AD Date : 02/20/2018 Duedate: 03/05/2018 STORM ROCK ARENA DM 107 TURN 169 RANK TEAMS W L K % RANK TEAMS W L K % 1 DEADLINE 20/432 9 6 0 60.0 5 BASH BROS TI 72/411 306 386 6 44.2 2 COLOR ME SUA 42/365 715 493 3 59.2 BASHAHOLICS ANON 59/375 CENTER FOR OLDS 18/364 BASH BROS CHILDREN 38/407 3 RHYME TYME 55/385 392 324 3 54.7 6 LADIES OF QUA 7/429 9 14 1 39.1 4 DARQUE AGES 81/335 146 160 4 47.7 7 I'M NOT EGGB 20/421 2 5 0 28.6 DARQUE ANGELS 39/420 8 LOSERS 20/434 6 16 1 27.3 DARQUE FORCES 31/318 TWISTED SISTERS 72/413 IMPROVED ILLUSION 59/349 REPORT FROM WITHIN THE TOWER Hi there! Tobaya Cantrell, here. Look, somebody wrote ads and posted challenges. Thank you, Master Darque. *hugs* EVANGELION (59-2340) (48-63-1,547) of IMPROVED ILLUSION challenged BEDDER (18-10043) (76-107-4,250) of CENTER FOR OLDS. EVANGELION devastated BEDDER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge Title fight. So, the peppy illusionist has defended his Horn, and is still the top Parry-Riposte. Bedder is top Striker, as usual. SOVEREIGN (39-3893) (21-12-0,47) of DARQUE ANGELS challenged RAYNER (20-182) (32-31- 2,73) of DEADLINE. SOVEREIGN was vanquished by RAYNER in a 2 minute uneven Challenge battle. Aw. 1977 AMC MATADOR (42-4116) (134-93-0,232) of COLOR ME SUAVE fought FAN ZHEN (81-1288) (49-39-2,190) of DARQUE AGES. 1977 AMC MATADOR subdued FAN ZHEN in an action packed 2 minute bloody fight. As always, the Matador is our top Wall of Steel. Fan Zhen was voted this turn's favorite fighter, and he's also the top Slasher. THE HYPHEN-DASH (42-4499) (102-85-1,219) of COLOR ME SUAVE fought RIRORNI CAPTAIN (107-26) (0-0-0,200). THE HYPHEN-DASH devastated RIRORNI CAPTAIN in an exciting 1 minute one-sided fight. Mr. Dash is top Lunger. JELLO KNUCKLES (42-4554) (107-92-0,258) of COLOR ME SUAVE fought VILLAINOUS INFORMER (107-23) (0-0-0,181). JELLO KNUCKLES viciously subdued VILLAINOUS INFORMER in a 5 minute brawl. Mr. Knuckles is top TP. TANTRUM YOGA (42-4563) (45-37-2,198) of COLOR ME SUAVE fought RIRORNI COOK (107-24) (0-0-0,181). TANTRUM YOGA was devastated by RIRORNI COOK in a 1 minute mismatched match. MOD COD (55-2638) (287-195-4,190) of RHYME TYME fought CHATROOMMATE (18-10034) (50-38- 0,165) of CENTER FOR OLDS. MOD COD handily defeated CHATROOMMATE in a 1 minute uneven fight. The Cod is our overall popularity leader, and Chatroommate is top Parry-Lunge. DIRTY DIAPERS (38-5071) (52-53-2,155) of BASH BROS CHILDREN fought CPT. BUZZY (20-65) (46-47-0,179) of I'M NOT EGGBERT. DIRTY DIAPERS vanquished CPT. BUZZY in a 1 minute uneven duel. Dirty Diapers is top Basher. *shudder* HARD KNOCKS (42-4555) (41-40-0,177) of COLOR ME SUAVE fought IRON BITCH (72-5859) (26- 41-3,133) of TWISTED SISTERS. HARD KNOCKS vanquished IRON BITCH in an action packed 1 minute uneven fight. Hard Knocks is top Aimed Blow. KARMA (20-419) (23-24-2,129) of LOSERS fought MR RIGHT HANDED (72-6876) (27-39-1,113) of BASH BROS TIRES. KARMA overpowered MR RIGHT HANDED in an action packed 1 minute gory one-sided fight. Mr. Right Handed is the top Parry-Strike. STRABO (81-2689) (19-13-0,39) of DARQUE AGES fought CAPTURED PIRATE KING (107-2) (0-0- 0,30). STRABO was savagely defeated by CAPTURED PIRATE KING in an exciting 1 minute match. I hate to admit it, but the Pirate King is exciting to watch. BARBAROSSA (81-2098) (24-34-0,19) of DARQUE AGES fought RIRORNI SOLDIER (107-3) (0-0- 0,30). BARBAROSSA was handily defeated by RIRORNI SOLDIER in a 1 minute one-sided contest. VLAD TEPES (81-1979) (21-11-1,72) of DARQUE AGES fought RIRORNI SOLDIER (107-3) (0-0- 0,30). VLAD TEPES was overpowered by RIRORNI SOLDIER in a 1 minute mismatched conflict. JOAN OF ARC (81-165) (33-25-0,89) of DARQUE AGES fought CAPTURED PIRATE KING (107-2) (0-0-0,30). JOAN OF ARC overpowered CAPTURED PIRATE