNOWFALL handily defeated R.O.U.S. in a 1 minute mismatched match. An excellent bit of work there. These rats are getting too bold. I blame it on the magicians that infest this island. HOLLAN INNIS (50-3388) (21-26-0,46) of MIDDLE WAY 6 fought CAPTURED PIRATE KING (106-2) (0-0-0,30) of the College of Mimes. HOLLAN INNIS was overpowered by CAPTURED PIRATE KING in a 1 minute one-sided bout. In the confusion at the end of this fight, the Pirate King escaped. If you see him around, report it to the Crysalis Arena Guards. Do not approach him, as he should be considered armed and, apparently, dangerous. FENDER GRALE (50-3389) (18-30-2,86) of MIDDLE WAY 6 fought R.O.U.S. (106-4) (0- 0-0,50) of the College of Mimes. FENDER GRALE was demolished by R.O.U.S. in a 1 minute one-sided fight. What an introduction to the Isle, eh? We like people to start out properly humbled. But it would have been better if he'd been humbled by a real warrior. CUBA (26-3917) (19-8-0,87) of HERE TO PHOENIX fought EGAN FORN (39-3295) (31-51- 0,33) of THE MIDDLE WAY. CUBA vanquished EGAN FORN in an exciting 1 minute one-sided fray. One-sided hardly begins to describe this. The ineptitude of Egan Forn is approaching legendary proportions. Only approaching, because there are, believe it if you will, warriors here on the Isle who are even more inept. IT FELT GOOD (31-5093) (19-9-0,91) of WHY DID I DO IT fought KAMBARD MURH (31- 5045) (18-21-0,75) of MIDDLE WAY 7. IT FELT GOOD overpowered KAMBARD MURH in a 1 minute one-sided fight. Well... it felt good for SOMEBODY, no doubt. BEARNICE (47-2847) (20-28-6,101) of THE BEAR'S PAW fought GENERAL PUBLIC (31- 3112) (18-15-1,102) of MILITARY MAYHEM. BEARNICE slimly won victory over GENERAL PUBLIC in a crowd pleasing 3 minute bout. And Bearnice is, indeed, a pleasingly slim figure. We enjoy watching her move. And so does the general public. TAOS (26-4042) (18-10-1,110) of HERE TO PHOENIX fought FIVE GOLDEN RINGS (16- 4331) (29-4-0,102) of GOLDEN GLADIATORS. TAOS was luckily beaten by FIVE GOLDEN RINGS in an action packed 5 minute gory duel. One of our two longest fights, this. And five minutes was, I would guess, a lucky number for the winner. OUR LADY PEACE (79-1191) (24-9-2,162) of CHAPEL ROCK fought IMPRISONED SPY (106- 9) (0-0-0,170) of the College of Mimes. OUR LADY PEACE was defeated by IMPRISONED SPY in an action packed 1 minute match. This is not good. The Imprisoned Spy (I don't know where this particular one came from) is not, perhaps, a great warrior, but he's cunning. The Arena Guards were able to catch him as he was oozing through the door, but what if they hadn't, eh? BEAR ACUDA (47-4995) (23-11-1,155) of THE BEAR'S PAW fought ORPHAN (72-5463) (22-12-2,133) of X-POSSE. BEAR ACUDA won victory over ORPHAN in a 1 minute fight. Orphan is now to be known as Armless Orphan. GROLSCH (21-5029) (46-8-4,196) of REAL BEER fought CRYSALIS GUARD (106-29) (0-0- 0,200) of the College of Mimes. GROLSCH was savagely defeated by CRYSALIS GUARD in an exciting 2 minute gory duel. Well, what can I say? This is one of the guards who has to keep the Imprisoned Spies from escaping. A certain level of skill is required of him. PRIMUS (21-4975) (50-15-0,198) of REAL BEER fought VERMICIOUS