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Date   : 02/27/2018    Duedate: 03/26/2018

CRYSALIS ARENA

DM 106    TURN 322

RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    %  RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    % 
  1 TODAY TOO 84/1659    496  235   1 67.9      BOOK OF THOMAS 39/1660
  2 AVID FANS 45/199    3407 1728  36 66.3    6 TEAM TOONS 47/1500    32   38   0 45.7
    ROYAL FLUSH 47/10                           COWBOY CROONERS 72/1535
    KING'S COURT 11/34                        7 WITLESS WON 39/1052  147  225   0 39.5
    PARTY ANIMALS 5/476                       8 TALL TALES 59/1335   100  168   2 37.3
    WORLDWIDE GORE 26/35                      9 OUTLAWS 72/1495       92  191   5 32.5
    WAY TO GO! II 73/1010                       X-POSSE 72/1093
    CALENDAR GIRLS 73/1574                   10-PLANETS 28/1419        1    1   0 50.0
  3 CSU COLLEGE 45/1630   14    9   0 60.9      WEATHER 52/1656
  4 FAST FOOD 47/1355    144  124   0 53.7   11 BB SIDE MIR 72/1658    0    1   0  0.0
  5 HOME LIFE 71/1657    129  143   2 47.4

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

Hello!

No challenges, no avoids, no deaths, and we're getting spring weather, finally.  Yay!  
There were sixteen fights today.  Something that surprises me, since there really were 
no avoids, is that there were seven fights involving stand-ins.  Is it possible that, 
maybe, no one actually posted avoids but they did, you know, duck into the latrine 
when the fight was called and they saw it was with someone they were a little scared 
of?  Shouldn't their managers tell them off for doing that?

DUTCH TREAT (26-1841) (172-42-2,467) of WORLDWIDE GORE fought G W BUSH (59-2764) (47-
55-2,210) of TALL TALES.  DUTCH TREAT devastated G W BUSH in an action packed 1 minute 
mismatched Title fight.  So of course, Dutch Treat is our Tower Guardian and also the 
top Total Parry.  Mr. Bush is top Striker.

DARK TOWER (11-1702) (115-67-0,219) of KING'S COURT fought VERMICIOUS KNID (106-30) 
(0-0-0,240).  DARK TOWER demolished VERMICIOUS KNID in a popular 3 minute gruesome 
one-sided melee.  Mr. Tower is our top Waste, but oddly, not super popular.

HARI-KARI (73-3049) (87-16-0,225) of WAY TO GO! II fought VILLAINOUS INFORMER (106-23) 
(0-0-0,181).  HARI-KARI bested VILLAINOUS INFORMER in a popular 3 minute contest.  
Hari-Kari is our best Aimed Blow.

BULL DURHAM (5-4324) (69-31-1,253) of PARTY ANIMALS fought HOPALONG CASSIDY (72-7839) 
(33-29-0,188) of COWBOY CROONERS. BULL DURHAM overpowered HOPALONG CASSIDY in a 1 
minute mismatched match.  So Mr. Durham is top Lunger, still, and Hoppy is our top 
Parry-Lunge.

THE REFEREE (45-1091) (109-56-4,219) of AVID FANS fought CRYSALIS GUARD (106-29) (0-0-
0,200).  THE REFEREE viciously subdued CRYSALIS GUARD in a popular 5 minute bloody 
duel.  The Ref is top Parry-Strike, overall popularity leader, AND this turn's 
favorite.  Wow!  He should write a column.

KING FORADAY (47-3762) (88-62-4,295) of ROYAL FLUSH fought GOJIRO (106-31) (0-0-
0,220).  KING FORADAY was overpowered by GOJIRO in a popular 2 minute mismatched 
brawl.  King is top Basher, but he was no match for Gojiro.

BLACK JACK SHELACK (47-4850) (60-34-2,202) of ROYAL FLUSH fought ORPHAN (72-5463) (28-
43-2,177) of X-POSSE.  BLACK JACK SHELACK vanquished ORPHAN in an action packed 2 
minute uneven duel.

