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Date   : 12/30/2014    Duedate: 01/12/2015

STORM ROCK ARENA

DM 107    TURN 90

RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    %  RANK TEAMS                 W    L   K    % 
  1 COLOR ME SUA 42/365  393  280   2 58.4      NEXT GENERATION 58/368
    CENTER FOR OLDS 18/364                      BASH BROS CHILDREN 38/407
  2 VEGGIES 3/372        209  267   2 43.9      GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS 65/361
    PALINDROMES 73/405                        3 THE MAGNIFIC 19/395 1660 2179  21 43.2
    ALASTARIAN IDOL 10/363

                                 THE GUARDIAN'S FORUM
                       Reflections by the Champion of the Horn

     Bah Humbug!  Santa is a figment of all your imaginations.  It is a cruel trick
to play on children.  And in addition, we teach our children greed and selfishness.
Bah Humbug!
     Soon all those presents and toys and Santa will be forgotten.  Likely before the
New Year arrives, even.  And I will be able to rest easier at night knowing that this
awful practice and season is over.  I can enjoy the rest of the year in peace.
     But wait.  Perhaps not.  Someone at the commission thought it'd be fun to delist
me from the rankings.  And so, instead of getting the throne, I am pushed into no
man's land.  I know they'll claim it was a glitch in the system, but I know the
truth.  It is personal and someone wanted to smear my name into nothingness.
     Well, I won't let it happen!  And so, I write the column even though I'm not
technically eligible to write it.  What will the commission do to that?  I'm sure
they'll print it as they rightfully should.  In the meantime, I hear Assur lodged a
formal complaint and has been assured that the 'glitch' as they say has been fixed. 
I feel sorry for Jello Knuckles, maybe a little, because he will feel my wrath next
turn as I take it all out on him.  Plus, I think old Jello Knuckles has started
sucking those knuckles a bit too much and is always on a sugar high, no longer
communicating to those around him.  He won't likely be writing a column.

-- Virginia

                             REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER

     So, today we have subzero temperatures.  "Only" in the windchill, but that's
more than enough for me.  A column from Virginia, No Santa, to whom we offer complete
sympathy.  The Commission is very strange.
     Of more professional interest, I see we have six fights, no challenges or
avoids, and three standbys.  Make no mistake about it, Storm Rock, this is pathetic.
     Significant point movements:  Almost Pretty up 18.  Pinch Blister down 7.
Different fights.  No fights were action packed, but two were exciting.

     WONTON NOT NOW (73-6069) (21-19-1,40) of PALINDROMES fought CAPTURED PIRATE KING
(107-2) (0-0-0,30) of Fine Imported Standbys.  WONTON NOT NOW devastated CAPTURED
PIRATE KING in a 1 minute mismatched match.  Good.  Those Pirate Kings need more
devastation at their end.
     PINCH BLISTER (18-9859) (51-81-0,187) of CENTER FOR OLDS fought AMBER WOLFWALKER
(107-11) (0-0-0,220) of Fine Imported Standbys.  PINCH BLISTER was devastated by
AMBER WOLFWALKER in a popular 1 minute uneven brawl.  I dunno, given the difference
in ranking, that isn't such a dire loss.
     POCKET NEWS (19-5364) (36-35-0,189) of THE MAGNIFICENT MAGS fought ARUGULA (3-
7180) (34-37-2,177) of VEGGIES.  POCKET NEWS defeated ARUGULA in an exciting 3 minute
fight.  It will be interesting to see what news story is hidden in this.  And it was
exciting, too, and long enough that we could SEE it being exciting.
     1977 AMC MATADOR (42-4116) (79-69-0,191) of COLOR ME SUAVE fought RIRORNI
CAPTAIN (107-26) (0-0-0,200) of Fine Imported Standbys.  1977 AMC MATADOR overpowered
RIRORNI CAPTAIN in a 1 minute mismatched duel.  Not a good day for the standbys so
far.
     ALMOST PRETTY (42-4496) (95-51-0,187) of COLOR ME SUAVE fought THE UPRIGHT MAN
(10-5185) (41-56-0,197) of ALASTARIAN IDOL.  ALMOST PRETTY vanquished THE UPRIGHT MAN
in an exciting 1 minute uneven battle.  More excitement, and the source of Almost
Pretty's point gain.  Good work here, even for an iconoclast.

For the title, Jello defends his possibly ill-gotten position:
     JELLO KNUCKLES (42-4554) (61-59-0,199) of COLOR ME SUAVE fought VIRGINIA, NO
SANTA (65-6623) (48-72-1,222) of GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS.  JELLO KNUCKLES slimly won
victory over VIRGINIA, NO SANTA in a 6 minute Title fight.  I congratulate Jello, of
course, even if he does have pear halves in suspension, but will he write a column?

Good night, all, and a happy New Year to you.

                                       Larkin

CHAMPION OF THE HORN           W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 JELLO KNUCKLES 42-4554       62  59     208  COLOR ME SUAVE (365)       RODEKI

GRAND CHAMPIONS                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 1977 AMC MATADOR 42-4116     80  69     207  COLOR ME SUAVE (365)       RODEKI
 ALMOST PRETTY 42-4496        96  51     205  COLOR ME SUAVE (365)       RODEKI
 VIRGINIA, NO SANTA 65-6623   48  73  1  198  GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS (361) DAL SHANG
 THE UPRIGHT MAN 10-5185      41  57     194  ALASTARIAN IDOL (363)      KOLACT
 POCKET NEWS 19-5364          37  35     194  THE MAGNIFICENT MAGS (395) ZUWAYZA

GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS        W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 PINCH BLISTER 18-9859        51  82     180  CENTER FOR OLDS (364)      TALCAMA
 ARUGULA 3-7180               34  38  2  177  VEGGIES (372)              OSKSI

GRAND INITIATES                W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 WONTON NOT NOW 73-6069       22  19  1   47  PALINDROMES (405)          ERINIKA
-DIRTY DIAPERS 38-5071        17  12      33  BASH BROS CHILDREN (407)   CLIFFHOME

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                   W   L  K TEAM NAME              SLAIN BY                  TURN

                               PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE

Storm Rock Shrinking!  Down to Seven Warriors!  Can the Arena Survive?  More Next
Time.