KING in a 1 minute uneven struggle. I'M POWERLESS (59-2629) (38-75-0,52) of BASHAHOLICS ANON fought SPICE (7-6640) (27-25- 5,74) of LADIES OF QUALITY. I'M POWERLESS was devastated by SPICE in a popular 1 minute mismatched brawl. Zontani Sharp Eyes said: "A fool flies into a rage quickly and often. The wise are angered by the same thing only once." All right, granted that flying into a rage quickly and often is sort of stupid, but I think even a wise person can be angered by the same thing more than once. Okay, that's all. Have a great two weeks. -- Tobaya Cantrell CHAMPION OF THE HORN W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY EVANGELION 59-2340 49 63 1 557 IMPROVED ILLUSION (349) ILLIS GRAND CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY JELLO KNUCKLES 42-4554 108 92 0 261 COLOR ME SUAVE (365) RODEKI 1977 AMC MATADOR 42-4116 135 93 0 240 COLOR ME SUAVE (365) RODEKI THE HYPHEN-DASH 42-4499 103 85 1 232 COLOR ME SUAVE (365) RODEKI GRAND CHAMPIONS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY FAN ZHEN 81-1288 49 40 2 202 DARQUE AGES (335) SHADOWSPIRE MOD COD 55-2638 288 195 4 200 RHYME TYME (385) KHALANI BEDDER 18-10043 76 108 4 190 CENTER FOR OLDS (364) TALCAMA GRAND CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY CHATROOMMATE 18-10034 50 39 0 180 CENTER FOR OLDS (364) TALCAMA TANTRUM YOGA 42-4563 45 38 2 179 COLOR ME SUAVE (365) RODEKI HARD KNOCKS 42-4555 42 40 0 179 COLOR ME SUAVE (365) RODEKI DIRTY DIAPERS 38-5071 53 53 2 177 BASH BROS CHILDREN (407) CLIFFHOME CPT. BUZZY 20-65 46 48 0 157 I'M NOT EGGBERT (421) SEAM GRAND ADEPTS W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY KARMA 20-419 24 24 2 136 LOSERS (434) SEAM IRON BITCH 72-5859 26 42 3 135 TWISTED SISTERS (413) DRAGONHEAD GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY MR RIGHT HANDED 72-6876 27 40 1 107 BASH BROS TIRES (411) DRAGONHEAD GRAND CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY JOAN OF ARC 81-165 34 25 0 91 DARQUE AGES (335) SHADOWSPIRE GRAND INITIATES W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY RAYNER 20-182 33 31 2 82 DEADLINE (432) SEAM SPICE 7-6640 28 25 5 79 LADIES OF QUALITY (429) BONSUR -CASPER 20-147 19 12 0 69 PHANTOM REGIMENT (433) SEAM I'M POWERLESS 59-2629 38 76 0 49 BASHAHOLICS ANON (375) ILLIS SOVEREIGN 39-3893 21 13 0 45 DARQUE ANGELS (420) XOCHITHLAN VLAD TEPES 81-1979 21 12 1 41 DARQUE AGES (335) SHADOWSPIRE STRABO 81-2689 19 14 0 29 DARQUE AGES (335) SHADOWSPIRE BARBAROSSA 81-2098 24 35 0 12 DARQUE AGES (335) SHADOWSPIRE '-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn. THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE All -- I thought I'd go against the ADM norm and try to write personal ads every turn. I'm also going to be posting challenges. Crazy, I know, but it is worth a shot. -- Master Darque Mod Cod -- Thanks for the shot at the throne and all of these recognition points! I've never seen so many! -- Evangelion Bedder -- This was not how I wanted to re-debut in this arena, but there isn't much that can be done about the random match ups. You've improved much since I've been on hiatus. -- Fan Zhen Captured Pirate King -- It must be good to be the king. -- Strabo & Barbarossa I'm Powerless -- Thanks for the skills. I actually did not want any of those. I need Defense, though I guess you aren't exactly the style I should be hitting up to learn such things. -- Vlad Tepes Spice -- A bit too spicy for me, deary. -- Sovereign Rayner -- Well fought, warrior! -- Joan of Arc LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS EVANGELION devastated BEDDER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge Title fight. SOVEREIGN was vanquished by RAYNER in a 2 minute uneven Challenge battle. 