TAMMY FAYE (39-3520) (44-95-0,208) of WITLESS WONDERS fought DISCO QUEEN (47-1992) 
(98-36-3,209) of ROYAL FLUSH.  TAMMY FAYE was overpowered by DISCO QUEEN in a 3 minute 
uneven duel.

THE LION KING (47-6360) (52-19-0,202) of ROYAL FLUSH fought RIRORNI CAPTAIN (106-26) 
(0-0-0,200).  THE LION KING was overpowered by RIRORNI CAPTAIN in a 2 minute one-sided 
fight.

WEDNESDAY ADDAMS (73-6043) (20-2-0,187) of CALENDAR GIRLS fought CRYSALIS GUARD (106-
29) (0-0-0,200).  WEDNESDAY ADDAMS overpowered CRYSALIS GUARD in a 2 minute bloody 
one-sided match.

UNCLE FESTER (59-2768) (50-52-1,170) of TALL TALES fought DAIRY QUEEN (47-2685) (124-
60-3,180) of ROYAL FLUSH.  UNCLE FESTER was overcome by DAIRY QUEEN in an exciting 1 
minute contest.  Uncle Fester is our top Slasher.

TUESDAY WELD (73-6047) (23-3-0,136) of CALENDAR GIRLS fought CRYBABY (72-5853) (21-40-
1,109) of OUTLAWS.  TUESDAY WELD demolished CRYBABY in a 2 minute one-sided brawl.

NANU NANU (45-5227) (20-7-0,131) of CSU COLLEGE RADIO fought KING MIDAS (59-2770) (43-
53-1,100) of TALL TALES.  NANU NANU handily defeated KING MIDAS in an action packed 1 
minute one-sided conflict.

JINX (47-7951) (29-27-1,67) of TEAM TOONS fought JOHNNY APPLESEED (59-2767) (33-69-
0,66) of TALL TALES.  JINX savagely defeated JOHNNY APPLESEED in an action packed 3 
minute gruesome struggle.

WARLOCK (72-6137) (18-27-5,36) of OUTLAWS fought UNEMPLOYED PERSON (106-5) (0-0-0,70).  
WARLOCK was overpowered by UNEMPLOYED PERSON in a 1 minute bloody mismatched brawl.  
You know... I have been unemployed, but I don't think even then I would have taken a 
temp job as a gladiator.  Would you?

COPYCAT (72-5854) (24-30-1,90) of OUTLAWS fought SUPERSIZE ME (47-8110) (20-7-2,69) of 
FAST FOOD.  COPYCAT was overpowered by SUPERSIZE ME in an exciting 1 minute one-sided 
bout.

So that's all there is.  There were some pretty good fights today.  Enjoy the early 
spring weather, and we'll meet again next turn.

                                          -- Tobaya Cantrell

THE TOWER GUARDIAN             W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DUTCH TREAT 26-1841         173  42  2  478  WORLDWIDE GORE (35)        CALEAM

GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BULL DURHAM 5-4324           70  31  1  263  PARTY ANIMALS (476)        KALTOS
 DARK TOWER 11-1702          116  67  0  232  KING'S COURT (34)          ARUAK CITY
 THE REFEREE 45-1091         110  56  4  227  AVID FANS (199)            STORMCROWE
 HARI-KARI 73-3049            88  16  0  227  WAY TO GO! II (1010)       ERINIKA
 DISCO QUEEN 47-1992          99  36  3  220  ROYAL FLUSH (10)           NORTH FORK

GRAND CHAMPIONS                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 G W BUSH 59-2764             47  56  2  210  TALL TALES (1335)          ILLIS
 BLACK JACK SHELACK 47-4850   61  34  2  209  ROYAL FLUSH (10)           NORTH FORK
 TAMMY FAYE 39-3520           44  96  0  207  WITLESS WONDERS (1052)     XOCHITHLAN
 WEDNESDAY ADDAMS 73-6043     21   2  0  205  CALENDAR GIRLS (1574)      ERINIKA
 KING FORADAY 47-3762         88  63  4  193  ROYAL FLUSH (10)           NORTH FORK
 HOPALONG CASSIDY 72-7839     33  30  0  191  COWBOY CROONERS (1535)     DRAGONHEAD
 THE LION KING 47-6360        52  20  0  190  ROYAL FLUSH (10)           NORTH FORK