KNID (106-30) (0- 0-0,240) of the College of Mimes. PRIMUS viciously subdued VERMICIOUS KNID in an exciting 5 minute gory bout. The other Longest Fight, and a pleasure it was to see the Knid, thoroughly Vermicious (disgusting, truly disgusting), being hacked into little pieces and dissolved in REAL beer. Good work! TEN COMMANDMENTS (47-3843) (48-40-1,198) of ROYAL FLUSH fought VERMICIOUS KNID (106-30) (0-0-0,240) of the College of Mimes. TEN COMMANDMENTS was luckily beaten by VERMICIOUS KNID in a 3 minute fray. Unfortunately, while one may put a Vermicious Knid down, it's hard to KEEP them down. They regenerate like flatworms, and have morals to match. JACK SPRAT (47-2954) (57-63-4,188) of ROYAL FLUSH fought ARENAMASTER SANDAVOL (106-28) (0-0-0,200) of the College of Mimes. JACK SPRAT was beaten by ARENAMASTER SANDAVOL in an action packed 2 minute fight. Yes, well, an arenamaster, what can you expect? Even here on the Isle, and arenamaster is not a pushover. DAIRY QUEEN (47-2685) (72-41-3,196) of ROYAL FLUSH fought THE BLACKSMITH (106- 22) (0-0-0,181) of the College of Mimes. DAIRY QUEEN overpowered THE BLACKSMITH in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched fight. The Blacksmith was helpless before her sweet wiles, and the crowd was thrilled when she threw ice cream into the stands. Messy, but thrilled. JACK VALTRAEDS (47-407) (97-63-2,244) of ROYAL FLUSH fought CRYSALIS GUARD (106- 29) (0-0-0,200) of the College of Mimes. JACK VALTRAEDS savagely defeated CRYSALIS GUARD in an exciting 4 minute brutal match. Yes, and the next time an Imprisoned Spy gets away, we are sending YOU, Jack, to bring him back. FIGHTER ACE (47-1189) (66-45-6,300) of ROYAL FLUSH fought RIRORNI CAPTAIN (106- 26) (0-0-0,200) of the College of Mimes. FIGHTER ACE was devastated by RIRORNI CAPTAIN in a popular 1 minute mismatched brawl. I view this with deep suspicion. Can it be, as has been insinuated, that the Rirorni have sent their captains to the Isle to study personal combat, and that these skilled (and they learn skills constantly) warriors will then return to lead their tribes against us? Kill him next time, Fighter Ace! NEWT GINGRICH (5-3399) (72-25-0,259) of PARTY ANIMALS fought VERMICIOUS KNID (106-30) (0-0-0,240) of the College of Mimes. NEWT GINGRICH viciously subdued VERMICIOUS KNID in an action packed 2 minute duel. Yet another Knid, sliced and diced into a Vermicious Sausage. Remind me not to eat sausage here on the Isle any time soon. DISCO QUEEN (47-1992) (43-21-1,231) of ROYAL FLUSH fought RIRORNI CAPTAIN (106- 26) (0-0-0,200) of the College of Mimes. DISCO QUEEN was handily defeated by RIRORNI CAPTAIN in a 2 minute one-sided conflict. You see? The Rirorni Captains are getting too skilled for their regular opponents. They may be escaping SOON, and I urge all gladiators to be on the lookout for them! They must not be allowed to leave the Isle. KING FORADAY (47-3762) (54-45-4,251) of ROYAL FLUSH fought AMBER WOLFWALKER (106-11) (0-0-0,220) of the College of Mimes. KING FORADAY was devastated by AMBER WOLFWALKER in a 1 minute one-sided battle. "Devastated," indeed. The rumors are amazing. Will this couple marry? ROTTEN LIVER (52-2902) (33-13-1,217) of OTTO'S PARTS fought VERMICIOUS