1977 AMC MATADOR subdued FAN ZHEN in a action packed 2 minute bloody fight. THE HYPHEN-DASH devastated RIRORNI CAPTAIN in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fight. JELLO KNUCKLES viciously subdued VILLAINOUS INFORMER in a 5 minute brawl. TANTRUM YOGA was devastated by RIRORNI COOK in a 1 minute mismatched match. MOD COD handily defeated CHATROOMMATE in a 1 minute uneven fight. DIRTY DIAPERS vanquished CPT. BUZZY in a 1 minute uneven duel. HARD KNOCKS vanquished IRON BITCH in a action packed 1 minute uneven fight. KARMA overpowered MR RIGHT HANDED in a action packed 1 minute gory one-sided fight. STRABO was savagely defeated by CAPTURED PIRATE KING in a exciting 1 minute match. BARBAROSSA was handily defeated by RIRORNI SOLDIER in a 1 minute one-sided contest. VLAD TEPES was overpowered by RIRORNI SOLDIER in a 1 minute mismatched conflict. JOAN OF ARC overpowered CAPTURED PIRATE KING in a 1 minute uneven struggle. I'M POWERLESS was devastated by SPICE in a popular 1 minute mismatched brawl. BATTLE REPORT MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS |FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT| |LUNGING ATTACK 6 WALL OF STEEL 8 - 2 - 0 80 | |BASHING ATTACK 3 PARRY-RIPOSTE 8 - 4 - 0 67 | |PARRY-LUNGE 3 TOTAL PARRY 11 - 7 - 0 61 | |PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 LUNGING ATTACK 19 - 13 - 0 59 | |AIMED BLOW 2 PARRY-LUNGE 12 - 10 - 0 55 | |TOTAL PARRY 2 STRIKING ATTACK 8 - 8 - 0 50 | |SLASHING ATTACK 2 BASHING ATTACK 14 - 16 - 0 47 | |WALL OF STEEL 1 AIMED BLOW 5 - 11 - 0 31 | |PARRY-STRIKE 1 SLASHING ATTACK 4 - 11 - 0 27 | |STRIKING ATTACK 1 PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 10 - 0 0 | Turn 169 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are: PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 - 0 PARRY-LUNGE 0 - 3 2 LUNGING ATTACK WALL OF STEEL 1 - 0 PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 1 2 PARRY-LUNGE LUNGING ATTACK 4 - 2 SLASHING ATTACK 0 - 2 1 PARRY-RIPOSTE BASHING ATTACK 2 - 1 STRIKING ATTACK 0 - 1 1 TOTAL PARRY AIMED BLOW 1 - 1 1 WALL OF STEEL TOTAL PARRY 1 - 1 1 SLASHING ATTACK 1 STRIKING ATTACK 1 AIMED BLOW 1 BASHING ATTACK TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME PARRY-RIPOSTE EVANGELION 59-2340 49 63 1 557 IMPROVED ILLUSION (349) TOTAL PARRY JELLO KNUCKLES 42-4554 108 92 0 261 COLOR ME SUAVE (365) WALL OF STEEL 1977 AMC MATADOR 42-4116 135 93 0 240 COLOR ME SUAVE (365) LUNGING ATTACK THE HYPHEN-DASH 42-4499 103 85 1 232 COLOR ME SUAVE (365) SLASHING ATTACK FAN ZHEN 81-1288 49 40 2 202 DARQUE AGES (335) STRIKING ATTACK BEDDER 18-10043 76 108 4 190 CENTER FOR OLDS (364) PARRY-LUNGE CHATROOMMATE 18-10034 50 39 0 180 CENTER FOR OLDS (364) AIMED BLOW HARD KNOCKS 42-4555 42 40 0 179 COLOR ME SUAVE (365) BASHING ATTACK DIRTY DIAPERS 38-5071 53 53 2 177 BASH BROS CHILDREN (407) PARRY-STRIKE MR RIGHT HANDED 72-6876 27 40 1 107 BASH BROS TIRES (411) The overall popularity leader is MOD COD 55-2638. The most popular warrior this turn was FAN ZHEN 81-1288. The ten other most popular fighters were JELLO KNUCKLES 42-4554, THE HYPHEN-DASH 42-4499, KARMA 20-419, RAYNER 20-182, 1977 AMC MATADOR 42-4116, HARD KNOCKS 42-4555, JOAN OF ARC 81-165, SPICE 7-6640, EVANGELION 59-2340, and MOD COD 55-2638. The least popular fighter this week was TANTRUM YOGA 42-4563. The other ten least popular fighters were SOVEREIGN 39-3893, BEDDER 18-10043, I'M POWERLESS 59-2629, BARBAROSSA 81-2098, MR RIGHT HANDED 72-6876, IRON BITCH 72-5859, CPT. BUZZY 20-65, CHATROOMMATE 18-10034, VLAD TEPES 81-1979, and STRABO 81-2689. Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K Arena (Number) W L K BONSUR(7) 1 0 0 XOCHITHLAN(39) 0 1 0 ILLIS(59) 1 1 0 TALCAMA(18) 0 2 0 RODEKI(42) 4 1 0 DRAGONHEAD(72) 0 2 0 SEAM(20) 2 1 0 KHALANI(55) 1 0 0 SHADOWSPIRE(81) 1 4 0 CLIFFHOME(38) 1 0 0 TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY SPICE 7-6640 28 25 5 79 LADIES OF QUALITY (429) BONSUR BEDDER 18-10043 76 108 4 190 CENTER FOR OLDS (364) TALCAMA CPT. BUZZY 20-65 46 48 0 157 I'M NOT EGGBERT (421) SEAM TOP WARRIOR OF EACH ARENA W L K PNTS TEAM NAME CITY DIRTY DIAPERS 38-5071 53 53 2 177 BASH BROS CHILDREN (407) CLIFFHOME SOVEREIGN 39-3893 21 13 0 45 DARQUE ANGELS (420) XOCHITHLAN JELLO KNUCKLES 42-4554 108 92 0 261 COLOR ME SUAVE (365) RODEKI MOD COD 55-2638 288 195 4 200 RHYME TYME (385) KHALANI EVANGELION 59-2340 49 63 1 557 IMPROVED ILLUSION (349) ILLIS IRON BITCH 72-5859 26 42 3 135 TWISTED SISTERS (413) DRAGONHEAD FAN ZHEN 81-1288 49 40 2 202 DARQUE AGES (335) SHADOWSPIRE SUMMER FACE-TO-FACE IN ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA We have planned our summer FTF for July 13-15, 2018, in Arlington, Virginia, only 7 miles on a quick Metro ride from Washington, D.C.!. It will be held at the Holiday Inn Arlington at Ballston. Room rates are $79 per night on 7/12 and 7/15 and $129 on 7/13 and 7/14, 1-2 occupancy. There's free wireless throughout the property as well as a fitness center, outdoor pool, and business center, as well as a resturant and bar inside the hotel. There is no airport shuttle and parking is $7/day. The rooms are blocked -- ask for the Reality Simulations block. Reservations must be made by 6/12. (As always if you have issues making reservations, please let us know!) Hotel site: http://www.hiarlington.com Look for the tournament info sheet and minioverviews some time in June. We hope you're all looking forward to it and that we will see you there! -- RSI Mission to the Twisted Lands Episode One Old Brown could run pretty fast if properly motivated, but mostly he walked with a long-legged, distance-devouring stride. He was a huge horse, a half-giant's warhorse, shaggy and self-assured, with muscles like half-buried boulders in his shoulders and hips. Lounging in the saddle was the motivating force, the half-giant, Keel Woodhaven. Although in his mind he was slouching and half-asleep, he sat up straight in the saddle since that is more comfortable for riding. It was twilight, stars coming out above and lights in farmhouse windows below. They traveled through vineyards, brown and fallow now in the winter, descending gently toward the tree-crowded coast. The distant trees, not just pines, were green. They stayed green because the marsh that surrounded the city-state of Bonsur had hot springs in it. Keel Woodhaven had always liked Bonsur. It had a relaxed feel about it, the women seemed prettier, the music was great, everyone thought about having fun. And the booze was excellent, of course. He passed the arena at the edge of town, and paused to read the current statistics, posted on the gate and lit by a lantern. So, an elven cobbler was the Duelmaster? Why would a shoemaker take up such a painful profession? Then he noticed the team name: Shewish Picnic. He snorted. That explained it, all right. As a half-Shew, he was kind of bothered by that team theme, which was present in Home Guard as well. It was sort of funny though. He saw that Elf Cobbler was headed for the Isle. Probably not bound for Home Guard just yet, though. They passed a small chicken ranch. A rooster uttered an untimely crow. At about that time, Old Brown took exception to something and bolted. Cussing, Keel hauled on the reins, to little effect since the horse was stronger than him and apparently frightened. He didn't see the masked men coming out of their hiding places behind him, looking frustrated. At least not until a crossbow bolt thunked into the backside of his leather cuirass. His horse screamed and ran faster. Hauling Old Brown to the left as they passed a set of big