Assur -- You're welcome.  I tutored under The Enquirer, and he told me to pay
attention to your comments. -- Pocket News

Argula -- Not even with ranch dressing? -- Pocket News

Jello Knuckles Green with Pear Halves!  Horror!  Even Marshmallows!  This Is Not
Food, Cooking Editor says.  Further Denunciations on page 10.

Apparently someone at the commission has a sour attitude and needs to be disciplined.
I guess they don't like my anti-Santa campaign and decided to cheat me out of the
throne and create their own anti-Virginia campaign... -- Virginia, No Virginia

     Those blackguards!

1977 AMC Matador -- Which is the best Waste down in Storm Rock? -- Arugula

Pinch Blister -- I am the first and only winner of Alastarian Idol.  Have some
respect. -- The Upright Man

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

JELLO KNUCKLES slimly won victory over VIRGINIA, NO SANTA in a 6 minute Title fight.
ALMOST PRETTY vanquished THE UPRIGHT MAN in a exciting 1 minute uneven battle.
1977 AMC MATADOR overpowered RIRORNI CAPTAIN in a 1 minute mismatched duel.
POCKET NEWS defeated ARUGULA in a exciting 3 minute fight.
PINCH BLISTER was devastated by AMBER WOLFWALKER in a popular 1 minute uneven brawl.
WONTON NOT NOW devastated CAPTURED PIRATE KING in a 1 minute mismatched match.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|WALL OF STEEL                    3         SLASHING ATTACK    5 -   1 -  0      83  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   3         STRIKING ATTACK    5 -   2 -  0      71  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      2         WALL OF STEEL     17 -  13 -  0      57  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         PARRY-LUNGE       13 -  10 -  0      57  |
|AIMED BLOW                       0         BASHING ATTACK    25 -  26 -  1      49  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         TOTAL PARRY       10 -  14 -  0      42  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -   5 -  0      29  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   0         AIMED BLOW         2 -   9 -  0      18  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  0         PARRY-STRIKE       0 -   2 -  0       0  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  0         LUNGING ATTACK     0 -   0 -  0       0  |

Turn  90 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

WALL OF STEEL      3 -  0     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  2         4  BASHING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        1 -  1     AIMED BLOW         0 -  0         3  WALL OF STEEL  
                              PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  1         2  TOTAL PARRY    
                              PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         2  PARRY-LUNGE    
                              PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0     
                              LUNGING ATTACK     0 -  0     
                              SLASHING ATTACK    0 -  0     
                              STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  0     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      JELLO KNUCKLES 42-4554     62  59  0  208 COLOR ME SUAVE (365)
WALL OF STEEL    1977 AMC MATADOR 42-4116   80  69  0  207 COLOR ME SUAVE (365)
BASHING ATTACK   VIRGINIA, NO SANT 65-6623  48  73  1  198 GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS (361)
PARRY-LUNGE      ARUGULA 3-7180             34  38  2  177 VEGGIES (372)

The overall popularity leader is ALMOST PRETTY 42-4496.  The most popular warrior 
this turn was VIRGINIA, NO SANTA 65-6623.  The ten other most popular fighters were 
JELLO KNUCKLES 42-4554, ALMOST PRETTY 42-4496, POCKET NEWS 19-5364, ARUGULA 3-7180, 
THE UPRIGHT MAN 10-5185, 1977 AMC MATADOR 42-4116, WONTON NOT NOW 73-6069, PINCH 
BLISTER 18-9859,  0-0, and  0-0.

The least popular fighter this week was PINCH BLISTER 18-9859.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were WONTON NOT NOW 73-6069, 1977 AMC MATADOR 42-4116, THE UPRIGHT 
MAN 10-5185, ARUGULA 3-7180, POCKET NEWS 19-5364, ALMOST PRETTY 42-4496, JELLO 
KNUCKLES 42-4554, VIRGINIA, NO SANTA 65-6623,  0-0, and  0-0.

Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  Arena (Number)       W  L K  
OSKSI(3)             0  1 0  ZUWAYZA(19)          1  0 0  DAL SHANG(65)        0  1 0  
KOLACT(10)           0  1 0  RODEKI(42)           3  0 0  ERINIKA(73)          1  0 0  
TALCAMA(18)          0  1 0  

TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA     W   L  K PNTS  TEAM NAME                  CITY           
 ARUGULA 3-7180              34  38  2  177  VEGGIES (372)              OSKSI
 THE UPRIGHT MAN 10-5185     41  57  0  194  ALASTARIAN IDOL (363)      KOLACT
 PINCH BLISTER 18-9859       51  82  0  180  CENTER FOR OLDS (364)      TALCAMA
 POCKET NEWS 19-5364         37  35  0  194  THE MAGNIFICENT MAGS (395) ZUWAYZA
 JELLO KNUCKLES 42-4554      62  59  0  208  COLOR ME SUAVE (365)       RODEKI
 VIRGINIA, NO SANTA 65-6623  48  73  1  198  GOT IT FOR CHRISTMAS (361) DAL SHANG
 WONTON NOT NOW 73-6069      22  19  1   47  PALINDROMES (405)          ERINIKA