KNID (106-30) (0-0-0,240) of the College of Mimes. ROTTEN LIVER was luckily beaten by VERMICIOUS KNID in a crowd pleasing 3 minute match. Knids don't care what they eat, fresh liver, rotten liver, chopped liver, all the same to them. And, as you can see, they're breeding, growing in numbers and ferocity. We are at risk from these Vermicious Knids! SANDBLASTER (11-3899) (68-62-3,215) of ANDORIAN KNIGHTS fought BEAUTY QUEEN (47- 3352) (44-47-3,199) of ROYAL FLUSH. SANDBLASTER was savagely defeated by BEAUTY QUEEN in a popular 4 minute gory melee. Popular indeed! Everyone likes to watch the Beauty Queen in her famous Swimsuit. And now (finally) the challenge matches. CHAOS WARRIOR (8-1779) (27-19-0,78) of CHAMPIONS OF STEEL challenged ELLITA FESS (50-3392) (27-26-1,80) of MIDDLE WAY 6. Up 2. CHAOS WARRIOR was viciously subdued by ELLITA FESS in a 4 minute Challenge duel. I had never guessed that Ellita could be vicious, although, of course, she IS female. But perhaps it's her passion for order at work here. ZIT (8-4385) (17-2-0,73) of Z GLADIATORZ challenged GILIA HARN (50-3391) (25-29- 0,73) of MIDDLE WAY 6. Straight across. ZIT was viciously subdued by GILIA HARN in an action packed 3 minute Challenge duel. Amazing what you can do with soap, water, and sandpaper, isn't it? MELTDOWN (8-4353) (24-14-0,119) of X-FORCE challenged SHARD (45-3507) (23-30- 1,125) of NORTHERN LIGHTS. Up 6. MELTDOWN was viciously subdued by SHARD in an action packed 2 minute Challenge fight. This is Most Challenge Shard, remember. Meltdown wanted this. I hope he learned things. RANDOM MATCHUP (96-1048) (18-11-4,119) of OVERRATED challenged PHILLIP THE BIRD (40-3708) (15-7-0,113) of CRUEL PET NAMES. Down 6. RANDOM MATCHUP defeated PHILLIP THE BIRD in an exciting 2 minute Challenge struggle. The name of the challengeing warrior and his team go well in this context, do they not? CANNONBALL (72-5313) (23-13-1,172) of X-POSSE challenged BURGER KING (47-4152) (39-33-3,209) of ROYAL FLUSH. Up 37. CANNONBALL was devastated by BURGER KING in a 1 minute uneven Challenge brawl. Those onions! Can it be that the Burger Family has come up with a super-onion? MATADOR (11-4139) (54-45-3,202) of ANDORIAN KNIGHTS challenged BEERVAHNA (60- 4292) (32-30-3,206) of INGRATE WHITE NORTH. Up 4. MATADOR was viciously subdued by BEERVAHNA in a popular 2 minute Challenge fight. Rumor has it that Beervahna has offered to by drinks all around after the fights are over today. STIGMA OF STUPID (31-4948) (24-8-1,195) of UNFIT TO BE ORCS challenged JUNINHO (7-4001) (32-18-1,195) of IMPORTED FOOTBALLERS. Straight across. STIGMA OF STUPID was overpowered by JUNINHO in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge duel. What this may mean in the way of an assessment of Stigma's ability is, ah, debateable, and I think I'll pass on it. After all, the Footballer kicked one of the bookies who got too pushy, and I value my shins. TOADKILLER DOG (47-1103) (24-7-1,201) of WASTED SCUM challenged GRINNON BEARIT (47-2955) (35-21-3,204) of THE BEAR'S PAW. Up 3. TOADKILLER DOG luckily beat GRINNON BEARIT in an exciting 2 minute Challenge melee. But since Grinnon was not a toad, he escaped with his life. And for the title, an actual challenge! RAVISHING