GRAND CHAMPIONS                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 DAIRY QUEEN 47-2685         125  60  3  182  ROYAL FLUSH (10)           NORTH FORK

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS        W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 UNCLE FESTER 59-2768         50  53  1  180  TALL TALES (1335)          ILLIS
 ORPHAN 72-5463               28  44  2  180  X-POSSE (1093)             DRAGONHEAD

GRAND ADEPTS                   W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 TUESDAY WELD 73-6047         24   3  0  140  CALENDAR GIRLS (1574)      ERINIKA
 NANU NANU 45-5227            21   7  0  134  CSU COLLEGE RADIO (1630)   STORMCROWE
-BRANDYWINE BOAR 11-8077      39  11  0  128  ANIMAL FARM (1095)         ARUAK CITY
 CRYBABY 72-5853              21  41  1  111  OUTLAWS (1495)             DRAGONHEAD

GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 KING MIDAS 59-2770           43  54  1  100  TALL TALES (1335)          ILLIS
 SUPERSIZE ME 47-8110         21   7  2   91  FAST FOOD (1355)           NORTH FORK

GRAND INITIATES                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
-BART 18-7927                 20  15  3   78  SHEPHERDS (1454)           TALCAMA
 JINX 47-7951                 30  27  1   75  TEAM TOONS (1500)          NORTH FORK
-NOISY NEIGHBOR 72-7828       23   5  1   75  BASH BROS CONDO (1644)     DRAGONHEAD
 COPYCAT 72-5854              24  31  1   73  OUTLAWS (1495)             DRAGONHEAD
-PROWLER 45-4350              20  10  1   71  PHANTOM REGIMENT (1279)    STORMCROWE
-SHIFTED 72-7941              20  10  0   70  BB SIDE MIRROR (1658)      DRAGONHEAD
-LEAK 72-7886                 20   5  2   67  BASH BROS GAS (1645)       DRAGONHEAD
-SLEET 52-4392                19   7  1   67  WEATHER (1656)             FRATSFA
 JOHNNY APPLESEED 59-2767     33  70  0   62  TALL TALES (1335)          ILLIS
-BOTTLE ROCKET 39-4157        17   8  2   61  BOOK OF THOMAS (1660)      XOCHITHLAN
-COTTON CRAWDAD 11-8176       18   3  0   57  ANIMAL FARM (1095)         ARUAK CITY
-MAD COW DISEASE 11-8145      16   5  3   56  BULLDOGS (174)             ARUAK CITY
-SEEING RED 11-8189           15   3  2   50  COLORIFIC (1050)           ARUAK CITY
-MERCURY 28-4974              15  12  1   50  PLANETS (1419)             MORYA
-CHAMPION 84-26012            13   8  1   48  TODAY TOO (1659)           BLACKSTONE
 WARLOCK 72-6137              18  28  5   35  OUTLAWS (1495)             DRAGONHEAD

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

DUTCH TREAT devastated G W BUSH in a action packed 1 minute mismatched Title fight.
DARK TOWER demolished VERMICIOUS KNID in a popular 3 minute gruesome one-sided melee.
HARI-KARI bested VILLAINOUS INFORMER in a popular 3 minute contest.
BULL DURHAM overpowered HOPALONG CASSIDY in a 1 minute mismatched match.
THE REFEREE viciously subdued CRYSALIS GUARD in a popular 5 minute bloody duel.
KING FORADAY was overpowered by GOJIRO in a popular 2 minute mismatched brawl.
BLACK JACK SHELACK vanquished ORPHAN in a action packed 2 minute uneven duel.
TAMMY FAYE was overpowered by DISCO QUEEN in a 3 minute uneven duel.
THE LION KING was overpowered by RIRORNI CAPTAIN in a 2 minute one-sided fight.
WEDNESDAY ADDAMS overpowered CRYSALIS GUARD in a 2 minute bloody one-sided match.
UNCLE FESTER was overcome by DAIRY QUEEN in a exciting 1 minute contest.
TUESDAY WELD demolished CRYBABY in a 2 minute one-sided brawl.
NANU NANU handily defeated KING MIDAS in a action packed 1 minute one-sided conflict.
JINX savagely defeated JOHNNY APPLESEED in a action packed 3 minute gruesome struggle.
WARLOCK was overpowered by UNEMPLOYED PERSON in a 1 minute bloody mismatched brawl.
COPYCAT was overpowered by SUPERSIZE ME in a exciting 1 minute one-sided bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW                       5         PARRY-STRIKE      25 -   4 -  1      86  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   5         TOTAL PARRY       20 -   8 -  0      71  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    3         WALL OF STEEL     37 -  24 -  0      61  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         PARRY-LUNGE       13 -   9 -  0      59  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     2         LUNGING ATTACK    73 -  51 -  0      59  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      2         AIMED BLOW        41 -  33 -  0      55  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  2         BASHING ATTACK     9 -   8 -  0      53  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   2         SLASHING ATTACK   27 -  39 -  0      41  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -   2 -  0      33  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         STRIKING ATTACK   11 -  28 -  1      28  |