open gates into a well- lighted courtyard, Keel got them behind the shelter of the high stone wall, and patted the horse's sweaty neck. "You're okay now, friend. I'll go take care of those bozos." As he dismounted, he noticed he was becoming surrounded by uniformed men, some with swords and some with halberds. "Howdy?" he said, hoping they were friendly. "Your horse has been shot," said someone, pointing at a bolt sticking out of Old Brown's butt. "Well damn!" Keel laid a comforting hand on the horse's flank, which quivered. "So have you," the guard continued. "Yeah, thought so. Doesn't feel like it got through the armor though." Keel tried to look over his shoulder, but could only see the feathered end of the bolt. "Who are you guys?" "We are the Queen's Guard." "What? Queen Gemra? Okay, please take care of Old Brown here, and I'll go find the ***holes that shot him." "Sir, you are mistaken. You will be taken to a doctor. We will arrest the assailants." "Hey! I'm on a mission from Sheila Greywand. Anyway, they shot my horse. My HORSE! I'm gonna get 'em." Unslinging his huge sword, Keel strode toward the gate. Four Guardsmen came with him, flanking him like the trailing ends of a flock of geese. They might have intended a different formation, but he had the longest legs and walked the fastest. The one who'd spoken to him before said, "I'm Corporal Brat Langerman. And you are?" "Keel Woodhaven." "I've heard of you! The Queen will want to meet you." "That's fine. Let's stick to the sides of these buildings. If they're still around, we'll be targets in the middle of the street." They weren't quiet, exactly, since the guards wore highly polished chain mail which jingled. However, Bonsur had a lively night life. Music and laughter came from bars and nightclubs on adjacent streets, people lingered on corners chatting and sometimes playing instruments, and children hawked newssheets, shoeshines, flowers, a selection of rouges, and offered to carry packages. So the sounds the guards made weren't too noticeable. Keel led the way back to the chicken ranch. He was thinking that the bad guys wouldn't have waited around to be hunted. They might have left clues, though. Perhaps even a discarded, crumpled note offering a cash reward for his head, and signed by a notorious crimelord. Or distinctive cigar stubs, monogrammed hankies... personalized masks. Tracks of boots made by elven cobblers. Anything. Witnesses, even. There were no people on the street near the chicken ranch. It was full night now, a bit chilly although there was a warm and slightly funky breeze from the marsh. Corporal Brat Langerman said quietly, "Is this where it happened?" "Yup." "Well, I don't think they're here anymore." Keel was about to agree, when a crossbow bolt appeared in the Corporal's arm. The young man hissed, "Everybody down!" The guardsmen hunkered against the wall of a hardware store, which didn't offer anything resembling good cover except that they were in shadow there. Keel crouched a little, but he knew he was a pretty big target, plus his sword gave off a faint greenish glow. He looked around, searching the darkness for signs of their foes. A shadow on top of a shaded walkway across the street shifted a little. Keel pulled a weighted dart out of his pocket and hurled it. He was good at tavern darts, but it was dark, the distance was too great, and he just wasn't lucky. The little missile clattered against the shingles of the porch roof. There was a startled twitch from the half-seen form. At that instant, Keel lunged across the street. His long legs carried him across to the opposite shadows in three bounds. More bolts came out of the darkness, one lodging in his calf, the others missing him altogether. Now the Guardsmen had a good idea