REDBUD (52-3197) (31-7-0,225) of FLOWER GIRLS challenged KING UVDAHELL (47-1643) (44-21-1,258) of ROYAL FLUSH. Up 33. RAVISHING REDBUD was viciously subdued by KING UVDAHELL in a 2 minute Challenge fight. A good try, but not today, Ravi. Thanks you for the column, King. Ketchum THE TOWER GUARDIAN W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY KING UVDAHELL 47-1643 45 21 1 278 ROYAL FLUSH (10) NORTH FORK GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY NEWT GINGRICH 5-3399 73 25 0 267 PARTY ANIMALS (476) KALTOS JACK VALTRAEDS 47-407 98 63 2 252 ROYAL FLUSH (10) NORTH FORK BEERVAHNA 60-4292 33 30 3 219 INGRATE WHITE NORTH (745) ARADI BURGER KING 47-4152 40 33 3 217 ROYAL FLUSH (10) NORTH FORK -MONKEY BUSINESS 25-4040 30 17 1 216 PRIMATES-R-US (963) LYRATILAN TOADKILLER DOG 47-1103 25 7 1 216 WASTED SCUM (1112) NORTH FORK JUNINHO 7-4001 33 18 1 213 IMPORTED FOOTBALLERS (883) BONSUR BEAUTY QUEEN 47-3352 45 47 3 211 ROYAL FLUSH (10) NORTH FORK GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY PRIMUS 21-4975 51 15 0 207 REAL BEER (859) SUNSET DAIRY QUEEN 47-2685 73 41 3 203 ROYAL FLUSH (10) NORTH FORK -SANDPAWN 11-4169 57 35 1 203 ANDORIAN KNIGHTS (962) ARUAK CITY GRINNON BEARIT 47-2955 35 22 3 203 THE BEAR'S PAW (196) NORTH FORK RAVISHING REDBUD 52-3197 31 8 0 202 FLOWER GIRLS (265) FRATSFA ROTTEN LIVER 52-2902 33 14 1 198 OTTO'S PARTS (664) FRATSFA SANDBLASTER 11-3899 68 63 3 197 ANDORIAN KNIGHTS (962) ARUAK CITY MATADOR 11-4139 54 46 3 197 ANDORIAN KNIGHTS (962) ARUAK CITY TEN COMMANDMENTS 47-3843 48 41 1 197 ROYAL FLUSH (10) NORTH FORK -MIRTA 51-4033 55 43 1 194 SAND DANCERS (610) TRICORUS GROLSCH 21-5029 46 9 4 193 REAL BEER (859) SUNSET FIGHTER ACE 47-1189 66 46 6 191 ROYAL FLUSH (10) NORTH FORK KING FORADAY 47-3762 54 46 4 190 ROYAL FLUSH (10) NORTH FORK DISCO QUEEN 47-1992 43 22 1 190 ROYAL FLUSH (10) NORTH FORK JACK SPRAT 47-2954 57 64 4 189 ROYAL FLUSH (10) NORTH FORK GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY STIGMA OF STUPID 31-4948 24 9 1 189 UNFIT TO BE ORCS (881) CHIMLEVTAL -SIR LY 10-4116 55 40 0 188 SIR AGLIO (716) KOLACT -DANNIA TYL SIO 52-3393 47 33 1 183 SAND DANCERS (942) FRATSFA GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY -MICHAEL J'EH FOX 60-5263 27 13 2 179 INGRATE WHITE NORTH (745) ARADI CANNONBALL 72-5313 23 14 1 171 X-POSSE (1093) DRAGONHEAD OUR LADY PEACE 79-1191 24 10 2 159 CHAPEL ROCK (615) MIROI CHANG BEAR ACUDA 47-4995 24 11 1 159 THE BEAR'S PAW (196) NORTH FORK -KYRA 51-3774 53 56 1 153 SAND DANCERS (610) TRICORUS -WHACKING WILLOW 52-3167 33 9 1 153 FLOWER GIRLS (265) FRATSFA GRAND ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY ORPHAN 72-5463 22 13 2 137 X-POSSE (1093) DRAGONHEAD SHARD 45-3507 24 30 1 136 NORTHERN LIGHTS (1042) STORMCROWE RANDOM MATCHUP 96-1048 19 11 4 127 OVERRATED (1044) OLD VALAMANTIS FIVE GOLDEN RINGS 16-4331 30 4 0 116 GOLDEN GLADIATORS (577) WILLAF MELTDOWN 8-4353 24 15 0 116 X-FORCE (1054) ARKERS PHILLIP THE BIRD 40-3708 15 8 0 115 CRUEL PET NAMES (1117) ZENSU BEARNICE 47-2847 21 28 6 112 THE BEAR'S PAW (196) NORTH FORK TAOS 26-4042 18 11 1 111 HERE TO PHOENIX (871) CALEAM GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY IT FELT GOOD 31-5093 20 9 0 98 WHY DID I DO IT (1129) CHIMLEVTAL GENERAL PUBLIC 31-3112 18 16 1 97 MILITARY MAYHEM (37) CHIMLEVTAL -SENATOR SEDALIA 30-4245 21 9 0 93 LENPROS (189) IAYE ELLITA FESS 50-3392 28 26 1 91 MIDDLE WAY 6 (1114) SNOWBOUND GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY SNOWFALL 45-3473 39 25 0 90 NORTHERN LIGHTS (1042) STORMCROWE GILIA HARN 50-3391 26 29 0 89 MIDDLE WAY 6 (1114) SNOWBOUND CUBA 26-3917 20 8 0 89 HERE TO PHOENIX (871) CALEAM -NEUMA 50-3406 23 17 1 87 DARK SIDHE (642) SNOWBOUND -MANNAZ THORSSON 73-4269 19 12 1 86 ODIN'S CHOSEN (1088) ERINIKA CHAOS WARRIOR 8-1779 27 20 0 76 CHAMPIONS OF STEEL (1106) ARKERS BALDER 28-3778 19 16 3 72 VALHALLA (1102) MORYA KAMBARD MURH 31-5045 18 22 0 72 MIDDLE WAY 7 (1131) CHIMLEVTAL -DAISY HAMMER 28-3317 15 26 1 72 FLOWER HAMMERZ (1057) MORYA ZIT 8-4385 17 3 0 68 Z GLADIATORZ (1128) ARKERS -SIR DA 10-5586 16 12 3 63 SIR AGLIO (716) KOLACT SUNFLASH 45-3474 29 35 1 58 NORTHERN LIGHTS (1042) STORMCROWE FENDER GRALE 50-3389 18 31 2 58 MIDDLE WAY 6 (1114) SNOWBOUND -ART PENDRAGON 47-5151 14 16 0 58 KNIGHTS TEMPLAR (1132) NORTH FORK -GOLDEN ARCHES 16-4984 15 6 0 51 GOLDEN GLADIATORS (577) WILLAF EGAN FORN 39-3295 31 52 0 40 THE MIDDLE WAY (946) XOCHITHLAN HOLLAN INNIS 50-3388 21 27 0 28 MIDDLE WAY 6 (1114) SNOWBOUND '-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn. THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE Phillip The Bird -- We give; we give! Leave us alone. -- Consortiumites (refusing to extend a middle digit in the International symbol of disdain.) Leave it to the Cheap Shots, eh? Beervahna -- And to think I thought you liked me!? -- Whacking Willow Balder -- What would we all do without you? -- Zit Grinnon Bearit -- Hey, Hon, I can see that you were grinning all the way to the finish. I have a way of doing that to people. (wink) -- Ravishing Redbud Blackstorm -- A "fast one"? Us? To summarize, one of us is Curator, manager of Smithsonian, and one of us is The Z Man, manager of Z Gladiatorz. We both reside in Arkers--but Curator got there first. It is true that we are both part of the Consortium--whatever that means. -- Curator and Z Man Congrats to Tower Guardian, King Uvdahell. Salute. -- Us Consortium Folk Well met, Crysalis! How fare thee? What word from the Riddermark? My Lord Protectors said they wanted to duel, so who am I to stand in their way? -- The Icelord Ketchum -- Well met. -- The Icelord And excellent coffee. Crip -- I see your stables are well represented. Are any of yours moving on at the split? Well met. -- The Icelord Burger King -- Urg. I should have asked you to hold the onions on that one. Bleh. -- Dannia tyl Sio Onions can be tricky, this is true. Rotten Liver -- I've read lots of descriptions of rotten livers, and they all emphasize how fragile rotten livers are. You don't live up to your advance billing. -- Mirta Yes, but he's splendidly rotten. Cannonball -- Actually, it was NOT all that well fought on my part. Disappointing. I should be doing better than that.... -- Kyra General Public -- Oh, I'd never trust the judgment of the general public. Too fickle and easily swayed. Too much into the "instant gratification" thing. -- Shard It Felt Good -- For YOU, maybe. *I* didn't think so. -- Gilia Harn Cuba -- If