Turn 322 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  0     SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  2         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
AIMED BLOW         4 -  1     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  1         2  PARRY-STRIKE   
WALL OF STEEL      2 -  1     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         2  AIMED BLOW     
LUNGING ATTACK     3 -  2     STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  2         2  STRIKING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY        1 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     0 -  2         1  TOTAL PARRY    
                                                                1  WALL OF STEEL  
                                                                1  BASHING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      DUTCH TREAT 26-1841       173  42  2  478 WORLDWIDE GORE (35)
LUNGING ATTACK   BULL DURHAM 5-4324         70  31  1  263 PARTY ANIMALS (476)
WALL OF STEEL    DARK TOWER 11-1702        116  67  0  232 KING'S COURT (34)
PARRY-STRIKE     THE REFEREE 45-1091       110  56  4  227 AVID FANS (199)
AIMED BLOW       HARI-KARI 73-3049          88  16  0  227 WAY TO GO! II (1010)
STRIKING ATTACK  G W BUSH 59-2764           47  56  2  210 TALL TALES (1335)
BASHING ATTACK   KING FORADAY 47-3762       88  63  4  193 ROYAL FLUSH (10)
PARRY-LUNGE      HOPALONG CASSIDY 72-7839   33  30  0  191 COWBOY CROONERS (1535)
SLASHING ATTACK  UNCLE FESTER 59-2768       50  53  1  180 TALL TALES (1335)

The overall popularity leader is THE REFEREE 45-1091.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was THE REFEREE 45-1091.  The ten other most popular fighters were DARK TOWER 
11-1702, JINX 47-7951, KING FORADAY 47-3762, BLACK JACK SHELACK 47-4850, HARI-KARI 
73-3049, WEDNESDAY ADDAMS 73-6043, TAMMY FAYE 39-3520, DISCO QUEEN 47-1992, TUESDAY 
WELD 73-6047, and NANU NANU 45-5227.

The least popular fighter this week was HOPALONG CASSIDY 72-7839.  The other ten 
least popular fighters were WARLOCK 72-6137, KING MIDAS 59-2770, THE LION KING 
47-6360, ORPHAN 72-5463, COPYCAT 72-5854, JOHNNY APPLESEED 59-2767, CRYBABY 72-5853, 
DAIRY QUEEN 47-2685, UNCLE FESTER 59-2768, and G W BUSH 59-2764.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
KALTOS(5)            1  0 0  XOCHITHLAN(39)       0  1 0  ILLIS(59)            0  4 0  
ARUAK CITY(11)       1  0 0  STORMCROWE(45)       2  0 0  DRAGONHEAD(72)       0  5 0  
CALEAM(26)           1  0 0  NORTH FORK(47)       5  2 0  ERINIKA(73)          3  0 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 BULL DURHAM 5-4324          70  31  1  263  PARTY ANIMALS (476)        KALTOS
 DARK TOWER 11-1702         116  67  0  232  KING'S COURT (34)          ARUAK CITY
 DUTCH TREAT 26-1841        173  42  2  478  WORLDWIDE GORE (35)        CALEAM
 TAMMY FAYE 39-3520          44  96  0  207  WITLESS WONDERS (1052)     XOCHITHLAN
 THE REFEREE 45-1091        110  56  4  227  AVID FANS (199)            STORMCROWE
 DISCO QUEEN 47-1992         99  36  3  220  ROYAL FLUSH (10)           NORTH FORK
 G W BUSH 59-2764            47  56  2  210  TALL TALES (1335)          ILLIS
 HOPALONG CASSIDY 72-7839    33  30  0  191  COWBOY CROONERS (1535)     DRAGONHEAD