where their foes were, and it takes a while to reload a crossbow. The four men charged, yelling wildly. Tucking his sword under his arm, Keel grabbed one of the posts holding up the porch roof, strained, and dislodged it. After a moment he yanked it out of the structure entirely. The roof sagged, there was a yelp of surprise, and someone's foot appeared off the edge of it. Keel grabbed him by the ankle and hauled him the rest of the way down. There were brief sounds of fighting, then footsteps that rapidly receded down an alley. Three Guardsmen raced off in pursuit. Keel's prisoner started to try to get away, so the half-Shew tossed him up, grabbed him by the arms and bashed him against the wall. "Are you okay?" asked Brat, sheathing his sword. "Took one in the leg, but it's not too bad I think," Keel said, shifting his unconscious prisoner to one hand and bending to pick up his sword. "I'll help you tie that one up," Brat said. "There's a dead one here. I think there were two more." He grunted slightly, trying to reach something with his injured arm. "Got some ties in my right-hand belt pouch. If you could get them for me?" They bound the prisoner, then bandaged each other. "What did they want?" asked the Corporal. Keel shrugged. "No clue. Let's get him somewhere safe and we can ask him..." He listened. "Your guys are coming back." "Yeah." The Guardsmen hadn't been able to track their assailants in the darkness, but at least there were no further injuries. The group of them returned warily to the courtyard of the Guard House, where a woman was smearing some kind of ointment on Old Brown's wound. After the horse was bedded down in the stable, the Guardsmen led Keel into their office, where there was a welcome scent of fresh coffee. The medic set about binding Keel's wound and that of the Corporal, who turned out to be an extremely handsome man. Keel remembered hearing that Queen Gemra required her Guardsmen to be good looking. That didn't mean they weren't competent, though. Brat had done pretty well. The medic roused their prisoner with smelling salts. They all sat in the main office, Corporal Langerman facing the miscreant, who was seated in a cushioned chair, looking reasonably comfortable except for his bandaged head. "All right," said Brat. "Now I want you to tell me that you're going to turn Queen's Evidence." "Not on your life, pretty boy!" The man had, perhaps, some excuse for hard feelings since he was more homely than not, with a crooked nose and eyes set too close together. He and Keel looked shabby and ill-favored amongst all these gleamingly handsome Guardsmen. Keel leaned forward. "You guys shot my horse." "Oh. Sorry, didn't mean to do that. We were just shooting at you." "Why?" "Glowing sword." "What?" "Duh, it's a magic sword! We saw it when you drew it in Delarq Tor, and figured we could sell it so we followed you." The half-Shew snorted. "The Dentless isn't magic. It was in a Chaos Gate for five hundred years and it picked up some energy, that's all. All it does, is glow. And cut things." The bandit looked chagrined. "But... it's got to be magic." "Ain't. Sorry kid." After that, Keel was taken to enjoy a sumptuous dinner at the Palace. Queen Gemra was a definite babe, with long, silken black hair, a delicate pouty face, and luscious curves. She asked him about his mission, which was to go to the Twisted Lands and shut down a leaking Chaos Gate. He entertained her with the story of his adventure on the Two-Shew Express, and she gave him a brown velvet cloak to show her appreciation. She did not invite him to her bed, which was fine because his heart belonged to another, always and forever. * * * * * This is a continuing adventure. Watch for future chapters in the Bonsur and Home Guard newsletters!