you say so, but the REAL question is, "From WHERE to Phoenix?" It could make a lot of difference. -- Sunflash P.S. Unless...surely you don't mean from "the place for which you were named" to Phoenix? The Rirorni Soldier learned FIVE skills, and I just got one? And HE doesn't even get to keep them! This is so unfair! -- Egan Forn Do you think they get donated to charity or do they just get thrown away? -- Ed., having one of those random days Yes, well, any Pirate King who would be captured is by definition not a prime example of the type. -- Ellita Fess Chaos Warrior -- When I find myself near you, all my certainties vanish. Nothing is sure, nothing is reliable, nothing is ORDERLY. I hate that. -- Hollan Innis Don't know if this is the same Captured Pirate King or a different one, but he's worthless, right enough. -- Snowfall Ketchum -- Listen, I had a bad day. It could happen to anyone. -- Egan Forn Mannaz Thorsson -- Actually, that point is not supported by the available evidence. But if you prefer to think of it that, feel free to do so. I don't care. -- Hollan Innis P.S. Actually, I had a much longer response planned, with a penetrating analysis of religious symbology, script development, and cult practices, but I couldn't get anyone to type it for me. Probably a plot. Chaos Warrior -- Worry is a way of organizing data. -- Egan Forn Ed. -- The Commission isn't interested in us having fun. -- Egan Forn Well, phooey! -- Ed. Crip -- Thankee for the welcome. Nice to see you catching up. -- Blackstorm 24 March 2006 A few notes about e-mailed personals: You may submit personal ads, columns, spotlights, etc. electronically, either via e- mail to ads at reality dot com (which doesn't need any more spam, thank you) or on the web at http://www.reality.com/duel2/modules.php?name=Ads. When you submit something, you should get back a receipt from HAL at RSI. If you do NOT get a receipt, your ads may have gone astray (not all e-mail makes it to its destination any more than all snail mail does). If you DO get a receipt, it should, in the body of the message, tell you what arena your stuff was filed in. Check your receipt to make sure your submission made it to the intended destination. Also check to see that everything you sent made it to the same place. Sometimes HAL, who is rather simple-minded in some ways, will send half your stuff to another arena if the name or number of that arena shows up at the beginning of a line. So if the word Ti appears at the beginning of a line halfway through your ads, all the ads after that may end up in Ti, which is closed and doesn't need ads. As a side note, sometimes things move slowly, so don't wait until the last minute to send your ads and all. If they get held up along the way, they may not show up until next turn. Happy writing! -- Ed. 28 March 2006 We of the Desolate Empire Alliance want to welcome two managers to our fold. Kon of the Empire Rising, and Osiris! May they be blessed with the blood of their enemies, and give no quarter in War! -- Dark Knights of the Desolate Empire LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS RAVISHING REDBUD was viciously subdued by KING UVDAHELL in a 2 minute Challenge fight. TOADKILLER DOG luckily beat