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 HARI-KARI 73-3049           88  16  0  227  WAY TO GO! II (1010)       ERINIKA

                      SUMMER FACE-TO-FACE IN ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA

We have planned our summer FTF for July 13-15, 2018, in Arlington, Virginia, only 7 
miles on a quick Metro ride from Washington, D.C.!.  It will be held at the Holiday 
Inn Arlington at Ballston.  Room rates are $79 per night on 7/12 and 7/15 and $129 on 
7/13 and 7/14, 1-2 occupancy.  There's free wireless throughout the property as well 
as a fitness center, outdoor pool, and business center, as well as a resturant and bar 
inside the hotel.  There is no airport shuttle and parking is $7/day.  The rooms are 
blocked -- ask for the Reality Simulations block.  Reservations must be made by 6/12.  
(As always if you have issues making reservations, please let us know!)  

                       Hotel site:  http://www.hiarlington.com 

Look for the tournament info sheet and minioverviews some time in June.  We hope 
you're all looking forward to it and that we will see you there!

                                          -- RSI

                             Mission to the Twisted Lands

                                     Episode One

     Old Brown could run pretty fast if properly motivated, but mostly he walked with 
a long-legged, distance-devouring stride.  He was a huge horse, a half-giant's 
warhorse, shaggy and self-assured, with muscles like half-buried boulders in his 
shoulders and hips.  Lounging in the saddle was the motivating force, the half-giant, 
Keel Woodhaven.  Although in his mind he was slouching and half-asleep, he sat up 
straight in the saddle since that is more comfortable for riding.
     It was twilight, stars coming out above and lights in farmhouse windows below.  
They traveled through vineyards, brown and fallow now in the winter, descending gently 
toward the tree-crowded coast.  The distant trees, not just pines, were green.  They 
stayed green because the marsh that surrounded the city-state of Bonsur had hot 
springs in it.
     Keel Woodhaven had always liked Bonsur.  It had a relaxed feel about it, the 
women seemed prettier, the music was great, everyone thought about having fun.  And 
the booze was excellent, of course.  He passed the arena at the edge of town, and 
paused to read the current statistics, posted on the gate and lit by a lantern.  So, 
an elven cobbler was the Duelmaster?  Why would a shoemaker take up such a painful 
profession?  Then he noticed the team name:  Shewish Picnic.  He snorted.  That 
explained it, all right.  As a half-Shew, he was kind of bothered by that team theme, 
which was present in Home Guard as well.  It was sort of funny though.  He saw that 
Elf Cobbler was headed for the Isle.  Probably not bound for Home Guard just yet, 
though.
     They passed a small chicken ranch.  A rooster uttered an untimely crow.  At about 
that time, Old Brown took exception to something and bolted.  Cussing, Keel hauled on 
the reins, to little effect since the horse was stronger than him and apparently 
frightened.  He didn't see the masked men coming out of their hiding places behind 
him, looking frustrated.  At least not until a crossbow bolt thunked into the backside 
of his leather cuirass. His horse screamed and ran faster.
     Hauling Old Brown to the left as they passed a set of big open gates into a well-
lighted courtyard, Keel got them behind the shelter of the high stone wall, and patted 
the horse's sweaty neck.  "You're okay now, friend.  I'll go take care of those 
bozos."
     As he dismounted, he noticed he was becoming surrounded by uniformed men, some 
with swords and some with halberds.
     "Howdy?" he said, hoping they were friendly.
     "Your horse has been shot," said someone, pointing at a bolt sticking out of Old 
Brown's butt.
     "Well damn!"  Keel laid a comforting hand on the horse's flank, which quivered.
     "So have you," the guard continued.
     "Yeah, thought so.  Doesn't feel like it got through the armor though."  Keel 
tried to look over his shoulder, but could only see the feathered end of the bolt.  
"Who are you guys?"
     "We are the Queen's Guard."
     "What?  Queen Gemra?  Okay, please take care of Old Brown here, and I'll go find 
the ***holes that shot him."
     "Sir, you are mistaken.  You will be taken to a doctor.  We will arrest the 
assailants."
     "Hey!  I'm on a mission from Sheila Greywand.  Anyway, they shot my horse.  My 
HORSE!  I'm gonna get 'em."  Unslinging his huge sword, Keel strode toward the gate.
     Four Guardsmen came with him, flanking him like the trailing ends of a flock of 
geese.  They might have intended a different formation, but he had the longest legs 
and walked the fastest.  The one who'd spoken to him before said, "I'm Corporal Brat 
Langerman.  And you are?"
     "Keel Woodhaven."
     "I've heard of you!  The Queen will want to meet you."
     "That's fine.  Let's stick to the sides of these buildings.  If they're still 
around, we'll be targets in the middle of the street."
     They weren't quiet, exactly, since the guards wore highly polished chain mail 
which jingled.  However, Bonsur had a lively night life.  Music and laughter came from 
bars and nightclubs on adjacent streets, people lingered on corners chatting and 
sometimes playing instruments, and children hawked newssheets, shoeshines, flowers, a 
selection of rouges, and offered to carry packages.  So the sounds the guards made 
weren't too noticeable.