GRINNON BEARIT in a exciting 2 minute Challenge melee. STIGMA OF STUPID was overpowered by JUNINHO in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge duel. MATADOR was viciously subdued by BEERVAHNA in a popular 2 minute Challenge fight. CANNONBALL was devastated by BURGER KING in a 1 minute uneven Challenge brawl. RANDOM MATCHUP defeated PHILLIP THE BIRD in a exciting 2 minute Challenge struggle. MELTDOWN was viciously subdued by SHARD in a action packed 2 minute Challenge fight. ZIT was viciously subdued by GILIA HARN in a action packed 3 minute Challenge duel. CHAOS WARRIOR was viciously subdued by ELLITA FESS in a 4 minute Challenge duel. SANDBLASTER was savagely defeated by BEAUTY QUEEN in a popular 4 minute gory melee. ROTTEN LIVER was luckily beaten by VERMICIOUS KNID in a crowd pleasing 3 minute match. KING FORADAY was devastated by AMBER WOLFWALKER in a 1 minute one-sided battle. DISCO QUEEN was handily defeated by RIRORNI CAPTAIN in a 2 minute one-sided conflict. NEWT GINGRICH viciously subdued VERMICIOUS KNID in a action packed 2 minute duel. FIGHTER ACE was devastated by RIRORNI CAPTAIN in a popular 1 minute mismatched brawl. JACK VALTRAEDS savagely defeated CRYSALIS GUARD in a exciting 4 minute brutal match. DAIRY QUEEN overpowered THE BLACKSMITH in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched fight. JACK SPRAT was beaten by ARENAMASTER SANDAVOL in a action packed 2 minute fight. TEN COMMANDMENTS was luckily beaten by VERMICIOUS KNID in a 3 minute fray. PRIMUS viciously subdued VERMICIOUS KNID in a exciting 5 minute gory bout. GROLSCH was savagely defeated by CRYSALIS GUARD in a exciting 2 minute gory duel. BEAR ACUDA won victory over ORPHAN in a 1 minute fight. OUR LADY PEACE was defeated by IMPRISONED SPY in a action packed 1 minute match. TAOS was luckily beaten by FIVE GOLDEN RINGS in a action packed 5 minute gory duel. BEARNICE slimly won victory over GENERAL PUBLIC in a crowd pleasing 3 minute bout. IT FELT GOOD overpowered KAMBARD MURH in a 1 minute one-sided fight. CUBA vanquished EGAN FORN in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fray. FENDER GRALE was demolished by R.O.U.S. in a 1 minute one-sided fight. HOLLAN INNIS was overpowered by CAPTURED PIRATE KING in a 1 minute one-sided bout. SNOWFALL handily defeated R.O.U.S. in a 1 minute mismatched match. SUNFLASH was viciously subdued by BALDER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute brutal fight. BATTLE REPORT MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS |FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT| |LUNGING ATTACK 12 PARRY-STRIKE 4 - 1 - 0 80 | |WALL OF STEEL 9 PARRY-RIPOSTE 17 - 7 - 0 71 | |TOTAL PARRY 6 LUNGING ATTACK 61 - 37 - 3 62 | |SLASHING ATTACK 4 SLASHING ATTACK 15 - 11 - 0 58 | |STRIKING ATTACK 4 TOTAL PARRY 28 - 28 - 0 50 | |PARRY-RIPOSTE 3 BASHING ATTACK 13 - 13 - 1 50 | |PARRY-LUNGE 3 AIMED BLOW 14 - 15 - 1 48 | |BASHING ATTACK 3 PARRY-LUNGE 14 - 19 - 0 42 | |AIMED BLOW 2 STRIKING ATTACK 14 - 21 - 0 40 | |PARRY-STRIKE 1 WALL OF STEEL 28 - 46 - 0 38 | Turn 168 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are: PARRY-RIPOSTE 3 - 0 TOTAL PARRY 2 - 4 3 LUNGING ATTACK SLASHING ATTACK 3 - 1 WALL OF STEEL 3 - 6 2 SLASHING ATTACK PARRY-LUNGE 2 - 1 STRIKING ATTACK 1 - 3 2 WALL OF STEEL AIMED BLOW 1 - 1 PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 1 1 PARRY-RIPOSTE LUNGING ATTACK 6 - 6 BASHING ATTACK 0 - 3 1 TOTAL PARRY 1 AIMED BLOW 1 STRIKING ATTACK TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME LUNGING ATTACK KING UVDAHELL 47-1643 45 21 1 278 ROYAL FLUSH (10) SLASHING ATTACK NEWT GINGRICH 5-3399 73 25 0 267 PARTY ANIMALS (476) PARRY-RIPOSTE JACK VALTRAEDS 47-407 98 63 2 252 ROYAL FLUSH (10) TOTAL PARRY TOADKILLER DOG 47-1103 25 7 1 216 WASTED SCUM (1112) AIMED BLOW JUNINHO 7-4001 33 18 1 213 IMPORTED FOOTBALLERS (883) STRIKING ATTACK BEAUTY QUEEN 47-3352 45 47 3 211 ROYAL FLUSH (10) WALL OF STEEL PRIMUS 21-4975 51 15 0 207 REAL BEER (859) BASHING ATTACK KING FORADAY 47-3762 54 46 4 190 ROYAL FLUSH (10) PARRY-STRIKE DISCO QUEEN 47-1992 43 22 1 190 ROYAL FLUSH (10) PARRY-LUNGE BEAR ACUDA 47-4995 24 11 1 159 THE BEAR'S PAW (196) The overall popularity leader is JACK VALTRAEDS 47-407. The most popular warrior this turn was ROTTEN LIVER 52-2902. The ten other most popular fighters were TAOS 26-4042, ELLITA FESS 50-3392, NEWT GINGRICH 5-3399, PRIMUS 21-4975, KING UVDAHELL 47-1643, PHILLIP THE BIRD 40-3708, TEN COMMANDMENTS 47-3843, BEARNICE 47-2847, GILIA HARN 50-3391, and BEAUTY QUEEN 47-3352. The least popular fighter this week was HOLLAN INNIS 50-3388. The other ten least popular fighters were FENDER GRALE 50-3389, EGAN FORN 39-3295, KAMBARD MURH 31-5045, CANNONBALL 72-5313, STIGMA OF STUPID 31-4948, SUNFLASH 45-3474, ORPHAN 72-5463, DISCO QUEEN 47-1992, OUR LADY PEACE 79-1191, and BEAR ACUDA 47-4995. Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K KALTOS(5) 1 0 0 MORYA(28) 1 0 0 SNOWBOUND(50) 2 2 0 BONSUR(7) 1 0 0 CHIMLEVTAL(31) 1 3 0 FRATSFA(52) 0 2 0 ARKERS(8) 0 3 0 XOCHITHLAN(39) 0 1 0 ARADI(60) 1 0 0 ARUAK CITY(11) 0 2 0 ZENSU(40) 0 1 0 DRAGONHEAD(72) 0 2 0 WILLAF(16) 1 0 0 STORMCROWE(45) 2 1 0 MIROI CHANG(79) 0 1 0 SUNSET(21) 1 1 0 NORTH FORK(47) 8 6 0 OLD VALAMANTIS(96) 1 0 0 CALEAM(26) 1 1 0 TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY NEWT GINGRICH 5-3399 73 25 0 267 PARTY ANIMALS (476) KALTOS JUNINHO 7-4001 33 18 1 213 IMPORTED FOOTBALLERS (883) BONSUR MELTDOWN 8-4353 24 15 0 116 X-FORCE (1054) ARKERS SANDBLASTER 11-3899 68 63 3 197 ANDORIAN KNIGHTS (962) ARUAK CITY FIVE GOLDEN RINGS 16-4331 30 4 0 116 GOLDEN GLADIATORS (577) WILLAF PRIMUS 21-4975 51 15 0 207 REAL BEER (859) SUNSET TAOS 26-4042 18 11 1 111 HERE TO PHOENIX (871) CALEAM BALDER 28-3778 19 16 3 72 VALHALLA (1102) MORYA STIGMA OF STUPID 31-4948 24 9 1 189 UNFIT TO BE ORCS (881) CHIMLEVTAL EGAN FORN 39-3295 31 52 0 40 THE MIDDLE WAY (946) XOCHITHLAN PHILLIP THE BIRD 40-3708 15 8 0 115 CRUEL PET NAMES (1117) ZENSU SHARD 45-3507 24 30 1 136 NORTHERN LIGHTS (1042) STORMCROWE KING UVDAHELL 47-1643 45 21 1 278 ROYAL FLUSH (10) NORTH FORK ELLITA FESS 50-3392 28 26 1 91 MIDDLE WAY 6 (1114) SNOWBOUND RAVISHING REDBUD 52-3197 31 8 0 202 FLOWER GIRLS (265) FRATSFA BEERVAHNA 60-4292 33 30 3 219 INGRATE WHITE NORTH (745) ARADI CANNONBALL 72-5313 23 14 1 171 X-POSSE (1093) DRAGONHEAD OUR LADY PEACE 79-1191 24 10 2 159 CHAPEL ROCK (615) MIROI CHANG RANDOM MATCHUP 96-1048 19 11 4 127 OVERRATED (1044) OLD VALAMANTIS