     Keel led the way back to the chicken ranch.  He was thinking that the bad guys 
wouldn't have waited around to be hunted.  They might have left clues, though.  
Perhaps even a discarded, crumpled note offering a cash reward for his head, and 
signed by a notorious crimelord.  Or distinctive cigar stubs, monogrammed hankies... 
personalized masks.  Tracks of boots made by elven cobblers.  Anything.  Witnesses, 
even.
     There were no people on the street near the chicken ranch.  It was full night 
now, a bit chilly although there was a warm and slightly funky breeze from the marsh.
     Corporal Brat Langerman said quietly, "Is this where it happened?"
     "Yup."
     "Well, I don't think they're here anymore."
     Keel was about to agree, when a crossbow bolt appeared in the Corporal's arm.  
The young man hissed, "Everybody down!"
     The guardsmen hunkered against the wall of a hardware store, which didn't offer 
anything resembling good cover except that they were in shadow there.  Keel crouched a 
little, but he knew he was a pretty big target, plus his sword gave off a faint 
greenish glow.  He looked around, searching the darkness for signs of their foes.
     A shadow on top of a shaded walkway across the street shifted a little.  Keel 
pulled a weighted dart out of his pocket and hurled it.  He was good at tavern darts, 
but it was dark, the distance was too great, and he just wasn't lucky.  The little 
missile clattered against the shingles of the porch roof.  There was a startled twitch 
from the half-seen form.  At that instant, Keel lunged across the street.  His long 
legs carried him across to the opposite shadows in three bounds.  More bolts came out 
of the darkness, one lodging in his calf, the others missing him altogether.
     Now the Guardsmen had a good idea where their foes were, and it takes a while to 
reload a crossbow.  The four men charged, yelling wildly.  Tucking his sword under his 
arm, Keel grabbed one of the posts holding up the porch roof, strained, and dislodged 
it.  After a moment he yanked it out of the structure entirely.  The roof sagged, 
there was a yelp of surprise, and someone's foot appeared off the edge of it.  Keel 
grabbed him by the ankle and hauled him the rest of the way down.
     There were brief sounds of fighting, then footsteps that rapidly receded down an 
alley.  Three Guardsmen raced off in pursuit.  Keel's prisoner started to try to get 
away, so the half-Shew tossed him up, grabbed him by the arms and bashed him against 
the wall.
     "Are you okay?" asked Brat, sheathing his sword.
     "Took one in the leg, but it's not too bad I think," Keel said, shifting his 
unconscious prisoner to one hand and bending to pick up his sword.
     "I'll help you tie that one up," Brat said.  "There's a dead one here.  I think 
there were two more."  He grunted slightly, trying to reach something with his injured 
arm.  "Got some ties in my right-hand belt pouch.  If you could get them for me?"
     They bound the prisoner, then bandaged each other.
     "What did they want?" asked the Corporal.
     Keel shrugged.  "No clue.  Let's get him somewhere safe and we can ask him..."  
He listened.  "Your guys are coming back."
     "Yeah."
     The Guardsmen hadn't been able to track their assailants in the darkness, but at 
least there were no further injuries.  The group of them returned warily to the 
courtyard of the Guard House, where a woman was smearing some kind of ointment on Old 
Brown's wound.  After the horse was bedded down in the stable, the Guardsmen led Keel 
into their office, where there was a welcome scent of fresh coffee.  The medic set 
about binding Keel's wound and that of the Corporal, who turned out to be an extremely 
handsome man.  Keel remembered hearing that Queen Gemra required her Guardsmen to be 
good looking.  That didn't mean they weren't competent, though.  Brat had done pretty 
well.
     The medic roused their prisoner with smelling salts.  They all sat in the main 
office, Corporal Langerman facing the miscreant, who was seated in a cushioned chair, 
looking reasonably comfortable except for his bandaged head.  "All right," said Brat.  
"Now I want you to tell me that you're going to turn Queen's Evidence."
     "Not on your life, pretty boy!"  The man had, perhaps, some excuse for hard 
feelings since he was more homely than not, with a crooked nose and eyes set too close 
together.  He and Keel looked shabby and ill-favored amongst all these gleamingly 
handsome Guardsmen.
     Keel leaned forward.  "You guys shot my horse."
     "Oh.  Sorry, didn't mean to do that.  We were just shooting at you."
     "Why?"
     "Glowing sword."
     "What?"
     "Duh, it's a magic sword!  We saw it when you drew it in Delarq Tor, and figured 
we could sell it so we followed you."
     The half-Shew snorted.  "The Dentless isn't magic.  It was in a Chaos Gate for 
five hundred years and it picked up some energy, that's all.  All it does, is glow.  
And cut things."
     The bandit looked chagrined.  "But... it's got to be magic."
     "Ain't.  Sorry kid."
     After that, Keel was taken to enjoy a sumptuous dinner at the Palace.  Queen 
Gemra was a definite babe, with long, silken black hair, a delicate pouty face, and 
luscious curves.  She asked him about his mission, which was to go to the Twisted 
Lands and shut down a leaking Chaos Gate.  He entertained her with the story of his 
adventure on the Two-Shew Express, and she gave him a brown velvet cloak to show her 
appreciation.  She did not invite him to her bed, which was fine because his heart 
belonged to another, always and forever.
     
                                      * * * * * 

                           This is a continuing adventure.  
         Watch for future chapters in the Bonsur and Home Guard newsletters!  

               NEW GRADUATES--FROM ALL ARENAS (INCLUDING CLOSED ARENAS)

For those of you who keep track of such things, one additional warrior graduated from 
regular DM arenas (including closed arenas) since the last tournament. 

                     SEVENTH SON (1-9401) MANNEQUIN'S BEST  (537) 
                      DOMINATION (32-5232) ANGELS OF PAIN  (360) 
                      STARSCREAM (47-7419) DARQUE FORCES  (396) 
                        THE BOBSTER (82-1072) ODDITIES  (184) 
                           0001 (82-7927) JAN 2001  (1148) 
                          0004 (82-7932) JAN 2001 2  (1149) 
                     LAKES (82-22204) WAY OF THE BLADE ID  (3522) 
                      SUPPERMAN (82-48250) HUNGRY HEROES  (8107) 
                      GEMS (82-49984) 4 LETTER TREASURE  (8402) 
                 JACK MONTGOMERY (84-38004) MEDAL OF HONOR B7  (6651) 
                         SKINNER (84-46102) XCOM BETA  (7965) 
                   PEPEROMIA PIZZA (85-2352) ADD SOME FLOWER  (435) 
                  WEBBED ZOMBIE (85-4040) MOM 'N DAD ZOMBIES?  (735) 

Congrats to the grads. -- Green Eyes